The auditorium held nearly a thousand educators. They were seated at tables by department. Department flags in the center of the table denoted each department at the university.
On the stage at the front of the auditorium sat the most important department heads and deans. Dean Midge was seated next to Dean Bormanian, the head of the School of Sciences and the man on the hot seat because of Professor Klept.
Universities are like other organizations. They like a good awards ceremony with free food and drink. It was the biggest award of the 500 rev cycle. It was the Educator of the 500 Rev Cycle Award.
Professor Trill couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. He had begun his campaign to win the award 499 days ago. He had support from the Language and Literature Department, having slept with the department head, Helen Coriander, in order to gain her support. He would break it off with her in the coming weeks, soon after the award was sitting proudly in his office. He also had support from the Psychology Department head, Kaliman Burns, in exchange for forgiveness of a debt caused by a very ill-advised bet.
“When you are absolutely certain of something, beware.” —The Final McGee
Chancellor Ruiz sat between Trill and Longley. He needed to sit next to the awards winner and the runner-up. And in this case it would possibly prevent an ugly scene. Even Chancellor Ruiz, at the top of the org chart, always given filtered news, knew about the rivalry between the two departments and their department heads.
Trill got up to make a brief speech. It is customary for the winner to give a short speech. The main speech had already been given by the chancellor. And a further speech had been given by Dean Midge. All that was left was Trill to give his short speech. It was customary for the recipient to go through a laundry list of people to thank. But Trill had no one to thank but himself.
He got up from the table. As he walked around the table towards the podium, he stopped next to Professor Longley and extended his hand. It was not the handshake of a man acknowledging a worthy opponent. It was a handshake more akin to a middle finger. Longley smiled for the cameras with all the sincerity of a beauty pageant contestant. Trill removed an e-paperfrom his pocket and placed it on the podium. It was not a list of names.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and indeterminants,” Trill started.
“Tonight I won’t speak to you about all the people that I need to thank. They will be thanked tomorrow in person. Tonight I want to speak to you about the disaster looming on the horizon. Yes, I want to talk about the catastrophe coming because of Professor Klept.”
There was a murmur that spread through the room. Professor Longley sat like a stone statue, his face expressionless except for a slight squint of anger.
“We all know what will happen if Klept restarts his experiment. It will be a galactic suicide of unmatched proportion. This very august university will be destroyed as well as the entire planet. Centrum Kath will no longer exist. Stop and reflect on that for just a moment. The survivors of this catastrophe, the few million of them that continue, will be without our guiding hand, without our administrative organization. Simply put, they will regress again to the level of the quarantine planets.
“And how do we prevent this?” asked Trill. “Professor Longley has put thousands of agents into the field in the search of Klept. He is doing an admirable job. The daily Klept report is available to all of us, and I sincerely suggest that you read it. It is riveting. Riveting in its failure.”
And with those words, Chancellor Ruiz extended his arm and patted the arm of Professor Longley, who was no longer expressionless. His anger was now easy to read.
“And I don’t wish to impugn Professor Longley. He is doing the best he can. But he has other responsibilities besides stopping the collision of Andromeda and the Milky Way Galaxies. And these other responsibilities aren’t just stopping probable futures from becoming facts. Part of his workforce of agents is deployed in missions to maintain planets in quarantine. Men, women, and indeterminants that could be deployed in the search for Klept are being used for other missions. At the risk of sounding like a historian, it reminds me of the Emperor Nero.”
Ruiz had to pat Longley’s arm more as she thought Longley might get up from the table and charge at Professor Trill. That would make a good picture for the campus newspaper but would cause problems at Ruiz’s salary review next month. And she had spent two years packing the review committee with her people. It was big bonus time.
“So Professor Longley, I commit to you that the Sociology Department will do everything in its power to help you. We succeed when you succeed. It is that simple. And how do we propose to help? How can us mere sociologist assist the brave men, women, and indeterminants of the greatest History Department in history?”
Trill took a dramatic pause.
“Let us help you. Let us unburden you. Those mundane tasks that you waste valuable resources on, let us do them for you. Those planets that are in quarantine, don’t waste your agents on them. They are not worth your time and effort. Not with Klept on the loose and threating destruction on a scale larger than humans have ever caused before. No, forget them. Let us administer to them. We will ensure that they remain without contact from outside. We will perform their progress assessments and submit the report to Chancellor Ruiz.
“Now, I am no historian, but I believe that this will permit you to put a few more agents into the field. And while I am not a historian or a mathematician, I know that it is a numbers game. A game of one. The one agent that will find the needle in the haystack. The one agent that will find the clue that brings Klept into custody. And while we are but merely sociologists, we believe we can help you get to a circumstance where that one agent will be successful.
“And why do we do this? I will confess that it is a selfish motivation. And not one you think. We do this because we are selfish about the survival of this great institution. We won’t let it die. We will have future sociologists that will stand at this podium and accept awards like this one. That is why we do it. Do we know much about administering to quarantine planets? No. But we know enough and we’re not shy about asking questions when we don’t know. So let us help you. Earth 4 was a black mark on the university. We can’t be involved in genocide again.”
Chancellor now needed a death grip on Longley’s arm to keep him from attempting dental realignment in Trill’s mouth.
“And our offer is not done without thought. We have trained agents along the lines of our friends in the History Department. They are the few, the proud, the sociologists. We have a small force ready for deployment immediately. This is our offer to you, Professor Longley.” Trill stopped again for a moment.
“I wish to thank everyone for the award. I will cherish it for the rest of my life. Thank you. Now let’s eat.”
Professor Trill picked up his reader and walked back to his seat at the table. He received another beauty pageant smile from Professor Longley. Many people clapped. They were impressed with this humble man using his moment in the spotlight, not to applaud himself, but to offer assistance to a colleague in need. Even some professors are suckers.
As Longley looked out at the crowd clapping, some of them giving Trill a standing ovation, he wondered how this many people could be fooled so easily by this hollow man known for his own vanity. Then he noticed him standing and clapping enthusiastically. He would have a very private word with Professor Wingut. He knew he would see Fitzcaraldo clapping and standing. But Wingut? That was a betrayal, and he intended to let Wingut know it.