Luckily for them both, it was Eryk and not Vasi or a servant who found them some hours later.
He halted in the doorway, taken aback at the sight that greeted him, though why he should be surprised, he didn’t know. Jex was notorious for taking a new bedfellow on a whim and this wasn’t the first time Eryk had stumbled upon the aftermath. At least there was only one this time, they were mostly covered by a blanket, and the room wasn’t in shambles.
The sight of Vasi’s apprentice sprawled across Jex’s chest, however, stirred a protective, fatherly disquiet deep in his gut that none of the others ever had. His former apprentice was indiscreet to a fault betimes, and just as careless. If he hurt her…he’d have to talk with Jex about this before it got even more out of hand.
Then something else drew his notice, and his misgivings were temporarily forgotten.
Perhaps it was the relaxed set of his features as he slept, the easy way he was breathing, mouth open and snoring, or the rosy tinge of his skin in the morning light. Somehow Eryk knew that whatever had plagued the young man for so long had passed.
He backed out of the room as quietly as he’d entered, shutting the door and sending up a prayer that one of them would be up and dressed before anyone else came upon them like this.
He’d definitely be having a chat with Jex later.
* * *
“Eryk?”
He looked away from his contemplation of the sunrise and smiled wanly at Vasi, his face half lit by the pink-and-purple glow. She gently closed her bedroom door behind her and crossed to his side. Her fingers settled gently on his arm,
“It’s a pleasant surprise to see you so early, but you look as if something troubles you?”
“Oh, if only that were so easily answered.” Aloud, he feigned nonchalance. “Troubles me? Why, nothing—”
Vasi raised a hand to silence him and shook her head, “You may be able to fool others, Eryk, but not me. Never me.”
“Never you,” he echoed. There was an odd quality to his voice, something akin to defeat at the acknowledgement. The High Mage sighed and covered Vasi’s hand with his own larger one, squeezing once before letting the hand fall back to his side.
“Many things trouble me, Vasi, but your apprentice most of all this day.”
“Enari?” Her expression turned solemn. “Has she offended you or overstepped her place in some way? I will speak to her—”
“No, no, nothing like that,” he hastened to assure her, forcing a laugh. “It’s more her singular appearance. She…looks like a woman I knew once. Almost her mirror image, in fact.” He said this last as if to himself and turned back to his study of the dawn sky. “Who is her mother?”
His forced indifference rang thin and brittle, even to his own ears.
Vasi wasn’t fooled, either. “A woman named Tanith. She came to us from…uncertain circumstances.” A brief pause. “But you knew that already.”
“Alas.”
Vasi allowed her hand to slide down his arm, then laced her fingers through his. “How did you know her? The kvinnas knew little and even the Abdesa was able to learn very few details of her life before she came to the Temple.”
“She was at Turris Arcana for a time,”
His hesitation before answering brought a small knowing smile to her face. “You were involved with her.”
“Black Goddess, Vasi, there really is no fooling you, is there?” His attempt at lightheartedness fell flat and they both heard it. In all the long years of their friendship, there had been no hiding a truth, however dark or painful, from one another. It was the blessing and the curse of true confidantes.
She didn't answer, merely waited for him to go on. Eryk took a deep breath and continued soberly, “I loved Tanith more than life itself…the way you loved Gregor. I can see that now and it makes me ashamed of my behavior all those years ago. We’ve never spoken of it, but Vasi, I want you to know how sorry I am.”
It hurt more than she expected to have that past ugliness brought into the light at last. The wound was old and one she thought long since healed, but to hear him speak of it now dredged up all the old pain and it bit with razor clarity.
Gregor de’Curande had been a fellow mage, three years her senior and a brilliant Etheremancer. Many wagered he would be High Mage after old Rillaine passed, though there had been a good number of bets on Eryk as well. The two men had been fierce competitors, but they had also been close friends. From childhood, Vasi, Eryk, and Gregor were inseparable, having come to the Tower within days of one another. Where you found one, you would find the other two nearby. She had many good memories of their adventures and trials together.
But as they neared the end of their apprenticeships, the relationship between Vasi and Gregor had blossomed into something deeper and Eryk was devastated when he learned of it. She’d been unaware of his feelings for her and the bond between them was destroyed in one night of revelation and harsh words.
Gregor and Vasi had wed the year she turned twenty and the day had been bittersweet, as the man who had been their dearest friend refused to attend the ceremony.
Their marriage was blissful, but brief. Gregor had been out on a field expedition and killed in a bandit ambush not long before Eryk was chosen as the next High Mage. Vasi had left the Tower shortly thereafter, unable to bear the memories. She’d found solace at the Cyrilan Temple and taken the vows of a kvinna on her twenty-fifth birthday. Time and distance had slowly healed her friendship with Eryk and while they corresponded regularly, they had not seen one another since the day she left Turris Arcana.
And they never spoke of Gregor.
His eyes were anguished as he watched the memories play over her face. “Vasi, can you ever forgive me? It took me too long to see anything beyond my own pain, but I know that my actions were shameful. I regret that he’s not here so that I may seek his forgiveness as well.”
A single tear slid down her cheek and she leaned her head against his shoulder. “I forgave you long ago, Eryk, and Gregor did, too.”
He put an arm around her, squeezing gently.
“Will you tell me of her?” Vasi asked after a time, “I don’t even know her family name.”
He exhaled slowly. “That would explain the confusion with Enari, I suppose. Tanith Hithaerien was a powerful mage and a beautiful woman, but it was more than that. She called to my soul from the first, in a way no one ever has. Except perhaps…but no. We were together for such a short time and she brought me a great deal of joy and solace, not to mention a measure of peace. Is she…is she still with you?”
Vasi shook her head sadly. “I’m sorry, Eryk.”
“What happened?” The question was hoarse, uttered barely above a whisper.
“She died giving birth.”
His shoulders sagged and he covered his eyes with a hand. Vasi let him brood for a moment before prodding him gently.
“‘Confession eases all’, as they say.”
He chuckled, a hint of bitterness coloring the sound. “It is a pathetically short tale, I’m afraid.”
“I would hear it, if you would speak.” She led him to the small breakfast table she usually shared with Enari. It briefly occurred to her to wonder where her apprentice had gone, but she pushed the thought aside for the time being.
He watched her fix two cups of tea and it was some time before his voice breached the quiet. He began slowly, haltingly. This tale would be a baring of his soul.
“I met Tanith about twenty years ago, when she came to the Tower. She seemed but a child at the time, arriving alone and without a single possession. Goddess, but twenty-three feels like ten lifetimes ago.” He chuckled ruefully. “I think I’d been High Mage for perhaps half a year at that time and it was still my duty to test those seeking entrance to Turris Arcana and permission to study there. This was back before I had Jex to assist with such things.”
“Black Goddess knows what you see in that popinjay, Eryk.”
“He’s a very talented mage and an excellent judge of talent,” Eryk argued, “But as I was saying…When Tanith was ushered into my office, my breath stopped.”
“She was certainly striking,” Vasi agreed.
Eryk snorted and lifted his cup to his lips. “That she was. Those eyes of hers…I’ve never seen any like them until I met Enari. I thought I was seeing Tanith’s ghost when I saw your apprentice.”
“I had wondered at your reaction to her, but haven’t had a chance to speak with you about it. We’ve all been a bit…busy.”
“Don’t I know it. I’m sorry if I distressed either of you.”
“I don’t think she even noticed. She had attention for nothing but your handsome emissary by that point, I fear. Such cow's eyes I've never seen, to be sure. Although I doubt she’s even aware of her own feelings in the matter.”
Eryk highly doubted that after what he’d stumbled upon, but it wasn’t his place to tell that particular secret. Enari would tell her Sura when she was ready.
“I do wish you’d speak with Jex about her, Eryk,” Vasi continued, “He’s, what, six and a half, seven years her senior? He’ll break her heart without even realizing.”
Eryk’s smile returned, bringing deep creases to the corners of his eyes, and he held up a hand to stop her. Vasi thought, not for the first time, how handsome his face was when he smiled. Even as they aged, he’d only grown more pleasing to look upon.
A pang of regret touched her heart. Of all the ways things could have been…but here they were and none could change the past. They made their choices long ago and both had responsibilities now. But that logic, however sound and rehearsed, never silenced the part of her heart that still longed for him and what could have been.
“I imagine I looked at her mother much the same way, but I’ll speak with him, if eases your mind.”
“Sentimental fool,” she thought affectionately and squeezed his hand a little tighter.
He returned to his tale. “Tanith surprised me enough with the strength of her magic and talent in wielding it, that I didn’t hesitate to grant her entry into the Tower. It didn’t take long for me to fall for her, either, although she didn’t reveal her own feelings for quite some time. She was so private and self-possessed…and young in a way that made me ashamed of my own thoughts. I overheard several mages, rejected suitors I imagine, complain that she was an ice maiden or that she must prefer her own sex. There were also those that whispered she was one of the Vintyri.” He snorted derisively, “Idiots.”
“Many kvinnas thought her fairy-born as well, and they claim the same of Enari. It’s rubbish, but you must admit their features are unique. Do you know where Tanith’s people are from? ‘Hithaerien’ isn’t a surname I’ve ever heard and it certainly doesn’t sound Egali.”
“She was reticent on the subject of her heritage and I wasn’t inclined to press her. Too preoccupied with other things.” After a brief pause, he swallowed audibly and braved the question she knew he'd been working himself up to ask.
“Tell me of her last days?” His eyes pleaded with her for the truth.
Vasi settled back in thought. “I'll tell you what I can, but Tanith and I weren’t terribly close, not until the very last. She came to us the fall Aelani and Brinon were crowned…when was that? 787?”
“88,” Eryk corrected, “She was crowned the second of Mara.”
“Ah yes. The years have such a way of blurring together after awhile. When she came to us, her pregnancy was impossible to miss. She just appeared at the gates one evening with nothing but a coin purse and her cloak. You’ll think me ridiculous, but for some reason I was struck by that cloak and it’s the most vivid image I recall of that night. It was beautiful, black velvet lined in midnight blue silk, embroidered with these tiny golden stars…” Vasi trailed off at a short bark of laughter from Eryk.
“I often wondered what became of that. It was a gift from Aelani at my Induction ceremony. I thought I’d somehow misplaced it and she scolded me for years after for my carelessness. ”
“I kept it for Enari after Tanith passed. I believe she has it with her, if you wish it returned.”
“Goddess, no! It’s hers now. But continue.”
“I was the one who showed her in, and I remember having the impression that she’d traveled far. She requested an audience with the Abdesa and produced some kind of token, though I didn’t see it until the night Enari was born, and was granted admittance immediately.”
“What kind of token?”
“A little silver locket with odd writing in it. Enari wears it and I’m sure she’d let you see it if you or Jex asked her. Anyway, Tanith stayed with us, working in the Apothicarium and helping to train some of our novices in small magics, until Enari came in the dead of winter. The…her labor did not go smoothly, she was so small and hadn’t been in good health, but I’m sure you don’t wish to hear of the women’s details in such matters.”
“Please, Vasi.”
“As you wish.” She huffed out a breath. ”It’s a strange tale. The babe was turned and she bled a great deal. I was the midwife attending her and we had a chance to speak of many things through the long night. When the little one finally came, it was such a dark and pitiful thing. she never took even a single breath, despite my best efforts—” She hastened to explain as Eryk opened his mouth to protest. “No one, except perhaps Tanith herself, suspected she was carrying twins. The second baby didn’t cry, but I certainly did when she opened those golden eyes and blinked up at me. She was so weak and small, we feared we would lose her, too, and Tanith lingered only long enough to hold them and name Enari.”
Silence descended, but just when Eryk though she would say no more, she began again, softer than before. “I mourned Tanith’s death, even though we hadn’t been close. She was a special person, in many ways.”
Eryk felt the old sadness and anguish flood his heart, like blood from a half-healed wound reopened by a knife. “Did she name the father?”
“No, but only because she couldn’t with certainty.”
“What do you mean? When were they born?” There was an edge to his voice.
“The fourteenth of Janua, 789, but I suspect Enari and her sister were at least a month early.”
“That would put her at the Temple for only a few months. And we were together in Rowan for my sister’s crowning from early spring until…until she left in Junn.” He stopped, and she watched while he silently counted the months. A frown drew at the corners of his mouth and deep creases appeared between his brows.
Vasi looked away from him but remained silent.
Eryk leaned across the table and caught her arm. “I was the only one, Vasi! Tanith was never unfaithful to me, nor I to her!”
Vasi gently loosened his fingers. “Not by choice, dearest. Something happened while she was here with you in Rowan.” She put a hand tenderly to his cheek. It was chilled and a day's growth of stubble scraped against her palm. “This will be hard for you, Eryk, and I don’t wish to cause you unnecessary pain. Leave the past to lie in the past.”
He shook his head violently. “No. I need to hear it all.”
Vasi's eyes did not leave his as she finished the telling of her tale and the compassion and pity he saw in their hazel depths cut him to his soul.
“Tanith confided much to me during the hours we walked up and down the birthing room, though I cannot say how much was truth and how much was spoken in delirium. She was raped while here in the palace and fled as soon as she realized she was pregnant. With the timing,” Vasi lifted her shoulders in a small, helpless shrug, “there’s no way to know the identity of Enari’s father.”
Eryk looked horrified and too shocked to speak.
“I’m sorry.”
“She was a talented seer,” he protested weakly, “Why didn’t she scrye the identity of the man who sired her children?”
“Oh, I’m sure she could have, but knowing what I do now I think she was afraid to find out it wasn’t you. I didn't know till now the name of the lover she left behind—she never told me—but I knew just from looking at her that the loss weighed heavy on her spirit. I was…intimately familiar with all the signs by then. She loved you with all her heart and it devastated her to be parted from you.”
Eryk turned his face away and began to weep softly. “She was here at my request, and I didn’t protect her. Why didn’t she…oh, Tanith. Perhaps that was the punishment for my sin against you and Gregor.”
Vasi pushed back her chair and swiftly rounded the table to put her arms around him. He rested his head against her bosom, clinging like a small child. She gave him time to compose himself, murmuring to him as she had to countless frightened novices and stroking a hand over his hair.
He finally looked up and met her eyes, wiping his own with a sleeve. “Is she mine, Vasi? Is Enari my daughter?” His expression was a mix of yearning and anguish. It broke her heart to watch him, yet she couldn’t bring herself to give him false hope.
“I don’t know, Eryk. She resembles only her mother. I can’t tell, but you would know better than I. Do you recognize features other than Tanith’s? Anything of you or your sister’s family?”
“I haven’t spent enough time with her to even guess.” He spread his hands, the gesture feeble and uncertain. “How do you suggest I proceed?”
“I believe Enari has suffered for the want of family. She’s never been told of her twin, but I think a deep part of her suspects. She lives as if a piece of her is missing, somehow. For as long as I’ve know the girl, she’s been silent and withdrawn, utterly self-contained and often oblivious of those around her. She jumps when touched or spoken to loudly, as if it pains her.” Vasi smiled her crooked smile, quietly relieved to move beyond the sad memories. “I think if you wished to be a father to her, she would accept it in time. But I suggest you use caution. It may not be good for either of you if too many learned of your connection to her.”
Eryk sat back in thoughtful silence, contemplating her advice. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed and he turned back to her.
“There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”