VI
The people of Jaip fancied themselves the most artistic of the Twelve Wolrds and, in fact, works of art, including holo movies, books, music and paintings, were their major export. They produced nothing themselves that would enable them to survive but imported these from the other worlds. Simla had thought of leaving them out of the worlds she was due to visit, as it was doubtful they could provide any military aid in their hour of need. But the wily politician, Yaf, had convinced her that visiting Jaip was absolutely necessary. "Let the writers of holo movies see the Riaz, let them feel the threat and they'll produce films that will span the Twelve Worlds and do half your work for you. Propaganda is art too."
"They're all dope-heads, from what I've heard," Simla said coldly.
"Their bohemian indolence is a myth they've perpetuated themselves," Yaf explained. "Actually they're some of the smartest operators around. The Jaip economy is the only one that's consistently grown since the economic union of the planets."
"And that's why the entire human race is addicted to pleasure and not ready for the Riaz."
"But the Jaipan were the ones to see that trend to pleasure and exploit it. Now it's time for us to exploit their artistic abilities."
Simla's entrance to Jaip was in stark contrast to her introduction to Pendor because the Jaipan loved to put on a show. When their shuttle landed at the spaceport there was a red-carpet reception with a committee of dignitaries, trumpeters and flags. Bleachers surrounding the landing deck were packed with cheering crowds and embarrassed Simla who knew that this show was only for her. Not Yaf, or Elfi, or even the Robin in orbit would have drawn such adulation, but a Princess of Old Earth, even in jerkin and kilt, was worthy of their attention and they howled her name till their throats cracked with the strain.
Despite herself Simla found herself being awed by some of the people who'd turned out meet her. Producers, directors, and the familiar faces of holo actors greeted her and fawned over her. Petro Livon was so tiny, but with such exquisite features, and Eslik Moldoba, the great action hero, was huge in real life. Not just big, but colossally wide. He gave Simla his trademark moue and her heart fluttered like that of any teenage fan.
There was, of course, no Jaip type, because the planet had the biggest immigrant population of them all. Every writer, painter, musician and actor of the Twelve planets aspired to Jaip and the place was a magnet to the merest of talents.
They had no military forces at all, but at a precise point a squadron of attack fighters swept over a nearby hill, flew to the spaceport and simultaneously did a victory roll over their audience. They then returned and came to a hover before dipping their nose cones in salute and blasting off vertically and disappearing.
"Special effects," Yaf said and Simla made a mental note to see if these talents could be turned to military advantage. They were standing on a podium, listening to a speech from the President of Jaip and Simla turned to Elfi to discuss this, only to find her friend deep in whispered conversation with a noted and handsome holo director. Simla sighed inwardly; Elfi, having worked her way through Pendor's finest spacefarers now had her eyes on Jaip's casting couches, which was noteworthy only because she didn't even want a part in a holo movie. The President, who had once been executive producer of the classic Wish For Me No More, but was now retired, was blathering away about the ancient links between the colonies and Old Earth and how though they were separated by light years, they would never forget their roots, and was boring Simla to death.
Finally, the President introduced the Princess and gestured her forward to the microphones and array of holo cameras. She had rehearsed this carefully in her mind, but hadn't warned either Elfi or Yaf.
"Citizens of Jaip, greatest artists of humanity, it is my great pleasure to be here and bring you the good wishes of Old Earth. But I do not come with welcome news. The Great Father has sent me for one reason. To warn you that our probes have encountered an alien species that might possibly be hostile. They are intelligent and their technology seems to be more advanced than ours. They look like this ..." And at her command Shap turned on the holo projector he was carrying so that a full size image of a Riaz appeared standing next to her. There was total silence for a moment and then one long female scream. Some of the news holo recorders fainted away at their cameras and behind her she heard the dignitaries' chairs being pushed aside in a panic. She gave an order to Shap and the holo image of the massive alien disappeared. Yaf came up beside her and whispered, "Nice one, put their special effects to shame."
The President, recovered from his shock, rushed up and defied all protocol by grabbing her shoulders. "You're joking, right? This is some kind of gag."
Shap lifted him and placed him several feet away. "It is not permitted to lay hands upon Princess Simla."
The President realised his error and blushed furiously. "Sorry, sorry, no offence. But you gotta tell me this aint real. Goddam monster aliens? No way!"
"It's all true," Simla said calmly, "It's all true and there are potentially hostile aliens and you have to tell all your people about them and you have to tell them to prepare for what's to come."
The following morning she read that Jaip's brawniest actors had started a militia and were taking training from ex-military stunt men and martial arts experts. The holo news was full of Simla's stunt and several studios announced they would be putting alien invasion themed holo movies into production.
"Bingo," Yaf said, sitting on the edge of Simla's bed and feeding her toast. "Job done."
"You weren't in my dreams last night."
"I was tired."
"Elfi says you're just some kind of con man because Shap's sensors can't be fooled."
"I never said they could be, you just assumed."
She pushed his hand away. "I don't know what to think. I'd like to love you, but if you're playing games with me you can go to hell."
He offered the toast again. "It's not something I can easily explain, but I can prove it's not a dream."
"How?"
"Elfi's your sceptical scientist. What if she, herself, told you it was real."
"Elfi? Well, my friend, Elfi for all her short-assed, sex-maniac ways is one of the most hard-nosed and astute scientists Old Earth has ever produced and it'll take more than some flim-flam to convince her of anything."
"Nonetheless, I'll go to her tonight and she'll know I'm not a dream."
Simla felt a sudden sharp pang.
"Don't worry, I won't make love to her, just shake her hand. You ask her tomorrow if I was real or not." Simla snapped at his outstretched fingers. "I hope she kicks your nuts, especially if you're not a dream."
Elfi Vilek lay on her bed, the head of Rek Mador, action hero of many holo movies beside her on the pillow. His tongue was expertly flicking at Elfi's lips, alternating with sharp stabs into her mouth. His huge hands gripped her hips to control her excitement. She reached behind him and dug her fingernails into her lover's scalp.
Rek pulled his head away from her and complained, "Easy, baby."
"That's easy for you to say," she replied, but eased her digging.
He returned to his task with relish and began stroking her slim back.
"Mm, very nice. You have a very talented tongue, Mr Mador, to go with your impressive muscles."
"Thank you, little lady. You sure are the hottest scientist from Old Earth I've ever met."
She nestled into the sheer bulk of him and tried to surround him with her arms, but he was just too massive for her.
"Magnificent. Have you been enhanced, Rek?"
"Hell, everybody on Jaip has had some kind of chemical enhancement. But I started pretty big to start with, honest."
"I'm not over-fussed, it all feels real enough." And she gripped as much as she could of his immense body and pulled at him. He groaned with pleasure and kissed her fervently on the forehead. He took her waist and pulled her over him. She didn't mind, and it was what she expected. Most men were bigger than her physically and each and every one of them feared they would crush her.
The following morning Simla called Elfi and asked her if she'd seen Yaf the night before.
"No. Yaf? Why would I see him?"
And when Yaf finally appeared for breakfast Simla asked innocently if he'd managed to prove the reality of his nocturnal visits by appearing to Elfi.
"Couldn't," he grinned, "Would have been bad manners. She was entertaining. She's certainly very energetic."
"You didn't..."
Yaf held up a calming hand. "I only stayed long enough to ensure she was busy."
"That proves nothing. Elfi's been busy since we got here."
"So why didn't you warn me."
"I didn't think you could do it," she said petulantly.
"Oh ye of little faith."
"Don't start, it's not as if Elfi's passions are unknown. You knew she would have company and that's why you came up with this stunt of visiting her."
Yafs eyebrows rose. "You are the most..."
"Don't raise your voice, Shap doesn't like it."
"Yeah, call on the android whenever your authority looks threatened."
"There's no point in getting mad at him, he's here to protect me."
"Oh yes, your precious honour as a Princess of Old Earth. I wonder just how good he is. I bet a sniper across the road could take you out and Shap couldn't do a thing about it."
"Try it," she challenged.
"You're kidding. He might be fast but an energy rifle's discharge moves at near on the speed of light."
Elfi came in and eyed them quizzically. "Do I perceive a little spat between you, my chi Idlings?"
"Ask Elfi," Simla said to Yaf, "she designed him."
"Ask me what?"
"Yaf is proposing having me shot by a sniper from across the road and thinks Shap couldn't stop him."
Elfi slipped into a seat beside Simla and helped herself to coffee. "No go, Yaf, you'd be wasting your time."
"That android cannot move faster than the speed of light."
"Never said he could. But Shap doesn't just react to immediate threats. Every one of his senses is constantly monitoring a vast area surrounding the Princess for danger. He'd hear an assassin, he'd smell their adrenaline. He'd have the guy disarmed before he'd even got the safety off his gun."
Simla gave Yaf a triumphant smile.
"Just out of interest," Elfi continued, "why does Yaf want to shoot you?"
"He's still living this fantasy that he can fool Shap's sensors and get his grubby paws on me."
"There is nothing in human science that can fool Shap."
Yaf gave a mysterious smile. "I told Simla I'd prove it by visiting you last night. I couldn't say hi because you were wrestling with Rek Mador."
Elfi choked on her coffee but quickly recovered her composure. "Hundreds of people saw me leave the reception with him."
"Do you want me to tell you where you have a small circular birth mark?"
"Yaf!" Simla shrilled.
"He's bullshitting, I don't have a birthmark."
"Must have been a thumbprint on your ass then."
"You are no gentleman, sir," Simla said emphatically.
"You're the one with the gall to call the First Minister of Pendor a liar."
"I didn't... exactly..."
Elfi put on her most professional look. "Yes, Yaf, what is it exactly you're claiming? That you're appearing to Simla by some kind of astral projection which is fooling Shap's sensors?"
Yaf seemed surprised by the question. "Something like that."
Elfi sat up rigidly. "If you've found a way to astrally project or teleport we need to know about it."
Yaf looked sheepish. "I can't tell you about it."
"Why on Earth not?"
"I'm restricted by my oath of office as First Minister of Pendor."
"Yaf," Elfi pleaded, "all of humanity is being threatened with destruction. I think that supercedes any local commitments."
Yaf looked worried and then, hesitantly, began to speak. "The Riaz are not the first intelligent species we humans have encountered. That is to say, there was one on Pendor, who went extinct thousands of years ago. But they left behind their knowledge, their devices, which we are slowly beginning to understand."
"But.. but," Elfi spluttered, "there's nothing in any records to say ..."
"Our current political accord hasn't always been in place and my predecessors in office decided to keep all knowledge of the ancient Pendorans a secret."
"This is all very interesting," Simla interjected, "but does this mean I'm still a maiden or not?"
"Quiet!" Elfi ordered and the Princess slumped sulkily.
"Can these ancient Pendoran devices be duplicated?" Elfi asked Yaf.
Yaf pulled open his shirt and revealed a small, circular amulet, no bigger than a coin. "This is what I use to do the projecting. It's triggered by a button on the back and there's only a few of them. We still haven't figured out how they work."
"But an army of astral projectors," Elfi said enthusiastically, "soldiers who could appear from nowhere."
"We can't take weapons. No objects, in fact. Just the clothes we wear. And not very far, a few hundred metres maybe."
Simla remembered that Yaf had always been in a sleep-suit when he'd come to her. "A human in his pyjamas isn't going to pose any kind of challenge to a Riaz."
"But the technology behind it," Elfi was like an excited child. "Your scientists must have investigated, done experiments. What did they discover?"
"You'd need to ask them, I'm just a dumb politician. But what I've told you is one of our most closely guarded secrets and I expect you to keep it until I get permission from the President to go public."
"I still don't understand," Simla insisted, "Did Yaf visit me? Did we do the dirty deed?"
Elfi grinned. "Your honour, little sister, could be debated scientifically, morally and legally, and still leave you looking like either the whore of Babylon or the virgin Queen."
In every way but physically, Simla stamped her foot. "That's not acceptable. The honour of a Princess of Old Earth is too valuable to be in doubt."
"Easy with the tantrums, Simla," Yaf said, "You've got me breaking solemn oaths, so I think you can loosen up."
Elfi stood up. "I need to go back to Pendor, talk to your scientists. This is too important to be ignored. If we could master these technologies we needn't fear anybody."
"But I wanted you on the trip," Simla complained.
"I've delivered my message to you, from here on in I'd just be a passenger."
"But you haven't fixed Shap."
"Snap's defunct if Yaf can do what he claims."
Yaf looked puzzled. "What's wrong with him?"
It was Simla's turn to look shamefaced. "His programme's faulty. He won't accept anybody as my mate."
Yaf laughed. "Maybe you are destined to die the virgin queen."
Simla still hadn't taken onboard Yafs confession and wondered how it squared with her physically. Did making love with someone who was astrally projected count as sex? She needed time.
"Do you want to go back to Pendor with Elfi?" she asked Yaf. "After my little demonstration I don't think I'll need your backing on the rest of the tour."
Yaf leant back on his chair and gave a little sigh. "I'd like to stay with you because I don't think the job's done. I also hope to make love to you properly despite Shap's best efforts."
"That was the lousiest proposal I ever heard," Elfi said wryly.
"Will you stop doing that astral thing for now?" Simla asked, "I need to get my head straight." "Of course. I only did it to prove Shap wasn't infallible."
"In which case I'd welcome your company. I thought I had political savvy, but you leave me standing."
"So, where next?"
"Halven. They have the closest thing left to a military establishment among the Twelve worlds."
"Yeah, and too proud of it by far. They're going to be hard to convince."
Elfi hurried off to pack her bags before making her way to the Robin for her star skipper and returning to Pendor, leaving Simla and Yaf alone.
"So," Simla asked flirtatiously, "any other superpowers these ancient Pendorans have left you that I should know about?"
"The power to make beautiful women fall in love with me."
She tilted her chin upward. "I may not be in love with you. It might just have been an infatuation." "I shall complain to their ancient bones, they guaranteed love."
She pulled him from his chair. "We have to get back to the Robin too. We might as well share the shuttle up with Elfi."