When I had some sense back, I asked, “You’re not afraid I’ll hurt you?”
He smiled. “I can take it.”
“Maybe I should bring her to the infirmary?” said John. “Check her out.”
I looked over at John. I could tell he didn’t like Loren holding me and was trying to separate us. With everything going on, my imprisonment, my amnesia, and the fact that Victor could be dead, I wasn’t in the mood to rejoice at having two guys who desired me. Besides, I had another reason for wanting to see Loren.
“Loren?” I began, “can we walk back to my cell, alone?”
Loren smiled and said, “Sure.”
“That has to be cleared,” spoke up Henrietta. “I’m her attendant.”
John stepped forward. “She’s right, Loren.”
I could tell that John would rather have Henrietta bonded to me than Loren.
Loren sighed. “Medusa, I’m requesting permission to take…” He trailed off and looked at me. “You need a name. We can’t keep calling you ‘Stargazer,’ or ‘Anomaly,’ or ‘Alien.’”
“Ava,” John whispered. “I’ve been thinking about that for some time,” he continued in a louder voice. He smiled at me. “I think it suits you well.”
“Ava?” I asked, confused.
“Ava from Lavandula or Lavender,” replied John with a smile.
Loren smiled too. “That’s a great name. Medusa, I’m requesting permission to take the anomaly, now known as ‘Ava,’ back to her cell.”
A white panel on the wall changed to a black screen and she appeared. I was growing fond of Medusa, despite that fact that she was spying on me and everyone else.
“I am sending your request to the Madam Secretary.”
“Is she still in Quadrant Delta?” I asked.
“No, she is in her quarters.”
“Is that within the same building as President Pallas?”
“Yes.”
“They’ve grown closer,” said Henrietta, with notable sadness. “He talks to her now more than me.”
“It used to not be that way,” added John. “Pallas made all the decisions. If you asked to speak to him, he would appear on screen. No one has seen him since you arrived.”
“Do you think if I asked to see him, he would refuse me?”
John shrugged. “I don’t know. You could try.”
“No, I don’t think so. For as strong as I am, I fear him. I fear his face.”
“He’s a handsome man,” said Henrietta, wistfully.
I shook my head. “It has nothing to do with appearance. I dread seeing the face of the man who is responsible for this world.”
I expected a rebuttal from Henrietta, but she stayed silent. I hoped she had come to the realization that her servitude to Pallas was wrong. I assumed John and Loren stayed silent so they wouldn’t be labeled as “traitors.”
Medusa stopped tilting her head every which way to reply. “The Madam Secretary has granted your request to take ‘Ava’ back to her cell. President Pallas was informed of the new designation and has agreed to her name. He has decreed for her to be called ‘Ava’ from now on. Also, she is to receive clothes more fitting to her desires. She is still to be reprimanded to Quadrant Echo, Sublevel 001. She can dine in the cafeteria with the other inmates, as long as she is with Henrietta, who is now no longer a slave to President Pallas, having been made the personal attendant to ‘Ava’.”
“President Pallas no longer wants me?” asked Henrietta with tears in her eyes.
“He no longer has any use for you. You are to sleep in Ava’s cell which has been modified to accommodate two inmates.”
“But-but who will read poetry to him?”
“I can check for you.”
She shook her head, wiping the tears from her eyes. I felt so sorry for her, but I was glad she was to be rid of that man. Although, I wondered why he no longer wanted her, and why she had been assigned to me.
“No, don’t check,” she urged. “I don’t want to know.”
“Bet it’s the Madam Secretary,” whispered Loren.
John approached Henrietta. “Why don’t we go to the gardens? The roses are in bloom.”
I didn’t know there were gardens around, but I was sure I wouldn’t be able to see them. I would have loved to see roses, to smell roses, to pick roses, careful that a thorn didn’t prick my skin, but that wasn’t a prisoner privilege, I assumed. I had been given more leeway, but rose- picking would probably be denied. I reminded myself to ask later though. I hoped John would take Henrietta there and console her. I didn’t know how she was going to cope with being in a locked cell with me. I knew she couldn’t hurt me, but she would be a poor roommate, crying over her separation from her handsome president.
Henrietta hesitated, sniffing, and then said weakly, “Okay.”
I looked at John and mouthed, “Thank you.”
He nodded in reply and smiled, but his eyes swept to Loren, holding me close. He didn’t like that.
“Loren, can we unbind?” I asked.
“We have to hold hands at least.”
He separated from me and clasped only my hand that he gave a gentle squeeze to, weaving his fingers with mine. John left with Henrietta first, guiding her by her elbow. Before they turned to leave, he glanced back at me and Loren, standing behind them.
“Can I come see you later?”
I nodded. “Of course you can.”
He smiled at me, but gave Loren a look that said, “She’s not yours.”
I didn’t want to be anybody’s, but I wasn’t going to push them away when I needed their help. Loren merely smiled at John, as if he had already won.
We walked to the elevator and waited for the doors to open.
“Loren, can Medusa hear us talking right now?”
“She has the ability to monitor every part of Sanctuary—audio and visual.”
“But when I first met you with John, you were…free with your choice of words. Do you know what I mean?”
He swallowed and looked around nervously. “Yes, I know what you mean.”
“We weren’t being monitored then?”
“I’m sure I was.”
“Why aren’t you in trouble?”
The doors opened and Loren pulled me inside the metal box. On the panel, instead of pushing a button, he slyly removed the black cube from his pocket, and attached it like a magnet to a black screen located above the buttons. There was a hissing sound and then it stopped.
“We can speak freely now,” he said as he removed the cube. “But only for seven minutes.”
“What did you just do?”
“It’s rebel tech. It messes with Medusa, sending feedback to her audio input. She gets confused, unable to process every aspect of Sanctuary. Video and audio capabilities are affected. Right now, she’s scrambling around, trying to find the source of the malfunction. She’s distracted and can’t hear us, although video is still available, albeit fuzzy and out of focus. When I removed your restraints back in the Examining Room, I had already sent Medusa what’s called a ‘reverberation’—an influx of code, echoing back and forth, diluting her senses, and making her work harder to monitor any speech or movement within that quadrant. In concentrated doses, I could override her system and manipulate her. In a massive dose, I could destroy her.”
“Who are you?”
He looked at his watch. “We have three minutes.” He turned to me. “I’m a spy for the Resistance.”
“It’s amazing you haven’t been discovered.”
“I’m scared to death, actually.”
I clenched his hand. “I wanted to be alone with you for a reason.”
He smiled. “Oh, what is it?”
“Could you use your rebel tech to find Victor?”
He furrowed his brow. “Do you have feelings for him?”
“He’s my friend, just like you and John are…and Henrietta.”
“You’ve grown quite attached to us, haven’t you?”
“Yes, I have. In a way, if I were to leave…escape…I’d want you all to come with me. I’d miss you all.”
He looked at his watch, noting how much time we had left. I estimated less than a minute. “I would go with you, you know? I would go anywhere with you.”
He swept his lips upon mine and kissed me in an eager, passionate rush. I found myself wrapping my free arm around his waist, binding him to me, kissing him back with absolute desire. His kiss was different from Victor’s. With him, I expected to be found out by his hypnotic saliva. I wasn’t feeling the love. With Loren, I poured out my soul, whether it was human or Stargazer or both, as my lips danced around his.
“I love you,” he whispered against my lips.
I wanted to say it too, feeling the same as him, but there was a buzzing sound, and then a popping sound. Loren gently pushed me away from him, but held onto my hand as the elevator stopped. I didn’t even realize we had been moving and our seven minutes were up. I felt like I had betrayed the shadow in my mind—the one who I thought I loved—by loving Loren. But who was the shadow? Where was he? Obviously, he didn’t love me as I thought he did, for I was here, and he was swimming oceans, or running through forests without me, or perhaps, with someone else; he’d already forgotten about me, since I was in the clutches of the Corporation—my death imminent.
We walked casually back to Sublevel 001 and to my cell. The door slid open and I noticed the room had changed. It was larger with two beds, separated by a few feet. It was actually beds and not tables. There were blankets and pillows on each. An adjoining room was the bathroom. I wasn’t happy about that. Being able to go to the one down the hall with Henrietta was my chance to leave my prison cell. I didn’t know if Pallas was helping me or punishing me. A new set of clothes were laid out on a white chest of drawers. There were dresses, skirts, pants, and tops in colors of blue, green, yellow, orange, red, black, white, and gray. Lavender wasn’t included; not even purple which was confusingly allowed. I remembered my colors and knew that by mixing red and blue, purple was created, and with a little white, lavender bloomed. I assumed Pallas would make sure such mixing of dyes on garments was prohibited. The same type of shoes was on the floor, next to my bed. There were all white and I noticed everyone wore white shoes because they were doctors. The guards wore black boots and the women like the Madam Secretary, wore heels if they chose to. I think she was the only one who wore stiletto’s, announcing her arrival with a resounding boom against the floor.
The room sealed, indicated by a red line from the top to the bottom of the door frame. Loren and I separated, but he stayed close to me. I sat on my new bed, sinking into the soft mattress. Next I kicked off my shoes and put on the new ones which had a cushioned sole and cupped my feet well with laces on top.
When I laced them up, Loren said, “You know how to do that?”
“Yes, why wouldn’t I?”
He shook his head. “Sorry, I don’t think before I speak. I look at you with your beautiful lavender hair and think of a Stargazer and Stargazers don’t have shoes like us.”
“What do they wear?”
“It’s a black shoe that conforms to their foot like a second skin.”
I looked at my white shoes. “I like mine better.”
“Me too, so do you want to change?” Loren picked up a white shirt and a pair of green pants. He handed them to me. “I think you’d look good in these.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
The thought of being naked in front of Loren was more nerve-racking than when I was with Victor. I was glad the privy was so close. I gathered up the clothes and headed there, shutting the door. It was lined in green, so I knew it wasn’t locked and Loren could enter if he wanted. I didn’t believe he would do that. He cared about me and loved me. It was strange to hear him say those words. I remembered the shadow in my mind. His mouth was moving and I believed he was saying the same thing, but I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want him to be saying those words to me. If he loved me and left me, I couldn’t handle it. Besides, I no longer wanted him, whoever he was. I wanted to be with Loren. I wanted him to use his rebel tech and get me out of here, along with John, Victor, and Henrietta.
I didn’t know the other prisoners in Quadrant Echo. They could be harmless or they could be dangerous. I was sure I’d find out who exactly they were at meal time. Pallas had allowed me to dine with them in the cafeteria. I was excited but also dreading that encounter. How would they react when they saw me? Who were they? Was I incarcerated with rebels, Stargazers, or both?
I looked at my clothes as a distraction. Whereas the prison dress was loose and unstylish, these clothes weren’t. They fit me well, but didn’t show off too much of my body. Instead of my previous designation EHAE-01-23-3013-A, I had black lettering that simply stated “AVA.” I didn’t understand Pallas’ decision. It was like I was a guest and a prisoner at the same time. I would rather he choose one, so I could deduce his thought process. He was the most confusing person in the whole of Sanctuary.
When I walked out, Loren whistled. “You look stunning, Ava.”
I felt my cheeks blush. “Thank you.”
He patted a spot next to him on my bed. “Come sit with me.”
I did and he wrapped his arm around my waist. “You know, John’s in love with you too.”
I held my head down and stared at my new shoes. “I don’t understand why. I’m not even human. How can you love someone who isn’t…defined?”
He lifted my chin with his hand. I looked into his emerald eyes like the color of my pants. It was a mesmerizing color, not warm like John’s sapphire eyes, but exhilarating like being awakened.
“I love you for who you are.”
“Who am I?”
He smiled and kissed my cheek. “You’re warm, compassionate, and forgiving… oh, and extremely beautiful.”
“Just like you,” I informed him with a smile.
“You think I’m beautiful?”
I reached up and ran my fingers through his blond hair. It was soft and silky and as I tenderly brushed his locks, scents of vanilla escaped into the air.
“Yes, I do.”
He closed his eyes as I caressed him. “My mom used to do that,” he murmured.
“Where is she? Where’s your father?”
He opened his eyes, took my hand, and kissed it. “They’re dead.”
“I’m sorry. Was it an illness that the machines couldn’t cure?”
He swallowed, nervous. “No, they were executed.”
I gasped. “Why?”
“I was young at the time. I only know what happened from the Corporation’s records. They were found guilty of treason—of being rebel spies.”
“Did they protest their innocence?”
“No, they admitted to it.”
“Were they pressured to lie?”
“I don’t know. They could’ve been spies, but I guess I’ll never really know. My Uncle Julius has raised me ever since.” He smiled. “In a way, he’s always been my father.”
“Do you love him?”
Loren hesitated and then said, “As much as I shouldn’t, I do.”
“Was he nice to you?”
“The times that he was around, yes, he was very…fatherly, but I became mostly attached to my attendant, an old woman, now deceased, named Tabitha. She was like a mother to me, very nurturing, but she didn’t like my uncle, and would warn me against him.”
“Was she executed too?”
“The official records state a heart attack but who knows?”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand how you could still love him.”
“I don’t understand it either. I can’t help it. He can be very nice…very charming. Sometimes, you find yourself explaining away what he’s done, or believing that he really does have Sanctuary’s best interests at heart.” He looked up at the ceiling, scanning. “I’m sure he or someone heard every bit of that.”
I grabbed his arm, holding him to me. “He wouldn’t harm you, would he?”
“He had my parents executed—his own brother and sister-in-law—so I wouldn’t be excluded from the Beneficial One’s justice.”
“Why do you take the risk? Why are you here with me?”
“I love you, Ava. I think about you all the time. I don’t want to leave you, but I know I have to. I wish I could be your attendant.”
“Maybe I can request you.”
He shook his head. “You’d be denied.”
I laid my head against his shoulder. “Oh, Loren, why are these things happening? Why does the world have to be this way?”
He caressed my back with gentle strokes of his hand. “I don’t know, my love.”
There was a buzzing sound and then the white wall in front of us turned into a black screen. Medusa appeared.
“Dr. Loren Valier, you are requested in Room 630, Floor A2, Level B, Quadrant Echo.”
“That’s the Examining Room. Who made the request?”
“The Madam Secretary needs your assistance with a new arrival.”
Loren jumped off my bed. “What new arrival?”
“A Stargazer has been apprehended.”
I jumped off too. Part of me feared this Stargazer; the other part desperately wanted to see him…or her.
“Will Dr. Goode assist?” asked Loren.
“No, you will be assisted by Dr. Constance Keller.”
He grunted. “Why is she going to be there? She has nothing to do with psychiatry.”
“It is President Pallas’ choice.”
“What about John?”
“He is currently occupied with Henrietta in the rose garden. When asked if he would like to assist, he stated that he was unavailable, citing Protocol 01-25.”
“What’s Protocol 01-25?” I asked her.
“To ensure maximum competence in the field of a doctor’s discipline, he or she, if feeling tired, sick, or generally unable to perform to a level of acceptability, is allowed to take twenty-four hours to recuperate.”
Loren shook his hand and mumbled, “Yeah, right.”
“What?” I asked him.
“He wants to separate us—make me see the new arrival while he gets to come here and talk to you.”
“I don’t know about that, but he can see me, if he wants. I’m not your property.”
“No, no,” he began, shaking his head, “that’s not what I meant.” He held me to him; close, but not bonded. “He’s in love with you too and I just get…jealous. How do you feel? Do you love me?”
I blushed and nodded. “Yes, I do.”
He smiled and kissed me softly on my lips.
“Henrietta and Dr. John Goode are three minutes on approach to you,” Medusa stated.
I turned to her. “Medusa, were you warning us?”
She tilted her head side to side, as if she were shaking it. “I do not understand your question.”
“You say you’re a machine, but I think you’re human too.”
“Your statement is illogical.”
“I think you’re on to something, Ava,” said Loren, giving me a quick kiss before the door slid open.
I was surprised, thinking they would walk through since I was still supposed to be a dangerous prisoner, however, armed guards were pointing guns at me as John and Henrietta entered the room. I remembered John’s description of the weapons. I knew the first shot would stun me—disorient me. The second would explode my brain. I wondered if they did work on me, being an anomaly. I was sure they worked on the Stargazers. They wouldn’t have them equipped if they didn’t work against all—human, rebel, Stargazer—subjects.
John glanced down at me and Loren holding hands. Then he turned to Loren. “I hear you’re going to assist with Dr. Keller on a new arrival—a Stargazer.”
“Yes,” said Loren, squeezing my hand. “I would’ve thought you’d want to be the first one there.”
John shook his head. “Her body isn’t damaged. There’s no need for me.”
“Her?” I asked curiously.
“That’s as far as I know,” replied John. “Loren can fill you in after he’s done with his examination.”
I turned to Loren, scared. “What are you going to do to her?”
“Don’t worry,” he said, taking the back of knuckles and brushing my cheek gently. “I’m not going to harm her.”
“But Dr. Keller will be there. She deals with poisons.”
“I won’t let the Stargazer come to any harm, all right?”
I nodded, but I knew I couldn’t believe him. If he was overruled, there was nothing he could do. It was just like Dr. Hinder and John. John had to stand back and watch as that man tortured the innocent child into becoming an adult too soon, only to let John clean up his mess.
Loren kissed me on my cheek and whispered in my ear, “I love you. I’ll come back soon.”
I didn’t say the words back, nervous of John standing so close. I didn’t want to upset him. I didn’t love him, but I cared for him very deeply. I don’t know why my affections for Loren were stronger. It was mystery, as was my own self.
I watched Loren leave. The guards had their guns targeted at me until the door shut and sealed. Medusa was gone.
“Hey,” I said stupidly to Henrietta and John.
Henrietta ignored me—too busy staring at her new home in disbelief. She saw my bed had been disturbed, so she took the other bed. She had a bouquet of roses in her hand and sat, just inhaling them. Then she pressed a button on the wall and after a few seconds, a white panel opened, revealing a white vase. She placed the roses in them and set the vase on a white table beside her bed.
I knew she was severely depressed. “The roses are beautiful.”
She ignored me again and sat there, silently crying.
“It’s probably best to leave her alone right now,” John suggested in a whisper.
“Okay,” I agreed and went to sit on my own bed.
John walked to me with his arm hidden behind his back.
“What are you hiding?” I asked, nervous.
He revealed his hand and the rose in it. He smiled, blushing, as he handed it to me.
“Oh, thank you,” I said, inhaling its wonderful scent. “You didn’t have to.”
“I wanted to, and I knew you’d probably be curious as to what a rose looks like.”
“I already knew about roses.”
He furrowed his brow. “How can you?” He sat down next to me, on the same spot Loren had occupied. “There are only grown in Sanctuary.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, but I just know about them.”
“I remembered what you said when I first met you. You spoke of an ocean and a forest.”
“Yes,” I said, feeling nervous.
“Both natural features are beyond the dome of Sanctuary, but both are controlled by the Resistance.”
“Aren’t there oceans and forests in Sanctuary?”
“Yes, but you wouldn’t be in them for a minute until Medusa found you, and a Retrieval Squad was sent out.”
“I don’t know. I think sometimes that I imagined being in the water and around all those trees. Why can’t I remember who I am? Where are my parents?” I turned to him and appraised his sapphire eyes. His brown hair was parted, neatly to one side. He looked so collected compared to Loren, who let a lot of stray blond hairs go out on their own. “What about your parents and your brother? I remember the Red Woman saying that he was a rebel.”
He smiled. “You named the Madam Secretary the Red Woman?”
“Victor said it fits.”
John nodded. “I agree.” Then he furrowed his brow and held his head down, wringing his hands. I caught one of them and held it to mine. He looked up and gave me a weak smile. “Well, my brother was a commander in the Resistance. I was only a young child at the time and I didn’t know anything about their goals, purpose…but I knew I was my brother’s biggest fan.” He smiled wide. “We used to go to the forest and he taught me how to track footprints—human and animal. He taught me how to hunt.”
“Where were your parents?”
“My mom died of an infection. She cut herself and we only had limited medical supplies, nothing like here at the Corporation. My dad died six months later of unknown causes; I believe it was from a broken heart. He taught my brother everything, who then taught me. I remember my dad only briefly, but the most vivid memories are when he would take us out sailing.” He winked at me. “That’s when I learned Morse code.”
“If your brother was captured and executed, why were you allowed to survive?”
He smiled weakly again. “Pallas offered me a long life and he would dismiss any and all charges of being a rebel if I joined the Corporation and lived in Sanctuary.”
“Why did you accept?”
“I had no father; no mother; no brother. I was all alone. The Resistance couldn’t take care of me. No one wanted me. At the time, and maybe it still is now, many rebels only looked out for themselves. They banded together when needed, to set a trap, ambush a Retrieval Squad, or steal supplies from Stargazer transports, but they sought isolation from one another. It’s amazing they’re still a threat to Sanctuary, but when they attack, they go big, and don’t care who or how many casualties there are.”
“Where do they strike?”
“Outside the dome, destroying weak points, but Medusa sends tech teams and Retrieval Squads within seconds, and the rebels are either killed or taken prisoner. Some manage to infiltrate and blend in with citizens of Sanctuary, spying and sabotaging from within. That’s why there are random mental readings to determine friend from foe.”
“Can someone cheat?”
“It’s been known to happen, but they are found out within hours.”
“And let me guess: they’re executed?”
He sighed and nodded. “That they are.”
“Have you heard from Dr. Eyre? Victor said she was a rebel spy.”
“I heard about her. Her readings were inconsistent. That doesn’t mean she’s a spy, but it’s enough to warrant her incarceration. She’s probably here, somewhere, locked up.”
“Oh, that’s awful.” I shook my head. “How can you live in such a place? Why didn’t you just stay in the woods and be free?”
“I was alone, scared. Julius Pallas can be very persuasive. He said I would never have any need ever again and that I could become someone great and appreciated like a doctor. But the real reason I switched sides as it were, was because of Loren.”
“Loren?”
He nodded. “Loren and I are the same age. We met and got along well. I had just lost my brother and he became a replacement.”
“I had no idea! I thought you two were just good friends.”
“We were. I mean we are.”
I knew how John felt about me. He loved me like Loren did. I didn’t want to be responsible for making them hate each other. Their bond was important than with me. I was a freak—an anomaly—someone who didn’t know her place in the world. For all I knew, one of those Stargazer transports he mentioned would come and collect me and all this kissing and holding hands would have been for nothing. Would I go back to my home planet? Where was it? How did I end up here, on Earth? And why do I feel like I belong here despite my appearance?
I looked over at Henrietta. I guess we were so boring, we put her to sleep, or else she cried herself to sleep. It could’ve been both. Her roses were full and red, smelling lovely. I held onto the one John had given me. As I twirled it in my hand, a thorn I didn’t see pricked my skin.
“Ow.” I raised my finger in the air to ascertain the damage. A small amount of blood had begun to drip. “I guess I should be more careful.”
“Here,” John said, taking my hand. “Let’s wash it.”
I laid the flower on the bed and followed him into the privy. He turned on the water and guided my finger under the faucet. The water mixed with the blood, and pink swirls chased each other down the drain. He spent an extra long time, massaging my finger, cleaning it.
“John…”
“What?”
“I think it’s better now.”
“Not yet,” he said. “We’ll have to heal it.”
“Am I going to the infirmary?” I asked, seeking to get out of my cramped quarters. I needed to breathe!
“No, there’s some right here,” he replied, as he opened the bathroom mirror like a panel, and retrieved a small metal container shaped like a rectangle.
He slid off the lid with his thumb and then used the tip of his forefinger to take a dip inside the contents that were the color of honey.
“What’s that?”
“Ointment for your wound--it’ll stop the bleeding and prevent infection.”
He put the container down and took the honey-colored cream, rubbing it over the tip of my finger. Again, he rubbed longer than what was needed.
Gently, I removed my finger from his hol