Chapter 16 letting go
There were several ways to look for a person. One could actively engage in a search, methodically seeking out places that one intuits where a person might go based on one’s understanding of them, or you could simply quiet the mind and allow the Force to guide you. Preston took the latter route, realizing he would catch up to Daphne when the time was right. He knew their connection was of the Force and that they were drawn together for a purpose that would reveal itself at the Force’s convenience.
The town of Pornrat Hoi was surprisingly busy. Kiosks and vending carts lined the street, some minded by service Droids, but mostly by people. As he studied the people, he made an assumption. Had they been living on a planet with standard gravity, the average size of the citizen would have been much smaller. He wasn’t sure how he came to that conclusion, as the people didn’t look odd, he simply imagined them being smaller. He wondered if that was Force intuition or perhaps there was knowledge of these people somewhere in his head but he unable to find the connection. In truth, it didn’t matter, but he was curious how his mind work, and that was how he got stuck watching the people. He found a relatively quiet place, just to observe, and after a while realize he ogled the women at a greater sampling rate than was explained by random viewings. No doubt, some of that was due to his just being heterosexual. The other part was how the females dressed. He decided that he liked seeing women in dresses. He couldn’t say that the women here were especially exotic, but only because he grew up not being around any females and so all women were particularly exotic to him. Years of solitude had no doubt increased his libido, and though many, if not most, cultures encouraged the individual to suppress this energy, he came from a philosophy and practice that openly pursued sexuality. Sensuality, it was believed, when diligently purused, led to greater access to the Force, and deeper, meaningful forays into existence, approaching states of transcendance. It was believed that the bliss one felt during a ‘turn over’ was merely a hint of the sustained levels of joy that awaited at the higher levels of consciousness.
The thought occurred to him that he was just as alone now, surrounded by potential female friends, as he ever was on the moon, isolated from all people. If not more so, because here there were people, but he had no idea of a social protocol that allowed him to engage, so in some ways, alone on the moon was easier. Granted, his training suggested the separation he was imagining was an illusion, a disconnect from the Force, but sometimes it was a very real experience. Seeing others actively engaged in their routine, oblivious to his being was a curious thing. It was as if he were invisible. That thought reeled him in a little closer to a truth, or at least a hint of truth. There was nothing particularly special about him that might attract someone out of the blue. They had their friends, their families, their circles, and he was an outsider. Simply existing and wanting did not necessarily result in relief, but that too was a reflection of the dualistic nature of this level existence. An absence was just as good as an occurrence.
A crowd was gathering at a building nearby. It was enough of a distraction that he decided to draw closer to the event, to get away from his thoughts of loneliness and wanting. The building was a four story hotel, with a bar resteraunt at the base. There was the sound of furniture being tossed about coming from within, marked by the sound of a bottle crashing against the door. Preston got up closer and listened to the bar owner explaining to the law enforcement officer his version of events. Basically, some guy name Frant was hitting on this female, she told him to back off, and he touched her, she then broke his arm, and then his friends got involved, and then she went crazy and started tearing the whole place up.
“Crazy Jedi” was said more than once during the story.
“May I go in and talk to her?” Preston asked.
“This is a job for the law, son. I can’t risk anyone else being hurt,” officer Dresert said.
“She and I are companions. I may be able to talk some sense into her,” Preston offered.
“You’re a Jedi?” Dresert asked, surprised. He noticed the Lightaber and sighed.
“Two Jedi’s in one day. What kind of trouble are you bringing to my peaceful town?”
Preston shrugged.
“I am sorry for the disturbance. I can only say that I am willing to pay for any damages to your establishment,” Preston said to the owner.
“I have never known a Jedi to have money,” Dresert said.
“If he can pay, I accept,” Kamnan said.
“I won’t press charges if he pays for the damage.”
“I’m going to press charges,” Frant said.
“For what? The witnesses all agree she told you to back off. You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t press charges against you and your brothers,” Dresert said.
“What will it take to make this go away?” Preston asked.
Dresert frowned.
“I don’t like the idea of you doing my job, but quite frankly, I don’t think my men are up to taking down a Jedi, even if she is drunk,” he said.
“You get her up to a room, and she sleeps it off and causes no more trouble, and Kamnan here is satisfied with the compensation, I’d say we’re done here.”
“Do you have any rooms available?” Preston asked.
“Top floor, room seven. It’s a luxuary suite. It’s expensive,” Ramnan said.
Preston nodded, started to push into the bar. Kamnan stopped him with a touch to his arm, holding up a device. Preston drew out a few coin. Ramnan shook his head no. Preston dug deeper and puled out a credit chip he had been given on Axila. He touched the chip to the device. There was a slight pause while the manchine deliberated and Preston wondered if that chip would even be good here, but then it rang through and presented green lights.
“Room seven it is, then!” Ramnan said.
“And don’t worry about breaking stuff. I have been looking for a reason to remodel.”
“And son, you have fifteen minutes till my backup arrives, then we come in firing stun weapons. If that fails, we will escalate, and someone will likely die,” Dresert said.
Preston pushed into the bar. He caught a bottle that was hurled at him.
“What do you want?” Daphne asked.
“I thought we were traveling back to Darthomoir together,” Preston said.
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Daphne said. Then quieter.
“I’m not going anywhere. Go ahead and gloat. You’re right. I’m wrong. That’s what you want to hear, right?”
“Would that help?” Preston asked. He drew closer, setting the bottle he had caught on the bar.
“Because I would like to help?”
Daphne scoffed.
“Why? “Because you’re a friend.”
“When did we become friends?”
“The moment our blades met,” Preston said.
Daphne downed another drink and slammed the glass hard on the counter. She picked up the bottle and poured another round, adding a glass and shoving it towards Preston.
“Drink, friend,” Daphne said, torturing the word friend.
“I’m not sure…”
“Drink, or I will kick your ass,” Daphne insisted.
Preston picked up the glass and they downed their drinks together. Preston coughed. Daphne laughed.
“First drink?” Daphne asked.
“Yeah,” Preston said, examining the empty glass before setting it down.
“You know, the law out there wants to arrest you.”
“They do, eh?” Daphne said, moving towards the door.
Preston got in front of her, put his hands on her arms.
“Daphne, there is another way.”
“You think you can take me?” Daphne asked.
“I think if we go up to a room and sleep this off, you don’t go to jail,” Preston said.
“No one else gets hurt.”
Daphne laughed.
“Slick. You want to have your way with me? Alright. I’m game. Come on, playboy. Let’s do this,” she said, grabbing his wrist and leading him up the lift. She grabed a bottle off the bar as she headed up.
“Which room?”
“Top floor, room seven,” Preston said, not trying to persuade her that he wasn’t attempting to be intimate with her. The sooner he got her to a room and out of public, the less likely she was to be arrested.
The doors opened and Daphne dragged Preston into the lift. The doors closed, the lift kicked into gear, and she fell back into him. She laughed as he put her back on her feet, suggesting if he wanted to, she would be quite happy if he ‘took’ her right here. He suggested she would be more comfortable in the room. The lift stopped and she led him to the room, counting the doors. She fell into him again at the door, kissing his face.
“Made it. Let’s do it here in the hallway,” Daphne said, tugging at his shirt.
Preston opened the door and guided her into the room. The bed was heart shaped, with red satin sheets. A white throw rug separated the bed from a hot tub, surrounded by flowers. A table near the bed offered a variety of of massage oil. A couch tailored specifically to enhance human coupling, shaped much like a wave, drew her attention.
“Oh, wow,” Daphne said, marveling at the comfort offered. She set the bottle of wine down on the table. She took her boots off and set them on a shoe stand by the door.
“This is… Wow. Sure beats the rock I’ve been living in.”
Daphne started lighting candles, while Preston kicked off his boots before going deeper into the room. He hung his pack on the rack attached to the wall above the shoe stand. He turned to find Daphne unexpectedly on him, kissing him. He put on the brakes.
“Daphne. You’ve been drinking,” Preston pointed out.
“I’m not that drunk. I know what I am doing,” Daphne said.
“Still, you’re higher reasoning is likely impaired,” Preston said.
“Oh, so now, suddenly, you’re a Jedi,” Daphne complained.
“Just giving you an out,” Preston said.
“I don’t want an out. I want sex,” Daphne said.
“You in? Or do I have to go back to drinking and fighting?”
Preston responded by lifting her and taking her to the bed. They hit the bed together, bouncing. Daphne laughed, tearing at his clothes. He in turn worked on opening her robe, fumbling over fasteners. Daphne got impatient with his fumbling and helped him. Swept up in the urgency, fueled by passion, the stirrings of the Force, and a touch of alcohol, the ‘turn over’ hit her hard, cascading through her body, but interestingly reverberated through his body, catching him up with her, so they both were depleted simultaneously. Sleep took them both, but it took Preston deeper. She awoke, uncertain how long she had been asleep, but feeling surprisingly joyful. Her right leg and arm were draped over Preston, as if she had been hugging him the whole time. He was so still she had to sit up to see if he was breathing. Several candles remained burning, giving just enough light that she could see his abdomen move as he took deep air. She realized his eyes were moving beneath the eyelids, indicating he was in REM sleep.
Daphne leaned close and whispered: “Are you speaking with your Jedi? Am I in there, somewhere? I hope so. I hope you are holding me close.” She kissed him lightly on the neck, drawing circles on his chest with her fingers.
“Feel me touching you in your dream. Feel my caress, my mouth against yours.” She shivered, finding herself extremely aroused.
“Is it true what they say? Males have errection while dreaming?” She pulled the covers back to determine for herself. The fullness of it stirred her even more than she was stirring her self, the memory of her ‘turn over’ still resonating within every cell.
“Stay in your dream,” she instructed, easing herself on top of him.
“I’m with you, in your dream, stay there with me,” she encouraged. When he didn’t wake, she slid gently down, pressing into him. She was so ready, and he was sufficiently hard and correctly positioned, that she took him into her without guiding hands. It took intense effort for her not to rush it all the way, but instead, she took him in slowly, savoring the sensation. She also hoped that by taking him in slowly she would minimize his stimulus in order to avoid waking him. Her face hovered over his face. Using the Force to liven her senses, breathing in as he exhaled, breathing out as he inhaled, her mouth near his, her hair dangling over his face, she felt one with him on all levels. She shivered. It was a small, unexpected ‘turn over’ that started in her lower lumbar and rushed up her spine to the base of her neck, calling the almost invisble hairs on her arms to attention. She gasped, fighting not to drop all her weight on him when her arms and knees went weak. She breathed through it, regathering her focus, and continued to bear down on him, grinding resolutely. When she had taken him in as far she could, she rested her bossom against him, laid her head on the bed beside his head, her chin touching his shoulder. She continued grinding subtly aginst him.
“I want you to arrive inside your dream,” she whispered.
“You want me in your dream. Your whole dream is me and I fill you completely.”
Daphne experienced another ‘turn over,’ stronger than the last, but still not as strong as the one that had put her and Preston to sleep. She clinged tightly to Preston, no longer caring if she woke him. As her muscles relaxed from the spasm, again she took inventory and found him still hard within her. The fullness inside her kept her escalating, even without movement. There was an urgency to continue, as if she could arrive at a new, greater level. The hot wetness between their bodies made it easy to give into her impulse. A bead of sweat ran down her forehead. She heard Preston’s voice in her head, urging her to keep going. The suddeness of the voice inside her head, not in her ears, had her clench every muscle, causing her to freeze as if caught in the act of doing something wrong. That locking down of her muscles set off another series of spasms, going from upper thighs to the crown of her head, and then back. She let out a breathless, stuttering sigh.
“Keep going,” his voice in her head pleaded. She pushed up with her hands, her head hovering near his ear, her chest just enough high enough that only her breast moved against his as her grinding became more vigorous. She felt as if she were on fire, perspiration decreasing the friction between them even more. In a soft voice she encouraged him to arrive inside her, while inside his dreamstate. His dream became liquid light, exploding into a white intensity that brought him instantly awake. She felt that light move through her like a Force pulse and both shifted awareness out of their body. They saw with Force vision, a 360 view that encompassed every detail of the room, as if they were one with the room and with each other. There were no shadows, as everything was made of light, organic or not, but their bodies were brilliant luminescence, golden light crystalized with auras, and twirling, intertwining rays. Noticeable energy points within them shone like a Galaxy of stars, and streams of energy connected the stars to each other within them, and to each other, as if they were a tangled web of energy. They were shining silhouettes dancing amonst lesser lights. When the ecstatic state eased and their vision returned to normal, they experienced a recoil into the physical body, lighting up every cell between them with a ‘turn over’ that left them both so completely satiated and refreshed it was as if they had slept a full cycle. Daphne laid on top of him, secure in his arms.
“What was that?” she asked when she found her voice.
“I don’t know,” Preston admitted, not sharing his first thought which was the word ‘entrainment,’ which in physics describes the tipping point in a substance when all the elements and molecules line up and the items becomes magnetically charged. It was as if the ‘turn over’ had happened at the physical, emotional, mental, and astral levels all at the same time.
“Can you do it again?”
“Oh, I hope so. We will have to try and duplicate what we did tonight, figure out the steps, and see if we can achieve it on a regular basis,” Preston said.
Daphne met his eyes.
“So, there is a ‘we’?”
Preston seemed confused.
“I made that assumption even before we were intimate,” Preston said.
“There is something here that needs exploring.”
“I think we’re connected by the Force,” Daphne said.
“Well, of course,” Preston said, wondering how she could imagine it being anything else.
“Everything is connected to the Force. It’s all Force.”
“Not everything,” Daphne said.
“Everything,” Preston said, gently.
“We are only limited by our own imaginations.”
“I don’t believe that,” Daphne said.
“I know,” Preston said.
Daphne seemed perturbed.
“You know,” she repeated.
“I suspect your beliefs are holding you back,” Preston said.
“It’s why you’re struggling at this level.”
“Will you teach me?” Daphne asked.
“We’ll teach each other,” Preston said.
Daphne moved off him, took his arm and pulled him close, into a spooning position. She might have drifted asleep, but she became aware that he ‘wanted’ her again. Just feeling him against her magnified her own wanting. They became one once more, without leaving the spooning position. Their ‘turn over’ was fairly mundane and it’s affects quite typical; the two of them fell asleep.
♫♪►
Nolasco was gathering a few items from his office, expecting he was about to be fired, and not really caring. There wasn’t really much he wanted here, either, so he could just walk away without regret. There was a crystal on his desk he had found on a planet he had crashed landed on so many years ago. He wanted that and so he put it in a box. There was a projector with perhaps a couple thousand or so holograms spanning his life, from childhood to present. That went in the box. A redlight on his desk indicated an incoming call. He activated the holographic display and his wife appeared in the room.
“I’m confused,” Tillia said.
“You signed the divorce papers. Your lawyer says he didn’t even get a chance to look over them.”
“It wasn’t necessary. I agreed to all your terms,” Nolasco said.
“I really expected a fight,” Tillia said.
“I’m done fighting with you, Tillia. I wish you well,” Nolasco said, reaching for the off button.
“Wait,” Tillia said.
“I didn’t really want this at all. I was angry and wanting you to engage me.”
Nolasco came around his desk, leaned against it, crossed his arms. He closed his eyes and thought for a long moment, shifting through his emotions.
“Before I met you, I was a warrior,” Nolasco said.
“An extremely successful, warrior.”
“I know. It’s why I married you,” Tillia interrupted.
“No, Tillia, you don’t know shit about me,” Nolasco said, but not with anger. It was a determination to be heard.
“Now, you can listen to me for once and use that information to figure out your own life, or I can end this call and we go live our lives, but either way, we are finished.” In the history of their marriage, he had never used profanity. She was either shocked into silence, or had decided she was going to let him speak; he wasn’t sure which, but he took it.
“I was so brilliant I frequently got to fly wingman for Darth Vader himself. In the name of the Empire, I did some horrible things. I rationalized that it was for the benefit of society as a whole, if we squashed the rebellion, got rid of the Jedi, society might move forwards towards a new, glorious way of being. The more I did in the name of the Emperor, the more I had to buy into that rationality, because not doing so meant accepting I was wrong. I failed my last mission. I accomplished most of the mission objectives, but I also crashed. As I waited for rescue to pick me up, I made peace with the fact that I was going to be executed, was actually relieved that it was all finally over. Surprisingly, I was given an honorable discharge. Most people meet a firing squad for my level of failure. I imagine that had Darth Vader been on board, he would have killed me himself. I was not prepared for the life I was thrusted into. For about three months I was on verge of suicide. My brother found me, of all people, in a bar, trying to drown memories I didn’t want to face. He got me sobered up and got me hired on with Bio Enc. Conlay owed him a favor and I thought, wow, this might be my chance to turn my life around and do something descent for people, make up for all the things I did back in the war.
“And then I met you. A self serving, power hungry, elitist, pretentious bitch,” Nolasco said.
“And I did what I always did best. Fell in line and followed orders. In some ways, I figured I deserved you, as a form of punishment. I want to say I hated you, Tillia. I certainly used that as an excuse for the numerous affairs I had over the years. Yes, Tillia, surprise, I was unfaithful. You didn’t really think I closed all of those deals getting people lickered up and laid without participating right along beside them, did you? But the truth is, I feared you and I hated myself. My self loathing knew no bounds because I didn’t think I was capable of doing good. And then I met Preston Waycaster. He has so much faith that things are going to be okay that it’s kind of contagious. And though I suspect he would deny that he is a good man, he has a way of knowing people, and being genuine with them, and it is served with humility and kindness and he reminds me of the man I once wanted to be. Now, I am fairly confident I am about to be fired by the board of execs because of the deal Preston made, but I support that deal a hundred percent and I am finished being afraid. Whatever will be will be.”
He expected tears. She gave him laughter.
“Ah, Nol, Nol, Nol, you were always so weak,” Tillia said.
“I didn’t realize how weak till now. I hope you and your new friend like being impoverished, because you will never have another career like this again. And I will go out of my way to sabotage anything that comes your way, including poisoning our children against you.”
“I recognize that there are some things simply out of my control, and fighting you over the children will likely do more harm towards them than letting them be, allowing them to mature at their own rate, and letting them discover for themselves what is truth,” Nolasco said, and he closed the call.
Kiesha was standing on the threshold between Nolasco office and the receptionist area. Her expression was unreadable.
Nolasco nodded.
“How much did you hear?”
“All of it,” Kiesha said.
“Good,” Nolasco said.
“You need to know the kind of man I am before you get any closer.”
“I knew the kind of man you were before we started our affair,” Kiesha said.
“And I still love you.”
“Why?” he asked.
Kiesha shrugged.
“Do I have to have an answer?”
“It would be nice,” Nolasco said.
“I am one step down more broken than you and you lifted me up,” Kiesha said.
Nolasco went to her, pulled her into an embrace.
“Oh, you are not broken. Why would you think that?”
“I’ll tell you, after your meeting. They’re ready for you. I just didn’t want to interrupt your call,” Kiesha said.
Nolasco kissed her, took her arm in his, and they walked together to the Board Room. It was a private meeting, no stock holders. Six of the seven CEO’s were at the table. Conlay was not present. The CEO’s were in a semi circle, with a lone chair in front of them. Nolasco went to the chair and stood behind it, his hands behind his back, at ‘parade rest.’
“Have a seat, Nolasco,” Mr. Orms said, not looking up from his computer screen.
“If it’s all the same to you, Vice President Orms, I would like to remain standing in front of the firing squad.”
Mr. Orms looked up, removing his reading glasses.
“Fire you? Why the hell would you think we were firing you?”
“You’re not firing me?” Nolasco asked, surprised.
“We’re inviting you to become President of the company,” Mr. Orms said.
“Is that something you would be interested in?”
Nolasco sat down in the chair. Kiesha put a hand on his shoulder.
“I don’t think I understand,” Nolasco said.
“We’ve been wanting a deal with Darthomir for over ten years now and you finally got us one. Granted, some of the share holders are not happy with the specifics, but our PR demographics statistical software says the deal was the right move at the right time. The positive galactic social reaction is likely to increase our net worth and competitiveness in the core by a factor of twelve. Of course, that’s all preliminary statistics. There is hard work ahead, if you think you can lead us to that next plateau,” Mr. Orms said.
“Conlay is quite capable,” Nolasco said.
“Conlay is old and set in his ways. You’ve demonstrated you can compete using the old ways, but more, you have revealed that you are capable of adapting,” Mr. Orms said.
“We want you to continue recruiting new, younger minds and set them up to carry the torch, so the corporation might go another hundred years.”
“Still, I am curious what Conlays thinks about this change in command,” Nolasco pressed.
“Your loyalty is admirable. Suffice it to say, the law firm we employ has some fairly stringnent ethical boundaries for the CEO’s of this company. Faced with exposure and allogations of conspiracy to fraud the public by a certain share holder, who is most likely a co- conspirator in manipulating market shares and culpable of insider trading, Conlay agreed to an early retirement. The shareholders directly involved were encouraged to sell their shares back to the company in leiu of an investigation that might lead to legal repercussions. Due to the extent of allegations, the amount of evidence at our disposal, and given the specific people involved, we are able to utilize an article in the bylaws that allow us to appoint a new Leader without having to run it through the share holders. You would not be sitting there now if the six of us were not in complete agreement in this matter,” Mr. Orm said.
“We’re just waiting to hear if you accept.”
Nolasco looked to Kiesha.
“Whatever you decide, dear. I’m with you,” Kiesha said. Nolasco stood up, took Kiesha’s hand.
“I accept,” Nolasco said.
“Very well. There’s some paper work you will need to sign, and you might want to aquaint yourself with the code ethics clause in your contract,” Mr. Orm said.
“We like our law firm and we’re not going to loose it from fear of tarnishing our reputation or our partner’s. On signing the contract, you will have a one year trial period, after which the shareholders will have to vote on keeping you. If they vote you out, you will continue to hold the office until they vote someone worthy to take over, someone who we six must also approve. So, you could technically hold that position for a while, unless you just somehow really fuck it up. Conlay should be packed out of his office by the end of tomorrow. You can take it over then. Good evening, Mr. President.”
The six stood up and departed the room. Kiesha hugged him.
“I sure as hell didn’t see that coming,” Nolasco said.
“You really do deserve it,” Kiesha said.
“No, Kiesha. I don’t derserve anything,” Nolasco told her.
“But by the grace of the Force, I will serve as best I can.”
A door opened and the chief of security for the company, Ianther, entered.
“Is it official? You’re the President?”
“Technically, I have some paper work to go over,” Nolasco said.
“Okay, well, I just wanted to make this report in person. A while back we discovered a Trojan in the company computers,” security began.
“I remember something about that,” Nolasco said.
“Yeah, well, I used a memory back up of our system on an isolated computer to see if I could determine the extent of the intrusion by the malware, as well as what harm it had done,” Ianther said.
“I was able to root out its code. It was initially triggered by set of DNA. The program took the DNA and broadcasted it over a hyperspace channel, along with one word, ‘fetch.’”
“Whose DNA?” Nolasco asked.
“A Preston G Waycaster,” Ianther said.
“Oh, dear God,” Nolasco said. He went to the nearest computer, scrolled through the contract to the final page and signed it.
“Ianther, as acting President of this company, I need the fastest ship you can secure on short notice, and an elite fighting team. Retired imperial soldiers, if you can get them.”
“What’s going on?” Kiesha said.