Koven took his time off. He took a FLT cruiser that came within bubble range to collect him. He had packed in a hurry. He had been unhappy with Professor Wingut’s latest message. As a result, he immediately booked his time off, sent a message to Tanit, and then booked his flight. He was angry, something rare for a historian. Rusa suggested they have sex. That is largely why he had to pack quickly.
Tanit waited for him at the spaceport. She ran to him like someone in a movie. She kissed him hard on the lips and reached down and squeezed his butt while they kissed. They got ice cream as they walked to his parents’ penthouse condo.
The introduction to Koven’s parents was awkward. But then it’s always awkward when a historian introduces a romantic interest to historian parents when the romantic is not a historian. It is near universally awkward.
“Propulsion physics is a very lucrative career,” said Indira in an attempt to make conversation with Tanit.
“Not as good a being a historian, but I’ll get by,” Tanit replied in a gross understatement of a propulsion physicist’s earnings.
“And get by in style,” replied Indira with a smile.
Not long after their awkward introduction, Koven and Tanit went down to the exercise class in the gym on the tenth floor of the building. Koven enjoyed a different exercise routine from the one he had at the university and while on missions. Tanit didn’t enjoy it as much but was determined that it would not defeat her. She finished with a weakness in her legs. She used a remedium on herself before leaving the gym.
They showered together, but Tanit wouldn’t let him touch her. “Your parents are waiting,” she used as her excuse to torment him.
Over dinner, Koven gave them a detailed update on his mission. His parents were upset when they learned about Professor Herer. “Outrageous” is how Eflin described it. They were only slightly calmed by Professor Wingut’s promise of escalation.
“Wingut’s a man with a reputation for getting the job done,” said Eflin.
“Not always by the direct path,” countered Indira.
“I have confidence that he will do what he says. And I believe he has enough evidence to get Sociology to withdraw their people,” said Koven.
“Maybe even enough to cost Trill his position as head of Sociology,” added Indira.
The good thing about being around historians is that it tends to make Nons less emotional in their responses. Tanit was in a higher level of panic than her voice indicated.
“Isn’t there any way you can refuse to go back until you have adequate help?” she asked.
“No. Refusal to report is considered a high-level disciplinary event. Long-term refusal to report is considered a resignation,” replied Indira. “We had one historian in one of my teams refuse. He lost his license. I believe he teaches psychology now after re-education.”
“Why did he refuse?” asked Tanit.
“A woman,” replied Eflin.
There was a lull in the conversation for a moment. Then Eflin did something that historians are notorious for, the inappropriate question.
“So, have the two of you had sex yet?” he asked.
“Yes,” said Tanit at the same time that Koven was saying no.
“That’s good,” Eflin said, ignoring Tanit’s response to the question.
“Well, it’s only been VR sex so far, but it means a lot to me. And I count it,” Tanit said.
Then, in typical historian fashion, Eflin replied coldly, “We don’t.”
Being in the company of historians is like being around someone with no filter on their mouth. Oftentimes it is a time of awkward silences followed by conversation for a while before something inappropriate is said again and another awkward silence ensues. They had a long one after “we don’t.” Tanit betrayed for just a moment a look of deep hurt over the fact that Koven didn’t seem to consider VR sex to mean as much to him as it did to her. It just didn’t count.
Finally Eflin complained about the greater popularity of the History of Golf class than the class on the Mizar empire.
“I have two new Ph.D. candidates. One of them you should find interesting, dear,” Indira said to Koven.
“Why?”
“She is planning her dissertation on the Corlus Revolution. I think you should speak to her. I believe a conversation would be helpful for her. And it would give you a chance to revisit your own dissertation. It wasn’t just on Corlus. It was one of the most important revolutionary movements you covered.”
“Is she pretty?” asked Tanit. She knew enough about historians to know to ask and listen.
“Yes,” replied Eflin. “Her parents had more money for the geneticist than we did.”
Tanit tried hard not to laugh. She was the only one at the table that interpreted Eflin’s comment as calling his own son ugly.
They watched a video on challenges of teaching about periods of historical upheaval. Tanit was less than interested. She lied when asked if she enjoyed it.
That night Tanit and Koven finally had R-Sex. It lasted a long time and both reached a climax. As soon as Koven collapsed on the bed and lay beside Tanit, he turned her head to face him.
“I think you should move in with me. Not everything, if you don’t want to, but enough of your belongings so that we can have a life together without you having to go home every night. My place is bigger and you will have more space than you have at your home,” he said in rapid-fire fashion.
“Of course, my love.”
“Forty-two percent,” he said. “It doesn’t mean we will be part of the fifty-eight percent, only that it’s probable,” he added. He reminded her that historians are notoriously difficult to live with. However, they are faithful and loyal.
“I will have your DNA print put on my birth control,” she replied, and leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips.
As Koven lay beside his new roommate, he thought about all the diversions he had used to avoid R-Sex. And in the end it wasn’t what he expected. He had been worried about disappointing her with his lack of experience. But what he hadn’t expected was his own reaction. He was disappointed. Rusa had spoiled him.
There is a joke:
Q: What are the two most common words spoken after the phrase “I will need more time to prepare my answer”?
A: “Damned Historian.” Historians tell this joke among themselves with pride. Not at being annoying, but pride that when more time is needed, the historian immediately alerts the other parties. It’s kind of their way of saying “We don’t break, damn it” in the geekiest way possible.