CHAPTER NINE
Bright Red Spider Web
I.
Radar lifted his gun, stared down the sight scope and pulled the trigger. HOSTILE!
A giant ball of green energy came flying at us. I turned around and tackled Chuck to the ground. I could feel the ball of plasma buzz over top of my head and hit the wall next to me. Chuck and I covered our heads and protected ourselves from the falling wall chunks.
Sparks flew in every direction and the lights on the ceiling began to flicker. I stood up and charged Radar, tackling him and forcing him back into the wall – which caved in.
We both fell into the infirmary where Phil was in the middle of surgery. Three doctors in surgical masks stood over top of a white sheet-covered Phil. One doctor held a small glowing red orb, the other held some sort of mechanical hand, and the third held a scalpel.
“You can’t be in here! We’re in surgery!”
“You’re messing everything up!”
“You’re going to pay for that wall!”
The doctors were livid. Radar and I stood up. I grabbed him by the cape, swung him around and threw him back into the hallway.
“Sorry, brothas!” I said to the doctors. I dashed back out into the hall way and kicked Radar while he was down.
Chuck came rushing up and grabbed Radar by the neck and held him still while I unleashed a barrage of punches to his gut, rib cage and a couple to his face.
Radar spit blood into my face and I screamed like a girl. I stumbled backwards and wiped the blood off my face with my hands, and then wiped my hands on my space uniform. It needed to be washed anyway. I rubbed the blood out of my eyes and looked ahead. Radar was kicking Chuck, who was now on the ground.
“Hey!” I yelled, grabbing Radar’s attention. I threw another punch and clocked him across the cheek. He stumbled back into the wall as Chuck stood up.
Chuck grabbed Radar by the collar, forced him against the wall repeatedly and then tossed him to the floor. Radar lay still for a moment and then moaned as he slowly climbed back to his feet.
We were winning! Two against one!
Chuck and I both stood back and waited to see what Radar would do next. He was a complete wreck. He was missing a few teeth, had two black eyes, his ears were red, his mohawk was disheveled, and he had several rips and tears throughout his attire.
However, he was still able to smile. He began laughing very maniacally.
“What’s so funny?” Chuck asked.
Radar continued to laugh. It was getting creepy.
“What?!” I yelled.
“You guys don’t even realize what’s happening right now,” Radar said with a cough and a couple little sniffles. “As we’re down here, beating the holy crap out of each other, I have a bunch of Slimeborgs infiltrating the fort. You guys are completely out numbered, dudes.”
If that was true, Radar was right. This was getting out of hand. How were we supposed to handle all of this!
I looked to Chuck. “Go check it out.”
“And leave you here alone with him? Never!” Chuck said.
“Chuck, you need to find out what’s going on up there. I’ll be fine. I’ll keep an eye on him until you get back.”
“Well, don’t do any more beating him up until I get back either. I want a piece of that action.”
“You got it. Be careful.”
Chuck turned and ran down the hall towards the elevator. I glanced on the floor and saw Chuck’s laser phaser. He was going to need it.
“Chuck!”
Chuck stopped and turned around as I walked ahead and grabbed his gun. I tossed it down the hall to him and he caught it pretty awesomely. He continued down the hall. I watched to make sure he got to the elevator ok.
How was Radar able to get more Slimeborgs to Earth? It was only one pod that came down from the Behemoth, and Radar was the sole dude. It didn’t make sense.
Unless…
I heard a click from Radar’s weapon and turned around fast. Radar stood there and aimed my own laser phaser at me. It was a trick!
“Later, dude…” Radar said and pulled the trigger. I ducked just in time. A laser beam shot from the barrel of the gun and pierced my hair as I hit the deck. I looked down the hall.
“Chuck!”
Chuck stopped right in front of the elevator and turned around. The laser beam hit Chuck in his right arm and launched him back into the elevator. The door ‘dinged!’ and closed, taking the injured Chuck up a few levels.
I stood up fast and kicked the gun out of Radar’s hand. I had an idea…one that would include yet another good one liner.
I grabbed Radar by the collar and swung him around. I kicked him in the groin and he hunched over in a huff. I pushed him down and he rolled into the middle of the hallway. I quickly rushed to the wall, right next to the laser security button that Dr. Hix Blossom had installed.
I put my finger on the button and waited for Radar to stand up. We made eye contact and I knew it was time.
“Laser, dude…” I said.
I pressed the button and the security system ignited in the hallway. Criss-crossed red lasers shot out from everywhere and filled the entire length of the hallway. I stayed pressed up against the wall, out of harms way.
I looked at Radar who now stood as still as a statue, a look of horror forever plastered on his face. He looked like he was tangled in a bright red spider web. The constant hum from the laser system was soothing, yet haunting.
I pressed the button again and lasers vanished back into their wall tabs, dropping the penetrated body of Lord Radar the Great to the floor.
I didn’t know what to think. I’d just killed someone else. But he tried to kill me, and might have killed Chuck for all I knew! He needed to be put down. My mind raced with contradicting thoughts. I wasn’t even able to appreciate my latest one liner. I took a deep breath and sat down against the wall, just staring at Radar’s lifeless body lying on the floor.
The threat was over.
II.
I aimlessly wandered down the hallway and pressed the button for the elevator. It came down to my level and opened. Chuck was on the floor, leaning against the wall. There was a burn hole through his right shoulder with just a speck of blood.
“You okay, brotha?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he wheezed. “Are you?”
“Yup. Radar’s history.”
Chuck looked past me and saw Radar’s body at the other end of the hallway. He smiled.
“Come on,” I said, helping Chuck to his feet. “Let’s see how Phil’s doing.”
“Then we should check on Nog and Hix.”
“Good call.”
Chuck and I walked back down to the infirmary and glanced in from the giant hole in the wall. We watched as the doctors, nurses and various paramednog’s operated on Phil.
I was really hoping that he’d pull through. I just didn’t know exactly what kind of strange operation this was.
“I wonder what the news was that Phil had for us,” Chuck said. “Remember? He said if we told him our secret, he’d tell us something important.”
“I hope we find out,” I said. I was really worried. I wasn’t sure what was to become of Phil.
“Where I am? Guacamola?” Nog said, teetering to his feet and rubbing his head. He had no idea where he was. “What happened?”
Chuck and I stood in Nog’s kitchen and helped the Professor and Dr. Hix Blossom into the chairs at the table.
“What happened, Scout?” Nog asked again.
“It’s over. Jakon’s dead. Radar’s dead. Fort Nog’s is a train wreck. Dozen’s are injured.”
“Is anyone hurt?” Nog asked, his concussion clearly not allowing him to hear what I just said.
“Dozens.”
“My God,” Nog said. “Fort Nog’s is a mess, you say?”
“A complete mess.”
“How complete?”
“It’s finished.”
Nog and Hix followed Chuck and I back out through the snow, which was starting to lighten up a bit, and into the barn. We showed them all the damage, and Nog became overwhelmed.
“Alright, well, I’m going to need some help sweeping and with dry wall and stuff. You boys ready?” Nog asked.
Chuck and I looked at each other. Was he freaking crazy? After all the crap that just happened? Yeah right…
“Nah, dude,” I said. “We’re pretty beat. Long day, ya know?”
I could tell Nog was annoyed, but he had people for this. He had a whole staff of custodians and I’d be darned if I was going to be the one who was going to get on my hands and knees and pick up every last ash, glass shard and messed up hay bale.
Farrow came rushing up to Nog and put his arm over his shoulder.
“Are you okay, Ed?” Farrow asked.
“Yeah, just another chapter for my memoirs, Farrow. It’s gonna be a doozey. A long, two-part doozey.”
“We can discuss all the dooze over a bite to eat tonight. I’m thinking barbecue. But right now, we need to clear out the wounded and get our machines up and running and back online as soon as possible.”
Nog looked at me. “Scout, forgive me. I have some things to attend to.”
I nodded and he walked away with Farrow; Hix followed close behind. I felt bad for the old guy. His whole operation was a disaster right now. It was going to be a lot of hard work and time to get this place back up and running. He had his work cut out for him.
“Scout,” Chuck said with worry in his voice. “Can we stay here until we know if Phil will be okay?”
I couldn’t have agreed more. We needed to be there for Phil.
III.
Two hours had passed and Chuck and I were down on level four, sitting in the hallway playing a dice game that we were making up on the spot called Fuzwali. I rolled a six and a two and called out “Fuzwali!” Chuck groaned in defeat and I was now winning 14-6.
The door to the infirmary was still closed, and the huge chunk of dry wall that I tackled Radar through was temporarily boarded up.
There had been cleaning crews coming in and out of the hallway, sweeping, mopping, extinguishing random fires that would sprout up…it was just the beginning of a massive clean-up and remodeling.
Dr. Hix Blossom took the blue goo sample down to the storage chambers on the floor below us and then had to scram back to Washington. He shook both of our hands and thanked us for a job well done. He said he’d be back in the spring to see the progress and personally perform our yearly audit.
He seemed like a cool guy and was more than generous with the cash flow into the E.I.A. He said someday we might actually get paid to do this. I was excited for new adventures. I just wish my latest one wasn’t such a rehash with the same people again. But I was pretty confident that brand-spanking new adventures were right around the corner - more exciting and more dangerous ones.
The door to the infirmary opened and the three doctors came out removing their surgical masks and taking off their latex gloves. Chuck and I stood up and watched as all three of them passed right by us.
The cold shoulder? Not on my Rolex!
“Excuse me, Dr. Brotha?” I said.
The trailing doctor turned around and looked at us as the other two continued down the hall.
“That’s Dr. Brosser. What do you want kid? I just preformed an epic three hour surgery. I need a Fresca,” he said.
“How’s Phil?” I asked. Chuck and I were both on the edge of our seats.
“That’d be against Hippo violations.”
“We’re fiends,” I said.
“Good friends,” Chuck added.
“Oh, well in that case,” Dr. Brosser began, “we did the best we could. And we did awesome.”
Chuck and I sighed and smiled in relief.
“What’s the damage?” I asked.
“Well, he lost an arm, so we gave him a mechanical one. He lost vision in one eye, so we just scooped the goop and replaced it with a state-of-the-art artificial eye with zoom-in capabilities and laser firepower. And his mustache is completely gone – nothing left but rough stubble.”
Chuck and I stared at Dr. Brosser with our jaws hanging open. Did we just hear him right?
Dr. Brosser continued, “He’s more dangerously awesome robot than man now. But you’ll have that. He’s lucky to be alive. He’ll be a valuable asset to the E.I.A., that’s for sure.”
Dr. Brosser turned around and jogged away to catch up with his buddies.
Chuck and I dashed to the door and looked through the window. We could see Phil adjusting in the bed. There was a female paramednog standing next to him, taking his vitals.
I cracked the door open and whispered in. “Can we see him?” I asked.
The nurse smiled and nodded. She stepped aside and Chuck and I entered and walked up by Phil’s bed. We looked down at him and his eyes were closed, but he was moaning a lot.
I saw the mechanical arm first. It looked awesome. He was part robot! Who could’ve predicted this?
“Philly, you awake buddy?” Chuck asked quietly.
Phil struggled, but opened his eyes one at a time. One eye was normal – hazel and bloodshot – and the other one was red and mechanical. It was sweet. Phil smiled.
“Hey, fellas,” he said.
It was good to see Phil again. We had been so worried about him.
“Phil, I am so sorry for the way I acted up there. I had no right to drag you along. It’s all my fault that this happened to you,” I said.
“It’s okay, Scout. I forgive you. I was just happy to be apart of things for once.”
Phil closed his eyes tight and groaned. He opened them back up and continued talking. “The doctor’s said I only have one good eye now. One of them is a weapon, I guess?”
Chuck and I nodded.
“Then I have a favor to ask you guys,” Phil said.
“Anything, man. What is it?” I said.
Chuck and I leaned in closer.
“Will you guys…will you call me Philclops?”
Philclops? Aw yeah! That was awesome!
“Heck yeah we can call you Philclops!” I shouted.
Chuck started clapping at the thought of it.
Phil smiled. We all felt close again. That was something that we hadn’t felt since the beginning of our freshman year.
“Oh, I almost forgot. I got so wrapped up in the space adventure, that I forgot to mention my big news to you,” Phil said with some energy. “Lamar’s dad owns a publishing company that specializes in pre-teen fantasy stories, and they want to publish my Dragon Wind series.”
“That’s awesome, Phil!” I said.
“Yeah, congrats, man!” Chuck was still clapping.
“I’m going to be a published writer, guys!” Phil laughed, and I heard his mechanical eye zooming in and out with excitement.
Things finally felt normal once again. The three of us were back together, and I wasn’t about to let anything happen to that again. We hung out with Phil for another hour or so, laughing and goofing off, before we finally went home for the night.