Chapter 17
Slobbovania, Virtual Reality
The search party looking for Brandon; alias Roxzak; came into a small town and were sitting at a large table in the Red Dragon Inn. It was a typical medieval fantasy setting. There were warriors and an assortment of other cloaked characters. No one could really say which characters were computer generated non-avatars and which ones were actually player character avatars. Most of the characters were humans, but there was an elf among them and some sort of pig-faced humanoid.
A very short wrinkly green skinned goblin with a very large nose and very large ears and lots of warts dressed in a gray cloak approached the table and looked at the Joes. He said, “You guys got a lot of nerve coming in here as these anachronistic spy types who are obviously some sort of game hackers. People pay good money to come in here to enjoy a fantasy setting, not some kind of place for you to come in here and mock or belittle us serious players.”
Zona said, “No, we are not doing any of that. I’m just here in the game looking for Bran . . . I mean Roxzak.”
The goblin asked, “What do you want him for?”
“He plays too much,” Zona said. “I want him to come out of the game more.”
The goblin said, “So? We all play too much. You still have no right to come in here and mess everything up. You know, I am feeling extra nice today. How about if you just leave then I won’t report you to the administrator?”
One of the Joes said, “They already know about me. I know they have tried numerous times already to eject me from the game. They are powerless to do it, and so are you.”
“Oh really,” The goblin took a much less hostile tone.
Another of the Joes said, “We want to find Roxzak and kill him.”
“Shhhh!” the goblin said, looking around.
“Kill him?” Zona said. “I don’t want him hurt.”
The Joe said, “You want him to play less. If he is dead in the game, he will lose his standing and may want to quit totally. Just come in here and assassinate him every time until he gives up.”
“It makes sense,” Mawuli said.
John nodded.
“I guess it does,” Zona said. “It just seems mean. But I already died once in this awful place by a giant scorpion.”
The goblin winced and said, “You got killed by a giant scorpion? Whoa, that sounds really nasty.”
“It wasn’t fun,” Zona said. “It didn’t really hurt me in physical reality. But Brandon will hate me if we . . . you know, do it.”
Mawuli said, “Sometimes you have to do something that will not make you popular, but it is out of love that you do it. I think you know that. This game and others like it have become an enemy to humanity. Too many spend too much of their lives on it, so they are distracted from the important things, especially the truth about God. You should look upon this as a rescue mission, not a hit job.”
The goblin said, “I don’t know anything about your radical cause here and I don’t really care.” He looked around the room and asked, “So this guy, Roxzak; has he got a lot of stuff?”
Zona said, “I suppose so. He’s been playing in here forever.”
“I am interested in working with you. I agree with the triplets here; your guy needs to get dusted. I can help with that. My name is Snotbit,” the goblin said.
“Ewww!” Zona said. “Why would you call yourself that? That’s disgusting.”
“Never mind that . . .”
Zona interrupted again, “And why would you want to be a yoda or whatever you are right now when you could be something better or taller?”
“I like a challenge, okay? I guess I can trust you people, since we have the same goals in mind. I have been here quite awhile also, but it is more than just a hobby . . . “
Zona interrupted once more, “Do you have the force like a yoda?”
“No. Can I just finish what I was trying to say?”
“Sorry.”
“I’m here not because I am a game addict, but I kill players and take their stuff and sell their fake crap on the internet market for real Homeland currency.”
“That’s not right,” Zona said, “that’s stealing.”
“So what?” Snotbit said, “You’re here to kill your kid. So I guess you’re a homicidal murderer, right?”
“Well, yeah,” Zona admitted, but sneered at the way he said it.
John said, “As far as we know, assassinating is all part of the Slobbovania world. No one ever said you can’t go around killing each other. I guess to us, the idea seems pretty weird. Maybe you could help us out.”
Snotbit said, “That’s right. There is nothing stopping anyone in this virtual room from killing me or you right now. Look, I have been here a long time. I can be a big help to you.”
John said, “You just want all of Brandon’s stuff. All his not real stuff, to sell for real money.”
“Affirmative. I do it all the time.”
Zona said, “I don’t care about any of his game stuff. If it is gone, he won’t have any reason to care about it.”
John said, “I have to admit, this could actually be fun. And I get that you are not really one of us, but just keep in mind, Snotty, if you cross us, our friend Joe here could mess you up in ways you never thought of.”
Snotbit nodded. “I’m all in. But don’t call me that.”