Chapter 8
The Flight Deck of a Quality Aircraft was a fairly typical cockpit, standard flight controls in terms of sticks and levers, though modern instrument panels and display screens were prominent, and lots of lovely illuminated buttons and soft, recessed, hidden lighting during night flights, or any parts of the flight that passed through space. There was the Captain’s seat, the copilot’s seat, the Engineer’s seat, and the Specialist’s seat. Jon was in the Captain’s chair reading over the check list. Loxy was in co-pilot’s seat, confirming instrument tests, redundancy systems, fuel, electric, and mechanical settings, such as toggle positions and flap positions. When they finished their list, Loxy went over the secondary list with the Engineer. Tesla held the Engineer’s position and he confirmed auxiliary engine’s status, which was presently operational and supply the appropriate levels of power, discussed engines status, structural integrity, and finally went over the circuit breaker board that was directly behind him and behind the Captain’s chair, requiring the ‘Specialist,’ to help confirm, though in this instance, the Specialist wasn’t too concerned about whether the circuits buttons were proper engaged. That was what the small light beside the button was for, right? The Engineer’s chair and the Specialist’s chair both had a greater range of rotation than the Captain’s and co-pilot’s chair.
The Specialist today was Carl Jung. One might wonder why one required a psychiatrist, most renowned for his pioneering work through the unconscious, or more, the collective unconscious, on a Quality Air Flight. From a very practical standpoint, Quality Air says there will be a specialist, therefore there is a specialist. That sufficiently resolved the matter for Jon. Loxy never questioned it, but would certainly provide a mystical, logical response to Jung’s presence. Several of Jung’s terminal display seemed to be Rorschach tests, and were unreadable by anyone other than him. Then again, one could argue no one could ‘read’ such a screen, but rather, as a projective test, all meaning was subjectively imbued by the viewer.
“Doctor Jung?” Jon asked.
“Everything is within parameters,” Jung said. “I think you would say fair to middling.”
“So the weather is fine from here to Midland Odessa?”
“No, middling, Jon,” Loxy corrected. “Fair to Midland is a band, not a city in Texas, though the band is based in Dallas, which is just weird.”
“Middling could be a city in Texas,” Tesla said.
“Sorry, just trying to practice my flight lingo,” Jung said. “All of the Spark’s random number generators spaced throughout the aircraft are still displaying random number. Neither I nor the AI have noted any significant deviation from expectation, however, if the coherence pattern should change statistically, it should be fairly obvious.”
Jon and Loxy exchanged a look and then went back to work. Keera popped onto the flight deck with a tray of beverages. She gave a coffee to Jon and Loxy, Tesla took a Tulsi tea with ginger, and Jung accepted a Memosa, orange juice with champagne.
“Thank you, Ms. Keera,” Tesla said.
Keera bowed, very culturally appropriate for her, and respectively said, “It is my pleasure to serve you,” only when she said it, it was genuine and more than lip service. The Japanese art of extending respect was so refined one could never be too sure what their true feelings for someone was, but with Keera, you knew, because her energy transmission was tangible regardless of what her mask was telling you.
“All the passenger are on board, Captain,” Keera said. “Thank you,” Jon said. “Any misgivings?”
“I am not fond of passenger 3A,” Keera said.
Jon looked to the doctor, who looked at one of his screens, shrugged, deferring back to Jon. Loxy sipped her coffee, still a bit too hot to do more than sip, and watched the exchange between Jon, Jung, and Keera. With nothing definitive from the Specialist, Jon extended the decision to Keera.
“Eject him then,” Jon said.
“Based on intuition alone?” Keera asked.
“Sure,” Jon said. “I believe Jung said the unconscious knows more than the conscious mind, and you should trust it.”
“Actually, that was Erickson,” Loxy corrected. “Who?” Jon asked.
“Milton Hyland Erickson, psychiatrist and world expert on hypnosis,” Jung said. “I happen to agree with him, professionally, but I never really felt the need to develop hypnosis to his degree of precision, and, I didn’t say that.”
“You tend to go deep without hypnosis,” Loxy said. “Which one could argue is a form of hypnosis.”
“Perhaps,” Jung said, considering. “This drink is absolutely brilliant, my dear.”
“Why, thank you,” Keera said. “I have not tasted any myself, but will take your expert opinion on it.”
“You should have one my dear,” Jung recommended.
“You really shouldn’t, my dear,” Jon corrected. “Jung has a pass, a little alcohol decreases that cognitive barrier thing.”
“Inhibition,” Loxy corrected.
“You sure are up on your psychological terms,” Jon said. “Thank you,” Loxy said.
“Anyway, your call, Keera,” Jon said.
“I can’t identify anything other than an inappropriate lingering of eye, and if we punished every man who had such an eye, there would be no men on our flights,” Keera said.
“Fair enough. Seems unreasonable to punish someone for an eye, especially considering I have such eyes myself,” Jon said. “Tell you what, continue observing during the pre-flight lecture, and if anything else bothers you about him, I will support your decision to eject.”
“Thank you, Captain,” Keera said, and excused herself from the flight deck, bowing to each of them in one bow.
Jon drank his coffee. It was more than a sip, but then, his coffee was always served at the right temp for drinking to satisfy his urgency.
“Speech time?” Loxy asked. “Might as well,” Jon said.
“I hate the speech,” Tesla said. “Yeah, well,” Jon said.
“I like the speech. Let’s see, we have 212 passengers, full boat. I bet 22 of them don’t survive the full speech,” Loxy said.
“Almost 11 percent?” Tesla asked. “Really? That seems unfairly high.”
“Want to wager?” Loxy asked.
“Not with you,” Tesla said, wisely opting out.
“I am going to side with Tesla,” Jon said. “I bet no more than 7 get ejected.”
“Did you not take a look of the passengers when you passed through the lobby?” Loxy asked.
“I ogled a few,” Jon admitted, drinking coffee. “No more than 7.”
“You’re on,” Loxy said. “Jung, you want in?”
“Oh, my dear, I am afraid that my participation would unduly influence the outcome, and I am particularly bias towards you winning,” Jung said.
“Well, saying that whether you play or not just unfairly influenced the game,” Jon protested.
“That is pretty astute,” Jung said. His glass was empty. “No more memosa, Sir,” Jon said.
“Roger that,” Jung said, taking a hit on an electronic cigarette. “Over done?” Loxy asked.
“Oh, I love that routine,” Jon said and then toggled the intercom switch and keyed the mic with a trigger on the wheel. “Good morning, passengers. I am Jon Harister, and I will be the Captain of your flight today. I would like to thank you for choosing Quality Air for your travels. I know you have a choice, and so I am hopeful you agree that we not only provide quality, but a breath a fresh air. Due to the highly litigious environment we finds ourselves presently in, I have an obligatory speech on informed Consent, which basically means, even if you heard it before you get to hear it again. You are being monitored for attentiveness, and not attending could result in you being ejected. The same warning goes for the stewardess flight safety speech that follows my speech. Should you seem attentive but are really zoning, ignorance of any caveats will not be permissible in a court of law.”
Jon released the trigger and drank some more coffee, preparing himself for the speech to follow. He spied one of the ramp workers, who was in a skirt with knee pads, and though she was tough looking, he would so take a tumble with her.
“They call them flight attendants now,” Tesla corrected, off mic Jon looked at him. “Yeah. That’s what I said,” Jon asked.
“You said stewardesses,” Loxy said.
Jon looked to Jung. “I am biased,” he said. “Really?” Jon asked.
“We could play the flight recorder back if you like,” Tesla said. “Would I steer you off?” Loxy asked.
“I think I should avoid responding to that in this litigious environment, and accept the correction,” Jon said. “Should we check to make sure we didn’t time travel?”
“How would we know?” Tesla asked.
“The fact that Jon used the word stewardess might be considered evidence,” Jung said.
Hence the need for a specialist.
“The stewardess’ uniforms will have changed,” Loxy said.
“Oh,” Tesla said. He switched to one of the many internal cameras, punching up the main view looking back through the cabin. “No uniform change observable.” And yet, from anyone outside their present Universe looking in would clearly see that the flight attendants were now dressed like Southwest Flight Attendants from the Sixties, miniskirts and free love, hippie colors.
“Good,” Jon said, and re-keyed the microphone. “So, let’s get right to the heart of the matter. On boarding my flight, you have entered a dictatorship. There is an expectation of compliance to protocols and instructions from any of the flight crew. You will follow the instructions of the stew… flight attendants as if I were personally instructing you. So, if you have an anger management problem, or difficulty following instructions, please illuminate your overhead light at this time.”
Two lights came on. Jon gave Loxy the signal to boot them, and she relayed the instructions to Keera. Keera acknowledged the instructions from her kitchen control panel, and magically ejected the two passenger. It should be noted, that the individuals illuminated their call lights automatically, without thought, as if they were hypnotized.
“Don’t be alarmed by the sudden disappearance of your fellow passengers,” Jon continued. “They have been safely returned to lobby, where they will have to seek passage on another carrier. Once ejected from Quality Air, for any reason, you are permanently blacklisted. Anyone that has a problem with that should illuminate your call light now.” One person chimed in and was appropriately ejected. “It is our desire to bring you quality service, but more so, we desire to bring you to your destination safe and sound. At any time during the flight, I need to know you can follow the instructions of my flight crew. If they say put up your seat back, or stow your table, you need to do so, and promptly. If they tell you to suck on your thumb or quack like a duck, I expect you to do so. Your opinion of the matter is not needed, but more, if you utter, even in whisper mode, anything disparaging, such as witch, or anything that rhymes with witch, you will be ejected. You should know, however, that when you’re ejected in flight, there is no guarantee where you will end up. Inter-dimensional flights are generally safe, but the hazards we encounter are fairly random and problematic. If you can’t be nice and compliant, which are two very different things in and of themselves, but I want both, please illuminate your call light.” Surprisingly, no one chimed in. “My flight crew have gone through the most rigorous of all training, in terms of safety and polite service. Do not mistake their pleasantness for anything other than the respect of service. Any ass pinching or other perceived molestation will be seen as interfering with a flight crew and you will be ejected. If we cannot determine the offender, we eject everyone in the vicinity of where the offense occurred, so don’t just police yourselves, police each other. Compliance is a necessity.
“Unlike other carriers, you will be allowed to use your electronic equipment. I guarantee you, it will not interfere with my navigational equipment. That said, if you use your device, I expect you to use the freely provided tether. In the event of inter-dimensional disturbance, I don’t want 200 personal projectiles flying around the cabin. If you’re not okay with your own device knocking you out when the tether swings it back in your face, or the person’s face sitting next to you, please be sure to stow that device. If your companion and you can’t agree now as to whether you can abide the other having said device, feel free to illuminate your call light now.” No takers.
“During the flight, I will occasionally turn the seatbelt sign off. At which point you are free to use the restroom, or stand and stretch as needed,” Jon said. “At any time if you are standing and the fasten seatbelt sign comes on, you are expected to return to your seat. If the flight crew tells you to return to seat, even if you’re waiting for the restroom, you should return to your seat, even if you have to go in your pants. If you happen to be in the restroom when the fasten seatbelt sign illuminates, you will be expected to remain there until the sign goes off or directed by flight crew to return to seat.
“You are expected to follow all flight crew directives without pause or question. Any disagreement with my flight crew, regardless of who has the moral high ground, I will always side with my flight crew. If it comes down to that, I would rather eject one complaining passenger and keep a flight attendant who is trained in saving passengers, then entertain the troubled soul. You may recall this speech started about informed consent. You lost sovereignty the moment you willingly boarded my ship. You have absolutely no rights after we leave this peculiarly litigious environment. You should know that most of the universe does not recognize
human social conventions, or even maritime law, again, a human social convention. Even most humans within the confines of humanity don’t recognize each other’s social rules, and since we’re going to be traveling inter-dimensionally, you should be forewarned, no one is going to care if you call your lawyer with a formal protest. Are you allowed to complain? Yes; there is a form at your destination that you may fill out and submit, and if the complaint is not appropriate, constructive criticism you will be invited not to fly with us again. There is no anonymity aboard Quality Air. Every seat has multiple cameras, allowing me to see you from various angles, as well as numerous cameras strategically placed throughout the cabin, even the lavatory, and these cameras that are presently recording and will continue to do so until you have disembarked.
Photons are free, so if you don’t want to share those photons you emit to any free ranging eye, feel free to illuminate your call light.”
One female hit hers. Jon frowned, as she had been one of the females he had been ogling.
And now she was gone. “Why,” he muttered.
“An abhorrence to photos due to low self-esteem,” Jung muttered. “Really?” both Jon and Loxy said.
“But she was absolutely stunning!” Loxy said. “Right?!” Jon asked.
“Childhood, family origin issues,” Jung said.
Loxy brought her hands together, closed her eyes, and sent the person lots of warm energy.
Jon supported Loxy’s decision and gave her energetic support, while continuing his speech. “If you have any further reservations or concerns, you should illuminate your call light now, because not doing so means you are agreeing to your loss of sovereignty for the duration of this flight. My life, my license first. My crew and the integrity of this flight second. You are definitely on my priority list, but don’t think your entertainment or degree of personal comfort is high on my list. Any questions?”
One call light illuminated. The person was ejected. There were no more questions. “Thank you again for choosing Quality Air. Keera, please provide the passengers their educational safety lecture.”
Tesla seemed apprehensive. He set his tea down and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “So, not 22,” Jon said.
“Let’s wait to see how many Keera loses,” Loxy said.
“I thought the bet was how many my speech lost,” Jon said.
“I guess you should have sought clarity before making the bet,” Loxy said. “I made the same assumption,” Tesla said.
They looked to Jung. He opted out.
“And yet, you clearly stated you didn’t want in,” Loxy reminded Tesla. “Oh, look at that.
Ten more people booted!”
“I think this was rigged,” Jon said.
“Captain, the cabin is ready for departure,” Keera announced.
“Thank you, Keera. Flight Crew, prepare for departure,” Jon said. “Not 22.”
“More than seven,” Loxy said.
“Tie?” Jon asked. “Trade?”
“More on that,” Jon said.
“You wear the appropriate uniform for the rest of the flight,” Loxy said. “I detest Quality Air’s Uniform,” Jon said.
Loxy looked down at her professional uniform, white blouse, short pleated skirt, black hose with star patterns. “Really?”
“Correction. I hate the Quality Air’s male uniform,” Jon said. “Any uniform on a female is quite reasonable, but you always make the uniform look amazing.”
Loxy frowned at him. “I am not sure how I want to respond to that, yet. Anyway, I want you to wear something other than that damn army jacket,” Loxy said.
“I like my jacket. It’s comfortable,” Jon said. Loxy stood up. “Give it to me.”
“What?” Jon asked.
“Give it to me and I will relieve you of the debt losing the bet,” Loxy said.
Jon put down his coffee and awkwardly removed his jacket in the confines of his personal flight space. Loxy took it from him and put it on, the arms magically adjusting to her arm length. She modeled it and then sat down.
“You’re right, it is quite comfortable,” Loxy agreed. “May I have it back, please?” Jon asked.
“Later,” Loxy said.
“You don’t want me wearing it, but you are going to wear it,” Jon stated.
“I am okay with you wearing it, as long you wear something else, some of the times,” Loxy said. “It’s not like we’re on a television show and you can’t change clothes. You’re a magician, by god, you should have something else in your invisible closet.”
“If you two are done, I have been alerted by the tower that the ground crew is clear; we may proceed with the vertical takeoff,” Tesla said.
Loxy smiled.
“Your flight number one,” Jon said. “Really?!” Loxy said, excited.
“You’re wearing the coat with the stripes,” Jon said. “They’re not real stripes,” Loxy said.
“They are in the SG1 Universe,” Jon said. “Are we going there?” Loxy said.
“I don’t know. I didn’t look. Did you look?” Jon asked. “No, I thought you looked,” Loxy said.
They both turned to Jung. He was pulling out the flight plan even as they were debating, suggesting he hadn’t looked either. “VFR, discretionary flight plan, three neutral zones, one considered hostile, ummm hostiles, oh, just Grays. Thought for a moment we were crossing over through the 5th Element World,” he said, perusing down through the list.
“I like that world,” Loxy said. “Me, too,” Jon said.
“We can sedate the passengers in that world,” Loxy said.
“Once we leave this world’s jurisdiction, Keera can push valium if the passengers want it,” Jon said.
“Or pot?” Loxy asked.
“Only the candy form,” Jon said. “Can’t have the crew spacey due to second hand smoke.”
“We have to make a fuel stop, some place called Markovia,” Jung said. “Is that a real place?” Tesla asked.
Jung pushed his spectacles up. “You want my honest opinion?”
“Not again,” Loxy said, over Jung, looking at Jon for help. “The last time I was there…”
“We’re not staying, just refueling,” Jung said. “What is this ‘Twilight Zone?’ reference”
“Oh, yea!” Loxy said.
Jon frowned and summoned Keera back to the flight deck. She arrived, her uniformed changed. She was wearing a bobbed, blond wig, and a uniform similar to what the flight attendants were wearing in 5th element. He almost forgot what he was going to say. Loxy closed his mouth for him.
“Yes, Captain?” Keera asked. He wasn’t sure.
“Yes, Captain?” Loxy said, messing with him. “I forgot,” he said.
“Twilight zone?” Jun refreshed.
“Oh! Um, is there a Bill Shatner on the passenger list?” Jon asked. Keera pulled a device out of her pocket and searched.
“No, Sir,” Keera said.
“How about a Bob Wilson?” Jon asked.
Keera looked for the person. She shook her head no.
“Is there a passenger name that may be associated with William Shatner in any form, from alias to characters he portrayed, either movie, television, or personal fantasy life?” Jon asked.
“Shatner has a personal fantasy life?” Loxy asked. “Have you listened to his music?” Jon asked her. “Point taken,” Loxy said.
“Nothing coming up, Sir,” Keera said. “Very well,” Jon said.
“Anything else?” Keera asked.
“Um, yeah, when I take my nap later, would you join me in my sleep space wearing that?” Jon asked.
“You’re are the Captain,” Keera said, departing and closing the door behind her. “Jon, the tower is wanting us to expedite, or they’re going to put a hold on us,” Tesla said.
“Loxy, take us up and out,” Jon said. “With pleasure, Sir,” Loxy said.
निनमित
Jon and Loxy found themselves in a store. Astoundingly, Jon was in suit, tie, jacket, and everything but the hat, but there was nice Bowler that, perhaps not too surprisingly given the locale and context, matched his outfit and Loxy immediately asked him to try it on. He hesitated, but the moment it was on she tilted it slightly, and then handed him an umbrella. Loxy was wearing a white outfit, one piece that touched at mid thighs. It had prominent black lines dividing the dress, black shoes, and white hose. Her hairstyle was sixties, glamour.
“Perfect!”
“Is it going to rain?” Jon asked. “We’re in England,” Loxy said. “So?” Jon asked.
“Play nice, this is my adventure,” Loxy said.
“Of course,” Jon said, approaching the attendant. “How much for the hat and the umbrella.”
“Do I know you?” he asked.
“I am Jon, and this is…” not sure who she was playing.
“Really?” Loxy asked, feigning being put out. She turned to the man. “I am Loxy Isadora Bliss.”
The attendant dropped what he was holding and departed through a back exit at full run.
Loxy turned to Jon. “Was it something I said?”
“Maybe he was surprised you didn’t lead with Emma Peel,” Jon said.
“Though I am in the Emma Peel role, and certainly display bold confidence beyond the average sixties woman, I am still first and always your Loxy,” Loxy said.
“I concur,” Jon said. “And your fighting style is definitely an improvement to Emma’s.”
“Really?” Loxy asked, wanting more than just a compliment. “How so?”
“Okay, here is the comparison. When I was in third grade, I won first place at a school bike riding contest. All I had to was stay within the lines and navigate some cones. Today, if you’re not standing on the wheel and jumping up and down and doing back flips like a power ranger on a motorcycle, you’re not getting a ribbon,” Jon said. “Time travel to line up skateboarders, and the 70’s skateboarder would be laughed at compared to the skateboarders after year 2000. Take the original Star Trek’s hand to hand combat scenes. They’re laughable. Kirk jumping from six feet away to tackle someone is insanely stupid, as bad as the saloon fights in the westerns. But only compared to the fight scenes choreographed in movies today. Most of Emma Peel’s scenes were so contrived as to make a person today want to puke. Women can fight, but the Avenger’s fighting scenes were just women playing at fighting, whereas you actually have some power and lethality in your form. You’re fighting style is superb, blending a form of martial arts, with the grace and precision of a ballet dancer, which is tremendously pleasant to watch. I dare say, blending Olympic level ballet with Wu Wei Gung Fu was genius, because it allows you to maintain you principles of non-harm, by converting any opposing attacker’s energy back into themselves. I see you fight, I just want to take you to bed.”
“Wow. Your complement is not only insightful in a practical way that might lead to improved practice, it’s actually kind of hot,” Loxy said.
“I was leaning towards the seduction,” Jon admitted. “Anytime, anywhere,” Loxy said.
“Right here, right now?” Jon asked.
“Oh, especially here and now,” Loxy said. “On the counter?”
“I can wait till we get back home, I just wanted to test if you really meant anywhere or anytime,” Jon said.
“I would not offer otherwise, and I am a little disappointed you aren’t taking it as far as we usually do,” Loxy said.
“Someone might walk in,” Jon said.
“Might,” Loxy said. “I do think people were having sex in the sixties.”
“Let me pay for this, first,” Jon said.
“Oh, you don’t have to pay me for sex, Sir,” Loxy said.
Jon laughed as he went behind the counter. “There is always a price to pay for sex, my dear,” Jon reminded her.
“Umm, perhaps,” Loxy said.
He squinted at her, checking if she was being playful, while opening the register. Loxy hopped up on the counter and spun her legs around to face Jon’s side of the counter. Jon withdrew a sticky note pad and pen from his pocket, wrote one hat, one umbrella, stuck the note to a sufficiently large enough bill to more than cover everything, and stuck it in the register. He then focused on Loxy. He reached up to run his fingers through her hair. She blocked.
“Don’t touch the hair,” Loxy said. “Oh?” Jon asked.
“Touch anywhere but the hair. We still have an appointment,” Loxy said.
So, Jon everywhere but the hair, starting with his hands on her thighs, running his fingers up under her skirt. On departing the establishment, Loxy straightened his tie, crooked his hat, and took his arm. A pedestrian looked up from his cellphone. Saw the two of them, dropped his cellphone and ran.
“That’s bizarre,” Loxy said.
“The fact he has a cellphone in the sixties?” Jon asked.
“No,” Loxy said. “This is our sixties. I concerned that he just saw us and ran away.”
“If I were the Doctor and you were his companion, his behavior would make a lot of sense,” Jon said.
“We are so not playing that,” Loxy said. “Today, we’re just Jon and Loxy.”
“Maybe we have a reputation?” Jon asked.
“A good reputation. We save people,” Loxy said. “And what do we save people from?” Jon said. “Themselves?” Loxy asked.
“Which translates, usually, into some pretty weird, mystical, magical stuff,” Jon said. “The Avengers meet Scooby doo, only we fight real monsters and ghost, and we’re not even pulling the masks off their faces.”
“Oh, no, not fighting. We establish rapport and advocate for greater, positive, community involvement,” Loxy said.
“How is that working for us?” Jon asked. “Depends on the monster,” Loxy said.
“And why are we here, Greater London, new 1960’s with the giant, space age, Ferris wheel in the background?” Jon asked.
“We are meeting with some copy right lawyers about potential infringements issues,” Loxy said.
“OMG, really?” Jon asked. “Yeah, afraid so,” Loxy said.
“Copy right lawyers?! OMFG what sort of demon infested dark paradigm have you drawn us into?” Jon asked.
“Jon, you’re reinforcing the bad with the scaffolding you’re using,” Loxy said, touching his face gently. “Besides. I didn’t bring us here, we were summoned. In this instance, London is neutral ground. I would not allow them to bring you to America given the nature of the meeting, so, just relax.”
“You think I am afraid of America?!” Jon asked. “Yeah,” Loxy said.
“Okay, maybe, but really? Copy-right lawyers? Don’t they realize, every time someone issues a TV show, movie, or comic book hero or villain, they are creating potential for Tulpa’s in the mind of every consumer, most of whom are going to be teenagers and or, white, middle class males, which, emotionally looks like the same thing?” Jon demanded. He was being very expansive in his gestures. “How can they expect us to help all these individuals we’re being called on to help if we can’t even say the name of the Tulpa’s that our clientele accidentally created or summoned into being?!”
“It’s a serious problem, and the fact that we are loosely forming the written body of our published work as fan fiction gives us some leeway, but if we want to go bigger, or generate revenues on our stories in order to help more people, we have to play by their rules,” Loxy said.
“Loxy. Copy-