Emma

Terra Nova

Mars

Emma frantically rummaged through one of the drawers in her small desk. I'm pretty sure I put them here, she thought, while lifting a bunch of papers, but without finding what she was looking for. She closed the drawer, sat down in her chair and sighed, just to see the bag of barrettes lying in front of her on the table. I must be blind, she thought, and shook her head. She sighed again as she picked up a few of the barrettes and walked up to the full body mirror.

She had let her hair grow during the journey and it now reached past her shoulders. Although she liked her new hairstyle, it was often impractical as she always got it in her in her eyes. Therefore, she almost always used barrettes. She removed the towel from her head and started putting up the still damp hair with the barrettes. I better make an effort and make myself extra nice for tonight, she thought happily. It’s not every day that the entire colony are gathered for a grand meeting.

The second ship had arrived a few days ago and Nikolai had now called everyone on the colony to a gathering in the main canteen tonight. She figured it would be crowded and sweaty to hold a meeting there with so many people. Although the canteen was the colony's largest room next to the greenhouse, she did not quite understand how they would manage to fit everyone in there. Well, they just have to solve it somehow, she thought while she struggled with her hair.

When she was done, she let her arms fall to the sides and then she observed her face and body. To be a middle-aged woman, I look pretty okay, she thought, and gave herself a smile. But to what help? She knew she would be alone for the rest of her life. But it might not be that bad really. Since she had a thousand other things on her mind that kept her busy, it was probably for the best.

But there was one downside to her probable lifelong single life, and it was the notion that she would never have any children. Sure, she could still get pregnant, but then she had to have someone to get pregnant with, and the chance that she would find that person here on Mars was virtually non-existent.

Why didn’t she try to get children before? She had had several long relationships over the years with, in most cases, good men. But before these relationships got really serious, they somehow ended. The pattern was always the same. When the man in question wanted to take the relationship to the next level, she had always got cold feet. She always came up with different reasons why they couldn’t move in together and in the end the relationships had faded out into nothing.

Of course, she understood what the problem was. She loved her job far too much. There was, of course, room for a man in her life, but only if he accepted the relationship on her terms. And so far, she had not met anyone who in the long run could accept that. In the end, they were tired of always coming in last, squeezed in between different projects and meetings. But she could hardly blame them for it. Who would want to build a life with someone on these grounds?

But somewhere deep inside she felt a longing that never really wanted to go away. After Maurice had broken up with her three years ago, she had slowly realized that she would never become a mother. She loved children, and she often felt that they were easier to deal with than adults. Her relationship with Anna was a good example of that. She had had all the time in the world to get acquainted with all sorts of adults during the long, monotonous journey to Mars, but the only one she took the time to get to know better was a twelve-year-old girl.

Some people probably thought it was weird that she was hanging out with a 12-year-old girl. But she couldn’t care less about that. She enjoyed Anna's company and if it hadn’t been for Anna's mother Helena, she would have continued hanging out with her. But now it was impossible. After arriving at Mars, Helena had made sure to keep Anna away from her. Her first reaction had been to confront Helena, but then she had calmed down. She had no chance of winning this fight. It would only make the situation worse if she confronted Helena. As Anna's mother, Helena would always have the interpretative prerogative over what was good or bad for her daughter. So, Emma had decided to back off for the moment with the hope that the whole situation would eventually calm down somehow.

Anyway, she had slowly but surely accepted the fact that she wouldn’t have any children of her own. And for the last year or so, she hardly gave it much thought. But then her psychologist Henry Jones had suddenly brought up the issue and insisted that she had to process her childlessness properly before leaving. She had refused, but Henry couldn’t let go. He said that she had to do it. That they couldn’t take the risk that she would be emotionally unstable because of such a thing when she was on Mars.

She could, of course, understand his point, but she felt she had reconciled with the thought of not having children. There was nothing more to say about it. But Henry insisted that she had to talk about it and after a while she felt as if his interest in her childlessness actually was some kind of sadistic malice from his side.

For probably the tenth time she applied to the space board to have him replaced, but as usual they didn’t heed her complaint. "Henry is one of our most experienced psychologists" and "it takes several years to build up a trust between a client and a psychologist, and there is no time to start from square one," were the recurring standard responses from the board.

She couldn’t understand how such an abominable person as Henry could become a psychologist. She perceived him as sneaky, stiff and extremely narrow minded. Just every trait you shouldn’t have if you wanted to instill trust in another person.

But in some mysterious way, he was just what the hot shots in the space board was looking for, and he had quickly advanced to head of the entire psychology department for the colonizer program. What they didn’t know was that this so-called psychologist on several occasions tried to ask her out and that he had called her the most abusive things when she had rejected him.

She should of course have reported him to the board, but in the end, she let it go, as she probably once again would be seen as a troublemaker that was hard to work with. After that, Henry did what he could to get her out of the colonization program and eventually it resulted in his last desperate attempt just a few days before departure.

Well, well, he’s probably dead now, and if not, he’s more than fifty million kilometers from here, so there is no point in worrying about him anymore. She sighed and put on her white working overalls which was the most festive she could find in her wardrobe. Because it was over half an hour until the meeting would begin, she lay down on the bed, clasped her hands behind her head and looked around her small apartment.

As a single woman, she didn’t have much space at her disposal. Ten square meters was enough space for a bed, a desk and a small wardrobe. And in the bathroom, she could hardly move. But why complain? She even had her own shower with hot water, which she was allowed to use a full five minutes, three times a week. However, she had not expected her to feel so claustrophobic in the small space. Perhaps it was the knowledge that she was seventy meters below the surface, which sometimes created an uncomfortable creeping feeling that everything could collapse over her at any time. She shuddered and forced herself to think that the risk of such a thing happening was minimal. And it was actually necessary for them to build the colony far from the surface to avoid the relentless cosmic radiation that constantly bombarded Mars.

What an incredible construction the Mars colony was, she thought. Although she had been involved in the project almost from the start, it was only now, when she was there, that she fully realized what enormous obstacles they had managed to overcome in order for people to live here at all. It was truly the greatest achievement of mankind and now this achievement was perhaps the only thing that kept the few survivors of mankind alive.

The whole situation was so absurd. Without the Mars colony, there might not have been any humans left at all. But deep down inside she didn’t really believe that. In fact, it felt like an unlikelihood that every human being on Earth would have been exterminated in the impact. But at the same time, the silence from Earth was ominous. No messages, no TV signals and not even the faintest radio signals had been detected yet.

She had tried to talk with Ali and Elvira at the communications-center, but they didn’t have much information to give. And she had a feeling that they had been instructed to say as little as possible to her. Maybe I'm getting paranoid, she thought, laughing. But at the same time there was something about how they treated the newcomers. So far, they had received very little information. It was the same when she had talked with that Chen at the cultivation center. She had tried to pressure him to reveal statistics about their food supply and she asked questions about how they could solve the problem with getting the second greenhouse up and running. But he didn’t have much to say. He refused to look her in her eyes and pretended to be excessively busy with whatever he was doing on his computer during the whole conversation.

Well, let’s hope for a change on this matter tonight. Now that all colonizers had arrived, there should be no reason to withhold any information. After all, they were all in the same boat and if this were to work, all the people in the colony were obviously required to cooperate with each other. And for that, they all needed to have access to the same information. It wouldn’t surprise me if Nikolai simply chose to keep us newcomers short until everyone was in place? He probably just wanted everyone to receive the same information at the same time, thus avoiding misunderstanding, jealousy and exclusion.

She sighed loudly as she thought of Nikolai. That man was really hard to understand. She had of course expected him to be a bit hostile to her when they finally met for the first time. But he was polite and never mentioned anything about the accusations she had made against him over the years. But after their first meeting, just when they arrived, she had barely seen him at all. Now that she was finally on Mars, she wanted to bombard Nikolai with questions about how different things worked in the colony. Besides food production, she was curious about how they would solve the energy production in the long run. What she could remember, they had fuel to run the nuclear power plant for maybe ten to fifteen years. What would they after it happened? The solar panels could hardly produce enough energy for the colony. And in the long run they would be useless as they slowly would be grinded down by the countless sandstorms that constantly swept across the planet's surface.

Since a spontaneous conversation with Nikolai seemed to be impossible, she had sent a written request to meet him in person. But after almost two weeks it was still unanswered. Well, maybe I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it, she thought. He is obviously busy with countless duties and is probably under extreme pressure as he has the overall responsibility for the colony. But at the same time, she couldn’t quite let it go. Shouldn’t she have received some kind of response from him anyway? Maybe I can try to speak with him after the meeting tonight? she thought as she glanced at her watch.

"Oh, time to leave," she muttered quietly to herself.

She got up of the bed and went to the mirror and fixed with her hair and then hurried out into the corridor outside the apartment.

*

Emma stopped for a second as she entered the main canteen. She hadn’t seen so many people in the same place since she left Earth. Although the colony now held over five hundred inhabitants, it never happened that everyone was in one place at the same time. Those who had been smart enough to arrive early had taken the few chairs that were available, while the rest had to stand on the empty spaces between the chairs.

She hoped to find an opening in the crowd where she could squeeze herself in, but she saw no gap anywhere. I may just as well use my elbows then, she thought, and began apologetically squeeze through the crowd. She was aiming to get as close to the stage as possible, as she didn’t want to risk missing any important information. But it wasn’t easy to get there as everyone seemed to stubbornly hold their positions. When she was about halfway through the crowd, she suddenly heard a familiar voice behind her:

"Hi Emma, we can make some room for you if you want?"

She turned around and saw Anna's dad Sven smiling at her. Helena, Anna and her little brother was standing beside him and Emma nodded discreetly to Anna who almost imperceptibly nodded back.

"Oh, thank you Sven, how nice of you! But I was hoping to get a little closer to the stage, as I don’t want to miss anything."

She tried to sound as convincing as possible and hoped it would be enough for him, and fortunately it seemed to work as Sven happily replied, "Okay Emma, I understand, good luck with that."

When Emma turned around again, she heard Helena whisper to Sven, "Are you insane! I don’t want her near us. Do you understand?!"

Emma ignored the small family drama she just overheard and continued pushing her way through the crowd and when she finally reached the edge of the stage she was completely soaked in sweat by the effort. She waved her hands in front of her face to cool off, but it was a meaningless effort, as the air felt as humid as if she was in a rainforest. The clock on the wall in front of her showed 18:56 and she took the opportunity to look around the room. They had set up a podium in the middle of the stage and there were some chairs lined up behind it. But otherwise, there wasn’t much to see, so she let her mind wander away.

I have to find a solution to the conflict with Helena, she thought. Maybe I should start by talking to Sven, as he seems to have a more easy-going personality? He might be able to change Helena’s mind… maybe it’s worth a try...

Suddenly, almost all the lights in the room went out and the previously loud noise quickly became a faint murmur. After a few seconds, some lights in the ceiling above the stage were lit, and then Nikolai walked up to the podium from one of the side doors. The crowd went totally silent and Nikolai allowed dramatically almost ten seconds to pass before he started speaking.

"Dear citizens, thank you all for coming here tonight! I’m going to try to keep it short, as I know that the ventilation system can’t handle keeping the temperature at a comfortable level with so many people in the room."

He made a short pause and looked around the room before continuing:

"Terrible and unfortunate circumstances have led to the fact that I am maybe looking at the last humans still alive. I don’t think we all yet can understand and take in the scale of the disaster. Most of us are probably still in some kind of shock state and above all, we are all struggling with the grief of losing not only our loved ones, but also our dear home planet. Although we all have made the decision to leave Earth to build a new world, it’s something completely different that our home planet now is gone forever. If something goes wrong, we can no longer depend on Earth as a last savior. Whatever happens, whatever problems arise, we must solve these on our own. If we can’t do that, then we all are… well… I will not say the word, because it will not happen om my watch!"

Emma noted that small pearls of sweat begun to appear on Nikolai's forehead and he discreetly picked up a small handkerchief and wiped himself before continuing.

"But I’m not going to pretend that we’re not in very big trouble. Our lives are hanging on a very fragile thread. As you all know, this colony was an ongoing project where materials and supplies constantly where sent from Earth. Now this safety line is broken forever, and we have to cope with what we have. As you probably heard, neither the people on the moon base or the people on the space wheel managed to survive. Those on the moon base had really no chance with their scarce resources. But the people on the space wheel actually had the prerequisites to survive, as they were able to produce their own food and energy. But instead, it went wrong in other ways. They were not able to cooperate with each other. They were divided into different groups that had completely different views on how to use their resources, and in the end, probably no one survived because of that."

Nikolai cleared his throat and looked ill at ease, and Emma noticed that his hands trembled slightly before he put them on the podium.

"Anyway ..." Nikolai continued, now slightly leaning forward on the podium. "We must learn from these events. If we are to avoid the same fate, we must anticipate any problems that may arise. And it concerns everything from food production to governance. What I mean is a regulatory framework that governs all areas of life on the colony. Yes, I’m talking about Laws! We simply cannot leave anything open to different interpretations, as it could jeopardize our survival. Therefore, I have, together with the board, put together a number of laws where we have tried to take in account everything that concerns the colony."

A faint murmur began to spread across the room and Emma could hear someone farther back shouting upset. Nikolai quickly held up his hands in an attempt to calm the crowd.

"Can you please calm down, and I’ll explain everything. Some of you probably think that the board have gone too far by making such an important decision without consulting with the rest of the colony's inhabitants. But we felt that time was scarce. There was no time working this through with you all during countless time-consuming meetings. And you must realize that nothing is carved in stone. Changes can always be made afterwards, if needed… I will soon give you an overall presentation of what we have decided. You will also receive a complete copy of the laws on your tablets, so you can study them more in depth later."

Nikolai paused for a second and took a deep breath.

"But before I give you the presentation, I want to take this opportunity and announce the newest members of the board. I know that many of you have been displeased with the fact that the board only consisted of old-timers like myself. The newest members of the board are therefore, for the sake of balance, all newly arrived citizens… I hope you will give them a warm welcome!"

Nikolai pointed to a door beside the stage and said in a solemn voice, "Let me introduce, Elena Sacharov, head of nuclear department. I would like to state that what she doesn’t know about nuclear power plants, is actually not worth knowing. And I'm sure that her work on getting more power out of the reactor will succeed!"

An elderly, slightly gray-haired woman entered the stage. She was probably at least fifty-five years old and perhaps the oldest person Emma had seen on the colony. Scattered applause spread throughout the room and Elena looked noticeably embarrassed as she sat down on one of the chairs. When the applause settled, Nikolai spoke again, "I’m sure you all know next person! He is known for his, to say the least, exaggerated stories and sick jokes."

Nikolai smiled but Emma thought it more looked like some kind of hostile grin.

"But above all, he is a leader who I believe can inspire us all. Please give a warm applause for Nwake Nuburi!"

The applause was stronger this time. Nwake walked on the stage, waved happily to the audience and then sat down with beside Elena.

Emma felt how she got more and more irritated. Shouldn’t they have asked her? Wasn’t she, who knew almost everything about this place, an obvious candidate for the board? Nwake? To what extent could he contribute to the development of the colony? Sure, he was well-liked, but surely a captain of a spaceship barely had the knowledge they needed the most right now?

The applause began to abate, and Nikolai looked like he was ready to introduce the next person. But then he stopped, as if he were thinking about something. And suddenly he turned to Emma and stared at her with a hateful grin. Emma felt immediately ill at ease. She had hardly expected any attention from Nikolai in this situation. Why is he staring at me like that? She tried to meet his eyes, but the uncomfortable situation made her insecure and she had to look away. After what felt like an eternity, Nikolai finally faced the audience again and said in a loud voice, "The next member of the board is probably not so familiar to most of you, but I would like to state that he knows more about some of you than you actually know about yourself… I’m sure that his knowledge of the human psyche will be needed in our quest to create a functioning society here on Mars. Please give a warm welcome to our new Chief Psychologist Henry Jones!"

Emma gasped for air. Henry!? Isn’t he dead? It felt as if the whole room was spinning and she took a step back in an attempt to keep her balance. What is he doing here? How the hell is this possible? She tried to gather her thoughts and look as unaffected as she possibly could when Henry confidently entered the stage and sat down on the chair next to Nwake. As soon as he sat down, he scanned through the crowd and after a few seconds he found Emma and gave her a quick nod and a scornful smile.

The whole situation became too much for Emma and she quickly turned around and began to push herself through the crowd with all her strength. I have to get out of here, she thought. I must get away from this sick nightmare!

She tried to push away the people standing in front of her, but it was impossible to get anywhere. Some of them kindly tried to make room for her, but they couldn’t move far because of the tight crowd behind them. Sweat ran down her forehead and she began to breathe hard. Why don’t they make room for me? Can’t they see I'm feeling sick? She looked desperately around hoping someone might help her. But then she suddenly felt nauseous and couldn’t hold back the panic. I have to get out of here, I have to get out of here!! It felt like she was going to die, and she made one last desperate attempt to move forward while mumbling, "Please, please, let me through, let me through…"

But it was futile, she was stuck, and she had no energy left. Her legs bent under her and she desperately grabbed the people around her as she hissed.

"Help, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe…"

Several people tried to catch her, but no one could get hold of her limp body and she relentlessly slid down to the floor where it felt like she was breathing in a vacuum and it began to flicker in front of her eyes… and then the world disappeared...

To be continued

I hope you liked the story so far. If you want to know what will happen to Emma, Anna and the others on Mars, hurry to get the sequel; Martian Law Part Two.

Best regards

The author