Anna

The Spacecraft; Colonizer One

They had been traveling with the spaceship for over two weeks now, and everything was back to normal again. Even though the first excitement was long gone, Anna still had trouble relaxing in the evenings. It was completely impossible to fall asleep and eventually she had given up trying and decided that she had to make the best of the situation.

She was lying in the dark and listened to Mom, Dad and Erik's heavy breaths. As always, Erik and her dad had no trouble falling asleep. After just a few minutes they were snoring heavily. But with Mom it was another story. She had been twisting and turning in what felt like an eternity before she finally fell asleep. Even when she was sleeping, she seemed to worry about something. Her breath was short and rapid and sometimes she muttered and mumbled as if she was talking to herself. It felt a bit scary, like some kind of evil spirit had taken over her body.

Anna decided to wait a few minutes mote before it was safe to get up. Then she gently folded her blanket aside and slid as silently as she could down on the cold floor. The room was almost completely pitch black, but on the opposite side she could distinguish a faint light beam from the door heading to the corridor. She focused on the beam and began to carefully walk against it with small steps. She knew the table was in the middle of the room and therefore she didn’t want to move too fast.

The housing modules were located in the large rotating wheel in the middle of the ship and the wheel created an artificial gravity that was the same as on the Earth. A couple of nights ago she had overturned a glass of water when she bumped into the table a bit too hard, but this time she was prepared. She softly hit the edge of the table with her hip and then rounded it by letting her hand follow the edge. After that it was just a few more steps before she was at the door. Not that hard actually. It was worse when she had to return to her bed. Then there was no light to aim at, and once she had missed her bed completely and tried to lay down on Erik. Fortunately, he slept hard and he had just turned around without waking up.

She gently opened the door a bit and then stopped for a second and listened intensively. Luckily, she heard nothing except the familiar buzz from the ventilation system. The corridor was empty, and she slid out through the doorway and quietly closed the door behind her.

Although the light was reduced to the lowest level during the night, she had to hold one hand over her eyes. Or maybe night was the wrong expression. In space, it was always night, she thought while she waited for her eyes to get used to the light. But they followed some sort of Earth time even on the ship. Between eight in the morning and nine in the evening the lights were turned on as to show that it was daytime, and after that the lights were dimmed to the lowest level as to show that it was night.

Mom and Dad had made the stupid decision that she and Erik must be in bed by eight o'clock. It was far too early, Anna thought. She was after all four years older than Erik and should of course be allowed to stay up at least an hour longer. She had tried to persuade her parents, but it was pointless. They meant that she would disturb Erik if she went to bed later than him and that it was important that he, who was so young, had a proper night’s sleep. As usual, she would be disadvantaged by the fact that she had a younger brother. Two of her peers, who didn’t have any siblings, were allowed to stay up much longer.

Oh well, there was nothing she could do about it. I have to let it go, she thought and gently removed her hand from her eyes and gazed down both sides of the corridor to make sure she was completely alone. The faint milky white light from the fluorescent lamps created an almost spooky feeling that was reinforced by the unnatural fact that the corridor curved upwards in both directions. She began to walk to the right, even though it was the longer route. Sure, she could have taken the other way, but then she had to go through the dining room, which increased the risk of being discovered. There was almost always someone there eating a night snack or to have something to drink.

She had started with these nightly excursions, just a few days after they had left the space station, as a consequence of the fact that she couldn’t fall asleep. The first few times she had aimlessly explored the ship, but now she knew exactly where to go.

She had found her own hiding place where she could be completely by herself. Just as the area with the small apartments ended, the corridor widened and became considerably broader for about twenty meters, and then it narrowed again. It was as if the engineers didn’t really know what to do with this part of the ship and, in the absence of anything else, just made a wider corridor.

On each side of the corridor, however, a kind of thin wall had been built. But it didn’t really go from edge to edge, there was a narrow entrance at the beginning and at the end where she could get in. When she first discovered these entrances, she had hoped that there would be something exciting behind the wall. Unfortunately, there was nothing of interest, just a lot of pipes and different controls. But despite the lack of exciting things, Anna liked the place. At last, she had found a place that no one else knew about.

She reached the first entrance at the left side of the corridor and quickly looked around to see that no one was nearby, then she smoothly slid through the small opening. There were no lights behind the wall, but after her eyes got used to the obscure light, she could discern most things quite well. She crouched slowly to her "cozy spot" as she called the place in the middle. There she had placed a pillow which she had taken from one of the living rooms. Next to the pillow was her provisions which consisted of a fruit drink and a package of sandwiches that she had brought with her the previous night. Besides the food, she also had a notepad and a pen. That was all.

Yes, and her tablet of course. But she had somehow lost her interest in it. And above all, she had completely stopped vlogging. The idea that thousands of people back on Earth would follow her posts, had before the departure seemed so exciting, but now it felt completely pointless. It was as if that world was gone forever and it just seemed ridiculous to send messages to a bunch of unknown people. She had of course sent messages to her grandparents and to her best friend Lisa. But that was another thing, they were people she knew and loved, and they were now her only connection to the world she was no longer a part of.

Anna sighed quietly when she thought of them and then she picked up her notepad. Instead of playing with her tablet, she had started to write and draw during her nightly visits to her hiding place. It was not that she wrote long stories. It was more like random thoughts about anything that came to her mind in the moment. Sometimes she also drew small pictures to illustrate her thoughts.

Now she sat with the notepad in her lap and stared at the empty paper sheet, but she couldn’t come up with anything interesting. It was like that sometimes. Some nights the words just poured out of her, while other times she felt completely empty.

I can just as well do something else for a while, she thought and lay down on her stomach and pressed her ear as hard as she could against the floor. She had done this many times before, and each time it had given her a mixed sense of security, wonder and horror. If she pressed her ear really hard to the floor, she heard a sort of hypnotic wheezing sound. It was not the same kind of sound that came from the forever buzzing fans in the ventilation system, but something completely different. It was more like a hollow, sleepy tone that sounded like it was coming from somewhere far, far away, as if it were not part of the ship at all. She imagined that she was listening to the silent sigh from the eternal space surrounding the ship in every direction. She understood, of course, that sound couldn’t travel through space, but she imagined that the vacuum of space somehow propagated into the hull of the ship and in that way created small vibrations that she could hear.

Every time she did this, she felt both a breathtaking and a sort of tingling feeling. After a while it became too much for her, and she had to get up and breathe deeply to calm down. She was kneeling and breathing heavily when she suddenly heard a strict voice behind her:

"Why are you sitting here all by yourself?"

Anna turned around in fear and saw how a woman was looking through the entrance on the opposite side from where she had come. She couldn’t really see who it was because the woman obscured much of the light from the corridor with her body. She vaguely recognized her voice, and before she got a chance to answer her, the woman said in a much softer tone, "I didn’t mean to scare you, but I wasn’t expecting to find a young girl hiding behind these walls… Can I come in?"

Anna felt as if her mouth was filled with glue. She just mumbled something that the woman probably interpreted as a yes, as she was already entering. When she got closer, Anna recognized her. It was that woman they had met the first day when they were going up with the space elevator.

"Hello," the woman said when she arrived. "I don’t know if you recognize me?"

Anna didn’t answer, and the woman tried again.

"Emma," she said, while reaching out her hand. "Do you remember me? We sat at the same table the first day at the space elevator. Your name is Anna, right?"

Anna hesitated, but took her hand and answered, "Yes, my name is Anna."

Emma looked curiously around and said after a while:

"Nice place you’ve got here. But why not try to make it a little cozier. Maybe a blanket and perhaps a lamp…"

Anna felt as if Emma was talking more to herself than to her, and suddenly she said without thinking, "There’s almost nothing useful on this ship and it was really hard to get the pillow without anyone discovering..."

She stopped talking and looked worried when she realized she was just about to reveal that she had taken something that didn’t belong to her.

"Don’t worry Anna," Emma said, putting her hand on her shoulder. "I won’t tell anyone."

She smiled and continued, "You don’t have to worry Anna, it’s actually everyone's pillow. Why don’t you pretend that you just borrowed it for the while and when you don’t need it anymore you simply sneak back with it. People are so busy with their own things and they will not notice if a pillow or two is gone, don’t you think?"

"Yes, maybe," Anna replied hesitantly.

Emma saw the notebook and picked it up.

"What are you writing? Is it a diary?"

Anna snatched the book from her and yelled, "Give it to me, it’s mine!"

"Sorry, I'm a bit too curious sometimes. But I also have a small notebook. I take it with me almost all the time. In that way I can immediately write down different ideas I come up with. It’s easy to forget them otherwise. But most of the times it’s just small notes about improvements of the colony and such things... I’m sure that you write about much more interesting things."

Anna felt that she had to answer, when Emma seemed to try her best to be nice to her.

"Oh, I just write down things that come to my mind, and sometimes I make drawings too and sometimes I can’t think of anything at all and..."

Without thinking, Anna continued, "By the way, is it true, what my Dad says? That you created the whole Mars colony?"

Emma laughed.

"No, no, that’s not true. Your dad exaggerates. I have more like the overall responsibility for the colony's construction and design. There is no one who can create such a large project on their own. Instead there are thousands of people who work together to create it... But there are probably lots of people who think that I’m interfering in areas that’s not my responsibility… and that may be true. But I don’t care, they may think what they want. I’m not going to change who I am just because some sour people have opinions about me. For me, the colony is everything. It’s my life as a matter of fact!"

Emma barely finished the sentence before Anna said, "I don’t know if I want to go to Mars anymore! I don’t think it seems so exciting at all actually. Is there something fun to do there for me? I do not think so! It’s just long uninteresting corridors and small rooms. I can’t go out and play and I must follow a lot of boring rules all the time. And the adults must work all the time and they will not have time for us children. No one have asked me what I want! The adults just decide everything and don’t think about how it affects us children…"

Anna suddenly fell silent as if she realized she had said something stupid. She looked down at the floor and dared not face Emma. She felt as if she had insulted her, since she had been so enthusiastic about everything that had to do with the colony.

Emma put her hand on her arm.

"Anna, I understand that you think it’s unfair. It must feel terrible to leave all your friends and relatives and move to something as unknown as another planet. I tried to advocate to the board that it might not be such a good idea to let children come along in this early stage of the project. But they didn’t listen. They were totally convinced that a proper colonization includes complete families with both children and adults."

Emma sighed heavily and continued, "Anna, think like this instead. You and the other children will grow up in a totally new world and this world will be yours only. This new world will be shaped by you and you could say that it will be you and your friends who finally make the colony a place where humans can thrive. And above all, you children will be real Martians in a way that we adults may never be. I know it sounds a bit weird, but I am almost certain that you will see Mars as your only home once it has passed a few years and maybe you even will be proud to be part of building a brand-new home for humanity..."

Anna suddenly laughed.

"Martians? Did you just say that I can call myself Martian? It sounds like I’m some sort of alien."

Emma also started to laugh.

"Yes, it sounds bizarre. But it’s actually true. We will be the first generation of Martians and from Earth’s perspective we will become aliens and at the same time they will be aliens to us… What do you say Anna, maybe we should start calling ourselves Martians now? We can just as well get used to it."

Anna giggled.

"Yes maybe…"

She extended her hand in a solemn manner.

"Hello, my name is Anna, and I belong to the first generation of Martians!"

Emma took her hand and they both started shaking hands with an exaggerated way.

"Hi Anna! My name is Emma, and I am first generation Martian too! How are you?"

"I’m fine, thank you!"

Anna began to giggle once again and instantly put her hand over her mouth when she realized where they were. They had been talking quite loudly and if anyone passed outside their hiding place, they would probably immediately be revealed.

"I think we have to be quieter, otherwise we can kiss this fantastic place goodbye," Emma said whispering. "It would be foolish if we were to lose this nice hiding place... Or sorry, I mean your hiding place Anna."

"It can be your hiding place too." Anna whispered back.

"Thank you, Anna, what an offer! It would be great to have somewhere to get away from everything else. And by the way, it’s nice to have someone to talk to when you can’t sleep, right? And maybe I can try to get a hold of some more pillows and blankets? Then we can make it really cozy here."

"Yes, and maybe a flashlight if you can get hold of one?" Anna said eagerly.

Anna was glad that she suddenly had someone to share her little secret with. Although Emma was an adult, it felt much better than having to be here all by herself.

"I'll see if I can solve it Anna. But you know what, it’s getting very late now. It’s probably best that you go to bed now and then we will meet here tomorrow night again."

Anna immediately looked disappointed.

"I have to take my responsibility as an adult, right?" Emma said with an excessively firm voice while crossing her arms over her chest.

"If you want, I can tell you some things about the colony that no one else knows about? I know a lot about that place you know. And once we arrive, you will know so much more about the colony than the other children, and that’s not so bad, is it?

"Yes, perhaps... Okay, I will do as you say, but I have to do one thing first. I have to write something that came to my mind in my notepad. I will hurry, I promise, and then I will go to bed."

"Yes of course, no problem. You do that, and we’ll see each other tomorrow night."

Emma got up and went back the same way she had come from. Before she left, she turned around and whispered, "Bye, bye, Martian!"

"Bye, bye, Martian!" Anna whispered back and waved cautiously.

Then she picked up her notebook and started writing.

Dear Lisa!

Thank you for your latest message. It was wonderful to hear about what you did during the autumn holidays. I really wish I could have been with you, but now it is as it is. I am on my way to a new world and there is nothing I can do about it. I have found a new secret hiding place here on the ship that only I know about. If you had been here, I would of course shown it to you, since I know you can keep secrets.

But I've made a new friend on the ship. The quirky thing is that she’s an adult, almost as old as my mother. But it’s okay. She is really nice, and she seems to think in the same way I do. Or I don't really know, we have just met. But it feels like that anyway.

Soon I will arrive to a completely new world, and even if I hate it, it still feels exciting. It will never be like Earth, but I have decided to make the best of it. I am supposed to be a part of creating a new world for humanity, so I have a responsibility to live up to. Ha, I know I sound a bit snotty, but I guess I'm just trying to find a way to handle this. Now I must go to bed because it’s in the middle of the night here on the ship :-)

I think of you everyday Lisa and I hope you think of me too.

Many hugs from Anna, your best friend and a soon to be Martian!

Anna closed the notepad. Tomorrow she would scan the text to her tablet and ask Dad if he could arrange for her to get it sent to Earth right away.

Perhaps everything would be okay somehow, she thought, sighing loudly, and then she picked up her things and sneaked back to the apartment.