Chapter 9
Snap
Swaddled babies raining down from top of a building, crashing cars in the middle of the street , big fish swallowing in Herman’s father, a women splitting open her veins in a hot tub, me running from dead men walking in the woods, all ending with my getting stabbed, getting smashed, turning into a jelly or eaten alive by forest zombies. I could no more distinguish between dream and reality, so realistic was the sense of death and resurrection .
Next time I open my eyes, it’s a dark and narrow room with rainbow glowing lights of a particular device, it’s definitely not my home and definitely not a bed I’m lying on. First I had no idea where I was. It took me several seconds to realize I was inside hospital ward ‘glued’ on a life support with all supplementary wires, tubes and needles, without hearing inherent beeping sound of machine my whole survival depended on .
Have I been awakened from a long and tedious dream or it was a next episode from Bad Memories developed by my ‘friend’ Herman. I couldn’t move my limbs, felt numb from top to toe, only capable of zooming my eyes and occasionally turning them left and right. I saw someone napping on sofa bent in a half-circle , in position of double knee hug, that made it difficult to see her or his face.
I tried to call him/her, but like something was pulling my tongue backward and I couldn’t utter a single syllable.
“I hear you brother, no need to bother. Just ask whatever you want and you’ll get your answer”
Did I hear it from a person lying on sofa or it was swindler figment of my imagination. I was sure it was voice of teenage girl like me.
“No brother, you’re talking to me, the one lying on the sofa”
WTF. Without any sign of her lips moving, I could yet hear her voice.
“ No wonder, brother. I’m not lying to you . But there’s definitely something wrong with my dream. Cos I nap and talk to you at the same time. …Any idea why I call you my brother.
At last she turned to his left shoulder and I saw her face for the first time. Where did I see this face?
“ I dunno my brother.” she said still not moving her lips with eyes closed which creeped me out most of all. “ Today I’ll visit Samira in her forest cabin, you know she collects the water from hundred years old icebergs, Zam-zam from Mecca, holy water from Vatican. She say she have a perfect combination – blue liquid that will heal my sickness.
What kind a sickness I wonder? Let me guess she suffer from dementia like me. She portrays myself in my dream?
“No my brother, wrong guess. I’m maori girl and my problem is more like an addiction rather than sickness. I eat human flesh”
I felt something crawling on my right arm, but my reflexes failed to toss out the imminent danger and stood still. It was a freak of a nature, mustached and bearded female-like creature with two pairs of eyes and long dirty hair, chewing my fingers and sucking all the blood coming out and I could do nothing about it. My heart stopped for a moment.
“ No, don’t stop your heart, it not healthy for my stomach, I don’t like black rotten blood, I want it fresh” this time she said uttering it from her ugly mouse, fangs and lips covered all over in red.
Maoris – as far as I remember from Jules Vernes they were indigenous population of New Zealand before British colonization and hannibals eating the flesh of their enemies. I don’t know whether it was Hermans or my speck of kidtime memory . But it all didn’t matter. The problem is nothing could stop her from what she wanted. Except…
“Taboo, Taboo” I said in their language indicating that arm was holy and I forbid her to eat it and it really worked.
Out of a sudden, I felt all my body trembling like subtle leave of an orange tree and somehow lifting upward toward the chess ceiling, my chewed off left arm still in the mouse of ugly female Hannibal but watching me startled raising up. Black and white background, gradually turning into green and blue.
Once again I find myself underwater but this time not sinking but ascending all the way to the surface, hugged by the diver.
He brings me onto low lying rock and I finally breath in a fresh air. I check out my limbs, and find everything intact and working perfectly well, even lungs free from salty waters of Baltic Sea. Diver sits beside me, and take of his swimming mask and snorkel. Slowly memory came back and I recognized him. My God… I see my late uncle in person.
“Where is my watch nephew?”
“What?”
“The watch I gave you last summer”
Now I can see the whole picture. Skulled diver pointing to his wrist was my late uncle and trying to ask about the watch. What was the clue, another masked memory trap the combination of bad and good.
“On your feet boy” he ordered with a harsh army voice.
I did as I was told to. 150-200 meters to the left I saw Herman’s father fishing at the same spot with his “naughty” son sitting on the rock like nothing happened.
My uncle – the very autocrash victim risen from the dead, stretched his legs and took off fins, eyeballing me suspiciously.
“ Your’re in big trouble, Tural and the thing is I can do nothing about it.
“ To be honest, its not something new for me. I just try to wake up for real. Irony is I’m stranded in this God damned unknown lands created by my donor’s unhealthy imagination. ” Its seemed to me the most appropriate answer.
“ Beware him Tural…”
“Whom?
“Him” he pointed to Herman standing on the rock and staring at us”
“ He has no good intentions for you, he’s not helping you to wake up, instead gradually embroils you to a deeper limbo, setting you his own memory traps. He can turn huge disaster for you. Try to evade him, keep low profile, don’t get caught in his memories.
Take refuge in your own memories. I can’t rescue you every time. He’ll get rid of me after this conversation. I’ll teach you the technique of strolling between different memory blocks. You can simulate desired scenarios having greater control over your actions and thoughts.
“ Uncle, I’m exhausted. I only want to wake up. Just show me the way out.”
“You are the way out. You’re like a warrior inside enclosed ring fighting with Herman. Two goes in, one gets out. It’s a door between death and life. You make him suffer and don’t pity him. Terminate him once and for all, and wake up healthy person completely cured from your condition. You’ll not remember anything about this encounter and all your hardships.
“But how I can’t fight him by evading him”
“I’ve already figured it out. Walk away from him for a while, he’ll chase you in your own memory blocks. Advance your ‘in-between strolling skills’ and then give him a fatal blow after a while, by accessing his worst memory, the darkest secret he hides even from himself. The sign for such memory is pine tree. Remember.
“OK.”
“And remember to get bring back my watch, return it, it will boost your swiping-strolling skills. I’ll take it from your as soon as you salvage it. Understood?”
“Affirmative”
“Currently you stand in a neutral zone, he cannot trespass or assail. We’ll use that canoe and take you to the other coast through the safe passage. As soon as we land, I’ll train you how to swipe-stroll in between memories. Its impossible to do it here. But from there on, you’re on your own.
We descended down stair-like rocks until reaching wet and loose ground where red canoe had been tied to a thick pole.
“Get on board!” – he commanded
He untied the rope and move the boat a little further as soon as I made myself comfortable. Then he hopped in, took a seat, grabbed the oars and began paddling staring at highrising rock where Herman was standing alone, no sign of his father this time. Boat moved 100-200 away off the beach, when we saw the opposite coast surrounded by thick woods. Can you believe it.
“ I don’t get it. Is it not Baltic sea or we are just crossing some kind a Latvian lake.?
“You see it is conflict of memories and perception. Your donor have never been in the middle of a sea, I’ve never seen what its like either. So therefore, crossing the sea for you is a matter of 10-15 minute. And besides we are entering your memory limits from neutral zone, you better watch around and show some vigilance . Don’t lose the sight of a shoreline.
Surface of water was creepy calm, like something bad’s gonna happen. I didn’t like this feeling and prayed to reach the land safe. Sudden gust of wind blowing out of nowhere wobbled our boat a little bit. At first uncle froze, doing his best to grab some sound with his eardrums, he looked so panicked. Then put on some effort paddling furiously while mumbling something and cursing.
“You want me to paddle, uncle!”
“No you just sit tight, watch your left.” I heard as large wave hit our boat, splashing cold water all over my face and soaking my shirt.”
Then boat began to tilt crazily out of a sudden , it was unlikely hit of wave, more like something hitting from behind .He paddled as quickly as he could. Another tilt, stronger this time, that almost capsized our boat. He carefully reached my side and handed me the ores, checking the sky which turned grey-black out of the blue.
“Take the ore and paddle just like you’ve seen me doing,” he said panting “ I check whats going on”, “Who knows, maybe it hit the rock, we must be passing the shallow line”. He bent toward the left edge of the boat, gradually putting his right arm inside the water, submerged up till the shoulder, “palping” to be sure something was hampering the free float of our boat.
“Are you not afraid of the shark, his sick person with sick imagination, I’m sure he’d be happy to see you cut into pieces.”
“Don’t be stupid…This is no habitat for sharks, and besides…” he stopped with look on his face saying “ wait a minute”.
“No…absolutely nothing…I checked…” he was interrupted by a next crazy tilt, that almost made him fall from the edge. It was a human hand rising out of water, emerging from the opposite side of a boat, holding thick rim, then second hand, with all muscles fixed, tightening and pushing up the whole body of monster- Herman- in person….this time not in his ragged coat.
“Look his coming…his coming ” – he was already on board when uncle turned to see what was going on. Herman was coming for him rather than myself. Hefty waves and strong gusts of wind stopped.
“ Run, Tural ,run! I’ll try to stop him” what he meant by saying run, there seem to be no alternative but throwing myself into water. Next seen I see, the two wrestling each other, Uncle on top of him, stifling my “buddy” with all his anger accumulated.
“Can I help you”
“No…me holding him, is temporary…You must stay away from him. Jump off board and swim away, sorry kid, but this is where I have to say goodbye…And remember about the watch….return it”
So frustrating it was to find and to loose your favorite person at a same hour, in abstract terms for sure. I wished our boat had sunk.
“Goodbye Uncle”- I took a deep breath, holding an air in my lung sufficient for rapid –non stop cross. Relaxed my hands, held my fingers together and took a quick plunge into ice cold water. After I was in the water, I adjusted my body into front crawling position, gliding my left and then right hand, keeping my elbow high as arm enters the water, always keeping my head down and eyes focused on imaginary bottom line of the sea, small kick serving me as a rotor, giving enough propulsion to swim fast forward.
I swim non-stop, without breathing in with my mouse between each third stroke until I see ragged bottom of the sea crystal clear. My palm touch the ground, I get out of water crawling and breathing in and out crazily.
Thin mist made surroundings unrecognazible, still my eyes searched for the boat in the middle of the sea. I listened for any sign of uncles whereabouts.No sounds of fighting, no screams, nothing at all. Just natural sound of the forest and soft and treacherous waves washing the shore. I stood up after while, peered over the thick forest, yet without any slightest clue where to go or what to do. I couldn’t stop shaking, after a cold plunge. It took me several minutes to relax as I heard sound of a rustling grass and too loud footsteps like somebody was parading through the concrete alley rather than wet ground.
Something strange animal size of a dog emerged from the woods running fast toward me. I didn’t panic until I saw it from a close range. It was member of “canis familaris” with particular exception. German shepherd dog with human head.
“Bismillah (My God). – I shuddered with horror.
“Don’t be afraid…Just swipe and turn the page- he spoke like normal person but panting like a dog- but he was indeed a dog- while uttering the words.
“You mean hitting with a stick --- hitting what”
“Hit the ground and grab imaginary edge of the page and turn it.”
I found an iron L curved pole, and did what as I was told to. Hitting the ground and then turning the invisible page.
Flash! Background and all surroundings change into some dim lighted interior packed by unknown people sitting by the windows, some of them talking, some of them dining. I was sure it was a dining car of an express train, as I felt floor under my feet moving smoothly, a view from the window, interchanging. There was no sign of my provisional penghou instructor – human face dog disappeared. My outfit had changed as well, me wearing black elegant suit. It was totally dry and my shaking had stopped. Whose memory block it might be, I wondered. But quite many elements looked familiar. Can you believe it! “It was projection of my early childhood memory.
Me travelling with my businessman dad - not oil magnate those days but aspiring entrepreneur with quite decent income - from St. Petersburg to Vienna. I remember we had major weather issue - 1 week blizzard all over the Eastern Europe with gusts of wind reaching 24-30 meters a second, that caused closure of all major airports with thousands of flights cancelled. So in order to attend important talks with his potential buyers in time, he had to embark on his longest business trip to Europe. And he took me as well with written consent of my mother.
However this time I was travelling by myself and in capacity of my “father”.
I was standing on the doorway when I was approached by sweet looking, blond attendant who wore red vest over white shirt and long white apron – with fake smile on her face.
“Good evening sir! Do you have a company or you’ll be alone?”
I stared at her dazzled by her beauty.
“No, I guess I’ll be on my own”
“We are overcrowded tonight, so we have to have you seated next to other customer. Is it O.K. with you?
“ As far as I know I have no choice”
“Oh I’m sorry for trouble, sir. Let me have you seated next to that gentleman. Follow me please”
Indeed, there was no vacant table. She accompanied me to table on the right corner near the doorway, where overweight man with flabby face, bulky neck and Conquistador style beard wearing circle eye glasses , that made him look like kickass professor, an expert for explosives if you will, rather than fat old nerd – was seated. He was doing something with his finger nail, I dunno, polishing or rubbing out of anger.
“Please take this seat. Here you go” she handed me white softcover menu with too simplistic design and ordinary font size and alignment, nothing exceptional. “You check out menu, and I’ll be back in a minute”
Overweight man didn’t even bother to glance at his new dining companion , yet scratching his thumb wildly and occasionally watching out the window, shifting back at his peculiar finger job. I took initiative to break the ice between me and my fellow passenger as I didn’t want to experience inconvenient silence while eating my food.
“Good evening”
“Evening” he replied with a coarse voice still,
“Where are you heading for?”
“Same place you are, nowhere.”
He finished with his irritating engagement and two times knocked the table, sweeping all tiny dermal fragments off the table with his right palm. Perhaps it was a new method of calling the waiter. Indeed, same pretty face girl approached the table once again smiling.
“Oh…I see you already got acquainted”
“Not yet darling, but we’re on process you bet” he replied with intimidating smile that made her’s disappear instantly.
“Are you ready to order?”
“Sure…We’ll have Stolichni salad for two, baked potatoes with fried ham…Oh. I forgot, my fault. My friend is a Muslim, so for him fried ribs instead.
“And what can I get you to…” she was interrupted by a loud noise of women weeping crocodile tears and shouting something in German - uttering train of short syllables what indicated she was swearing, and got a glass of red wine thrown on his husbands face, leaving the dining car immediately.
“Oh I’m sorry, It’s rare to see couple fighting in our restaurant. So what can I get you for a drink”
“ Well, apricot kompot will do”
“Ok…I’ll be back with your drinks and meal. Enjoy your conversation”
He stared at me as soon as she walked away. I felt like something had burnt or irritated my throat and it became dry. Too much realistic for person in a deep coma.
“So what you’re are up to, kid”
“My name is Tural”
“Your name is irrelevant right know, please answer my question”
“Dining?”- I pretended to be jerk which angered him most of all.
“Oh seriously”
“I want to get out of here and wake up”
“Now you’re talking…OK…- he paused as prettyface waitress served the table helping her position the place and tucked unknown currency notes into string of her apron as if he was tipping the stripper. Her face grimaced with sharp irritation, and she made huge effort to put back raped smiled on her face. But she thanked him and left uttering everlasting phrase to “enjoy our meal”
“So” – he continued as we began our supper. It can sound strange but I was so hungry that I could devour whole cow for a meal. “I know your story with your rascal Latvian friend, that both of you fight for dominion over personality of Tural who will eventually wake up from comma one day. That you’re looking for pine forest- his darkest memory he’d been hiding from you all these time.
I nodded and took spoonful of salad.
“ You see, I can show you the shortcut and give some tips how eradicate him once and for all , but you’ll have to I do know the shortcut, but you’ll have to run errands for me.”
“How can I trust you. Maybe you’re one of Hermans memory projections that who had assailed my memory block under mask of someone else. Convince me its not a trap.”
“Trust me or not, I don’t care. But frankly saying, you don’t have much choice, do you.” he wiped the grease off his leaps with napkin and leaned back against the soft cover of comfortable and roomy seat. “You don’t even have time to doze off for few hours – don’t think of me as a madman and no kidding,- it’s possible to nap within a dream, especially for lucid dreamer like yourself, you see it’s a hybrid state of waking consciousness and dream,therefore everything is so real for you right now, so keep it in your mind - we are about to reach the next station within several minutes tops, train will no longer run across the neutral lands and he’ll be waiting for you, with his horde of monkeys to catch you and pull into his memory block.
“So you mean I must jump off the train before train reaches the station.”
“You’re smart kid, do your math”
“OK....” I said still suspiciously.
“All right”
“So...what can i do for you... to show me the shortcut”
“Follow me. People get suspicious” he said standing up and puting some money under the empty glass of served kompot- which indicated he was coach passenger rather than sleeping car passenger, thus for latter all meals were included at no additional charge- and heading toward the end of dining car . I still couldn’t get used to walking on a bouncy moving train, with motion of coaches changing dependent on speed of a train and condition of tracks. He walked from dining car to vestibule opening to sleeping car holding stainless steel handle and then crossing next car, with narrow passage. He turned to me abruptly.
“You’ll attend world war I battle in southern Iraq- battle of Shaiba as an Ottoman soldier trying to regain Basra from British troops. You’ll be flag-bearer of your platoon. Carry it till the outskirts of the city and you’ll instantly advance to a certain memory block adjacent to “pine forest”. You can’t pass the border without you platoons flag. You have to stay tight.
We heard a loud whistle blowing outside indicating that the train was approaching the station. He smashed the pane of a window with his bare fist what shattered the glass into small pieces and ordered:
“Jump, now!”
“Right now, from this window,…are you serious?
“I’m damn serious. So jump off the train until we reach the station”
He pushed me out as I bent towards the smashed frame to evaluate my options. Floating on air for a couple of milliseconds, I landed hard on a stiff ground with my right shoulder, and ached for a while, watching the train disappear into horizon. It was middle of the night and found myself by the edge of field. Thinking of “sundowning”,- my condition- I prayed the God, not let another panic attack happen forgetting that I was totally cured and the fact that those lucid dreams with all their misfortunes were direct outcome of my recovery. All those thoughts were disrupted when massive artillery shell hit the ground and exploded 100 meters away.