Chapter 7
Tay approached Bluester with ease. He sat in a lotus position, in front of a stool. On the stool, a polished wood bowl set empty, as if inviting someone to put something in it. She stood there silently for an impressive moment.
“May I help you?” Bluester asked.
“How do you tree hop?” Tay asked.
“How do you not?” Bluester asked.
“That’s bizarre,” Tay said.
He opened his eyes and met her. “My statement?”
“Aren’t you always supposed to answer truthfully and unambiguously?” Tay asked.
“No,” Bluester said.
Tay frowned. “The Trades of Fall say you can’t lie.”
“That is true.”
“I am confused,” Tay said.
“I would not let that trouble you. Most people are,” Bluester said.
“Are you hungry?” Tay asked.
“I am always hungry,” Bluester said. “Isn’t everyone?”
“No. I just had an apple,” Tay said.
“You’re not hungry for knowledge?” Bluester asked.
“Oh,” Tay said.
Tay sat down in front of him. The breeze moved her hair and carried dandelion fluff aloft.
“I want to understand tree hopping,” Tay said.
“I am not a teacher,” Bluester said.
“It seems like a useful skill. I want to learn,” Tay kept on.
“You should learn to navigate your dreams first,” Bluester said.
“How is that helpful?” Tay said.
“Everything in space/time is connected. You imagine yourself as separate and that this is reality,” Bluester said.
Tay’s brow furrowed. She was uncertain of what to do with the information.
“My mother says dreams are random noise, and to not give them too much attention,” Tay said.
Bluester nodded. “If you and she were dolphins, and there was tree branch floating with a squirrel on top, she may also say to ignore this, it is random.”
Tay’s brow was so serious a smile broke on Bluester’s face. She was confused by the smiled. “Are you laughing at me?”
“With you. Thank you for this joy,” Bluester said, bringing his hands together bowing.
“You’re talking about dreams and dolphins and all I want to know is how to tree hop,” Tay said.
“Lightening never takes a straight path,” Bluester said.
“Loxy said this to Shen,” Tay said.
“Your mother has done a great service to you, reading you so much lore,” Bluester said.
“But you are mistaken. Loxy said this to Jon before Jon became Shen.”
“Dreams are not solid. How can you navigate your dreams?” Tay asked.
“The assumption is dreams and fantasies are not useful because they seem insubstantial. Sand castles on a beach may lack duration, but they’re not insubstantial. Given enough time and consensus, all dreams worlds become as solid as this,” Bluester said, knocking on his stool.
“TAY!”
Tay was drawn out of the conversation. Mother was coming at her fast. She stood up.
“Go inside!” Kea said. “Now.”
“We’re just talking,” Tay said.
“We don’t speak to the Monk unless he speaks to us first,” Kea said. “Inside.”
“That’s a stupid rule. If we waited for monks to speak, how will I ever learn something?” Tay demanded.
“Inside, now,” Kea said. When it was clear Tay was likely to negotiate, Kea began counting. “Three… Two…”
“You don’t have to hypnotize me.” Tay marched in the direction of the house.
Kea turned her gaze upon the monk.
“You have no right…”
“She is intelligent enough to learn, and at the right level of inquisitiveness,” Bluester said.
“As long as you are here, you will defend us, and honor my wishes with my daughter,” Kea said.
“What is it you fear?” Bluester said.
Kea looked away. Looking away brought dandelion fluff into focus. “I don’t know. I am worried. My life feels like a story I can’t escape from.”
“To break with momentum, you must go inside and change your scripts,” Bluester said.
Kea flashed anger. “Or lock you into yours. You have promised to protect us. If you can’t save me, you will save Tay and my son and then Bob, in that order.”
“No harm will befall them while I am here,” Bluester said.
Kea measured the statement. She relaxed. “I believe that. Do not teach my daughter to be a monk.”
“She will be what she will be. Why not expedite her progress by rewarding her curiosity?” Bluester said.
“I don’t have time for this nonsense,” Kea said. “I have practical concerns.”
“How do you not have time for this?” Bluester asked.
Kea pointed. Then walked away.
निनमित
Lakin was pacing around the circle when Telmar and his assistance entered. Even ‘mother’ was present. Telmar got in Lakin’s way. Lakin stopped. He tightened his hand on the stick. They all carried wands.
“It’s time,” Telmar said. “I need you to release the stick.”
Lakin looked at him as if her were insane.
“If you do not release it, I will be forced to kill you,” Telmar said.
Lakin retreated. Kimber was behind him and he was not able to retreat. The invisible barrier kept him from going right, and Laura, Lambly and Mother blocked going left. He brought his stick up, uncertain who to point it at. They all pointed their wands at him.
“Back off,” Lakin said.
“You will go insane if you don’t put the stick down and sleep,” Telmar said. “The world doesn’t need another insane sorcerer.”
“I am not a sorcerer!” Lakin said.
“What are you holding in your hand?” Telmar asked.
“I am not holding anything!”
“Look at your hand!” Telmar insisted.
“No! You’re trying to trick me. You just want me to look away so you can hurt me,” Lakin said.
Mother spoke. Her voices seem kindly, grandmotherly. “Son, if we wanted to kill you, you would already be dead. You can’t see all of us at once.”
Lakin turned his attention, and the stick by default, towards mother. Telmar unleased lightening from his wand, tagging Lakin and taking him to his knees. The lightening was sustained, but less intense than the first wave.
“Look at me! Don’t look away from me and don’t point your stick at mother,” Telmar snapped.
Lakin raged and re-emphasized his strength by pointing the stick at Telmar. He pushed through the bolt of energy and when his arm was fully stretched out, lightening erupted from his stick. Colliding lightening resulted in thunder and both Telmar and Lakin being knocked off their feet. They were thrown to opposite sides of the dome. They both got up at the same time and pointed wearily at each other. The women repositioned themselves.
“Leave me alone!” Lakin said.
“Put down your stick,” Telmar said.
Lakin raged. Lightening erupted from the end of his stick. Telmar blocked. Lightening intercepted by lightening. Telmars lightening was a soft lime green. There was the hint of fruit in the air, coupled with ozone. Lakin’s lightening was red. It was warm, like the flush of embarrassment and shame becoming rage. Where the lightening met, a yellow ball of plasma grew. It radiated heavy sparks, the same as an arc welder made. It radiated super luminous particles that spun away in crazy arcs, tracing Celtic patterns- and illuminating subtle potential pathways that seem to suggest everything was tied together. Lakin’s intense emotion gave him strength to come to his feet. It took even greater strength to push forwards into the energy stream. It was if light was tangible and had weight and resistance. As Lain stepped closer, so did Telmar. The jagged line of energy shortened, but the yellow ball grew in size and intensity. At a certain size, the ball exploded into a brilliant white flash, throwing the two combatants away from each other. They immediately regained their feet and attacked each other again. Red and green sustained lightening streamed from their wands. Lakin tried to step closer, but he was tired. Both streams of lightening bent, wave patterns, and at certain amplitude the lightening sparked the other wands to life. Looking down on it, it seemed like the Yin Yang pattern. A halo connected the two emphasizing that meme. The halo ignited the other wands. More lightning bolts spiked the center. Blue, orange, purple, and pink lightening. White lightening flashed from earth to dome top, blinding everyone in the dome, and when they could see again, everyone had been thrown to equal distance in the dome. Their placement seemed ordained.
Telmar and Lakin got back to their feet. They took up the attack pose.
“I don’t want to do this,” Lakin said.
“Put down the stick,” Telmar said.
“I can’t!” Lakin shouted. Lightening streamed from his stick, bending to hit the closest wand to his left, jumping to the next, and then going around the circle touching everyone’s wand. When the circle was complete, it sparked six streams towards their center. One stream ignited the other five, forcing his to respond in turn.
“You’re afraid, and angry,” Telmar said. “This is normal. Anger can give you a necessary burst of energy when you need to run or fight. You have no enemies here.”
“You said you were going to kill me!” Lakin said.
“Yes. A mercy killing,” Telmar said. “You can’t go on without sleep. Without eating. Let go of the stick.”
Lakin raged, the streams brightened, but it was dissipated through multiplicity of arcs. Each steam seemed to emit a tone. Particles were created and destroyed spelling out circuitous pathways in the air. Heavy gold across the marble table illuminated and threaten to sear the table apart.
“The difficulty with anger is it’s not sustainable,” Telmar said.
“Liar!” Lakin said.
“Oh, well, with caveats. It’s not sustainable at this level of intensity. You could over time nurture anger, resentment, build up strength to channel more and hold it longer, but this is not our way,” Telmar said. “What do you think about sex?”
One can’t say sex and not think about sex. One can’t point out, ‘looks like you have erection’ without reinforcing the erection. The lightening transitioned to orange, one branch became prominent. The branching of light connecting Kimber and Lakin seemed prominent.
“Yeah, I lust for Kimber, too,” Telmar said.
Embarrassment and shame came across his face. The lightening tree returned to all red.
“Son, all humans have lust. We all desire,” Telmar said. “Do not be afraid of this light.”
“You’re trying to trick me! I don’t want to be in your sex cult,” Lakin said.
“Yeah, you don’t have to. There are other kinds of connections. Nurturing connections, like sun to earth,” Telmar said.
The branching of lightening transition from red through orange to yellow. Telmar quoted from the Gift. “Even after all this time, the sun never says to the Earth, you owe me. Look what a love like that does. It lights the whole world.”
The lightening transitioned to green, fell back to yellow, alternated yellow and green, holding this. The tones seemed higher in frequencies.
“What do you feel?”
He wiped his eyes of tears.
“I don’t want to die,” Lakin said.
“Good. This is love. You loved your life as it was. You love your life even now. This is healthy,” Telmar said. “Death is a metaphor for change. We change. We mature. We were children, but we became adults. We are born into maturity, revitalizing our childhood.”
“I don’t understand,” Lakin said. Lightening alternated from yellow through green to blue.
“Just because you become an adult, doesn’t mean you know everything. You are a still a child that must learn. Being an adult means being responsible for your decisions. Being aware of your impact on others. Being more deliberate. It doesn’t mean you aren’t still a child,” Lakin said. “It doesn’t mean an absence of fear or lust or love. It just means, you have more choices in how you respond. You are responsible for your reality.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Let go,” Telmar said.
“How?”
“Just decide to do it,” Telmar said.
“How?!”
“If you fight, you will continue to engage this thing- making it stronger. If you run, you will continue to be engaging this thing- and it will chase you. But if you accept it and love it, you force it and you to change,” Lakin said. “Your relationship with it matures. In this, you become an adult, who is a child learning a new way of being. In letting go, you allow your relationship with the Universe to mature.”
Lakin swallowed. “I am tired.”
“I know,” Telmar said.
“Let go,” Kimber said. “I will love you.”
“Let go,” Lambly said. “I will nurture you.”
“Let go,” Laura said. “I will fight beside you.”
“Let go,” Mother said. “I will teach you.”
“Let go,” Telmar said. “I will befriend you.”
The lightening faded in intensity and sparked off with an auditory pop. The smell of ozone was thick in the air. Lakin could no longer see due to tears and exhaustion. His arm dropped. His hand relaxed enough that the stick fell free in stages and finally tumbled to the ground. Lambly went to him and took his hand and unfolded it. She began massaging it. He fell into her, crying. She comforted him. He fell asleep in her arms, on his feet.
निनमित
Bob met the group of strangers on the road. They were twenty men strong, and had two llamas carrying equipment. Most of them had swords. Not one was older than thirty. One of them came forwards to greet Bob. He smelled like a llama. He gave a cursory bow and introduced himself as Terrace Man. Bob mirrored his greeting and introduced himself. Bob heard Kea instruct Tay to go inside. Tay resisted, but Kea snapped “do it, now!”
“We wish to enter the village,” Man said.
“You may make a petition to enter after thirty days of interactions with me, but I can save you some time. Not all of you will be allowed in, and none of you will go in with weapons,” Bob said.
“We will tarry thirty days and make the petition,” Man said.
“I cannot accommodate the entire lot of you. Some of you can stay at my sisters, other side of the village, but the rest of you will need to walk on,” Bob said.
“We brought a tent, we’ll remain here,” Man said. “You and your daughter will serve us until we have met the village’s requirements.”
“What are you looking for?” Bob said.
Man smiled. “If I knew precisely what I was looking for, I wouldn’t be searching. My quest has brought me here. Do you intend to dispense with formal protocols?”
Bob didn’t break eye contact with Man, but he was not oblivious to hands touching hilts.
Bob smiled. “Of course not. You can set your tents up there, in the clearing. We will serve you there.”
“Thank you,” Man said. “We have some supplies, but we will pay you for fresh meat and bread.”
“You may have your fill of fish, but I am not feeding twenty of you goats,” Bob said.
“How many goats will you part with?” Man asked.
“Five. One a week,” Bob said.
“Bring us two now,” Man said. He took a coin bag from his belt and tossed it to Bob’s feet.
Bob didn’t reach for the coin. “Thank you.”
Man nodded. “Cockburn?! Set up the tent.” A few of the twenty laughed at one of their own being called out by name. He was clearly the newbie and the grunt, and outed himself by grumbling; his peers punched him in the arm. He led the llamas out into the field, where he tied them to a tree and began unpacking the equipment. A couple of the fellows without swords went to help him without being instructed.
“Cockburn?” Bob asked. “He couldn’t come up with a better name than that?”
“Sir name. His parents gave it to him,” Man said. “Lawrence Cockburn. I don’t recommend teasing him about it.”
“And yet, you throw it out there in front of a stranger?” Bob said.
“Makes him stronger,” Man said. “Anything else?”
“No,” Bob said.
Man spit in his hand and put it out there to shake. Bob accepted the handshake.
“I will have soup and bread for you by dinner time,” Bob said. “You and three others may dine at my table tonight, if you wish.”
“Thank you, I would love to share a meal with you,” Man said. He heard Cockburn quarreling with the help. “Excuse me.”
Bob waited till Man had retreated and turned his back. Some of the militia lingered, posturing in ambiguous ways before also retreating. He turned and walked away from the coin bag, wiping his hand on his shirt. Kea was there.
“You okay?” Bob asked.
“They should go,” Kea said.
“Yeah, well, they’re here for the long haul. Come, help me prepare food. Please,” Bob said.
Kea nodded, but lingered. Bob called her again, and she followed.
निनमित
Lakin woke in a strange bed. He found clothes sitting on a stool beside the bed. They fit him. They fit him well. The house was quiet. It was quiet enough he was tempted to examine property. His desire to leave overcame his curiosity of the artifacts in the home and he hurried out of the room and outside. He saw the others eating at the stone table. He suddenly realized how hungry he was. He drew closer, against his will.
“I am leaving,” Lakin said.
“Bye, have fun,” Telmar said.
“Come eat first,” Lambly said.
He came to the table and sat down. His plate was almost empty before he realized he had sat and ate without speaking or even so much as looking at the table companions. He stopped suddenly. He blushed. Kimber winked at him and he flushed darker.
“I am leaving,” Lakin said.
“You’re free to leave,” Telmar said again. “You should take your stick.” The stick was on the table.
“You can have it,” Lakin said.
“I have my own,” Telmar said.
“We all do,” Laura said. “If you whittle and polish it, it can channel more power.”
“And you’re lucky. You have whole tree stump to work on,” Kimber said. “You could make a staff. You could make magical objects to spare, to sell.”
“Deadwood is the easiest to charge,” Telmar explained. “Kimber latched onto a stone. Crystal wands are superior, but hard to tune and shape.”
“But I can shape stone. I can soften and harden stone. I can make stones rise,” Kimber said. “That’s a much more useful skill than selling trinkets you carved from deadwood. You’re fresh, I can teach you.”
“He clearly has wood talent,” Laura said. “He can’t have both wood and stone.”
“You all are insane,” Lakin said.
“You really should at least take your stick,” Mother said. “You don’t want to have to endow an object with energy each time you visit your troubles.”
“I am not going to engage any more troubles,” Lakin said.
No one argued with him. He got up to leave. No one said anything. He began to walk away but stopped. He turned back.
“I am grateful for the clothes. I don’t have money…”
“It’s a gift,” Telmar said. “Thank you for this opportunity to help the troubled.”
Lakin swallowed. He seemed unsure of where to go or what to do.
“You could stay with us a moment,” Kimber said. “Maybe till summer solstice?”
“Trouble comes once a quarter?” Lakin asked.
“Mostly,” Telmar said.
“Always at night,” Laura said.
“Thank you,” Lakin said. He turned and walked away.
The troubled continued eating.
♫♪►
Tristan Star woke in an empty field. He sat up, hands digging into the dirt. Bambi, who was not his Bambi, sat in front of him, lotus position. She smiled warmly. There was a tray of fruit, cheese, and wine in front of her. Using a toothpick, she stabbed a square of cheese and ate.
“Well, hello, sleepy head,” Bambi said, chewing on cheese.
The sound of her chewing bothered him. “Fuck you…”
Bambi’s eyes flashed. Tristan feel asleep. He woke some time later.
“Well, hello, sleepy head,” Bambi said.
Tristan held his tongue.
“What is this?” Tristan said.
“You are subject to my whims. If I feel threatened, you will sleep. If I feel disrespected, you will sleep. If you threaten others or are disrespectful to others, you will sleep,” Bambi said.
“You’re like the ultimate in thought police?” Tristan asked.
“I am not policing your thoughts. Just your actions. Just your words,” Bambi said.
“And who gave you the right…”
“The courts. You were unwilling or unable to exercise discretion and discernment on your own, so I was employed to assist in civilizing you,” Bambi said.
“Go fuck…”
When Tristan woke, he was angry.
“The thing about sleeping in the field is if you stay in one spot long enough, the bugs start to eat at you,” Bambi said.
Tristan stood up, brushing himself off. He found no evidence of ants. He started to walk away. He came upon an invisible boundary which he could not pass. Exploring it revealed it encapsulated him, with Bambi at the center. He came at her fast, with intentions of striking her.
He collapsed to the ground. When he came to, he found his anger was renewed.
“How long…”
“Until you are civilized, or dead,” Bambi said.
“I would prefer death to this, whatever this is,” Tristan said.
“You had that option. You chose the path. The path is preferable,” Bambi said. “Society doesn’t benefit from incarcerating people or killing them. Society advances as individual sophistication advances. You have value beyond your belief.”
“Fuck…”
Tristan slept. He woke, disoriented at first, but then latched onto anger.
“I have the right to say what I want…”
“You do,” Bambi said. “I have the authority to sleep you when I want to.”
“That’s not fair…”
“You are older than 12, right?” Bambi asked.
“You have no right…”
“Was it fair when you enslaved Bambi through a ritual of pain followed by opiates?” Bambi asked. Tristan was surprisingly quiet, his eyes intense. “I know everything about you, Tristan Star. You have abused many. I chose Bambi because she the most seriously impacted. Also, you had a much more complicated interaction with her and the greatest opportunity to realize empathy and compassion. You cannot impact others without also impacting yourself. I could make it part of your redemption package that you encounter everyone you have ever harmed. You could spend a season with all of them. It could take a hundred years to purge all your sins.”
“A hundred years? I don’t know that many people…”
“It’s not just the people you directly harmed, but those immediately and indirectly harmed through knowing them,” Bambi said.
Tristan stood up. He saw wilderness in all directions. The only human artifact was the single backpack, laying on the ground.
“Where are we?”
“The wilderness,” Bambi said.
“Don’t be so fucking obtuse…” Tristan said.
Bambi was facing him when he woke. Her smile irritated him. He stood up and walked and hit the barrier.
“I want to walk,” Tristan said.
“I don’t,” Bambi said.
“I want to get back to the city,” Tristan said.
“I think we should spend forty years in the wilderness,” Bambi said.
He pointed at her but hesitated with words. He hesitated long enough for Bambi to chide him: “Do you really want to sleep.”
“Are you really Bambi?” Tristan asked.
“She is with me,” Bambi said. “I adopted her looks because I like the way she looks.”
“She looks like a whore that needs to be tamed,” Tristan said.
When he woke up, he scooted away from Bambi until his back was against the invisible barrier.
“How do you sleep me? How do you block me from leaving?” Tristan asked.
“You and I are one. You super conscious mind is in agreement with this remedy, and has empowered me with unconscious control over your physical being. If I wanted, I could drive you like a marionette,” Bambi said. “I believe you should walk and talk yourself.”
“You have to sleep sometime,” Tristan said.
Bambi sighed. “Ambiguous threat. This is a warning. Your unconscious mind never sleeps. I will not sleep. Bambi might sleep, but another will take their shift. You are with me for the duration of this experiment.”
“Who are you?” Tristan asked.
“It would be better to ask ‘who are you.’ Your relationship with others is dependent on who you are with yourself,” Bambi said. “Feel free to test that.”
“I am not an experiment,” Tristan said. “What experiment?”
“The powers that be want to know if you can change in this life time. They want to know if you can align with the mission that you agreed to do prior to incarnation,” Bambi said.
“Who do you think I am, Shen the great?”
Bambi gave an empathetic smile. “You know who you are.”
“At least Shen had his memories of his prior life,” Tristan said.
“Too much of the past is a distraction from present goals,” Bambi said. “We’re not playing Minecraft here.”
“So, you agree, life is a game?” Tristan asked.
“The most serious one you will ever play,” Bambi said.
“How long does this process take?” Tristan asked.
Bambi shrugged.
“That’s not an answer,” Tristan said.
“There are too many variables to answer that. I don’t know,” Bambi admitted.
“What kind of variables?” Tristan asked.
“For example, if it was just about your anger, that might take a decade to resolve,” Bambi said.
“My anger is righteous,” Tristan said.
“A hundred years,” Bambi corrected her estimate.
Tristan glowered at her. “So this is life imprisonment with you?”
“No. While under house arrest, you will not age. You will not hunger. You will not lust. You will not die,” Bamib said.
Tristan leaned forwards. “Excuse me?”
“You will not age. You will not hunger. You will not lust. You will not die,” Bambi said.
“I am hungry now!”
Bambi gestured towards the tray of fruit and cheese. He didn’t move.
“I just don’t want that.”
Bambi poured him a glass of wine. It was a wine he had actually killed for. He licked his lips.
“I am not thirsty,” he lied.
Bambi sipped it, set it down, stood up, and undid the dress string that held her clothing to her neck. She let her dress fall to the ground. She stood marvelously naked before him. He had no physical reaction to nakedness. He was serious.
“I am being robbed of the things I enjoy most?”
“Were these things you enjoyed, or was it the control and the taking from others where you derived pleasure?” Bambi asked.
Bambi lay on her blanket, exposed and vulnerable. Tristan got up and came at her angrily. He fell. He was asleep before he hit the ground. She turned on her side, and traced his eyebrows and lips.