CHAPTER 7
Tama Orleans was on the verge of sleep when she heard the voice again. She found the PADD that she had been reading on the bed next to her and activated it. It gave sufficient illumination that she could see that she was alone in the room. Clemens, Garcia’s cat, and sometimes called ‘the ambassador,’ looked up at her. Certain no one was in her room, she laid back down, but left the PADD on.
“Can you hear me?”
“Who are you?!” Tama demanded.
“I’m your grandmother, Kelinda,” said the voice.
“Really?” Tama asked.
“I am not happy with the way you are being treated,” Kelinda said. “I would like you to come visit me.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Tama said. “I’m on restriction.”
“I know. I don’t like this,” Kelinda said. “You are capable of much more, and deserve more autonomy, more authority.”
“I will ask if I can come see you,” Tama asked. “If you’re real.”
“No, he won’t let you come see me,” Kelinda said. “But I can prove to you I’m real.”
“Why wouldn’t I be able to come see you?” Tama asked.
“Your father doesn’t want me to teach you what I can teach you, or give you the power that you entitled to. You have been misled. You can do everything your father can and more. They just haven’t taught you because they don’t trust you. They don’t know you the way I do,” Kelinda said.
“You know me?”
“You hear me in your head, right? So you know I can hear you, feel what you feel, see what you see,” Kelinda said. “So naturally, I know you better than you know
yourself, and I can unleash your happiness and you will never be sad again.”
“Really?” Tama asked. “What must I do?” “I want you to come live with me,” Kelinda said.
“How do I do that? I’m stuck on a ship,” Tama said.
“I want you to trust me,” Kelinda said. “I’m going to open the gateway and you can cross over to me, it’s that easy. But before I can do that, I need to get access to the security codes to the gateway on your ship. We have to plan this. I can’t just change the codes without people noticing it. We have to do small, subtle changes.” “I don’t know,” Tama said.
“Pick up your PADD,” Kelinda instructed. Tama hesitated.
“Do it, honey. It’s the only way for us to be together,” Kelinda said.
Tama obeyed.
“It might be faster if you allowed me to take over your hand,” Kelinda said. “May
I borrow your hand for a moment?”
Tama surrendered control and to her surprise, her hands moved across the PADD, opening pathways that she didn’t know were possible. The PADD connected to the ship’s computers and from there she lost track of all the things that were happening. She heard Ambassador Clemons hissing and she saw the cat attacking her out of the corner of her eyes. One of her hands caught the cat by the neck. The cat fell to the bed, and moved no more.
The hands put the PADD down. It wasn’t her putting the PADD down, but her hands were putting the PADD down.
“This is all I can do for now, Tama,” Kelinda said. “We will see how much further we can get next time, but I predict we can open the gate and let you come to me in two or three more visits. Until then, I don’t want you to worry. Don’t speak to anyone what we’re planning, or they will punish you, and keep us a part. You don’t know how important you are to the coming Empire. Sleep, honey. Everything will be okay. Sleep.” Tama Orlenas slept, and when she woke, she found Clemens dead beside her. She openly wept, yelling for her mom. Her mother, Persis entered, going immediately to her daughter’s side.
“I killed him,” Tama cried.
“Oh, honey, no you didn’t,” her mother assured her. “He was a very old cat. Did you know out door cats live only like four years? Indoor cats live like twenty on average, and Clemens here is like thirty. It was just his time, baby.”
“Hold me!” Tama said.
“Oh, baby, shhh, shhh, it’s okay,” Persis said.
♫♪►
The door open and Rossi was surprised to see Lal. She was touching her chest, practically tapping her heart, or where her heart would be if she were human, as she entered. Rossi couldn’t help but come to her feet, wanting to comfort her but not quite knowing how to approach the problem. She waited for Lal to orientate.
“May I speak with you?” Lal asked.
“Absolutely. Would you like to sit?” Rossi asked.
“Is that the procedure?” Lal asked.
“Procedure?” Rossi asked.
“Counseling? Is it compulsory to sit?” Lal asked.
“There is no one procedure. I’m wanting you to be comfortable,” Rossi said.
Lal walked around the section of the couch she might sit on, contemplated, then she sat on the edge of the seat. Rossi sat near her, also sitting on the edge of the seat. Lal considered how she should begin, while simultaneously contemplating whether she was comfortable.
“Sitting or standing doesn’t change my level of comfort. Is sitting for your comfort?” Lal asked.
“Would you like to stand?” Rossi asked.
Lal thought about it. She shook her head no. She tapped her chest again, as if sending Morse code.
“I’m surprised to see you,” Rossi said.
“Why?” Lal asked, almost confrontationally. “Do you not want to see me?” “I am happy to see you, Lal. I just didn’t anticipate you ever visiting is all,” Rossi said.
“You are happy to see me because it’s me, or because of potential insight in to Garcia?” Lal asked.
Rossi pursed her lips. “I suppose that’s in my brain somewhere, but for now, let’s proceed as if your personality construct is completely autonomous in and of itself and that this visit is about you, regardless of whether there is any enmeshment issues.” Lal nodded, brought her hand down, forcing herself to rest both hands on her knees, but the right hand slowly came back to her heart. Rossi waited patiently, believing Lal would speak when she was ready. When a full five minutes went by, she decided to speak first.
“It is sometimes helpful in counseling for you to just speak what’s on your mind,” Rossi said.
Lal nodded. “I don’t know how to begin,” Lal said. “Imagine you did,” Rossi said. “What might that sound like?” “It’s complicated,” Lal said.
“Well, that’s a relief,” Rossi said.
Lal’s eyes narrowed, skeptically. “Really?”
“If it was easy, we wouldn’t need each other,” Rossi said. Lal nodded. That made sense. “Do you promise not to laugh?”
Rossi put on her best serious face. “No,” she said. Lal seemed surprised.
“I will promise that if I do laugh, I will not be laughing at you,” Rossi assured her.
“Lal, you are safe to speak your mind in here. “
“I’m in love with Tammas,” Lal blurted her truth.
“You’re in love…” Rossi started, surprised to hear that another person was infatuated with the Admiral. She found herself sucking in her bottom lip as if resisting the urge to laugh.
“You didn’t consider I might love?” Lal asked. “I, well, I’m sorry,” Rossi said.
“You are sorry that I love or that I love Garcia?” Lal said.
Rossi struggled not automatically responding to that. “That I hadn’t considered the full potential of you,” she finally managed.
“This is a predictable outcome. I’m sentient. I have emotions. Even in multiple personality disorder, the personalities are complete persons, full of potential, but that’s not what I am,” Lal said. “I’m a person who was downloaded into someone else brain, which presents its own set of unique problems.”
“And that’s why I apologized. I appreciate you pointing this out to me, and I would like you to continue to point out any future misunderstandings the moment you
become aware of them,” Rossi said. “It’s good to have bias revealed.”
Lal nodded. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong.”
“Don’t be. Counseling is a relationship. You are supposed to call me on my bullshit,” Rossi assured her. “So, you believe you are in love with Garcia. What is your evidence for this?”
Before speaking, Lal began to gather her inventory. “I suppose I could be unduly influenced because I share his brain.”
“While considering the evidence for love, you are expressing doubt?” Rossi asked.
“It isn’t the first time I have held doubt,” Lal said. “Sometimes I am so angry with
Tam. He treats me like a child. Of course, this might be an idea that my father planted in Tam when he downloaded me into his brain.”
“Anger sounds normal,” Rossi said, ‘especially around Garcia’ she didn’t add.
“How about jealousy? Are you disturbed by the other women?” “This is complicated,” Lal said again.
“Please, help me to understand,” Rossi said. “I want to know you.”
Lal sighed, tapping her chest with her fingers. “I feel this. I know I love Tam. But,
I also think I am a lesbian.”
“This sounds complicated,” Rossi agreed. “What is your evidence for being a lesbian?”
“When Tam is intimate, I experience it as he does. I have access to all his senses, and, well, I enjoy the sensations. I feel his pleasure, but I am also absorbed in the sensation of other, of female, I think even more than he is. But when I am alone to my own thoughts, when I imagine being intimate, I only want to be with Tam. I don’t know!
This is complicated.”
“I hear how this might be confusing for you,” Rossi said. “You love Garcia and want to be intimate with him. Simultaneously, because you share his brain you can’t help but be an observer or even a participant in his own sexual experiences, and maybe sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish between your desires and his, but over all you find the experience pleasant.”
“Yes,” Lal said.
“And you want more,” Rossi said.
“Yes,” Lal said.
“And maybe you have hinted this to Garcia, but because you believe he sees you as a child, he doesn’t hear your subtle wish for more,” Rossi said. “Or maybe because you are Data’s daughter, he is over protective.” “Yes,” Lal said.
“Okay, have you considered going from subtle to overt?” Rossi asked.
“I’m afraid he will reject me,” Lal said.
Rossi nodded, understanding. The most common artifact shared amongst humans was the fear of being rejected if others knew about their sexuality, and Rossi believed it was frequently the underpinning of all resistance to counseling, because many people don’t want to grapple with just how much of their own libido they suppress on a daily basis.
“This can’t be normal,” Lal said. “My programming must be faulty. For example,
I know Garcia criteria for selecting partners is fairly simplistic so there shouldn’t be a reason for him to reject me. But I am afraid. He is also so busy.”
“You are with him 24/7, so it is not unreasonable to want more quality time, especially when you don’t always have access to the orbs or the holographic projection systems,” Rossi said. “There is nothing wrong with your programming.” “This feeling can’t be normal,” Lal said.
“Oh, it is very normal. It is hyper-normal. I can’t imagine what this is like for you. Typically if a person gets rejected, they simply go about their business, sometimes even changing environments so as not to have encounters with the person they desire, but you, you are trapped in Garcia’s mind, and utilizing the manifestation orb only gives you a little bit of distance, which is probably more an illusion than real separation.” “Yes,” Lal said.
“So, being afraid of rejection in this instance is probably a survival skill. If you were rejected you would still love. You would still reside in Garcia, and still be subjected to his escapades, and you would always be wondering why he sleeps with who he does but won’t be intimate with you. I can’t think of a worst place to be,” Rossi said.
“Yes!” Lal said. “Please help me. I don’t want to feel this!”
Lal began to hiccup and weep simultaneously. Rossi switched over to Lal’s chair and put an arm around her.
“Okay, breathe, honey,” Rossi said. “Breathe deeper. You have human like regulatory processes, and breathing helps slow things down. Analyze the molecules in the air, slow this down, and realize you are safe.” “I’m feel so much,” Lal said.
“I know,” Rossi said. “I know. Take as long as you need. I’m here with you.” Lal seemed to calm a bit.
“I’m curious, Lal,” Rossi said. “You have been dealing with this for a while now.
What changed?”
“I spoke with my father,” Lal said.
“You spoke with your father,” Rossi said, not really getting it.
“Yes,” Lal said. “Garcia altered his appearance and I was shocked, because he looked so much older, and it occurred to me that even though I am an android, there will be a termination date, and though I am not lonely, I want to maximize my contribution to our community, and be intimate, and Garcia isn’t going to live forever, in fact, his termination date is approaching faster than anyone suspects, and, technically, I end when he ends. Oh, God. I’m wasting time here. There is so much to do!”
“Slow down, Lal,” Rossi said. “No one really knows when they’re going to die.” “True. Given the complexity of Garcia’s interactions, there is high probability that he might die ahead of schedule,” Lal said. “Oh, God. Why am I saying God? Do I believe in God? Is this a human colloquialism or is this an enmeshment issue?”
“I don’t know,” Rossi said. “What does God mean for you?”
“Hope that there is something bigger than I. That something goes on even after physical death,” Lal said. “Is this what it is to be human?”
“Sometimes,” Rossi said. “Tell me it will be okay,” Lal said. “I can’t,” Rossi said.
“What kind of counselor are you?!” Lal demanded.
“I will leave that for you to decide,” Rossi said. “I can tell you that what you are feeling is normal. I can teach you strategies to cope. But right now, as raw as this feels for you, this appears to be normal emotional fall out due to a complex social situation mixed with an existential crisis.”
“Is this love?” Lal asked.
“Sometimes,” Rossi said. “This sucks!” Lal said.
“Sometimes,” Rossi said.
“I hate sometimes,” Lal said.
CHAPTER 8
There are libraries filled with books describing the depths of boredom on ships, from sea to space. Routine can only take a person so far. After a certain pace, the little gems of social interaction can help break the monotony, and make everything well again. It was this moment that Undine was looking forward to. Undine looked at the dinner for two Karsat had prepared, for her and Garcia, and thought it ideal. Candles, subdued lighting, aromas, everything in its place, except, no company.
Undine paged Tomoko. She answered promptly.
“Where is he?” Undine asked.
“I’m sorry,” Tomoko said. “I was just notified and was about to call you. He had a bit of an emergency. He is in on his way back to the Path Finder so he can change and should be there in about twenty to twenty five minutes.”
“Thank you,” Undine said.
Undine terminated the link. She was surprised that she had so much nervous energy. After all, it was just dinner with Garcia. Sure, they had spent time together before, but not like this, not alone, not since the marriage, and never with the potential of intimacy. Not that she was going to force that, but she was very aware of her own expectations. Or were they fantasies? Did he hold the same towards her? Obviously she was selected to be one of the mothers for a reason. Though she knew it potentially meant nothing, she didn’t want to believe that it was just a clinical analysis of the best combination of genes that brought her and Garcia together. Conversely, she didn’t want the marriage to just be one of convenience.
Her infatuation with Garcia came way before Admiral Pressman recruited her to serve with him. Indeed, had Pressman known the depths of her feelings for Garcia, he probably wouldn’t have recruited her to kill Garcia in the event that their mission went south. True, her feelings were initially just the crush of a fan of his writing; and she had been a fan since childhood. It was as if everything she had ever read of his spoke to her, as if it was meant for her personally. She found evidence in his writing for synchronicity, where the reality of her life was mirrored in his fiction. More on that, it was only when she was an adult that she rediscovered his writing and it reminded her of another book series she had read as a child, that she only later became aware that it was Garcia using an alias. It was only when he became an adult that it was possible to confirm that the childhood author’s pseudonym was actually him. This amazed her enough to be open to consider magic as a real thing. She had believed she had secret, invisible friend guiding her. She read his stories and believed the author and she were telepathically linked and he was writing her. It was sufficient evidence to cause a belief in a soul mate.
But those kinds of things come increments, flash updates that build on memories only after the memories have been forgotten and rediscovered. Undine was older than Garcia by ten years, and she had been out of the Academy for five years when he entered. A friend of hers, still in the academy had told her about Garcia and shared an excerpt from something he wrote, something she had discovered, and suddenly Undine was caught up in that wonder again. She couldn’t resist keeping tabs on him. With increasing admiration, she followed his exploits in the Academy, which she gleaned from reports, and through a friend who was working towards graduation simultaneously with Garcia. Her feelings had blossomed into full love only after serving with him. How could they not, she asked herself; everyone loved Garcia, but as far as she was concerned, she had always loved him.
“Grr,” Undine sighed. She was frustrated. Sharing Garcia wasn’t an issue, but scheduling was a nightmare, and since their relationship technically hadn’t advanced to intimacy she wasn’t even sure that she had a right to be frustrated. “Grr,” she said, as if louder would ease her stress. “Grow up. This is not high school.”
To alleviate the stress of the situation, she stripped down and stepped into her hot tub. It was the most recent update to the NC’s Captain’s Quarters. It was flush with the floor and long enough that she could stretch out and float on her back, or set the jets to flowing so that she could swim laps against a stream that held her in place. The water was usually body temperature and the tub had the unique property of being able to change the salinity of the water, adding so much Epson salt that the pool had more density than the Dead Sea, making it a floating spa. It was currently at its highest density and was impossible for her to stay submerged. She lay on her back and allowed the waters to lift her. If she didn’t have a dinner date with Garcia, she would have turned off the lights and given into the healing sleep of the supersaturated salt bath. Magnesium Sulfate was known to increase healing time by one third, and at this density it was the closest thing to actually floating in zero G. Skin absorption was also the fastest way to get Magnesium into the body, not dietary.
It took a moment for her to relax into the water, trusting the knowledge that she wouldn’t sink; experiential knowledge as well as knowledge of physics. Floating in supersaturated liquids felt like being supported by billions of tiny invisible hands, as if each atom of her body was being lifted. There were points where she felt the support was concentrated, such as the arm right behind the elbow, shoulders, back of the head, the small of her back. Candle light played across the ceiling. If she allowed herself to pass into a trance, she could have meaningful auditory and visual hallucinations, but she wasn’t mentally prepared to dive into her subconscious mind. She nearly caved to the potential of sleep, but the sudden chime at the door announcing a visitor dissolved that possibility. She figured it was too soon to be Garcia and so her mind considered social protocols: should she exit and dress? No. this is not high school. Her crew would just have to deal with her culture and this was her normal when off duty.
“Come.”
Garcia entered, apol