Chapter 28
The transporters
I am sitting on the top of a rather high building and am looking at the sun which is going down behind the dead buildings. It is twilight and just a red spot, in conflict with the gray color of the sky, is over the town.
My inner great and deep sorrow is the origin of the stream which is falling from my eyes and has wet my face. The wind shakes my clothes and, passing through my tears, cools my face. Sunset and darkness on the one hand, and the howling wind and the inner deep sorrow on the other hand, make the world colorless increasingly. Clouds are in red and their dark color is less obvious.
I remember Saidan who…
I am choked with tears. Maybe…
I stare at sunset. It seems that the sun realizes my heartache that has assumed such an air of sadness. Clouds have gathered around the sun, which is going down, and have made the sky darker. I wish it rained. Maybe it would wash all off theses sorrows away and would take them into the depths of the earth.
I remember the days I and Mansidan were working on a car. A car which looked like anything but a car. It was like we made a car afresh. We used to work all of our free times on the car. We gathered parts of broken down cars and finally after a few months, we switched on a car which was completely according to our ideal. When Mansidan turned the switch on and the car began working, we jumped up and down and cheered. We decided to try it, so we pushed the car and got it out of the storeroom in which we were working.
A small enclosure in front of the shelter was paved, but was covered by sands. We checked everything. Mansidan got on and looked at me, as if he waited for my consent. I shook my head and Mansidan gnashed his teeth and then he switched on the car. The sound of its engine was smooth and monotone; although it became louder once in a while, energized us.
Mansidan asked me to get on the car. I doubted but happiness made me jump into the car. Mansidan put his hand on the gearshift and asked me to put my hand on his hand too. We shift it into first together. He stepped on the gas slowly. Pavement moved under the car and things around us went away. The screeching sound of the car was lost among the sound of the engine. I felt that the car has not enough stability but…
That day, we drove the car from the beginning to the end of the shelter enclosure. At night, we feasted, but Saidan and Brasen were annoyed with us, why we switched on the car without telling them, but indeed our happiness didn’t let us wait for their presence.
The next day, we all got on the car but this time, we drove the car outside the shelter enclosure. Mansidan drove the care even up to the 75 kilometers per hour. Its steering wheel was slightly tight. We drove the car every day for a month. We fixed up its faults wholly. The enclosure around the shelter didn’t let us to drive the car over that speed, so we decided to drive on the main road which wasn’t too far from the shelter. It took a month until we swept the sands off the road. We made a small fence of rusted metals off the road to prevent reentering the sands on the road. But we still had to clean the road every few days. We couldn’t drive over 100 kilometers per hour too. That car was almost all of our fun and delight.
I breathe a sigh and the next image appears in front of my eyes involuntary…
Raya asked me to drive twosome. I checked everything except for the brake, but I wish I had checked it.
I was sure that the brakes shouldn’t have any problem. But alas…I wish I had checked. Raya got on the car. I switched on the car that Mansidan arrived and joined us. I assured him that everything works well. I sat by Mansidan who was the driver and Raya sat on the backseat. We moved on.
At the end of the road was a broad valley. We were laughing and, as usual, Mansidan was disputing with Raya. They always made happy moments by provoking their dispute. When we reached the end of the road, suddenly Mansidan’s face turned pale and his mouth remained open. While he was winking fast and his eyes popped with fear, he said that the brakes don’t work. He stepped on the break over and over but with no effect, until we reached the sands.
I can’t remember the rest of the event, however long and hard I think about it. It is like it happened in darkness.
But I never forget the next accident. I remember it so clear that as if I can repeat it now. I remember that:
I feel as if someone pounds his fist on my brow quickly. The screeching sound from under the car and Raya’s shout asking help, have weakened my body. My feet tremble. My eyes are wandering from the car to Raya, and from Raya to the car. My side aches and my breast is bloody. My head is dripping blood and one of my leg is numb. It seems like I am roped to two horse which are running away from each other. A part of me asks me to go toward the car, while another part says save Raya.
All of a sudden, upon sliding the car into the valley, I take step involuntary toward the car to save Mansidan. I try to open the door of the car, but it is locked. I kick the door. Suddenly the car goes down more into the valley.
Help Zairas! No! Please! No!
All of a sudden, upon Raya’s humble request, my hands stop working. I look at her who is hanging from the edge of the valley. She tries to pull herself up but there is not enough power in the arms of a woman.
I back to help her but…
She has no chance to survive, that is, my instinct tells me not to leave my brother to help his fiancée. Mansidan has more chance to survive than Raya. It is possible that the car falls into the valley later than Raya.
My eyes fill with tears.
I collapse. I curse myself and turn away from Raya, not to see her at least, but her cries tremble my body. I kick the door again but it has no effect. I repeat this a few times, but it is useless. All of a sudden I see Mansidan who opens his eyes and looks at me, while gasping for breath. Anxiety and disquietude can be seen in his eyes.
Come on! Give me your hand. You must get out of the car, hurry up!
I reach out my hand to him through the broken window of the car.
Where’s Raya?
I said give me your hand. We haven’t much time. The car is likely to fall at any moment into…
All of a sudden the car moves toward the valley screeching.
Hurry up! Give me your hand! I’m telling you give me your hand!
Mansidan! Zairas! Help! Help me!
Upon hearing raya’s voice, Mansidan pales and stops gasping. He looks at me pleadingly and says:
Please go and help her. I can save myself. Zairas please! I’m of no matter. Go save her. Zairas please!...
I knock the door of the car again, without noticing him. I can see his cheeks which are wet.
Zairas, please! Please! I beg you! Leave me. Zairas! Zairas! If I lose her…
The car is falling down! Hurry up! Damned! I can’t open the door. You have to come out through the window. Give me your hand, hurry up!
He stares at me with the wet eyes. It seems that time is frozen. He looks at me with the eyes filled with anger and hate. I feel the ground is collapsing under my feet. I can’t tolerate his looks. I lower my head and again knock the door without noticing him. Door opens! I reach out my hand but he pushes my hand away.
If you don’t save her, I’ll never forgive you to the end of my life.
And he says with full hatred:
You’re responsible for my love’s death!
His word makes me go some steps away from the car. Hearing Raya’s shouts, I go toward her. She is still hanging from the edge with one hand. I see her hand which gradually slides on the edge. She is near to fall into the valley. I pass the remained distance taking long steps rushingly, after taking some short steps. I grab the ground with one hand to not to fall into the valley, and try to take her hand with my nother hand. When I reach her, she removes her hand from the edge an falls down into the valley with a shout, but I manage to take her hand in the last second. I suffer vertigo and my eyesight becomes dim. I can’t breathe. My breast is near to burst.
Raya! Pull yourself up. Hurry up! I can’t hold you anymore.
I can feel there is no power in her arm anymore. She tries her best to take and hold my hand, but she release my hand once in a while.
Hold my hand. I can’t hold you more. Try to pull yourself up. Come on! You can! Please be quick!
I feel as if my hand is putting out of joint. She says while crying:
I can’t! I can’t! Please don’t leave me!
You can! Just try a little more. You should just take my hand with your both hands. Come on! You can. Please! You can.
She stops sobbing and looks at my face which is full of entreaty.
You can. Believe me. You can. Hurry up!
She closes her eyes and after a pause, she takes my hand with her other hand, while she opens her eyes. Now, my hand is held with her both hands.
Well. Now…
All of my joints ache. My hand is numb.
Now…
Suddenly I feel I am going into the valley. I give more pressure on the ground with my hand to hold myself, but Raya’s weight pulls me down into the valley. I try to get help from my feet but it is not effective and I am still pulled into the valley. If I don’t release her… but… Mansidan…
All of a sudden I see the car which is falling down into the valley. Mansidan!
My eyes meet Raya’s innocent face with the eyes shedding tears.
Thanks for everything, thanks.
Then she opens her both hands…
Tears clogs my throat and I begin to sob. The memory of that event trembles me. It is darker now. Half of the sun is hidden behind the buildings. Samirana is standing near the edge of the building and cries slowly. She looks at me once in a while, and cries more severely with my sobs. Perhaps she knows what is going on in my heart. Her face reminds me of Raya, when I was leaving her.
I remember Raya. She always was stared at the wall while was sitting on her wheelchair. Happiness had left her face forever. After that event, I never saw her beautiful lips give smile again seeing me, that she begs me again like a little girl to help her to conciliate my brother. Raya was like a sister to me. She used to consult with me before doing anything but now she just stares at the wall and sheds tears.
I go to Raya’s room and knock the door. As usual, no response. I open the door. I see her who is on her wheelchair as usual and is thinking. Her cheeks are wet. Although her face is full of wounds, she is still beautiful. She has worn her black hair loose on her shoulders, and is dressed in a simple trousers and shirt.
You…, too, are…are leav…ing me…like Mansidan an…and father?
More tears flow on her face. She closes her eyes and cries slowly.
This time, I can’t tell lie. I have to leave her. I can’t see her in this situation anymore. Her legs and her left hand will remain numb to the end of her life. She even can’t move her head easily.
I sit on her bed, near her, so that she would be able to see my face easily.
Wh…why you do…n’t sa..say any…thing? Do…you wa…want lea…ve me alo…ne?
Seeing her lips, I burst into tears. She can’t talk easily yet after a few years. This was what I had done to her. It was me who took her youthful and mirth. I try to talk between my sobs so that don’t let my voice to trembles.
I can’t see you this way anymore. My sister shouldn’t be this way. I don’t want these days being the hell for you. I want to go and find Mansidan.
She looks at me with her wide open eyes. Her eyes are red.
N…no…no. don’t d…do it! ple…please. Zairas…pl…ease!
She cries louder. I can’t tolerate anymore. I put my head on her hand, which is numb now, and say to her between my sobs:
Please forgive me. I did this to you. I caused Mansidan leaves you. I caused you to be in this situation. Please…
No…n…no, plea…se don’t say…thi…s. It wa..was my des…destiny. You’re no…not guil…ty. No…one is gui…guilty.
I can’t say anything in reply. I just continue crying. Maybe hope, light and mirth would come back to her life if Mansidan returns. I can’t see anymore that she is melting drop by drop.
I’m leaving here today, and you too. This way, the walls and doors of here wouldn’t recapture the memories. You should go somewhere at least you would be in calm and peace. I promise you I’ll back again and will stay with you.
She cries more and says pleadingly:
No Zairas! No. plea..se don…don’t do it to…to me. I wa…want to…sta…y…he…here. If yo…you do…thi...this to…me, I’ll…die. Plea…please.
I can’t tolerate more. I rise from the bed and go toward the door quickly.
Except for the letter, have you anything more to tell him?
How di…did you…fin..d the let…letter?
I look at her face. A body without soul…
I have no patience anymore. I sob more. A lonely and paralytic girl in a corner of this world, is sitting awaiting for someone who today…
The sun now has went down behind the burnt buildings and just shines some red and yellow rays on the clouds. I will take revenge on Mansidan and Brasen.
To be continued…