Chapter Two
Unspoken Words
You’d think for essentially being a desert, the Wastelands would be warmer than this, I thought, as I hugged myself with my arms, stumbling along the shadow of yet one more overreaching dune of sand.
I was cold, hungry, and above all thirsty. The occurrence of all three were making life downright miserable, but at least I was alive.
I stopped my journey through the sand as my eyes took in the cornerstone work of an ancient dwelling half consumed by the desert. Beyond that lay another work of stone and another and more after that. I’d stumbled onto one of the ancient cities of the old kingdom!
What to do?
So little was known of the Wastelands or from the time before when the vast plain had been host to El Elyon’s chosen people, the Yesathurim. Idly, I wondered about the people who once made their home here, only to be kicked out because of disbelief in the Creator and the false worship of others. I had never even seen a Yesathurim for myself, although it was said that there was Yesathurim blood mixed in with the blood of both Kingdomers and Nicationers.
Looking now upon the ancient city that lay in stark ruin before me, I could not but feel sympathy for the people upon whom such calamity, deserved or not, had fallen.
“You do well, stranger, to have sympathy for the plight of others less fortunate than even your own poor self.”
My blood froze as the words spoke directly into my consciousness. I was sure that they had not been spoken audibly, but rather they had been spoken from within. How was that even possible?
Looking upon the scattered ruins I had the unreasoning fear that I had stumbled upon the home of a demon. What else could it be?
Stuttering slightly, my words hindered by cracked lips, I asked, “Who are you and how do you know what my situation is?
The words came once again from within and, as at the first, I could detect no threat in them, but only a calm sureness of spirit, “I am a sojourner come to find my way among the peoples of Ayenathurim. As to the condition of your place in life, well forgive me for stating the obvious, but you are alone and well within the borders of these once fair lands that now suffer under a curse that few wish to challenge by being here.”
“Where are you and why do I feel that you know exactly where I am?” I asked in fear.
“There is much for you to learn Rollan, but for the moment you will do well to last through the night. A word of warning. Go no further into the city, least of all stay within its dwellings, for they are a deceptive refuge. Go back a ways into the dunes, dig into the sands and you will be warm enough.”
I continued to look for a moment at the city before me in the gathering gloom of early night. Sure, it looked ominous enough, as any deserted and mostly destroyed city would, but there were intact dwellings that would likely still have furniture of some kind that I could break up and use to make a fire.
Despite all my reasoning for going into the city, I turned my back to it and made my way up the dune to my left, whose sands would most likely still be the warmest from the day. Reaching the top of the dune I began to dig into it.
I felt a bit like a venomous sand viper as I worked my way beneath the loose sand of the dunes outer surface. It was admittedly a lot warmer beneath the sand of the dune.
It got a lot darker then and the wind began to pick up. My eyes started to close as my body fell into a fatigued slumber, when a bloodcurdling howl ripped through the night air.
My eyes wide open I managed to turn my half buried head in the sand to look towards the city that had suddenly come alive. Large Evanik dogs were everywhere!
Evanik dogs were worse than any wolf could ever hope to be. Wolves had intelligence and while they were known to attack humans it was by no means an active thing on their part to do so. That wasn’t the case for the wild dogs of Evanik.
It was said that they were one of the leftover traces of the manipulations of creation done by the fallen Malachim of El Elyon. The stories were old and some truths were hard to substantiate, but it was said that all manner of twisted creations had arisen from the interference of the fallen Malachim into the natural order of the world’s original created kinds.
Some of these creations still existed; such as the giants, who lived in their stone fortresses, in the neighboring Nicationer Kingdom of Sapan. Other twisted creations had seemed to fade from the memories of men, such as the manipulations of men with the body of a horse and even lions. Many of the gods that the Nicationer Nations still worshiped were represented by these hybrid creatures of man and animal.
The Evanik dogs, although not as scary as some of the other creations of bygone days, were still a scourge in and of themselves. They killed for the joy of killing. They were known to run down entire flocks of sheep and goats instead of just taking down one or two, as a wolf would’ve done. Not to mention eating the shepherds along with the flock.
If I hadn’t heeded the advice of the words spoken to me from an unknown source I’d be torn into so many pieces by now that all that would’ve been left of me would have been shards of broken bone scattered in the sand.
I watched as the large dogs congregated in the ruins and picked fights with each other. One dog limped back from a scuffle and an entire pack of the dogs attacked the injured member, consuming it live. It was unnatural and terrifying to behold.
All of a sudden, with a flurry of high-pitched yips and howls, the packs holed up in the ruins of the old city dispersed and ran out into the dunes in every direction. I closed my eyes and silently prayed that I would remain hidden from them.
Surprisingly none of the mongrels seemed to pick up my trail, which left me blessedly undiscovered beneath the sand.
Time went by and my lips moved in a whisper, “Thank you,” I said into the darkness of the night.
“You’re welcome. Now get some sleep,” came the response from within, which, oddly enough, I was getting used to.
My eyes closed as if on command and I drifted off almost instantly into the realm of unconsciousness.
*****
My eyes were gritty with sand and a general lack of moisture. It was a pain to open them, but I forced myself to. It was daylight.
Were the hounds back from their evening jaunt? I sure hoped so!
Feeling stiff and on the lean side, I eased out of the sand and carefully slipped down the side of the dune and began making my way away from the city. When I was out of sight of the forlorn ruins, I made my escape from certain death out to the greater unknown of the windswept plain devoid of larger sand dunes.
I’d escaped death for the moment, but if I didn’t get water soon I’d suffer death of a different kind.
“Over here,” came the response to my need.
I turned to the southeast, somehow sensing that was the direction of "over here."
It wasn’t long, and yet it felt like a long time in coming, until I drew near the still figure of a man staring out over the desert to the south. As I came to a stop the man broke his focus on the southern horizon and gave me the full force of his gaze.
At once I felt completely overwhelmed by this man’s presence. Swallowing nervously, I waited to see what would become of me, because against such a man I would be helpless.
The strength of his enigmatically searching gaze gentled and he spoke in an audible voice for the first time, “So Rollan, what brings you to this place of lost dreams?”
I glanced down, thinking about what my answer should be. Something drove me to be honest with this man and in a stuttering voice I said, “I killed a man. A man of Rollanic.”
I glanced up then to see what my fate would be. Was this man of one of the Nicationer Nations?
Surely, if he was, he would even now pull free his sword to avenge the death of one of his own.
The large sword stayed by the man’s side though and slowly my eyes met the piercing intensity of the man’s brown eyed stare that seemed to gaze straight into my soul.
“Why Rollan?” he asked.
I felt the need to cry, but I was so dehydrated that I couldn’t even manage the evidence of my grief. “I was protecting my mother, at least I thought I was.”
I sank to my knees then in the sand, as the losses of my life piled up to a heaviness beyond my soul’s ability to bear. I asked, “Are you going to kill me now?”
Instead of answering the man knelt down and pressed a skin of water to my lips, which I began to drink in great gulps.
“No Rollan,” he finally said in answer to my question. “I’m going to give you life.”
I stopped drinking for a moment to stare into the man’s eyes and I asked, “Why?”
The man’s lips parted in a smile that had warmth to it, “It’s what I do.”
I drank some more, but then made myself stop. It wasn’t good to drink too much water too fast and I didn’t want to drink all of this man’s water. Already I respected him too much to do that. Akin to that thought was that I wanted this man to respect me, even as I wanted to please him.
I offered the skin of water back to him but he shook his head and rose back up to his feet, “Keep it Rollan. The day will be hot and you will need more.”
The man made as if to leave and I tottered up to my feet quickly, “Can I come with you?”
The man stared towards the southern horizon once more before again turning and probing me with his gaze. His gaze seemed to measure my inner worth and I could only wonder as to what he saw in me.
“Rollan, the journey before me is by no means an easy one. You are welcome to come, but know that it could lead to your death.”
I shrugged, “I would have been dead last night if it weren’t for you. My life is yours.”
“You pledge your life too easily young friend.”
“But I pledge it all the same,” I said resolutely.
The man’s large hand, that showed the scars of bygone battles, settled over my shoulder and squeezed, “I like your spirit Rollan. Come.”
He let go of me and started out toward the south and I hurried to keep up with his long stride, which I could almost match, but my energy was lacking. Seeming to read my mind, his hand dug into a side pouch and held out a handful of dried jerky which I gratefully took from him.
The man’s generosity in sharing with me was beyond anything I had ever experienced before by either Kingdomer or Nicationer.
“If I may, what is your name?” I asked hesitantly, around a mouthful of jerky.
"My name is Kurios, but you can call me Kuri,” he said.
Silence followed for a few brief moments before I felt the need to share in more depth who I was, “My full name is Rollan Artenor from the Kingdom of Smir……..”
Cutting me off he said, “Your name is no longer Rollan and it would be unwise of you to mention from where you come. Your name is now Benaiah.”
As my mind grappled with the knowledge that I had just been renamed I couldn’t resist asking, “Of what people are you from?”
“By birth I am of the Yesathurim lineage, but I’m not prejudiced as are some of my kindred. I call people from many lands my friends and have been close to many of them as if they were my brother.”
My mind reeled with the awareness that I stood within the presence of one of the mythical Yesathurim, El Elyon’s chosen people. Not only that, but it seemed that the man had adopted me.
Again, as if reading my mind, Kuri spoke, “You have a choice before you, Rollan. No one can take that from you. It is a divine gift from above. You are free to go or come along if you wish.”
For a brief moment I thought about stopping, but my feet kept going, perhaps even a little faster than before.
Kuri nodded positively, “Benaiah it is then.”
I felt a strange peace envelop me then. Almost as if I had been joined into a family of some kind.
“What does Benaiah mean?” I asked softly.
“El Elyon has built.”
I glanced at him in shock. Why would he give me such a name? Surely, I was not worth so much as to have a name that meant that?
“Everyone has worth in El Elyon’s eyes,” he looked at me then and said, “Even the life of the man you killed had worth. All life endowed with a spirit from the Creator has value.”
I swallowed and looked away from his gaze, “Why do you wish to have a self-confessed murderer tag along with you?”
He shrugged, “Name someone you know who is without sin.”
I couldn’t so I remained silent.
I needed to know something and he didn’t seem unwelcome to questions so I asked it, “What am I to you? I mean, I’m just a Kingdomer from the weakest of the seven kingdoms, while you’re of El Elyon’s own people. I’m not even a full blood Kingdomer at that. It would seem that I am unimportant and yet you have made me to feel that I am.”
His face turned to me and I relaxed upon the sight of his smile. Regarding me steadily for a moment he then said, “You have value to me Benaiah. I care not who your father or mother were, for you have chosen to follow me and that is enough.”
Confused, I shook my head. He’d given me an answer and yet I wasn’t satisfied with it. Something dawned on me then. This man truly didn’t seem to care that I was the product of a mixed union of two opposing blood lines. Knowing that made the invisible cord I felt binding myself to this man grow only stronger somehow and yet I was confused. What had I gotten involved in?
“What exactly have I chosen to help you do?” I asked, not feeling too good as to the sense behind my question.
“For a long time now there has been a war going on in the spiritual realm which has gone back and forth within the confines of mankind’s existence. I’ve come to bring an end to that war. A war in which the result is already known.”
I blinked repeatedly as my mind traced back over the words he’d just spoken. Suddenly I wondered about the wisdom of my joining up with this man. He spoke of things far above the life of a farm boy and yet, in a way I’d left the farm behind. What was I now?
“Don’t think too hard on it all, Benaiah. It’s really quite simple, the complexity comes in the application of the details, but if you know where you’re going there is no need to worry about the journey to get there.”
“Where am I going?”
“It’s not so much the where as the fact that I’ll keep you safe wherever we are.”
“I thought you said earlier that following you could lead to my death?” I asked in consternation.
“This is true, but it changes nothing of what I have said.”
“I’m confused,” I exclaimed out loud.
“That’s because you lack understanding, but cheer up Benaiah, with experience comes faith.”
“Faith in what?” I asked blankly.
“Faith in whatever El Elyon has purposed for you to do in life.”
“I still don’t understand.”
“And yet you will. It’s as simple as that and yet for some it is too much.”
I shook my head, “It’s as if you speak in riddles.”
“Tell me Benaiah, what is it that you are wanting of me to say?”
I debated on it and decided it all boiled down to one thing, “Can I trust you?”
“Yes, Benaiah. I never go back on my word. Does that satisfy you or do you need to know something more?”
I shook my head, “If I can trust you then I guess the rest of what I don’t know doesn’t matter.”
His hand reached out to pat my back warmly, even as his words rolled out authoritatively, “And thus faith is built.”
That seemed to be indicative enough of how far we’d both come in such a short time together.
“How do you end a spiritual war?” I asked curiously.
“Through prayer and the right application of strength.”
“I’m not much for prayer,” I admitted.
“And yet a man can change if he wishes.”
“I’m only fifteen.”
“And yet I say you are a man now. It’s for you to choose, be the man or be the child in need of milk to sustain itself.”
I fell silent.
We walked on and I drank some more water from the skin of water that was draped over my shoulder. There was one thing I knew. I certainly didn’t want to be a child in need of milk. It was time to become a man. A man with a new name and a peculiar sounding purpose.
*****
I missed my horse. It really hadn’t been mine, but for a while at least it had been in my possession. I really didn’t have anything that was really mine.
“You have your soul, which is of great value Benaiah.”
I glanced to the side at my benefactor as I gestured angrily to my head, “What’s up with this reading my thoughts all the time? Don’t you have something better to do?”
Kuri glanced around the still desert scape that we were wandering through before his gaze finally came to rest on me, “It would seem that I don’t.”
I shook my head disgustedly and looked away. Well, at least he was honest.
“How do you do that anyway?” I asked.
“It’s a gift.”
“Can you teach me?”
“No.”
Well that was abrupt, I thought to myself.
“But I will teach you other things if you’re willing to learn.”
I looked around for a moment before my gaze came back to the warrior who seemed to have adopted me. It was hard to tell how old he was. He had scars that bespoke of hard-won experience and while there was some gray in his beard I didn’t think that it was so much a sign of age, but rather of burden.
On the whole my companion did seem to be rather burdened of spirit. Almost as if he carried the weight of the world on his broad shoulders.
He struck me as both very wise and yet as one who didn’t put forth his own wisdom rashly. While I was someone who lacked control over my emotions. Just like with killing the soldier, when emotion took hold of me I was a lost cause, until my emotion was spent.
Kuri wasn’t like that. He had control over his emotions.
“Could you teach me to be……?” I found it hard to put into words.
“Controlling of your emotions?” Kuri inquired.
“Yes.”
“Now why would you want that?”
I blinked, as that wasn’t a question that I had been expecting.
“Why wouldn’t I?” I asked uncertainly.
Kuri remained silent.
“Isn’t it good to have control over one’s emotions?” I asked, still uncertain of how I had gone wrong.
“Mastery yes, control no.”
This man was utter ridiculousness with the way he seemed to twist words! What was the difference? Mastery versus control?
A question came to mind. Who had the mastery, if I was the one exerting the control?
I glanced to Kuri, “Mastery, how is it done?”
Kuri smiled, “Well, it starts with listening, as opposed to talking.”
“What do I listen for?”
“No talking Benaiah. Just listen.”
“I……” Kuri held a finger up and I stopped.
I waited, but he didn’t say anything. How was I supposed to learn, if he wasn’t going to teach?
The thought occurred to me then, how was I supposed to learn if I couldn’t first listen?
I blinked, as the value of that truth occurred to me, which meant that I had just learned something. Okay, now what? More listening I guess.
Kuri was still headed southward and the pace we kept was a fast one. The water and the food had really helped to restore me and I kept to his fast pace rather well.
What was that sound?
The sound of the sand first giving way then falling from my foot with each stride forward. I’d never paid attention to so simple a commonplace sound as that of sand moving underfoot. It was quite rhythmic in the ebb and flow of its resonance.
I found myself speeding up slightly just to hear the difference of the sound as the sand compressed and gave way beneath me. A bird’s flutter of wings nearby sounded loud to my ears and my eyes caught the bright yellow markings of a So-so bird in flight.
The regular beat of its wings, alternating flashes of color, the sound of its melody trilling out in soft chords of musical harmony, all set against the heavier bass sound of my relentless journey across the sand was inspiring.
There was another sound. My breathing. It was loud and yet it had rhythm to it, even purpose as it drove my feet to create a beat of their own.
I listened to all of it. The fall of sand, the steady beat of my heart, the beat of the bird’s wings coupled with its sweet notes.
There was an order to everything, a consistency of will. There was my will to move. The bird’s ordered existence to fly and sing. The sand to act as sand. The sun to remain in its fixed progression across the sky. Nothing I saw or heard existed of itself. Far from it.
Everything was rather at play in a tandem array of intentionally purposed design. I hadn’t designed myself, nor the bird itself, and yet everything around me flowed in harmony that was ever variable and always changing. Even changing as it was, it never outpaced the design which governed it.
Everything then must be subject to mastery. Mastery of a divine origin. It wasn’t about control or me having mastery. Rather it was about El Elyon having mastery over His creation of which I was a part.
The mastery of self was in learning to give over mastery to the Master of all life. How long had I thought that I existed in and of myself, when in reality I had always been a part of all the divine design that was around me?
I’d been like one wheel of four on a wagon, loose on its axle, causing a dis-rhythm to the whole ride of the wagon. As a wheel I couldn’t fix the problem, but rather I was reliant on the wheelwright to set my wheel into balance, even so I was reliant on El Elyon to set me right in life.
It wasn’t about me being in control of anything, but rather me being reliant on El Elyon to keep my purpose for existence continuing on in the rhythm of all life. Wow!
This was really amazing. I turned to say as much to Kuri, but he wasn’t there. Where was he?
I saw him then in the distance. He had to be almost a mile behind me!
How had I run so far?
I sat down in the sand, suddenly exhausted, even as I contemplated on what I had learned. There was so much I still didn’t understand! But I understood more than I had before, which was progress.
I glanced at the sunny sky overhead. Was El Elyon watching any of this?
Was I alone in my discovery of my need for my Creator to take charge of my life in order that I might fulfill my created purpose in the rhythm of all life?
“No, you are not Benaiah.”
I blinked, only to see Kuri standing between me and the sun. How had he covered so much ground so quickly?
He moved then and I blinked against the harsh glare of the sun. Kuri sat down beside me in the sand. His hand fell on my knee as he said, “It is good to have someone to teach, who is willing to listen.”
I looked at him as my mind puzzled away at something that remained just out of reach. Slowly I said, “It’s good to have a teacher, who knows how to make me listen.”
Kuri smiled and slapped my shoulder before getting up and then pulling me to my feet, “Come along then. We’re too exposed out here in the open. We’d easily fall prey to a pack of Evanik hounds tonight.”
It was a sobering thought and it gave energy to my tired body to once again move forward briskly. I keenly felt the tiredness of my earlier fast paced travel, but I also felt richer for it. I didn’t understand a lot of things, but I was learning.
As weary as I felt, Kuri seemed to have gained in energy and before long I felt his hand slip around my shoulders as he helped aid me along, even as the sun began to dip beneath the western horizon. Where had the day gone?
It had been morning, but soon it would be night. Had I run for that many hours today?
I can’t remember making camp after darkness fell. I remember drinking, then eating, and then falling asleep.