Zippy, a bum, clothed in sagging pants, stops Ryan by pressing his hand against his chest. His other hand is holding up his pants. His face is covered with rashes.
“There is a line here, bro. This guy thinks he smart, just jumps to the front. And we’re waiting in line like assholes. Yeah, why not? I’m a smart ass too. Bullshit, man. I’m standing here like a dick since last night, and this bro comes out of nowhere, cuts line, and—”
“Do you know Lynda?” Ryan asks the bum.
“What the fuck is India?”
“You don’t know what the line is for?”
“For fucking a bitch tomorrow, for free. Oh, bro, I haven’t fucked one for… forever, bro.”
While groaning, Ryan takes his furious eyes off him and moves on.
“50 bucks,” the bum says, holding Ryan’s arm. “50 bucks, and you can have my spot. Look, there’s only like 20 people before me. You could get in early before the bitch is worn out.”
“I’m not in this game for sex,” Ryan says, grinding his teeth, while removing the bum’s grip on his arm.
“Okay. 20 bucks.”
Ryan keeps moving on to the front of the line.
“Okay, 30,” the bum yells from behind, “and that’s my final fucking offer.”
Passing by the other bums, Ryan finds virtual Rajneesh the first in line. A straw hat pulled down on his face, he comfortably leans back in a camping chair. He has come well-prepared; there is a cooler next to him, on which there are multiple bags of chips. He holds an open beer between his legs—either to warm the beer or to cool his crotch.
Ryan finds his fist clenched right away. It takes a few moments for him to suppress the hate. He finally manages to partly wipe the disgust off his face, covering it up with a Pan Am smile.
“Excuse me, sir,” he says but gets no response.
Rajneesh, without looking up, takes another gulp of the beer and then puts it back between his legs.
“Aren’t you a software engineer?” Ryan asks, maintaining the Pan Am smile.
“Yes, I am,” Rajneesh says excitedly, jumping up from his chair. Moving his straw hat back up, he looks Ryan up and down. “Do I know you?” he asks.
“It’s me… John.”
“John?”
“Yeah, John. I was interning in your department last summer. Don’t you remember me? Of course, you don’t. Why would the legendary software engineer remember a nobody intern?”
“John, yeah,” Rajneesh says, his face relaxed. “I think I remember you. What are you doing here, man?”
“I’m gaming, man. I’m gaming. And I’m loving it. What you created, man, it’s just… there are no words for it… Awesome. Yeah, that’s what it is. Absolutely awesome.”
“Isn’t it?” Tears welling up his eyes, Rajneesh gulps. “Thanks, man. You know, only a real software engineer can truly appreciate the art of a fellow software engineer. I’m glad you… you—” Rajneesh frowns, his eyes narrowing. “How did you get in the game, again?”
“Like you, I guess. They’re giving away early passes for the beta release. I was lucky I got one because I was interning with you. Didn’t you get in here the same way?”
“Oh, yeah. Try-on passes. Of course. Except that I’m not yet in the game. You see, I’m not exactly me. I’m a… virtual me.”
“Oh, you mean you got a permanent replica of yourself in the game. That’s sick, man. Awesome!”
“Yeah,” Rajneesh says, his look growing suspicious again. “That’s exactly what it is. Did you say you worked at my department?”
“Yeah, man. Not directly with you though. But I always admired—”
“Yeah, yeah. What do we call the gym’s spa?”
“What?” Ryan asks, his voice tight.
“The gym’s spa. What do we call it?”
Thinking hard to figure a smart answer, Ryan feels a drop of sweat sliding down on his temple.
“You mean the spa in the gym?”
“Yep.”
“The gym in the headquarters?”
“Yep.”
“Jacuzzi?” Ryan says in a hesitant voice.
Showing his teeth, fury overtakes Rajneesh’s face.
“Just messing with ya,” Ryan says. “Fart-pool, we call it. All thanks to you, of course,” he says and follows that with a mirthless chuckle.
After a moment of hesitation, Rajneesh roars with laughter.
Pulling down his eyebrows and wrinkling his nose, Ryan watches the pieces of chips stuck to Rajneesh’s teeth. “It would be nice to knock out those dirty teeth,” he thinks. “No, no, no. Not a smart play, Ryan. Not a smart play. You can do better. Violence is not the solution.”
“Listen, man,” Ryan says, interrupting Rajneesh’s never-ending laughter. “What’s fun around here? Whatever it is, I’m game.”
“Well, tomorrow morning, I’ll finally stick it to Lynda. It’ll be a gang bang show here. You know Lynda Honestman?”
Biting his lips, Ryan tries to swallow his rage. He somehow cannot unclench his right fist though.
“It rings a bell,” Ryan growls, hiding his fist behind him.
“She’s the daughter of that crooked senator, Honestman,” Rajneesh says in air quotes. “I’ve had my eyes on her for quite some time now.”
“Oh yeah. She must be some piece of ass,” Ryan says, grinding his teeth.
“I certainly hope so. I like her face too, especially when she smil—”
“And…and…what’re you doing here now, if it’s tomorrow?”
“Of course I gotta get in first. Who knows what kind of diseases these dirty bums are carrying on their dicks. I gotta take care of my character. You should also get in the line before it is too late. There is going to be a thousand—”
The pondering frown comes back to Rajneesh’s face, this time deeper. “Ah… Hmm… No, I changed my mind,” he continues. “Now that I know you, it feels weird. Interesting! I never thought I would be of the jealous type. Sorry, pal. You gotta find action somewhere else. Just keep looking. If there is anything—”
“Actually, there is. I wonder if you could show me a cheat code?”
“A cheat code?”
“Yeah. You know every game has a cheat code. I really could use one now. You know how hard it is to get laid in LA. It should be called the city of saved-for-the-show-biz angles.”
“I feel your pain, pal. But there isn’t anything you could do to cheat the game, not at least from here.”
“What do you mean?”
“The only cheat code is the dream. You see, we had this annoying, self-involved girl in our org that calls herself a designer—”
“Yeah, Michele.”
“How do you know Michele?”
“Well, how many annoying, self-involved broads are in the headquarters?”
“Good point. Her requirement sheet specified that the dream should be random pictures from past events. And you know that there is no real random number in the computer world, only pseudo-randoms?”
“Of course.”
“So what I did, and here comes the art, is that I implemented my own pseudo-random function called PseudoRandomDream that hashes the input number and makes them look random.”
“And what are those input numbers?”
“Anything. Anything I wanted to inject into the dream. But as I said, you gotta be outside the game to change the input to that function. Unless there is a zero-day—”
“Yeah. Like no day at all.”
“No! Zero-day vulnerability.”
“Yes. Of course.”
“What kind of software engineer you are that doesn’t know what a zero-day vulnerability is?” Rajneesh asks rhetorically while getting up from his chair, face to face with Ryan.
Ryan cringes when the bad breath hits him. “Okay. I’m done with you,” he says and walks away.
“What was the name of your mentor?” Rajneesh shouts from behind. “Hey, I’m talking to you. Come back here. Don’t you dare ruin this for me. God damn it. God damn it.”
Ryan hears Rajneesh’s rant as he walks away. He looks up in the sky and says: “Michele, if you are hopefully listening to this, there is a cheat code for the game. The function’s name is PeusdoRandomDream. I want you to inject this sequence into Lynda’s dream tonight. It has to be tonight or there will be no tomorrow. Listen closely. The dream starts with…”