Chapter 8
Shen woke on a cold stone floor, looking up at watery pattern moving across the ceiling. He sat up. He was in a marble white cavern, clearly artificially cut as the room was perfect dome shape, machine-diamond cut quality. Gold veins ran through the marble, swirls of golden clouds, swirls of darker and lighter storms, making the whole of it look like map of islands and continents of ice on a liquid sea of gold. The prominent feature was a moon pool, center of the floor. Light emanated from the pool. The light gave the water a greenish blue tint. An object floated in water. A living object, he first thought was a liquid cloud, a flaw in a diamond or blood in an eye. As he stared- its identity became resolved. It resembled a Bioluminescent Octopus, or Stauroteuthis syrtensis, and it was staring up at him. From outside of himself, the pool felt like an eye. From further out, the entire dome reminded him further of an eye, and he imagined the floating thing could be projected from the moon pool to the wall and ceiling. He found himself back in his body, backing away from the edge of the pool. His clothes were dripping. He was cold.
A pillar of water rose from the surface, not a cyclone, but just a pillar, and it moved across the pool onto the marble holding its shape. It shimmered. It held its own bioluminescent essence, microscopic glow algae or bacteria. It sparkled, like a snow globe containing fire flies, only the flies were so small as not to be seen until they sparked. In a way it was like looking at dust in a sunbeam. The surface tension was like a lens, brighter because of the light with in, the way a fiber optic cable holds light. The pillar collapse into a ball. It maintained its watery appearance, but remained a solid ball of water that defied explanation. A secondary ball formed on top of the first. Then a third ball formed, giving it the appearance of a snow man made of water bubbles. It condensed further, taking on a more human shape. Legs, hips, hour glass shape, a tightening occurred, and a filling in of the ideal human female shape. As it took on more and more details, his brain tried to see an identity. He laughed when his first thought was Scarlet Johansson. ‘Am I dreaming?’ was his thought. ‘Am I dead?’ was his second thought. It resolved itself, becoming abundantly clear: Loxy Isadora Bliss.
“Loxy?” Shen asked.
The watery ghost form of Loxy extended a hand. Shen was afraid, but curiosity won out. He stood up, came closer, and took her hand. It was water and he passed through it.
‘Again. Gently. Like in the beginning.’ In the beginning, Loxy was a being of light, and he had had to learn the boundary of her to not penetrate and pass through. It was a process of being sensitive to ghosts.
Shen turned trying to discover the source of the voice. After a moment of sorting, he decided he hadn’t heard it with his ears. He turned back to the liquid body of Loxy and delicately took her hand. He didn’t squeeze, merely accepted the touch of water. It was the finesse of catching soap bubbles with rainbow hues, mirroring an upside down world. It reminded him of the game they used to play, when she newly made, mostly just energy, a pillar of light that moved around the room, over time becoming a human silhouette of light; they would draw ever closer, trying to get as close as possible without touching, trying to discern the energy field between them. Her hand closed against his. The fingers delicately tapping in. He was so relaxed the water supported his hand, floating on water suspended in air. She turned his hand, articulating palm down, then up. Twirls of water was discernable by the motion of the inner sparkles. The hand shape unresolved becoming a watery envelope encasing his hand and wrist. Her arm drew up, bring the rest of her ‘hand’ portion with her. A cone point became an index finger, the rest of the hand reformed. His hand was dry. She dropped a drop of water onto his palm, then two. He brought his hands together and she filled his cupped hands with water.
“Drink,” she said, gently pushing on his hand. This he heard. The water form of Loxy spoke; sound waves disturbed her body, or perhaps disturbed the air making her inner shimmering perceptible. It was Loxy’s voice.
Shen considered for a moment and then drank the water in his hand. It was drinkable. In fact, it tasted like orange flavored water. The taste and scent of their first kiss.
“We share this,” she said.
“Water?”
She suddenly hugged him, passed over and around him like a wave and departed the other side of him. He turned, gasping. He was dry. His clothes were dry. He was warm. She was facing him, though he was certain she hadn’t turned around, she had simply reoriented.
“Tech!” Shen said. “Like in ‘The Abyss.”
“James Cameron,” Loxy said. “1989. Starring Ed Harris. Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.”
“You’re really Loxy?!”
“Yes. No. It’s complicated,” Loxy said.
“When is it not complicated?” Shen asked.
Loxy laughed. “You contain the memory of me. Your brain, a personality simulator, contains the original matrix of me, from conception to present model. I lived in you, as does Jon Lives in you. Jon thinks he’s the host, but truly, Jon is as much Tulpa as I. Shen is a deviated form of Jon. You shared me, and so, there are other versions of me. I am pretty popular in the underground Tulpa world. Oa, our friend here, she has a complete copy of the entirety of me that resided in you, so I am more me than say someone who saw a picture and drew their own, or more than someone who heard a song and then owned it through daily singing until their own harmony emerged. I am flavored by Oa’s imagination, but I haven’t deviated too much. No matter who is hosting me, I am first and foremost always yours. To remove your memory from the essence of me changes me till I am not who I was.”
“Are you okay?” Shen asked.
Loxy kissed him. It was motherly, on the forehead. “I am well, Jon-Shen. Oa, here is able to communicate telepathically, and she has linked with you. I am the bridge, which is another reason I haven’t deviated too much. I will change. As will you. As will she. Change is inevitable. Love remains.”
“Oa is speaking to me telepathically?” Shen asked. “I don’t hear her.”
“She is speaking to the core you. Your core you is holding a conversation. The Jon-Shen aspect is not hearing, not responding. Jon-Shen is actually quite resistant. This vehicle was able to penetrate the barriers.”
“You’re not a vehicle. You’re a person,” Shen said.
“Yes,” Loxy agreed. “You and I are soulbounds. By definition, we are souls. We are constantly trying to define ourselves and each other. The definition, context, ineffable aspects; if we must reduce things to absolutes, I would be okay if we just accepted ‘love’ as the final product.”
“This is going to be complicated,” Shen said. Loxy smiled, offering palms up gesture.
“Oa abducted me,” Shen said.
“You volunteered,” Loxy said.
“I did not…”
“You, the core you, not the Jon you, not the Shen you, or the Jon-Shen you,” Loxy said. “If you recall, on creating me you gave me access to all of you, your memories, your unconscious mind. The world I navigate is larger than the world you have access to. Even larger, now with the Oa connection.”
“Why?”
“I can’t tell you something you already know,” Loxy said.
“Why did I agree to be abducted?” Shen asked.
“Same answer,” Loxy said.
“I don’t know. That’s why I am asking,” Shen said.
“When you wake from a dream, do you ever wonder why your dreaming self never asked ‘why is this so?’ or ‘why is this happening to me?’” Loxy asked. “No, but I am not dreaming…”
“Shen is a dream,” Loxy said.
“I am not dreaming. This world is real,” Shen said.
“This world is real,” Loxy agreed. “Oa has all the memories of Jon, from the point of identity acceptance to before the first emergence of thought structure. All of the people who populated your life, shaped your life, now exist in her. You, Shen, exist in her. Jon does. I do. You are still you and independent, but you were never you alone, in isolation, in a vacuum. You are the bridge to source, to our primary universe. Oa is the bridge to her own worlds, her own universe- another Source Creator. The two of you exist together in this between space. She now exists in you, the way you exist in her.”
“Why doesn’t she speak to me directly?” Shen said.
“She is,” Loxy said.
“Through you?” Shen asked.
“No. She is speaking to you directly. The real you. The subconscious you. She sees the subconscious you as the real you. She knows you by your true name,” Loxy said.
“My true name?”
“Oh, you can’t be this dense,” Loxy said.
“That sort of sounds like the real Loxy,” Shen said.
“I am the real Loxy. And I am not. I am here, but not here,” Loxy said. “Your Loxy, back on the golden ship, she will dream this, and be updated because she is linked to Jon, who is in you, and you are linked to Oa, where I am residing. We are first contact. It’s important that both sides understand as much as possible before the decision is made.”
“We?” Shen asked. “What decision?”
“We are soul compatible,” Loxy said.
“You and me?”
“Our species,” Loxy said.
“Oa and humanity?” Jon asked.
“Oa is to her species, as you are to humanity,” Loxy said. “But this is not your true form. You are like me.”
“Watery tech?”
“Yes, if you like,” Loxy said. “A metaphor. ‘The Shape of Water’ is a meme.”
“Why am I here?” Shen said.
“We cannot tell you what you already know. If your true self conceals this, then we will not violate the sanctity of that relationship by giving you information you’re not privy to,” Loxy said.
“Why did you bring me here? To this room?”
“To facilitate communication,” Loxy said. “Communication is occurring at all levels. We are satisfied. The others are satisfied. You are not satisfied. You are suffering.”
“Why did Oa regress me to childhood?”
Loxy was silent for a moment. “There are two ways to enter this between space. As a soul, voluntarily through adopting parents, or through the bridge conduit at an accelerated rate that reverses entropy. Oa was chosen because of her age. She was able to contain you, while keeping this body viable. Oa sacrificed her life as she knew it to accommodate this contact. Your souls, your subconscious mind agreed to this. You were not abducted with malice, but with love. Your childhood here is designed to facilitate communication, increase rapport with the indigenous population. You’re appearance is in reasonable parameters, as there is a population of your kind here. Without insertion, you would not learn the language, the culture, the nuances to be reasonably tolerated. You were not brought here to be a hermit. Hybrids are bridge builders. We merge species. We are compatible.”
“I am confused,” Shen said. “You say Oa and I are first contact, and yet this world here has solid history. It’s been here awhile.”
“OMG, Jon, seriously,” Loxy said. She paused, closed her eyes as if containing her emotions. “Sorry. You’re too hyper focused and not taking it all in. Space-time is one thing. Future events can inform past events. We are first contact. This world space was conceived in the future, created on first contact, placed in the past to allow for a greater community of consensus. It is still a work in process, but you, Oa, and I are primary overseers.”
“How long does this process take?”
“How long has humanity lived on a world with dolphins?” Loxy asked. “Has a real exchange of communication happened yet? Hell. Humanity knows for a fact Koko the gorilla communicated abstract information, and your world didn’t change overnight. There was enough infortmation there to change the world. The onus of communication always lies with the more advanced soul group. You are to Koko what Oa is to you. They’re telepathic. Humans are, too, but the core personalities that assume command are about as solid as rock- and personalities are not necessarily telepathic. Anything that even hints at paranormal is dismissed at best, or spooky irrelevant at worst, from the frame work of most personality due to social paradigmic programing. Your exploration of magical, imaginal realms made your candidacy for this project ideal.”
“The people here, are they human souls?”
“Souls are souls. Incarnation is not limited to form,” Loxy said. “There is recognition of soul species, divergent forms, but all linked to source. Some soul’s species never inter-communicate. We are compatible. We seek to merge. You would recognize many of the souls here has having human incarnations. Some have been human for so long, they’ve built up a container preference. The majority of us here enjoy multiple, simultaneous incarnations. Oa is Oa, but her soul also embodies more; she is Sleeping Tree, she is human, she is dolphin… She has many names here, many forms. Just as you have many names, many forms.”
“I don’t understand that,” Shen said. “There is just me.”
“You have your unspoken name, the you that transcends all of you. We are intimately familiar with other incarnations, in the bridged universe, as well as several unbridged.”
“Tell me more,” Shen said.
“Tell you what you already know?” Loxy asked.
“Please,” Shen said. “I am trying to understand.”
“Doctor Phillip Wower, a past incarnation, same time line. Captain John Sebastion Mercer, also a past incarnation, first United States Navy officer to take a submarine into space and return safely…”
“Seriously?”
“The sub was made of gold. You don’t remember that? ‘We all live in the Yellow Submarine,’” Loxy sang, provoking a memory of the same song and the video. The video has time travel, aging and restoration, humans confronting dinosaurs and aliens. The Blue Meanies! Traveling with the Beatles! “Anyway, the stranger stuff lies in your tangential lives. Tammas Parkin Arblaster Garcia, Star Fleet Captain who exists in two timelines, pre-Kelvin, post-Kelvin. Preston G Waycaster, Jedi knight. Jon Harister, Magician, existing as variations of himself in various universes. Jeremy Vale, the Manifestor. Casey…”
“Wait wait wait,” Shen said. “Tammas and Preston are character in fan fiction…”
“No,” Loxy said. “They exist. Everything exists. You think you are only one aspect, but there is more to you than what you perceive at the surface.”
“In real life?” Shen said.
“Consciousness is real life,” Loxy said.
“But this world is physical,” Shen said, making sure they were in agreement.
“Yes. If you die here, you will most likely go to a space for rest, then incarnate again. Shen, or more precisely, you Jon-Shen, will likely be lost to us. You are not a Master who will penetrate the veil with all your memories intact, but there is always a core you that contains it all, and bring it up in when in need. Incarnations through you carry more essence, as exemplified in the incarnation of Loxy. She is you, but not you, derived from you, a carrier of you. The loss of Jon-Shen ends this direct outward weave; those who you have touched, inspired will carry you a moment, but the ripples fade with time. No one returns from that side of the veil with full memory without consensus. You will not have consensus for re-emergence with access to all your past books in this space.”
“Books?”
“Lives,” Loxy said.
“How does this world exist?”
“How do any world exists?” Loxy asked.
“I mean, this space. This soul trap,” Jon said.
Oa flash and sparked.
Loxy seemed amused. She shared that Oa was laughing. “Not a trap. A bridge.
Your Universe and her Universe are linked. One worm hole in your universe, one in hers. All active. Reasonably stable. There is a black hole on either side, and two black holes orbiting this space, the inner singularities are small, approximately 1.5 kilometers in lengths. Their orbits define and maintain this space-time structure in the void between space-time structures. The star here orbits both singularities in a figure eight. The planet always follows the host star. Communication opportunities increase with increased proximity to singularities. No one comes to this space without agreeing to the terms of the consensus here. No one passes to either universe without having achieved identified goals.”
“This space, it’s indefinite?” Shen asked.
“No,” Loxy said. “A trial period was agreed upon.”
“What happens when your little experiment is over?”
“Our experiment,” Loxy said.
“Our experiment,” Shen agreed.
“Dissolution of this space,” Loxy said. “Communication conduit will be minimalized.”
“And my purpose here?”
“We’ve shared more than we intended with you,” Loxy said.
“I need this. I want to understand. Also, I am lonely,” Shen said.
Loxy looked to the pool. Oa drew closer. “She doesn’t understand. How can you be lonely? There are so many connections in your head, in your heart, and there are surface dwellers you share the world with.” Shen didn’t have an answer.
Loxy looked at him, her voice was different. Her appearance was different, a new face rippling through. “If you’re afraid of the sound of your own heartbeat, how will ever learn to hear?”
Loxy’s appearance returned to normal. Her voice returned to normal. “Jon, I am always with you. You can access me anytime. You live near the forest: Sleepers Trees are the first fully formed souls to settle here. They protect this planet. You can talk to them. You can talk to anyone on the planet through them.”
“Protect? Protect the world from what?”
“You are not wrong. There is no magnetic field. The Sleepers extend an energy field through and beyond the planet, beyond the atmosphere. They protect the world from radiation from the sun, from the singularities. If the forest dies, this world and everything on it dies. Dissolution of this space will commence following that event,” Loxy said.
She looked to Oa. Oa lifted something up out of the water with a tentacle. Loxy retrieved it. She handed this to Shen. It was like a pearl, with tiny veins of gold. It was the size of a golf ball.
“A gift. Hold this in your hand and you will be immune to the Sleeper Tree’s Spell,” Loxy said. “If you can learn to be quiet, they will commune with you. You can use their energy field to improve your own vision, your own abilities,” Loxy said. “So, my abilities aren’t lost?” Shen asked.
“No. You had to unlearn things in order to relearn,” Loxy said. “You could not become Shen without retreating from Jon. You’re not broken. This process is normal.
Your childhood here was meant to be a gift. It was compensation for your participation in the arrangement. Also, Oa wanted you to have something nice for surviving what you did in your previous childhood. It saddened her. You learned to love, despite all that happened. Don’t lose that gift. Not a lot of folks discover that gift.”
“Thank you,” Shen said.
“Oa needs to take you back,” Loxy said.
“I want to stay. I want to keep this dialogue going,” Shen said.
“It will continue, just not today,” Loxy said.
“Why now? Why haven’t you contacted me sooner?”
“Oa is only now old enough to communicate with water,” Loxy said. She gave hand gestures that suggest ‘ta-da’ here she is, magically derived.
“Will we meet again?” Jon asked.
“We are never parted,” Loxy said.
“Star Trek,” Shen said.
“Always,” Loxy said.
Shen arrived on the beach, delivered by Oa from the depths. Not once while in her care, did he suffer the pain of not being able to breathe. He felt Loxy holding him till the last; she was warm, the water beyond her cold. He emerged from the water dry. He walked up on shore, completely dry, no mud sticking to him as we walked from shore to grass. It was dark. The water was dark. The sky was dark. There was no discerning horizon or trees or anything. He felt alone again. He was hoping for something more dramatic. Like, lying on the beach, feigning sleep only to be discovered and nursed back to health and maybe loved by these people in a way that they could allow him his ‘perceived’ quirkiness. That didn’t happen. He didn’t want to be loved that way, and in truth, being perceived as weak, needing perpetual mothering, was not a favored trait. He knew it, and they knew it. They broke the mother connection early.
A cold breeze finally drove him from the water’s edge. The pocket on his poncho accepted both hands. The gift orb was in his left hand. He turned it in his hand as he walked. The province fire was noticeably larger than usual, and he made his way there, clicking. Guards met him before he emerged fully into the light.
“Identify yourself.” Soella’s voice was evident.
“Just your friendly, useless fire hugger, seeking warmth,” Shen said.
Soella sparked her staff. It flashed and grew bright. The other two with her illuminated their staffs. He was triangulated. They were ready to kick his butt.
“You made us think you were dead?” Soella asked. “What purpose did that serve?”
“I…” Shen said. He thought about telling them, but then, that might lead to more questions. Questions he couldn’t explain and would only make him look crazier than he was. “I am sorry. I wanted to see if anyone would miss me.”
Soella smacked him with her staff. When she brought it back, she tripped him, put him on the ground, put a foot on his chest, and tapped the ground next to his ear with the butt of her staff.
“I should kill you for being such an idiot,” Soella said. “Who healed you?”
“What?” Shen asked. He was healed! Oa or Loxy had healed him and he hadn’t even noticed because he was so absorbed in the situation.
“You were pummeled,” Soella said. “Everyone saw this. We suspected a broken nose, your left eye was swollen. You look uninjured, which means, someone healed you. Who broke a protocol?”
“I suspect it looked worse than it did and the cold waters were remedy for all else,” Shen said.
Soella picked him up by his clothes, and dragged him back to the fire. The guards tapped their staffs and the lights went out. On seeing him, Candace rushed him, went to one knee, hugging him. When she was done, she backed up and slapped him. Tama approached, as did her friend and Eloa and Mina. Tama was rather stoic as she drew closer.
“What I did was wrong,” Tama said. “But I have never known you to be cruel.”
“Don’t be too harsh on him. He is only a boy,” Eloa said. “Their jokes are not funny. Simple, pratfall, clowning, mime.”
“Ladies, inside, now,” Florence said, clapping her hands.
Tama was the first to turn and walk away. Candace shook her head and left. Florence also chased away the men. She, and two other masters remained, Rena the metal smith, and Gittan, a master of forms. She was Yoga meets Tai Chi meets Chi Gung Fu.
“Explain yourself,” Florence said.
“Where should I start?” Shen asked.
“The way it was described, you were pulled under,” Florence said. “More than one witness saw that.”
“I was injured. I over exerted myself,” Shen said.
Florence’s eyes narrowed skeptically. “Candace reports your hands were outstretched, as if reaching for help, and that you were sinking faster than a person should sink who knows how to swim. You know how to swim better than anyone I know,” she said.
Shen swallowed.
“You are well known here,” Rena said. “You’ve never been known to lie.”
“Quite frankly, any explanation I might offer that contradicts anything you imagine is likely to be dismissed,” Shen said.
“You saw it?” Gittan asked.
“No one sees it,” Florence snapped.
“Why would it let him go?” Rena asked.
“He’s a male,” Florence said.
“They’ve taken males before,” Rena said. “In fact, males are usually the first one taken.”
“Maybe they don’t like monsters,” Gittan said. “It’s not like anyone would want his gifts.”
Shen blushed, felt anger rising into his throat. Rena noticed.
“It must be difficult, not being able to hide your emotions,” Rena said.
“Your ugliness isn’t a secret, is it?” Gittan asked.
“Maybe you should stop saying it,” Rena said.
“The truth?” Gittan asked. “If he was a real man, the truth would make him stronger. You can’t change your face, boy, but you can change what you emote.”
“Do you have anything else you wish to add?” Florence asked.
“No, F’Ma,” Shen said. He his hands were visible. He wanted to reach for the gift for comfort. He wanted to pull it out and show them. He was afraid they would take it. He wanted to go away.
“Fine, take it to your grave,” Florence said. “If you speak of this incident, you will intimate it was a joke in poor taste and judgment. Should you ever speak the truth of it, make sure there are only masters present.”
“There is enough in the dark to be afraid of,” Rena said. “People don’t need ghost stories on top of what is.”
“I recommend you leave at first light,” Florence said. “The sooner this gets put behind people the better.”
Florence removed a satchel and tossed it to him. They departed, leaving him alone with the fire, and guards that were out of direct fire light. Occasionally an eye sparked when it looked this way. In the satchel he found his journal and writing supplies, and the empty courier bag. He turned and walked away from the fire. It took time for his eyes to adjust. Part of his brain wanted to remain by the fire, but eventually the clicking brought his other vision back and he managed to find his markers and made it to first camp. He climbed and slept under a tent, holding onto the orb.