XII
"And you didn't drag him back to your apartment and bed the living daylights out of him?" Elfi asked Simla on the phone the following day.
"No," Simla replied haughtily, "I am a well brought up lady, unlike the trollops I consort with."
"But you've been desperate to get your hands on him for months!"
"We are at war, Dr Vilek, and some things must wait."
"Well, you have more self-control than me."
"Doubtless, but that is because you are a slut. I, on the other hand am ..."
"I know, I know, a well brought up Princess. But I don't think you'll keep your maiden status for long. Takes two to tango, remember, and Yaf isn't going to be able to keep his hands off you."
"My beloved is a gentleman," Simla said, raising her haughtiness a notch, "and will behave like one."
"He'll be screwing your brains out within a week," Elfi replied emphatically.
"Is that what your computer predictions tell you? They have no understanding of the finer things in life."
"Blaah," Elfi said, mimicking vomiting, "If this is the new Simla I don't like her." She cut the connection and her image faded from the tank.
Simla curled up on her couch and said, "I overplayed that, didn't I?"
"A tad, mistress," Shap replied.
"All that shit you put me through and all a guy had to do was ask my Dad if he could court me."
"It was a brilliant strategy, created by your father. Fear of me would halt all but those who were truly worthy of you."
"Yeah, it was smart, but still shitty."
The android seemed more at ease now that the burden of defending Simla's chastity had been lifted from him.
"It curtailed any carnal adventures you may have had. Is that such a bad thing?"
"Yes and no. I can't explain it, Shap, because you don't understand sex."
"I understand programming, mistress, and your urges seem much the same."
"I refuse to argue with you," she said huffily.
"Good," the android replied.
She met Yaf for lunch at a café in Paris on the Rue de Rivoli and his smile inspired her like a summer's day.
"You took your time picking up on me last night," she said while reading the menu.
"I'm not a mind-reader, darling. Multi-talented in many other ways, but not a mind-reader."
"We need to talk."
"We need to love."
"That's what we need to talk about."
He tentatively put a hand on her knee and was glad to note that Shap didn't react. "I'm not pushing you, what do you want?"
She looked glum which made his heart sink. "I want to be with you, but properly."
He smiled to try and lift her. "Man and wife, no problem, I'm up for it."
"Oh, Yaf, we're in the middle of a war."
Yaf groaned and held his waist. "Don't I know it. I'm going to ban basic training once this is over."
"Listen, Yaf, I'm not tied to any prehistoric moral code, but I'd like to wait ... till this is over." She looked at his crestfallen face. "Doesn't mean we can't fool around."
Yaf grimaced. "That's as bad as having Shap watching over us. Anyway, I'm too old for touchy feely."
"I have a feeling it'll be worth waiting for."
"Oh, I'm absolutely sure it will be, just that I don't know if I can control myself."
"Snap," she said, a smile spreading across her face. "What say we play it by ear with the general intention of not doing the dirty deed until we're married, but accepting that sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do."
"A get-out clause, I like that."
The waiter brought their meal and Simla said, "You can take your hand off my leg now, you'll need it to eat."
In reply he ran it a little further up her leg and squeezed her inner thigh.
"She popped a piece of veal into her mouth and said, "Easy tiger, or we're never gonna make it to a honeymoon if you keep that up."
"It's Paris, the city of love," he protested.
"It's also a pavement café and I'm not having it off in public unless I'm getting paid for it."
"This is the girl that was getting off watching Elfi."
"I was not!"
"Were too, I saw you."
"You were getting off too, you dirty pervert"
Yaf hung his head as their little spat was drawing attention. "Jeeze, Simla, I'm in uniform, think of the reputation of Pendor."
Simla looked around her. "Relax, I'm more famous than you'll ever be."
"Oh yeah?" the First Minister puffed out his chest.
Simla smiled over at the little girl who had been sitting with her mother at the next table. Her eyes had never left Simla since she'd sat down. Simla smiled at the girl and her mother gave her an encouraging pat on the back. The girl hopped off her seat and took two steps over to Simla and held out a pen and pad. Simla took them and signed her name before returning them and giving the girl a peck on the cheek.
"What the hell was that?" Yaf asked.
"You are lunching, dear boy, with the Avenger of Hal ven. I could pick my roles on Jaip if I wanted to."
"Oh, so being a mere Princess isn't enough for you?"
Simla sipped at her wine daintily. "Nothing wrong with a little ambition."
"No wife of mine is going to be an actress. You'd need to get your boobs enhanced and I like them the way they are."
"They like you too."
"They've never met me, only my ghost."
"Speaking of which, has Elfi come up with any results on your phasing thing?"
"She's been running tests, says I'd have disappeared forever if I'd phased one more time, so I guess we're lucky."
"You know, it occurs that I would have cottoned on eventually, even if you hadn't told me."
"How so?"
"You looked and felt real, but you never smelt of anything and I have a keen sense of smell."
"Maybe I'd just showered."
"Even clean, you'd still smell of something, if only soap. Nope, I'd have caught you out and told Shap to spank you for being a naughty boy."
"You can get rid of him now, can't you?"
"Of course, I have his command codes."
"It'll be strange, not seeing him hovering at your shoulder."
"I've tried leaving at home a couple of times, but it's like going out nude, strangely disquieting."
"I shall defend you now, my Princess," the lieutenant offered gallantly.
Simla dimpled but said, "You needn't worry about me, Yaf, I just don my powered armor and I'm a super woman."
"You have an armored suit? Talk about the privileges of rank."
"It wasn't rank got me it, it was Elfi using me as a guinea pig, and my ass still hurts."
"I hate to ask what you girls get up to.
"You have a mind like a sewer, dear boy, and I love you for it. Shall we discuss wedding plans?"
"When?"
"The day after peace is declared. At the Palace. Elfi for best maid. Who do you want for best man?"
"I'm a politician, Simla, I don't have a lot of close friends."
"The Admiral?"
"No, I'd always thought I'd marry a Pendoran farmer's daughter and the custom there is to have the bride's brother as best man."
"But I have no brother, the Great Father has no sons."
"Closest you have to a brother then. Shap, if he'll do me the honour."
"Shap?" she said surprised and then turned to the android. "Shap?"
"Mistress, if I understand correctly this is an accolade not ordinarily given to non-humans. I would be the first android to perform this function. First Minister Alrick offers me a rare distinction. I am proud to accept." In the end he had to almost carry Yaf to a taxi as the Pendoran had not acclimatised to Earth's gravity.
The following evening, Simla was in the kitchen of her apartment and trying to prove to Yaf that she could cook when he came up behind her, encircled her waist and began kissing the back of her neck.
"Yaf!" she protested.
"It's okay, I'm just testing my will power."
It was obviously failing because she could feel him against her ass.
"Yaf!" she complained again.
In answer he reached round and began tracing his fingers round her breasts.
"Hey, they may be small, but they're on hair triggers."
He cupped her breasts and squeezed them. "You said we could do touchy feely."
"At the proper time and place. You've basically ambushed me while I'm chopping onions."
He began nibbling on the lobe of her left ear. "Let's forget dinner."
"I'm starving."
"I could feed you."
She turned quickly and swing him round so that his back was to the kitchen counter. Now, it was her turn to thrust against him and the vegetables she had been chopping mashed up against his uniform. He looked behind him and growled, "I am an officer of the Pendoran Navy, ma'am, and I can't have my ass smelling of garlic, it's a court-martial offense."
"Damn your ass. I want it, and I want it now."
He obeyed her commend and hurried her through to the living area where he threw her onto a couch before lowering himself onto her. This was it, she closed her eyes and waited. And felt Yaf pulled from her arms with a loud yell of complaint. Her eyes flashed open and she saw Shap lifting Yaf and placing him gently on the opposite couch.
"Shap, what are you doing?"
"I have had new programming inserted, mistress," the android droned.
"My father! The bastard!" she spat.
"Negative, mistress. It was not the Great Father who installed this new programming."
Simla sat up straight. "Then who the hell was it?"
"ItwasDrVilek."
"Elfi? What's she got against me getting laid?"
"That was not the purpose of the programming. Dr Vilek gave me a sense of humour."
Simla looked up at Yaf's disappointed face and burst into laughter.