Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure.
Rumi
Ten sat at her ergonomic control station that wrapped around her, offering multiple display of the debris field she was shifting though. The lighting was dim. The main viewer in front of her gave her a bird’s eye view of everything FindIt could see. FindIt was in his element and extremely excited about everything around him. He reached out and grabbed a free floating ‘smart capacitor,’ a piece of conduit still attached. It looked salvageable. Ten froze the image, shifted it to another screen, and ran the numbers. If it was undamaged, the average price on the market, a variable dependent on where she sold it, would fetch upwards of 20,000 credits. That alone would more than cover her operation costs to date, making her first run not only profitable, but lucrative. If the part was damaged, it would have absolutely no value. She decided to risk it. She instructed FindIt to stow it in the chest he had slaved to follow him.
Pink, her astromech Droid, whimpered softly. Ten looked at one of her lower screen, reading the text translation of the whistle.
“I know it takes up a lot of space in the chest,” Ten said. The Droid whistled.
“You’re right, it’s probably broken, but without a tester, there’s no way to know that,” Ten said.
Pink spurted out a protest.
Ten read it and smiled. “I will let you test it then, but you’ll have to wait till FindIt brings it back. I don’t want you both outside.”
While FindIt stowed the smart capacitor, Ten scoured her alternative screen, panning the camera, zooming in and panning back out, sorting mentally through the field. She had a dozen remotes zipping out the debris field, and she alternated between remotes, with one monotr showing multiple views simultaneously.
“You would think there would be at least one intact Droid somewhere,” Ten complained. Pink made a curious sound. Ten read it.
“Not to replace you,” Ten said.
“I wouldn’t do that. I am thinking it would be nice to buy you a voice modulator and have it installed.”
Pink protested vocally and shook. Ten read its statement:
“You want to make me stupid?”
“I don’t understand. How would that make you stupid?” Ten asked.
Pink explained that a voice modulator would require shifting down its critical assessment capabilities in order to decrease its operational language baud-rate to the speed of human verbalization. Pink recommended purchasing a Protocol Droid.”
“Well, then, hope that smart capacitor is not broken, cause those aren’t cheap,” Ten said. “Unless you want to visit Tatooinne and scrounge through the trash the Jawas sell. Even then, we’re going to need some revenue from whatever we find here, because I don’t want to live on G’s money.”
Pink whistled an alert.
“I see it,” Ten said. She pushed the mic open.
“FindIt, go into sleep mode. We got company.”
From her station she could power down her entire ship’s system, putting her in stealth mode. Pink made a worried sound. Ten ignored her, running through her options. It was likely just another scavenger. If she made a run for it, she would likely escape, but that meant sacrificing FindIt, and everything presently in her chest, because they would no doubt investigate. If she stayed, she risked potential confrontation. Best scenario, they simply didn’t notice her. It was moving in her general direction, but that didn’t mean anything. Even she had known that this area was likely to result in the best treasures. When she finally decided running might be the best option, it was too late. The ship turned on a dime and came at her full force. By the time she had made it to the cockpit they had already attached. If she lived through this, she told herself she would have to take more precautions in the future. She grabbed her blaster and ran to the airlock just as the doors were opening. She brought her weapon to bear and was firing even before she had ascertained she knew the person. She missed. The weapon was torn from her hand by an invisible Force, and it broke when it hit the wall.
“Daphne?!” Ten said.
“Daphne?!” Tryst asked, mimicking Ten as he entered.
“You know her?”
“I do,” Daphne said.
Crusher entered. He smiled at Ten, his throat changing colors. Ten wanted to ignore the way it was staring at her, but she had seen that stare before and provoked a visible ‘disgust’ response. She shivered.
“Anyone else on board?” Tryst asked.
“Yeah, a full crew,” Ten said. “Now get off my ship.”
Tryst smiled. “I like you. You’re a lousy liar. Let’s try again. Is there anyone else on board my ship?”
“Daphne, are you going to let them do this?” Ten asked.
“Go back to your room, Daphne. We got it from here,” Tryst said. Daphne turned and walked away.
“Now, little girl, there are a couple ways we can do this,” Tryst said.
Ten pulled a hidden weapon from the small of her back, just hanging in her pants.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motions. She was firing her weapon even as Tryst was firing his. She missed again. Tryst did not. She went down. Pink came flying at them in attack mode, and Crusher took out the Droid with Ion blaster. It fell at their feet. Crusher took a restraining bolt off his belt and put it on the Droid. When nothing else attacked, Tryst put away his weapon.
“I want you to take this ship to our base and wait for me there,” Tryst said.
“I may not like the interior color scheme, but it seems to be in great condition otherwise. Must be nice having rich parents, eh?”
“Yep,” Crusher said. “What about the girl?”
“Do what you like with her,” Tryst said. He turned and went back to his own ship, closing the doors as he did so. “Toss her out the airlock, or drop her off on the nearest planet. Just don’t bring her back to the base.”
Crusher headed towards the flight deck, pausing only to take note of the Captain’s Quarters. The bed wasn’t made and there were clothes in heaps on the floor and the bed. A table with a half-eaten meal caught his attention; he went grabbed one of the wraps and started eating it while he purposely kicked through some of the ‘girl’ clothes. He arrived at the flight deck in time to witness Tryst’s ship jumping into hyperspace. He began the power up sequence while making his own calculations for hyperspace. He finished his math about the same time the engines showed ready. He pushed the ship into hyperspace. He sat for a moment, making sure everything was good, and then headed back to the main cabin. Ten was awake, scrambling to open a box. Crusher reached out with the Force and brought the half opened box to him. He smiled when he found the lightsaber. He tossed the box to the floor, breaking it. The practice orb rolled across the floor.
“Sweet,” Crusher said.
“Where did you find this beauty? In that grave yard out there?”
“If you don’t get off my ship, I am going to kill you with it,” Ten said.
He pushed the button, but nothing happened. He chuckled and tossed it to the floor. He expanded his throat and licked his lips.
“Come here,” Crusher said, his voice dropping down in pitch.
“Get off my ship,” Ten said.
Crusher reached out with the Force and brought her closer. She cried out as he caught both of her wrists, and still had two hands reaming to ‘mess’ with her. She kicked at him, screaming. He grabbed her hips and took her to the floor, putting his weight against her
“Oh, yeah, I love your fight,” Crusher said.
“It excites me.”
“Let me go!” Ten pleaded.
Crusher laughed, a long tongue coming out to lick her face. He let go of one her wrists in order to move pull up on her shirt, exposing her belly. He let go of the opposite waste, and the two opposing hands began to undo her pants. As he pulled down on her pants, he grabbed hold of her hips, locking his grip on flesh, nails drawing blood. He let go of the other wrist in order to push against her throat. She fought with her hands, but hitting him had no effect, and she was not going shift his weight while his two hands gripped her hips. He began unfastening his own belt. His mouth opened wide enough to swallow her hole head, but he simply nibble at her face, and pulled away with a sucking sound, sucking all her air out of her. He licked her whole face with the broad of his tongue and nibbled her neck. She cried as she continued to fight.
“Squirm my little pet, make it happen for me,” Crusher said.
Ten had been here before. This had not been the first time. A part of her brain blamed herself for putting herself in this predicament. If only she had stayed home. If only she had stayed with Corissa. She steeled her mind, turning her brain ‘off’ to physical input. She could disappear completely if she wanted, but part of her told her that if she were to survive, she would have to remain present. She surrendered, turning her head, knowing the inevitable was coming. Her hands went limp. She saw the lightsaber. She could imagine its weight in her hand. It seemed miles away. It was just there. Separate. Just like she was, just there, but separate. This moment was a just a moment, just another endless moment in a forever now. And then she felt anger, rising up from her stomach, an anger that many other has touched on, but she cultivated it, allowing it to fill her. The lightsaber was suddenly in her hands, powering up with a loud retort, the blade extending straight from the hilt into her attacker. Its mouth opened in surprised and where before it was dark, now it was illuminated from within. Its eyes burst from their sockets due to the internal heat as the blood and brains boiled around the lightsaber, swelling its head. Its limbs were rigid, oddly locked in place. She had to pry the hands away from her waist. She pushed the dead carcass off her, but stabbed and slashed at it again, and again.
Ten fell to her knees, sobbing. She powered down the lightsaber and tossed it. She sat there, crying, so much fluid in her eyes that the console lights all blurred together, and she heard the echo of her own breathing as she tried to regain control. She scrambled to her feet, buttoning her pants, and went straightway to the toilet and threw up. She then washed her face. A knife on the counter drew her attention. She picked it up and was about to cut into her wrist, the sound of the water still running.
“I thought you were done cutting,” G said.
Ten looked up to see G in the mirror. She dropped the knife, turned, and embraced him. The sheer force of gripping him took him back to the wall, and again the tears came. He slid to the floor, holding her to him, allowing her to just let it out. He rocked her lightly. The water continued to run.
“I don’t want to live in this life anymore,” Ten cried. “I am so tired, G. There is nowhere safe. Thieves, rapist, murderers, wars, slavery, illness… Please, just let me die.”
“Okay,” G said so softly that she wasn’t sure she heard him.
Her emotional distress dropped down a notch. “You realize, the only peace I ever had was when I was dead. That place you brought me back from. I want to return to that place,” Ten said, wiping her nose on a sleeve before turning her head back into G’s chest. The tear stains on his shirt made a dark mess.
“Okay,” G said even softer than the last okay.
Ten became quiet, simply holding onto G. She became aware of the water still running in the lavatory. The bathroom door was open and she could see her bed, her clothes scattered across the room and she wondered if G had noticed she was a slob and what would he think. She found her breathing subdued. She wondered why she was worried about the tidiness of her room, considering.
“You’re not going to talk me out of it?” Ten asked.
“You’re an adult, Ten. You have the means to do it. If you’re determine to check out, no one will be able to stop you,” G said.
“You won’t be mad?” Ten asked.
“We’ve had this conversation before, Ten. Your life sucked, maybe more than most. I get that, but I will never know what it’s like for you in there,” G said, touching her heart, her head.
“Will you help me?” Ten said.
“No,” G said.
“I will help you live. I will help you live differently. I will help you live better. But I won’t help you die. Not today.”
“I failed,” Ten said.
“In what way?” G asked.
“I killed someone,” Ten said.
“You did,” G said.
“I don’t think that’s what bothers you.”
“I killed him out of anger,” Ten said.
“Yeah,” G said.
“I can’t be a Jedi now. All that you tried to teach me is for naught,” Ten said. “I touched the Force for the first time, and I did it with anger. I am now doomed to be a Dark Jedi.”
G laughed.
“There is only one Force. There are only Jedi. You are not doomed,” G assured her.
“But I have read people were barred for less,” Ten said.
“Umm, there is a lot of contextual leeway permitted for each situation,” G said.
“Perspective thing.”
“Why didn’t you come when I called you?” Ten asked.
“You said you would come whenever I called you.”
“I was not allowed to intervene,” G said.
She pulled back. “That was one of those tests?! That’s a stupid test!”
“Stand up,” G instructed her.
Ten stood, giving G room to stand. G turned off the water and then offered his hand. She took it. He led her back to the main cabin, apparently not caring about the state of her room. He led her to the body. Holding her hand, he reached out with the Force, letting it move through her, so she could sense what he was doing. Using the Force, he turned the remains into a diamond. It had greenish red hues, as if it were partly an emerald embedded in a ruby. He offered it to her.
Ten took it. It was beautiful and it disgusted her.
“Cary this with you and always remember,” G said.
“This is your first kill; it will not be your last. More than that, you have just taken your first tentative steps into a larger world.”
“I don’t think I want to be a Jedi anymore,” Ten said.
“One cannot unlearn what they know,” G said.
“I don’t want to be a Jedi. That would make me what, the last Jedi?” Ten said.
“I don’t want the job. I don’t want to kill anyone else.”
“Then don’t,” G said. “But you won’t be the last. You can’t be. The Force is in all of us. Ten, what you experienced is a normal awakening. This is the way it most often happens. And when it does, it usually happens spontaneously to people who have never had any teaching or any previous experiences, or any indication of being Force sensitive. Lots of people have been in situations where they suddenly find unknown strength and knowledge to act. Some, find it on the battlefield. Some find it during a crisis. I know a dainty wife who lifted a crashed speeder up off her husband so he could crawl out. She lifted at least a ton without thinking about it and then set it down. That is the Force. She never experienced the Force like that again, but neither she nor her spouse doubted what occurred. You have trained for this. You have touched it. Now, learn to do it with neutrality. Learn to do it with love. In all things, strive for balance.”
“I didn’t disappoint you?” Ten asked, tears strolling down her face.
“You will never disappointment me,” G said.
“Even if I had ended my life?” Ten asked.
“Ten, if you had ended your life, I would be more concerned about how I had disappointed you,” G said.
“Oh, G, you could never disappoint me. I love you,” Ten said, and then got it. “This is love? This is real love?”
“This is real love,” G said.
“The times you think you want to end are the times you are extremely stressed and that stress has temporarily blocked your perception of love. If you wait a moment, your experience of love will return.”
“Define ‘a moment,’” Ten asked.
“The length of time it takes to reconnect with love,” G said.
“That’s still pretty vague,” Ten said, feeling like she should be cross, but couldn’t even fake it.
“Because it varies per person per situation, but it always returns,” G said.
“But from my perspective, there is no time, because there is no space, therefore there is no separation. There is only love.”
Ten hugged him.
“Stay with me for a while? At least until I recover FindIt?” Ten asked.
“Sure,” G said.
They went to the flight deck together. Ten brought them out of hyperspace without thinking, a risky move considering she had no clue where she was, but they arrived in interstellar space unscathed. She turned the ship, making the calculations to return to where she had been.
Before punching it, she considered, she could never return to where she had been. She had changed. Her finger hovered over the button. Space, the stars, it all seemed to make sense, but it was fleeting and gone and her self-doubts rolled in. She pushed the button, and pulled on the throttle. As soon as they were in hyperspace, she relaxed. She looked at the slip stream flowing around the ship.
“Do you remember when I was dead and you helped me?” Ten said. “I have never experienced a greater level of peace. Can I have that here, on this plane, in this life?”
G was silent for a moment, seeking words. Words came. They felt old, but perhaps yet unwritten: “A poet once wrote, or will write, sometimes I am confused about these things, but anyway, ‘These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.” Probably not in the same sonnet, but it feels like in the same breath, he also said ‘You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.’ I have a lot of answers, Ten. I have none of yours. That is your job. All I can tell you is, I will walk with you, so keep walking. I will practice with you, so keep practicing. Even I am just trying to get better at this, whatever this is.”
If Ten heard him or even reflected over the poetry he had offered, it was not apparent. “I think it’s important to tell you, if I stay here, in this life, and I meet her again, I am going to kill Daphne,” Ten said.
G nodded, sympathetically. He didn’t try pursuing it or understanding it. He was sure it made sense somewhere in the galaxy.
“You’re not going to correct me?” Ten said.
“You have the right to choose your own path,” G said.
“No advice?” Ten asked.
“Pff. You have not listened to anything your mother and I have given you yet, why start now?” G said, trying for humor.
“So, that’s it, I am a Jedi?” Ten asked.
G chuckled. “Not yet. But welcome to being an adult.”
“Being an adult sucks,” Ten said.
“That’s how you know you arrived,” G said.
Ten actually smiled. “Don’t tell mom what we talk about,” Ten said.
“I won’t keep secrets from your mother,” G said.
Ten sighed. “She’ll worry.”
“And that would be different how?” G asked.
Corissa’s office had a balcony with a view of the lake, and depending on overflow conditions, the waterfall that ensued. Today, it was an easy spill, simply water flowing gently over the side. If the gate was lowered, it would be a white wall rushing down to a turbine. She sat drinking a brew with Jordeen. Their morning conversation had lulled and they were enjoying the stillness when a hummingbird arrived, its iridescent wings a blur. It hovered. Corissa’s lowered her brew.
“Do you see that?” Corissa said.
“It’s beautiful,” Jordeen said. “What is it?”
And then it was gone, vanishing around the mountain, a blur of colors.
“I don’t understand. It’s not a native species here,” Corissa said. “And I have only seen one once before. Ten!”
“I am sure she is okay. If she need anything, G would know and he would go to her,” Jordeen said.
Corissa nodded. That made sense. She relaxed a little.
“Maybe that’s your spirit guide, checking in on you,” Jordeen said.
“Or maybe Ten is worried about you.”
“Why would anyone worry about me? I am fine,” Corissa said.
Jordeen laugh. “Yes. You cope better than most, and you function better than most, but I would hardly say you were fine.”
Corissa dismissed the statement as just banter. She drank her brew. A half-eaten veggie egg muffin sat on her plate. There were several more on a plate between them. Jordeen had already eaten several. Several ships leaving the Three Sisters moved through their picturesque view. She waved away an insect that tried to settle in on her breakfast. She didn’t see the bug as a spirit guide, so why should she imagine a bird was? It was probably just someone’s pet that got free from its cage. It was probably just coincidence. She didn’t need an excuse to think about Ten. She always thought about Ten.
“I have my health. I have food and shelter. What else is there?” Corissa asked.
“Different people want different things,” Jordeen said.
“Health is a wide spectrum. You and I have share a past with trauma. Since coming here, we have become experts in dealing with other people’s trauma. We have solicited a variety of experts from spiritual advisors to mental health professionals, integrated multi-varied paths for recovery, and even integrated a pathway for survivors to be part of the healing process for others, so that we aren’t just changing individuals, we are changing the group. We have only just begun, but I imagine the Three Sisters will be a shining star in terms of healing. It will be a refuge. People will come from all over the galaxy wanting our help. And they will see us, the leaders, you, me, and they will know we have our own stories and that we are clearly functional. And many of them, like you, will ask, ‘what else is there?’ Is there more than just surviving?”
“You want me to give them the Force? Give them life meaning?” Corissa asked.
Jordeen shrugged.
“What do you want?”
“I am doing what I want,” Jordeen said.
“Yes, you are doing what you said you would do,” Jordeen agreed. “You said you would devote time to the orphanage, you did. When feeding the poor on Axxila wasn’t enough, you expanded to this, and now not only do you run an orphanage, you are now running the biggest shelter for wayward souls this side of the galaxy. You have exceeded your own expectation. But you have not really answered the question. What do you want?”
“What do you mean, what do I want?! This is what I wanted. This is it,” Corissa said.
“Oh,” Jordeen said, brooding over her brew.
She nodded, almost rocked her chair, and she put a hand on the arm to still it, and waited for the tremors to pass. She was down from fifty a day to a twelve a day. For her, health meant she wasn’t hurting due to being in a constant state of arousal. Her thoughts could be completed without the worry of multiple interruptions. “So this is happiness?”
Corissa met Jordeen’s eyes, not really sure what she meant.
“I don’t understand.”
“You’re happy, this is happy,” Jordeen said.
“I am not unhappy, if that’s what you mean,” Corissa said.
“Your definition of happiness is not being unhappy,” Jordeen said.
“I have not thought about defining it,” Corissa said. “I mean, I know enough to know that having a list of expectations doesn’t produce happiness. The list is a guide. Goals are healthy, and can be a form of measuring distance yet to travel. But it’s not like I needed the perfect habitat on a secluded mountain and marriage and my own children.”
“You want to be married and have children?” Jordeen asked.
Corissa laughed.
“Hell no. There are enough kids to feed without me adding more.”
“Agreed. Having children isn’t a requirement to feeling fulfilled,” Jordeen said. “But you do wonder.”
“That ship has sailed,” Corissa said.
“You’re not that old. There is tech available to ensure a successful pregnancy and healthy child,” Jordeen said.
“I don’t want to have children,” Corissa said, firmly.
Jordeen nodded. She believed her. “But you want something.”
“You are relentless this morning,” Corissa said.
“Probing. Wanting to go deep. There is no deep, Jordeen. I don’t have any dark, deep secrets of wanting or urgencies to purge. Did one of the nuns put you up to this?”
“You’re deeper than you allow for,” Jordeen said. “But no, no one put me up to it. Maybe the Force. I feel like there is something just below the surface wanting to emerge, but you’re not allowing it. You do know, we teach that recovery is a lifelong process, that we are never done, never fully arrived, and in that we foster compassion for ourselves when we think we should be further along than we are.”
“I don’t think I need to be further along. I don’t think I need to be anywhere,” Corissa said.
“You want me to doubt where I am?”
“Good point,” Jordeen said.
“I am sorry for being relentless.” Corissa’s expression softened.
“I love you, too.”
Jordeen shivered, gripping her chair. She sighed. “I love you, sister.”
“We’re not related, you know that, right?” Corissa said.
“Would you prefer mother?” Jordeen said.
“You’re the right age, and that title might be better than lord chief and commander.”
“Oh, Force me, tell me they’re not calling me that!” Corissa said.
“Mother or lord chief and commander?” Jordeen asked, smiling mischievously.
“I am going to hurt you,” Corissa said.
“The great mother, lord supreme, and chief and commander,” Jordeen continued.
“If I hear this, I am going to hold you responsible,” Corissa said.
The pleasantries were interrupted by work. An aid enter, a young man named Ordon, who worked as her secretary when Isho was off duty.
“I am sorry to disturb your breakfast, Corissa,” Ordon said.
“But Senator Dayo has arrived and is in the conference room. You did want to speak to her privately before the meeting.”
“I did,” Corissa said. “Thank you, Ordon.”
“Oh, and, I was told to inform you that Master Waycaster has summoned the Immanence to him. It will be leaving orbit in one hour,” Ordon said.
“What?!” Corissa asked, standing up. “Get me Admiral Chin on the holo.”
Ordon ran to do her bidding. Jordeen got up and followed Corissa into her office, where a hologram of the Admiral was forming.
“Good Morning, Ms Fite,” Chin said.
“Don’t good morning me, Lee. You know you’re not a real admiral. You work for me,” Corissa said.
“I work for Master Waycaster. He has called and I will answer,” Chin said.
“He left you here as a deterrent until our ground based laser cannons are fully functional,” Corissa said.
“I understand what the original mission parameters were, but Waycaster intends to deploy us, and we have sworn an oath to him,” Chin said. “If it’s any consolation, we’re only going to Axxila. We’re probably only be gone a day or so.”
“Worlds have fallen in less time,” Corissa said.
“I am sure if that was a concern, Waycaster would not have called for us,” Chin said.
“He is not a god, you moron. He is human first, a young man second, and though he has certainly earned some street creds fighting Bloodhunters, he is not by any means a tactical wizard, or even a hardened battle commander,” Corissa said.
“None the less, we will answer his call,” Chin said.
“Fuck me,” Corissa said, terminating the call.
“Ordon, get me Preston.”
“What about your meeting?” Ordon said.
“I am going, but you come and get me the moment he answers,” Corissa said.
Jordeen touched her arm, trying to reassure her.
“I am no longer not unhappy. Happy?” Corissa asked, pulling free of Jordeen’s touch. She stormed off.
Ordon turned hesitantly to Jordeen. “What should I do?”
“Probably get G on the line,” Jordeen said, and followed after Corissa.
Jordeen found her in the corridor, having been intercepted by Commander Rosh.
“I thought we agreed, no telepaths,” Rosh said.
“I didn’t hire a telepath,” Corissa said.
“No, Master Waycaster did, and she is up there on the dock requesting to see you,” Rosh said.
“I can’t very well run security for the base if you have a telepath running a