I tried to struggle, to move, but it was all in vain. Only my eyelids would work and I used them fiercely as I blinked rapidly at John, pleading for him to understand my fear.
He furrowed his brow, staring at me.
“What? What is it?” asked the Red Woman, as her heels click-clacked two paces closer.
I could hear the others shuffling forward, taking slow steps, curious, but still afraid of me. I didn’t know why they should fear me. Obviously, John didn’t, as he held my arm gently with his hand, and with this other, cupped my cheek. It felt so good to be touched in that way—it brought back memories of being embraced by that shadowy figure who I couldn’t distinguish. It frustrated me, but not as much as not knowing who I was.
“I don’t believe it,” he said.
“What?!” asked the Red Woman, frustrated.
“She’s using Morse code.”
I let my mind run wild, remembering what “Morse code” was. When I found the information I was seeking, I couldn’t believe it. Morse code was used as a signaling language. If I could speak, I wouldn’t need it, but I assumed I had found a way to communicate with John. Although, I didn’t know what my rapid eye blinks were saying to him. I stopped, afraid.
“No, please,” he urged with a nice smile. “Talk to me.”
It was nice to hear him say that. He wanted me to communicate with him; he wanted to know about me. Maybe if everyone knew that I wasn’t a threat, they wouldn’t try to kill me, as I feared they would. This place didn’t seem to be a wonderland of dreams and wish fulfillments.
So, I kept blinking, although, I didn’t know what I was doing. Basically, I was trying to plead for help.
When I stopped, he looked up at the Red Woman. “She’s says she’s scared. She’s scared of Dr. Valier. She thinks he’s going to experiment on her brain like I’m going to experiment on her body.”
John looked back down at me and shook his head. “No, no, my dear, I’m not going to hurt you.”
The Red Woman click-clacked closer; her perfume was making me sick.
“Don’t talk to it so…nicely! And how do you know Morse code?”
“My dad was a sailor before the war.”
I blinked furiously again.
“What? What is she saying?”
“She wants to know which war.”
Everyone was silent. I shifted my eyes from John to the Red Woman, back and forth, waiting for one of them to explain. I knew the Red Woman was the least likely person to divulge, but I was hoping John would tell me about this war I had no knowledge of.
“She’s tricking you,” said the Red Woman assuredly. “She knows very well which war.”
I blinked furiously again, although, I had no idea how to convey in Morse code everything I wanted to say. It was another mystery of who I was.
“Well, she’s a chatterbox. What did she say this time?”
John drew his hand away from my face. I felt so cold. But he kept his hand on my arm, caressing me.
“She doesn’t know anything about a war. She woke up in this room and doesn’t know anything about herself or where she came from.”
“Well, she obviously knows English or can you Dr. Goode speak proficient Stellar unlike the staff in our Linguistics Department?”
“No, she knows English.”
The others gasped.
“Out, out!” The Red Woman fussed at them. “I can’t have you all gasping when every bit of intelligence is let out. Besides, this is a top secret matter now, and you all don’t belong here.”
The others began to shuffle out with their boots and shoes and heels making loud sounds against the floor. I heard a door slide open and then close.
I was afraid with only John and the Red Woman in the room. I wasn’t afraid of John, but with fewer witnesses, I was fearful that she would do something and blame me. Why not? I was after all, the enemy. I wondered what Stellar meant. My brain processed the word and the result was “star.” How would I know how to speak “star?” What does that even mean?
The Red Woman click-clacked until she was right next to me. I started to tremble again and John rubbed his thumb back and forth over my arm.
“What are you doing?” she asked, eyeing his affection.
“I’m soothing her,” he explained. “She’s scared, remember?”
“If you weren’t personally recommended by Dr. Hinder and the only physician in this whole department that knew the ins and outs of these things, I’d recommend you for exile.”
“Why exile? Why not imprisonment or a public execution? We haven’t had one of those in nearly a week.”
“You speak like they do—the rebels. Of course, it only seems natural given your brother was their top commander.” She smiled wickedly. “He died most painfully, I was told.”
John tightened his grip around my arm and I tried to jerk away, but I couldn’t move, although he wasn’t hurting me. He was mad, furious at her. I didn’t blame him, even though I had no idea what they were talking about.
“I speak like my brother because of the wisdom of our father. He taught us to be kind and loving.”
The Red Woman gripped the side of my table, obviously holding herself back from hitting John.
“You have only one father, Dr. Goode, and his name is President Julius Pallas. And he blessed you by allowing you to live in the Sanctuary instead of seeing your head chopped off at the guillotine. I’ve never understood why. Can you enlighten me?”
“He hasn’t told you?”
“No.”
“Then he doesn’t want you to know.”
“I know everything.”
“No, you don’t.”
She snarled like some wild animal and I thought she was going to hit him, but then the door in the distance slid open. The Red Woman took two steps back, retreating.
“Oh, it’s you. It’s about time you arrived.” She waved at me. “Figure this out.”
Dr. Loren Valier approached with a wary smile. His blond hair was brushed back and he wore casual clothes under a white lab coat. He had an ID tag clipped to the pocket. I looked over at John and noticed his was turned around. I didn’t know if that was by accident or he didn’t want anyone to know who he was.
John gave Dr. Valier a friendly pat on his back.
“Thanks for coming over.”
“No problem, so, when was she brought in?”
“Two days ago,” replied the Red Woman.
I couldn’t believe I’d been here for two days. What were they doing to me for two days?
“She was handled nicely,” he remarked with a sensuous smile.
“There was no struggle,” noted the Red Woman. “She was unconscious when the Retrieval Squad found her.”
She went back to calling me “she.” But that didn’t stop my hatred of her.
“How many were captured during the raid?”
“Several,” she replied, deliberately trying to be cryptic. “She was left alone, unprotected.”
“They left her to be captured?”
I scanned Dr. Valier’s eyes. They were green like emeralds and it brought back memories of running through green forests. I was happy as I ran with that shadow again, who had been swimming with me in the vast ocean. Who was he? Why couldn’t I see his face? Did I receive a blow to the head and was imagining someone who didn’t exist? It was possible—my head did ache, but I didn’t know if it was from some injury or the multitude of blinding lights in the large room.
The Red Woman smirked at John. “The enemy was nowhere to be found, but they are a traitorous race like the rebels.”
John turned away from her and said to Dr. Valier, “Loren, she’s incredible. She speaks English.”
Dr. Valier walked around John and approached me, leaning down, unafraid, but not as compassionate.
“I thought she was in restraints. How is she speaking?”
“Morse code,” replied the Red Woman. “Dr. Goode just so happens to be an expert in that too.”
Dr. Valier smiled at John, but said nothing.
“Although,” she continued, “he is an imbecile at reading the mind.”
“And that’s where I come in?” asked Dr. Valier.
“I hope so.”
John laid his free hand on Dr. Valier’s arm. “She’s scared, Loren. She thinks you’re going to experiment on her.”
Dr. Valier noticed John’s other hand on my arm.
“May I?” he asked.
John seemed reluctant to let me go and I didn’t want him to, but eventually, his hand slid away from my arm and suddenly, I felt very cold.
“She’s trembles a lot,” John noted. “She’s scared.”
“And cold,” added Dr. Valier, scanning me from head to toe. “Let’s get her a blanket.” He laid his hand on my arm, but not in the same spot where John had been. “It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you,” he said softly.
And I believed him. He seemed very trusting or at least I hoped so. I was so confused, so vulnerable to even the gentlest touch. If a snake had wound its body around my arm, I’d love its affection, until its strong muscles cracked and crushed every bone, betraying me—but also snickering at why I had been so gullible to believe anyone could possibly love me.
John rushed off and came back a few seconds later with a blanket—a warm, blue blanket; he gently laid it over my body making me feel instantly better, despite my surroundings and lack of knowledge.
“See?” said Dr. Valier, pointing to my eyes. “I can tell she feels better.”
I blinked to John and he smiled. “She says she does feel better.”
“Well, isn’t that just great,” the Red Woman said sarcastically.
Dr. Valier began caressing my arm like John had but it didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t bad, but I was used to John. He was my original comforter and the only one I could really talk to. I noticed John looking at Dr. Valier’s motions with a furrowed brow. He came closer to me, his hand stretched out, like he wanted to touch me, but didn’t. Dr. Valier stopped caressing me and John resumed his hand on my arm. I felt better.
“A change,” said Dr. Valier with a raised eyebrow.
“What change?” asked John.
“When I touched her, she didn’t seem like she hated it, but when you touched her, I noticed a change in her eyes.” He leaned down. “What beautiful eyes you have.”
“All the Stargazers have lavender eyes,” said the Red Woman with dismissal.
I noticed hers was a dark brown. I wasn’t sure, but I thought she was jealous of me. And what was a Stargazer?
“And hair to match,” commented Dr. Valier, as he touched a strand far from my scalp.
I blinked at John in confusion.
He furrowed his brow. “She’s confused by her appearance. She wants to know if there are other humans with lavender eyes and hair.”
The Red Woman came closer. “You,” she said, staring at me, “are not human.”
I couldn’t help it and began to cry. Tears, never ending tears, were falling from my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, to seem weak, but I was so vulnerable, so confused that I exploded like a waterfall, as if a dam had broken, and I could finally express my depression.
“Damn you!” yelled John. He walked quickly around my table and in front of the Red Woman. “You’re upsetting her.”
He placed his hand on my other arm, rubbing my skin with his thumb. At the same time, Dr. Valier resumed where he had been touching me. It was odd; I had these two handsome young doctors touching me, worrying over me, while the Red Woman was forced in the background, murmuring angrily.
“She is extraordinary,” said Dr. Valier. “She looks like a Stargazer, but acts like a human. You did a scan when she arrived?” he asked John.
It seemed that everyone wanted to forget about the Red Woman, huffing and puffing in the corner of the room. She was fixed in my mind, as was this talk about Stargazers and humans. Why were they talking about me in this way?
“Of course,” replied John. “The Stargazers mimic the human body incredibly well, except that they have inherited differences; the most notable are the lavender eyes and hair.”
“I wonder what their planet looks like,” mused Dr. Valier. “I bet it’s beautiful.”
The click-clacking came closer. “I can’t believe you two are gushing over this…thing! You’ve seen female Stargazers. What’s the difference?”
John looked down at me with a warm smile. “She’s special.”
“That’s your professional medical diagnosis?” she asked nastily.
“She may look like them, but she speaks English. How does she know our language and enough of it to speak rapidly as if she’s known it all her life?”
“It’s good you know Morse code, John, but how does she know? Again, she’s a special mystery,” remarked Dr. Valier with a half smile.
“I’ll have to be close to her so I can translate what she’s saying.”
“No, let’s just take off her restraints,” Dr. Valier suggested.
“You will do no such thing!” yelled the Red Woman. “She’s lethal!”
Dr. Valier waved a hand at me. “Look at her. She’s fragile. She’s not a threat.”
“That’s how they want you to think! She’s playing both of you! Thank goodness our Dear Leader has me as his liaison or else all of the men would have succumbed years ago!”
“What?” Dr. Valier asked with a smirk. “There wasn’t some ruggedly handsome Stargazer who didn’t catch that lazy eye of yours?”
The Red Woman gasped. When I looked at her eyes, I didn’t notice that one kind of drooped but it wasn’t noticeable until someone pointed it out. I guessed she was hoping that would never happen.
“I’m going to Pallas. He needs to know exactly what is going on here!”
Dr. Valier waved at the wall. Why don’t you use Medusa? She’s just sitting around, doing nothing.”
I assumed he was joking. Medusa worked nonstop it seemed.
“He needs to see me in person.”
“Oh, I bet that’ll be a joy.”
She pointed her finger at the pair of doctors. “You will do nothing to it until I return. Do you understand?”
John said nothing. Dr. Valier did a lazy salute with two fingers, touching his forehead. She gave them a departing sneer and didn’t look at me, as she click-clacked out of the large white room.
“Medusa, sweetheart, are you there?”
The white panel changed to the black screen and she appeared with all the tubes running out of her head and the lights in the background on the machines.
Dr. Valier stood at the foot of my table and addressed the computer.
“My dear, would you be so kind and remove the patient’s restraints?”
Medusa had been turning her head at various angles, but then she came to a halt and stared at Dr. Valier.
“That is against regulations, Dr. Valier.”
“I know, but I would really appreciate it. What do you say?”
“The subject is hostile.”
Dr. Valier waved a dismissive hand at Medusa. “Oh, look at her!” He turned to me and smiled. “She’s harmless. I just want to talk to her, or have her talk back.” He turned to John. “We don’t all know Morse code.”
“But what if…”
“What if what, John?” asked Dr. Valier, a little bit annoyed.
John looked at me. I could tell he was confused about something. “Maybe we should keep her in restraints.”
I felt hurt. I couldn’t believe that he would want that. After all his affectionate gestures, his verbal battles with the Red Woman, he still saw me as the enemy—as someone to controlled and caged. How could I hurt him? He had defined muscles. Surely, he could subdue me. I couldn’t see my body, but I felt very thin like my bones were easily visible beneath a thin layer of ghost white skin.
“What? Are you afraid of Big Red?”
“No, it’s just that…well…” He was staring at me, so I blinked a plea. He caressed my arm. “I’m sorry,” he continued. “But I’m doing this for you. If security comes in here and that woman finds you free, I don’t know what they’ll do. They might execute you on sight. I can’t bear to see that.”
I understood, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be held down anymore. Dr. Valier felt I should be free, unafraid of the consequences. Why didn’t John? Or did Dr. Valier not care if I lived or died? What if John, by keeping me restrained, was saving my life?
Dr. Valier came back and touched my arm.
“John, I want to talk to her, and I want her to talk to me. I can’t deal with all that blinking and I’m sure she doesn’t find it that great either.” He smiled at me. “Do you?”
I blinked that I’d rather be free and speak. It was risky, given it could mean the end of my life, but what kind of life had I had? I didn’t know who I was. Why did it matter if I died right now? Was someone waiting on me to come back—the shadow who haunted my mind? Was I even being missed?
“She agreed with me, didn’t she?” he asked John.
John sighed. “Yes, but it’s dangerous to free her. What if the wrong person walked in this room and alerted the guards?”
Dr. Valier smiled. “I got this.” He turned to Medusa. “Medusa, lock down this room. Only I or Dr. Goode can authorize access inside.”
“Upon which protocol are you enacting this decision?” she asked.
Dr. Valier put a finger to his lips, thinking. Then he snapped his fingers, smiling. “Protocol 19-82.”
“Affirmative,” agreed Medusa, “I am locking room number 630 upon Dr. Loren Valier’s orders. Only he or Doctor John Goode may allow access inside.”
I didn’t hear anything, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw red lights instead of green lights. I assumed the red meant the doors were locked. But I had no clue.
Dr. Valier smiled at John. “See? It’s all taken care of.”
“Protocol 19-82?” John asked, raising an eyebrow.
“It was the only way Medusa would cooperate.”
“How are you going to remove her restraints?”
Dr. Valier smiled and reached into his pants pocket. He pulled out a black cube.
“Wait,” said John, tensing. “That’s…”
“Rebel hardware,” finished Dr. Valier.
John rushed to Dr. Valier and gripped the wrist of the hand that held the cube. “Medusa is aware. Shut your mouth.”
Dr. Valier furrowed his brow and jerked his wrist from John’s grip. “It’ll be fine. Trust me.”
“I can’t believe you have that. Where did you get it by the way?”
“Ah, curious are we?”
“Of course, I’m curious.”
“I’m not telling you where I got it. Now, we don’t have a lot of time. Let’s see what our little Stargazer has to say. I’d love to hear her alien voice.”
As the two of them approached, I felt scared. I didn’t know what was going on, but now, I didn’t want to be free. I had gotten used to the restraints and everyone, except for Dr. Valier, seemed a little less tense with me confined to this table.
When John approached, I blinked at him again. I had a question about the protocol.
“Oh, Protocol 19-82 states that if a patient and/or subject is indecent as in naked, and if the presiding physician deems that any outside person would react in a detrimental way to the care of said patient and/or subject, then it is within the rules to lock down the room.”
I blinked again.
He chuckled. He seemed to find me funny a lot.
“No,” he said, “don’t worry. You won’t be naked.” He turned to Dr. Valier. “Am I right?”
Dr. Valier looked up from what he had been doing at the side of my table. Apparently there was a panel there full of buttons.
He smiled. “No, she’ll be fully clothed.”
I watched him take the black cube and with his thumb, slide back one square that came to a rest on the top of the cube, instead of the inconvenience of having to hold onto a separate piece and possibly losing it. The cube revealed an intricate circuit board that Dr. Valier then placed at the side of my table like a magnet.
“Will that work?” asked John, rubbing my arm.
“It’ll work.”
Dr. Valier sounded so confident. I hoped he was right. Now that it looked like I could move, I wanted it very badly. After a few seconds, I felt released. It was a strange feeling. Before, it was as if I was a magnet and I was drawn to the table, but now someone shut down the field, and I was able to shift. I could wiggle my toes, but slowly. It hurt as I did this, as if I’d never moved in my whole life. I tried my fingers next as the two doctors watched me in awe.
I managed to turn my head. My lips began to move, slowly, as I was trying to bring them back to life. I moved my tongue. I took a swallow of saliva, but there was barely any there. I realized that I was tremendously thirsty.
“Water?” asked John.
I managed a nod.
He ran off, out of sight, and then came back with a white paper cup. He carefully placed it against my lips and tilted it, as he lifted my head. The water was the most delicious substance I’d ever tasted. He was too slow, so I lifted my hand and grabbed the cup, greedily drinking it down.
I handed it back to him. “Thank you, John,” I managed to croak out.
John dropped the paper cup, his mouth open in shock.
“Say something else,” urged Dr. Valier.
I turned my head to him. “Thank you, Dr. Valier.”
He smiled. “Please, call me Loren.”
I managed a little smile. “Thank you, Loren.”
“I can’t believe it,” said John. “She sounds just like us.”
“The Stargazers are known to mimic,” stated Loren, “although, they can butcher the hell out of the English language; their alien voices just can’t replicate the nuances.”
I shook my head. They just didn’t understand. “I’m…not…a…Star…gazer.”
“Are you another species?” asked John. “Are you related?”
I shook my head again. “Not alien…human.”
Loren ran his fingers though my hair and I closed my eyes. It felt good. I never realized how comforting it could be for someone to just run his fingers through my hair—it worked like a natural sedative.
“I believe her, John. Stargazers don’t react the way she does. They are incredible mimickers, but what I see coming from her is natural.”
“What about the hair and the eyes? Humans aren’t born with that combination of lavender features.”
“Well, if she’s not a Stargazer and she’s not human, then what is she?”
“I’m an anomaly.”
I had been thinking it, but I didn’t mean to say it. The Red Woman was right.
John rubbed my skin gently. “No, you’re just…special, that’s all.”
“Do you have a name?” asked Loren. “What do you remember?”
I laid there, quiet, thinking about his questions. I tried so very hard to remember who I was, but it was like a blank screen.
I shook my head and found the strength to speak at length. “I don’t know who I am, but I remember being in the water, like an ocean, swimming. I liked it. And I was in a forest once or maybe a lot, I don’t know. It was very green and lovely.”
“Were you alone?” asked John.
I was about to say no, to speak of the shadow who trails me, but I didn’t want to betray him, even though I felt that John and Loren would protect me.
“Yes,” I lied with a nod.
John looked at Loren. “From our knowledge, Stargazers don’t like the water or the woods.”
“The earlier ones didn’t, but the later ones learned to adapt,” Loren countered.
“Can I change my eyes and my hair?” I asked John, ignoring their talk of Stargazer qualities. I was not a Stargazer. That I knew for sure.
“No,” he replied. “There’s no technology for that, on either side, and even still, the Stargazers see their lavender features as something to be proud of.”
“I’m not a Stargazer. I don’t want to look like this.”
Loren touched my cheek. “You’re beautiful.”
I didn’t like all this attention. I wanted out. I wanted to flee, so I sat up and swung legs off the table, trying to stand. But as soon as my feet landed on the cold floor, I felt dizzy, and almost fell. John was there. He caught me in his arms, and it felt like we were connected. I couldn’t break free of him, as he placed me back on the table. I didn’t realize just how strong he really was.
“No,” I argued, but didn’t try to fight him off. I was too weak.
“Please, stay still. The others won’t be as gentle with you like me and Loren.”
I tried to get up again and John held my shoulders down. He wasn’t hurting me, but there was that connection again like he was a part of me.
“Loren, activate the restraints.”
“No!” I yelled.
“Do it, Loren!”
Loren looked at me, sorrowful, and then touched a few buttons on my table panel, and removed the black cube that he placed carefully in his pocket. I started to feel helpless again as I was restrained, starting at my feet, and then to my head. John removed his hands from my shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s better this way.”
I could no longer speak, but I could move my eyelids.
“What did she say?” asked Loren.
John hesitated and then said, “She hates me.”