His projection of the Chief’s torso now floated above the Ops console. It didn’t seem to bother Timms much to see the image of the Chief like that, with bundles of control cables thick as her thighs and arms coming out of her pelvis and her shoulders. But he wasn’t worried about Lt. Timms seeing it.
The rest of them were outside, finishing up with the capacitors, the emitters, and the control leads. They could see him through the dome over the bridge if they wanted to. So could Horcheese.
He’d ripped open the control consoles on the port and starboard side used for firing the emitters and rigged cables and control conduits from all of them leading to the command chair at the center of the bridge. It looked like the empty center of a spider’s web, waiting to be filled. That’s where the Chief would go, of course. They'd plug her in like an organically-based control concatenator.
The straps… He’d forgotten to rig them to hold her limbless torso. As he picked his way through the web, gently pulling himself along in the null-gees, his helmet highlighted the figures of his fellow reds outside, out on the ring. Rampone jetted across with Wambach on his shoulders. They headed for one of the new emitter towers where Komora waited.
The swirling atmo behind him went pale and then bright and whited out. Tig’s vision flashed like a bomb went off behind his eyelids for what felt like seconds. Then, when he blinked and he could see again, what he saw was Komora and the knuckledragger blown apart into pieces by another freak capacitor discharge. Tig squeezed his eyes shut tight until he saw stars and when he opened them again, Komora was where he’d been before, jetting across the gap from one part of the ring to the other. He was fine.
When that flash happened again behind his eyes, he saw Parker screw up her landing and smack right into one of the emitters during the locally-controlled power-up test. It made her suit pop like bugs pop on the zapper. "Parker!"
"Yeah, what." She’d made the landing just fine, of course. She turned to look at the bridge with one hand on her hip. "What? You need your ESys to help with the control systems and the local hookup on the bridge?"
"No…"
"So what is it?"
After the next flash, he saw the capacitors blow out, exploding along the ring in series... a set of random failures happening one after the other… some unknown result of being wired into his new control system. It didn’t matter that it seemed impossible. Of course, it seemed impossible. He thought it couldn’t happen, but it could… it could...
"Tig?"
Horcheese was right. He had no idea there would be radiation in the debris field to block the inventory signal. He had no idea there would be residual charge left over in the capacitor section from the atmo. No matter how much he knew, how sure he thought he was, there was always something he didn’t know about or something out of his control. It would always seem impossible until it happened. He'd never even know about it until people died.
"What the fuck, Tig?" Parker’s voice was thin and far, far off. He could barely hear it over the rushing sound in his ears, inside his head. It was like a waterfall and pumping blood and a drumbeat all at the same time and it drowned her out completely in a few seconds. The dirty yellow clouds outside turned dim gold and then, just dim. All he saw in the second after that was light and dark. Then that sound, that inescapable sound in his head got louder until it shook what little he could still see into a blur. The darkness that came next felt like a mercy.
*****
"He’s fine. Needs to eat something maybe. Nothing wrong with him," Rampone said. "He just freaked the fuck out. That’s what his suit’s medical log says." Rampone pushed off and flew for the hatch. "Gotta finish up out there."
"Don’t tell the Chief." Those were the first words out of Tig’s mouth when he realized he’d gone away somewhere and come back and he was once again on Tipperary’s bridge. "Don’t tell Horcheese I lost it like that."
"Too late," Parker said. "She saw you through the dome. You went all limp and then all twitchy. Looked pretty stupid."
He spased when he figured out they’d set him in the command chair. He nearly tore out two or three of the bundled connections he’d laid just trying to get out of it as fast as he could. He clung to a handhold in front of the chair.
"The fuck’s wrong with you?"
He said, "The Chief is right. I don’t know what I’m doing."
"Yeah, you do."
"But aren’t you worried, Parker?"
"Did you check it? Is it set up right?"
"Yeah, but…."
"No but. There’s no but in that. If you checked it and you’re sure, then you’re sure. Period. Sure is sure. If you say it’ll work, then I trust you."
"But there’s things that can go wrong… things there’s no way to know about. It’s happened twice now. Horcheese is right. How do I know that won’t happen again?"
"The Chief isn't always right, Tig."
"I don’t. I don’t know. The things that went wrong… the radiation in the wreckage and the way the capacitors got charged by the atmo... I didn’t even know those were things that could go wrong... I can’t say I know what I’m doing. I don’t. I can’t do this. I can’t be responsible when it goes wrong. I’m going to tell Burn this was all a bad idea. "
"Great. You want to be responsible for doing nothing? For sitting here on our asses? You claim we can do this. And we have to. It’s the only chance for Hardway and the battlegroup. You know what happens if we don’t hook up with Admiral Ming and drive to the Squidies home systems like we planned? We could lose. The whole war, I mean." He shook his head no at her. "Tig Meester, the rest of the reds are going through with this because Burn ordered them to, but I’m doing it because I believe if you say we can do this, then we can do this. Now lets get this rig squared so we can see if it really works."
"And if it doesn’t?"
"It’ll probably happen so fast, we won’t even know." Parker grinned after she said it, but Tig didn’t.
"Stick around. Here. On the bridge. When Horcheese comes."
"You need a chaperone or something? Or do you need your ESys specialist to help your hook her up? If that’s it, I need to hear your dumb, grease-eating MSys face say it."
"I need my partner to assist me."
"Thank you. I’ve got to go. I’ll be back."
"What? Where? Why?"
He knew before he looked. He didn’t even have to see the Chief's shadow this time. Horcheese was fully through the hatch and clinging to a handhold near the NAV console before he turned and saw her. His hands trembled.
"Stay there," she said. "I’m just checking what coordinates Timms laid in here. He said he mapped in the specific point he picked for us to breach space based on tidal shifts in local stellar gravity." She flew from the NAV console to Ops and stopped halfway. The Chief grabbed a handhold in front of the command chair. "Is that where I’ll be sitting?"
"Yes, Chief."
"You’re not planning on removing my ass, too, are you?"
"No, Chief."
"Good. I need something to kiss goodbye if this doesn’t work."
He knew he was supposed to laugh at those jokes, but he’d never felt more humorless in his life. She said, "Look, Meester, I know when I was wrong and it’s important that you know it, too. What I said before. Outside. You remember?"
"Uh-huh."
"I had no right to blame you for any of what happened. You gave us options we didn’t have. It’s not your fault it didn't work out perfectly. What happened wasn’t anybody’s fault but mine and Burn's. We’re the ones in command. We sign off on a plan and make the final decisions and in the end, the responsibility for what happens is ours. If it's anybody's fault, it's mine. Suddenly she looked like she was somewhere else. Her milky eyes looked unfocused for the very first time. A moment later, she was back. "Burr was my fault."
"Who?"
"Burr. Stupid Burr. A cherry who wouldn't listen. You never met him."
Past tense means he's dead, Tig thought.
"I know I came down on you too hard, Tig. I come down on all the cherries hard. I don't want to see any more of my people get killed."
But there would always be more. Even he knew that. Tig pushed off towards the Ops console where she hovered. "Chief, how is anyone supposed to do this job knowing about all the things we've never even heard of that can go wrong. People die when those things happen."
"For one thing, Meester, most people go by the book. They don't improvise as much as you do. But improvisation is what you're good at, so you better well get used to the fact that it involves big risks and unknowns. Is this what you lost your shit over?" She squinted at him for a moment. "Now, you sound like a whiny bridge officer. I’ll tell you exactly what I tell them when they feel the pressure." She inhaled and paused. When she let the breath out, she laughed softly then, apparently at herself, shaking her head. It was just the same way people look when they find something they've lost only to discover it had been in plain sight, right in front of them.
"What. What is it... What's funny."
"The XO, Ram Devi told me this six months back...back when the Squidies burned up my favorite cherry, Burr. Didn't much want to listen, I guess. Wasn't ready. It's like this, Tig: You make the best decisions you can with the information you have. Then, you recognize that nobody can control the risks out here. Then," she said, "you never forget that fact. If you do, you’ll end up blaming yourself for a whole lot that isn’t your fault and then, you will fuck up and create problems that clearly are."
"But..."
"Nobody can control the risks. None of us can. Not you, not me. Not Burn. Not even Staas Company VP and Privateer Admiral Harry Mud-Fucking Cozen. We do the best we can and then a little better than that and that’s the best we can do. That’s the best anyone can do. Period."
For ten seconds or so, Tig tried to let it sink in, but it wouldn't. "Will Raleigh make it?"
The Chief shocked him then. She laughed at that question so hard her eyes teared up. "Is Raleigh going to make it? Fuck, no, cherry. He died." Tig’s head swam a little hearing that and the sound in his ears, the rushing waves came back. It was willpower alone that kept him conscious.
She said, "Now, Tig Meester. Now, that you look like you’ve got the proper attitude, it’s time to earn your pay. Interface me with Tipperary. Let’s see what those magic hands can really do."