FIFTEEN
Two weeks later, I was in the living room playing my play station10 game. I have 11 but 10 seemed more interesting to me so I played it more than I played 11. Though play station 12 is out but dad hadn‘t gotten it for me. I was looking forward to it. Dad entered the house with his briefcase and I rushed up happily to meet him.
'Welcome dad,‘ I hugged him and collected his briefcase.
My dad was so confused and surprised at the sudden transformation. He wondered at me.
'Where‘s your mom?‘
'She‘s at the office.‘ He wondered more.
'Sheila, you seem so happy today.‘
'Yes dad, I‘m so happy,‘ I pulled on his arm towards a couch and made him sit; all the while he was staring at me in awe.
I continued, 'and I will be this happy from now on. Life is too short dad,‘ I stared at him with my brows raised, to make him get my speech, 'literarily now and not an idiom, proverb or a figure of speech, or whatever you‘re thinking now,‘ I giggled so happily like a baby, raising my head up at the ceiling to do that but by the sound and the way I giggled, it was obvious I was still a learner at that.
My dad widened his eyes at that, he was so amazed as that was the first time he would see me so happy. And of course my giggle made him chuckle lightly.
'Dad, will you get me play station 12?‘
'Is it out?‘
'Yes dad, I forgot to tell you.‘
'Alright, I will get it for you. So you want to tell me why you‘re so happy?‘
'I just said it dad, ―life is too short‖.‘ 'Yes but that‘s like not saying anything.‘
'I want to be happy like before, be the same person I was before.‘
'But this is happier than before.‘
'Okay, happier than before. I want to be more than happy, no time for brooding. I want to live my life to the fullest.‘
'Hmm,‘ my dad gave me a look; I didn‘t understand the look but it looked funny to me so I giggled again in that manner.
My dad chuckled lightly frowning at me, 'could you stop doing that?‘
I looked at him and his facial expression looked funnier and I giggled harder and this made him burst into laughter. He laughed and laughed while I giggled and that wasn‘t helping the situation as he laughed harder.
My mom was back at work. I told her if she wanted me happy and be my normal self again then she must go back to work and she agreed. She couldn‘t resign from her own hospital anyways but she was on the verge of selling it but we stopped her. And the other hospitals she worked for, they accepted her back before she even said the word because they weren‘t ready to lose her in the first place. So she was back at work and everything was back to normal except for my deteriorating health. The headache was now more frequent than before. This time I got it at least once in a month and we were scared of the next thing that could happen.
I woke up in bed one day, cheating on myself. I had promised not to think about my problems again but I was doing that this minute. I was so sad and I wished someone would just tell me this was all a dream, I wished I would just wake up now and realised it was all a dream. I closed my eyes hoping to wake up from my dream into the real world but nothing was happening. I opened my eyes, closed and opened again, still nothing was happening. Then I felt it was one of the long dreams you find so hard to wake up from because it already felt so real in it. But then as I sleep and wake up every day, and nothing was changing, I realised I was not going to wake up from any dream because I was already in real life. Then I thought since there couldn‘t be a solution to my problem, was there something I could do. Then my mind strayed to a book I read some time back, a book about the life of the author and it struck me, what if I wrote one about myself. Yes! I needed to tell the world about me, about my life that seemed so great but was all a lie. Everything about me was a lie. A great life I thought that turned into a worst life, a nightmare. And about my illness, how I carried it from the day I was giving birth to and didn‘t know and how I even added to the problem. An irony about my life; people wanted it, many people prayed for it but they never knew the in-depth of it. Now I envy the dull students.
But most importantly, I needed to tell kids like me what it means to listen to their parents and what they could lose if they didn‘t. I needed to put all this down and maybe, if I was given the chance, if I was saved in a way or another, I could have it published, but if not, then maybe someday someone might stumble on it and help publish it as I was going to make this a secret for no one must see me writing it. I thought of it and sighed but I didn‘t pick a time to start but it was okay, as far as I had thought of it, I was sure to do it but when, was what I hadn‘t decided on. I stood up, did my prayers and made out of my room.
We were good Christians in my house and I had a strong faith in God and I really prayed he would save me if he wanted to, if I were to be saved. But the question was, did he want to? Was I really to be saved?
My parents had be praying since I was a child for me to be saved even if I didn‘t know and only started praying about it but my parent‘s fate were strong in Him. If I was to be saved, shouldn‘t I have been saved? Should my illness even start at all? But I wouldn‘t lose hope. I thought as I walked out of my room.
Within hours I was dressed up and all ready for school and we were on our way. As usual, my mom was going to drop me off before heading to her place of work. My ride to school was fun as my mom and I sang and danced through the whole track of ―Love Don‘t Let Me Go‖ by David Guetta, a popular artist in his time in the 21st century
You've got me dancing and crying
Rollin‟ and flying Love don't let me go you‟ve got me drowning in a river, cold but in fever, love don't let me go don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me gooooooooooo, don't let me go, don't let me go, love don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me gooooooo, don't let me go
I picked the solo in high pitch, so much into the song with my hands and face demonstrating, 'got me drowning in a river, I was cold but running fever hehe.
My mom was laughing and watching me, 'wow.‘
But I continued singing and dancing happily, 'he hehe dancing and crying, dancing and crying, dancing and crying heeee…‟
'Tell me what would you like to become?‘
'You‘ve asked me that many times mom.‘
'Yea, and I kept asking because you never gave me a definite answer.‘
'Well, my answer is still the same.‘
'Which is?‘
'I don‘t know, maybe a scientist or an accountant,‘ I looked at her, 'you know I could actually do virtually anything and it makes it so difficult to choose.‘
My mom laughed, 'Sheila, you are in a science department in your school, so accounting is out of it.‘
'Hmm, right; but, does it matter if I could do everything perfectly?‘
'Hmm, we will wait and see what you actually become.‘
I thought about that and tilted my head, 'I guess that‘s what we will have to do. But I wouldn‘t mind finding a cure to Strongis.‘
'Hmm, and that‘s something unique, it would be nice.‘
'Exactly, I want to do something unique in this world but I don‘t know what,‘ I said and then pondered, 'I feel like I‘m meant to do something great.‘
'Of course, you‘re meant for great things darling.‘ 'But what?‘ I frowned at my mom.
My mom looked at me and smiled, 'Well, like I said, we‘ll have to wait and see.‘
Soon we were turning into my school, and with her reminder of picking me up later in the day, I kissed her on the cheek and stepped out of the car. The school wasn‘t interesting anymore for me since Sean had graduated and gone to the University but for my friends I would have nothing to look forward to. They were still very loving, caring and funny too. They had noticed when I was sad but I couldn‘t tell them I got my death date was the reason for my sadness. And at last, they couldn‘t be happier when they saw the happy change in me.
Two days later, I woke up in my bed. I opened my eyes and could only see blurs. I closed my eyes and opened again and I could see clearly. I furrowed and then shrugged thinking it was my mind playing tricks on me. And since I thought it was all in my mind, I kept silent about it and didn‘t tell anyone about it. A week later, it happened again but this time it was real. My sight dropped a notch. I could still see but not as sharp as before. To see something a mile away, I had to squint. Two weeks later, it dropped again. By this time, Uncle Brad had promised me an eye glasses. He said the headache was affecting my sight.
Lying in my bed and cheating on myself again this day, I thought what was my purpose on planet earth? How could I come to this world with that much intelligence quotient just to die? I was so sad and wished I could do something to stop my death or maybe I could actually stop it but I wasn‘t giving myself enough space to figure it out? I was tired of everything. I couldn‘t think of a solution and now my sight was dropping a notch by the minute. Right there I decided it was the right time to write it, my biography, before it dropped again. If I was going to die, I would love to write my biography before I did.
Then I remembered; the notepad.
I stood up, went to my closet and searched through till I found my gift from my admirer. Sean had his too, a notepad with hard foamy cover with our names inscribed on it. I ran my hand over the imprint, not thinking but doing it anyways then I walked to my reading table, some feet away from my bed and directly some steps away from the door. I put the notepad on the table, pulled out my chair and sat; and then I stared at the notepad on the table.
Two hours passed I was still staring at it not knowing how to begin.