I don’t recall how I got back to the hideout. I only know that eventually I did, and Holly was with me.
I made my way slowly up to the room—my room, with its bare walls and cold interior.
I stripped my gear, not bothering to return it downstairs. It fell to the ground with a dull thud.
Naked, I walked the bathroom. The mirror showed a face, mine. It was made of stone, just like the body it was attached to. There was blood, but not mine. I wasn’t even sure I could bleed.
The shower’s blast was icy at first, but slowly the pipes groaned and creaked to life. The water turned from icy to warm, and eventually to hot. Too hot. I didn’t care. It felt scalding. Steam rose around me, and I could see the water turning pink as it swirled down the drain.
A cry.
A hand reached through the steam and turned the water to a more reasonable temperature.
Holly stood behind me. Her arms wrapped around me. I sank against her. She was the only thing holding me up.
____________________
The next few days were a nightmare.
Life as I had known it was over, but everything around me moved on, unaffected. I had to deal with neighbors and family members, all giving their condolences that did nothing to console me.
I had to deal with the insurance companies, first for the house, then for the lives lost. Three bodies were reportedly recovered. They were buried in a small graves, just outside of the small town. They weren’t my family. They were some of the bodies I had created.
I ran into Tom while I was clearing my stuff from his house. I told him I wouldn’t be back. I wasn’t signing up for spring class.
He told me he was sorry; he’d heard about my family.
There wasn’t much more to say.
For the last year and a half, he had been like a brother to me. But now I was leaving, and I didn’t know if I would ever see him again.
Talking to Tom reminded me of a time when I used to argue with my parents on the phone for hours, refusing treatment. He had been the one person who thought I should look out for myself, who had sided with me. At the time, it felt like he was the only one who stood by me.
But now I resented him for it.
I would have rather spent the last year with family, wasting away in a hospital bed, than this. If he hadn’t supported me, I may have caved in to my family’s demands for treatment. I would have never taken part in the government program. I might be dead, but at least they’d still be alive.
It was just my mental coping method. Tom had never done anything to deserve my ire. But someone had. The Rogues.
I vowed vengeance.
My heart was cold, my mind was numb. My body was made of stone. I would end those responsible. I would dedicate myself to the cause.
Their cause. Ending the Rogues. They would never hurt anyone again. Not like this. Not after I was done with them.
Holly told me that her apartment was a cover for working at the hospital, but I could move in with her. She had been mostly staying at the hideout, but after talking it over with the others, decided it would be best for everyone if I was there with her.
She was the only bright spot in my dark voyage. A lighthouse barely keeping me from crashing into the shore. I don’t know how she put up with me, but she did. She was my guardian angel. And if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be here today.
I resumed training with them. It was my only focus. My only goal was to be good enough to avenge my family. To be deadly enough that no one would dare stand in my way. The others, they respected my drive, but almost seemed to fear me.
Mostly because, determined as I was, it became even more apparent that I was barely human. Certainly not like them.
What they were to normal people—divinely deadly, almost indestructible, fearsome yet graceful—I was to them.
It only took a couple of weeks of training to become proficient enough in hand-to-hand combat that even Derek wouldn’t train with me. Another week, and I never missed with a gun again. And blades? They were my specialty.
Eventually only Holly would train with me, because she knew I could never hurt her.
This was the state I was in. Molten metal in a smelter. Blood so hot, mind so numbed, ready to be forged.
And so I was molded into a weapon to be wielded for purposes not my own. But this I did not know. And even if I had at the time, I would not have cared.