Chapter Nine
I was stuck over the next few days, unsure of what I should do with it. In the meantime, I brought it down to the dining room for every meal, while keeping it inside my room at all other times. It slept on the floor, next to the bed and passed its days idly, looking at me whenever I moved much, but otherwise staring at the opposite wall. It was still doing nothing. It was still restricted. One day however, a week after I had a brought it in, there was a breakthrough. I was sitting on my bed, trying to extract more information from the book on conditioning but not getting anywhere. It was on the floor as always. It had not washed in a long time, and I noticed an evil odour wafting from it into my nose. Sweat, dirt and blood. I was already in no good mood. I tried to continue my focus on the book, but whenever I breathed in, the smell would pull my mind away; this unpleasant sensory overload made it impossible to process what I was reading. In my annoyance, the contents of my thoughts erupted out of my mouth.
“Go shower!”
I did not have the expectation that my exhortations would be listened to, but it stood up and walked under the shower and sat back down.
What had just happened? Would it listen to my orders now?
“Come back.”
It did as I said.
Something had changed. Why was it listening to me now?
A whiff of its scent forced me to send it back under the shower and allowed me to collect my thoughts free of disturbance. I tried to recall any special occurrence, anything out of the ordinary over the past week. But there was nothing. I had read, and it had sat. We both slept and we both ate. We had done nothing. Maybe it was that first day of deconditioning that did it. What I was certain of, was that I was successful. Somehow, I had chanced upon a method through which I could grant individual agency, a method through which I could grant freedom. I had told it to go shower, and it chose to obey. I felt freer myself. A burden had been dealt with. I had been scared at the seemingly insurmountable task that I faced. I hadn’t known what to do, and in a world where I had been taught and coerced to do exactly what someone else wanted, I was acting blindly. But now I was back on track, and the first part of my plan accomplished. I had to try again to make sure, but I was confident that I could replicate this first result. I could rest easy tonight. Tomorrow, I would start with a new subject.
It was under the shower when I woke up in the morning. I asked it to shake its clothes dry while I began to make preparations for the night. Then, having given it instructions to stay in its room, and to only come out for meals, I departed intent on securing a new subject.
Back to my room I want to go back to room I was going back to my room and what’s that I can’t move my arms get it off let me go back to my room I want to get back to my room its around my arms I can’t move I need to go back to my room let me go let go where is it taking me its loosening I can almost get back oh no its tightened it again jam my foot against the frame of the door ouch ouch I need to move my foot let it take me into its room I will escape I will go back to my room I want to go back to my room. It is too tight my tummy I can’t reach it I feel the knot I can’t untie it I can’t untie it I can’t what is under bed white rock can’t see it it’s a rock no it’s not don’t know what it is too tight when air go in my tummy go big and too tight and it is on bed and holding book and reading book and I want it to let me go but it not sees me it read book I wait I wait and I am tired and and and shaking it shake me and I awake it wake me why it wake me and I tired and I want to sleep sleep sleep I awake and it wake me again I want to sleep I want to go back to room and I need to go back to my my my I awake and it wake me again let me go back to sleep let me go to room it is too tight I can’t take it it it I wake and it wake me again let me go I tired and I want sleep too tired tired tired I wake sleep sleep tight sleep wake tight it is wake sleep.
I wake and I am hungry still tight it sleep and head hurt what is under bed and I turn head reach around post and it hurt my tummy and I see and it is what is? is bone who’s bone why how why and I look at it and it sleep and it will kill me and my bone under bed and my hands tied I want to go out I want to eat I am hungry and I need to go I pull hard shake bed but knot too strong and I hungry and it come and I scared it will hurt it will make my bones under bed and I close eyes and it try take my shirt I want my shirt I will be cold I need my shirt I need to go back to my room I need to eat I need and it bring rope and it take my shirt and I hit it with my head but it pull off and ouch ouch ouch more ouch it take begin to take off knot so I no hit and it almost off and I run to door and ouch ouch and it is too pain and it grab something and over my head I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can breathe I go to door I can go ouch ouch ouch I can’t breathe I can’t breathe and I go to door I know it will ouch but I need to go and ouch ouch and I can’t breathe and I go to door and ouch and I can’t breathe and I want to go ouch ouch ouch no more no more can’t breathe I must escape take deep breath it pain can’t breathe go ouch gulp no breath go ouch gulp no breath go ouch can breathe no more don’t tie me up let me go I hungry I in pain I want to go to eat food I want my shirt I want pain to go. It leave me where it go I hungry and pain and hungry and pain and let me go it too tight and hungry and pain I want to eat I want to go to my room it will kill me can’t undo knot I try pull but too heavy too weak too hurt too hungry it come back it hold food I want eat I hungry I too hungry it undo knot it hold food can escape it hold rope need food need escape cannot escape it will hurt I hungry eat food eat food it bring food I need eat want to eat it hold rope I don’t know it take bowl to my mouth and I eat I eat I eat I less hungry still hungry need more food it have none I go back to room ouch ouch I won’t go back to room too much ouch and it gave food and wait and hungry and it take me out and hold rope and go down to eat and take food and eat food and take food and eat more taste good and eat more taste good and not hungry and go back and it hold rope and I not tired and I wait and I tired and ground hard and no blanket and cold and want to go to room but it have rope and ouch and no breath and I too tired and I lie down to sleep and see bone will it kill me I must escape but ouch and rope and too weak and it will make arms can’t move and take me to room and kill me and ground hard and sleep tired and sleep.
Wake and hungry and it take me to down and take food and eat food and taste good and eat more and not hungry and go back to room and wait and wait and wait and it tell me to go shower and I go under shower and wait and wait and want to go back to room and wait and it tell me to go back to room and I go back to room but still ouch and tired and hungry.