After my reaction, she leaves. She hates me, I know, but I think I hate her too. I hate our bond that didn’t give me the freedom to decide between holy and fallen. I hate that all she talks about is the thing driving her mad. Unimaginably, I still love her. But my love is more like a weight between us. It’s driving us even further apart because we can’t be free of each other.
I’m thinking all this as I follow her. I need to know what this thing is that’s so important to her. As I track her farther downtown, I decide no matter what, she and I are leaving tonight. No more Apocrypha. No more souls. It’ll be just the two of us from now on.
She goes to a huge building next to the gleaming Ashley River. I stand outside for awhile to gather my courage.
I need it as I walk in the front and ask for her. A fallen works the reception desk and recognizes me as an Archangel, a traitor. My fallen status is automatic admission into Lucifer’s building. Smiling sweetly, too sweetly, she takes me straight back to Cassie’s lab. We make so many turns past other labs that I’m completely lost. Cassie’s lab is down in the basement, far from the others. The fallen doesn’t speak to me once, though she swings her hips suggestively in front of me as we walk.
I hesitate outside the door waiting until the fallen leaves. I allow myself one deep breath to settle my nerves.
Why am I nervous? I wonder. Stop. Focus. I swing the door open, stepping through like Don Quixote saving the princess.
It’s dark, and I’m not expecting that after all the bright, fluorescent lights in the halls. For a moment, I’m blind. The only light from the room comes from Cassie’s wings. It’s dim, fluttering, fading. It takes a moment for that to register.
Then it does, and I realize how stupid I am, how naïve. Something had taken a hold of her, and I didn’t matter anymore.
She sits on the ground, hunched over, bleeding, and murmuring. Her face is tight in concentration and pain. I see the fresh glint of blood, smell it like a fire in the air. She trembles as she defiles herself.
Her right wing hangs limp at her back, bent and warped—the source of the flickering light. Her left wing is pulled around to her front, held tight in her tiny hands. She doesn’t look up when I barge in.
She pulls out her feathers. They are strewn around her like melting snowflakes. She plucks her left wing practically bare. I instantly recognize the language of her murmurings. It’s the Watchers’.
She still doesn’t look at me even after I fall to my knees, sobbing. I don’t know how long I kneel in the door or how long I cry.
Finally she looks at me, her eyes wide and black. Her smile quivers when she holds out her hand, beckoning me to her. “Come,” she says. “Give yourself away.” Then she laughs. It’s a bubbling noise that almost sounds like choking.
I smell it. Human blood. I watch as she raises the near empty vial to her lips, letting the drops fall to her tongue. I want to pray for her forgiveness, but that isn’t an option for us anymore.
“Why, Cassie?”
I can’t move. I can barely look at her. She drops the vial, her fingers clumsy and drunk. She starts pulling at her feathers again, her attention already turned away from me.
“We have to save the souls. They need a safe place. It’s the only way.”
“Cassie, that’s not your decision. You took them to be judged. That was the safe place.”
That got her attention, and her focus is terrifying. I think she might launch herself at me. Her eyes are wild. Her fists form a claw that she scrapes down her legs, leaving bloody cuts. The face I spent eternity loving contorts in a vision of rage and hatred directed completely at me. I’m scared of her—my little bird.
“That is not a safe place!” she spits. “We must give them a new place.” Like a curtain closing, her rage slides away, replaced by the empty expression and hollow plucking. “We must hide them inside us.”
She passes out at some point after that. I lose track of how long I’ve been there. Her body lies in the middle of her own destruction. I get up and leave. An eternity together, and all I can do is leave her.
The memory ended. Michaela blinked. A hollow chill crept through her. Even the snake was still.
“I wanted so badly to fix her, to bring her back, but I think I made things worse. I scared her more. She felt so alone all the time, like no one but Lucifer understood what she was saying.”
“When did this happen?” Michaela asked quietly. Her heart sank. Cassie and Asz had been on Earth together less than a week, and Cassie was already completely lost.
“Last night. I had to leave her. I couldn’t stand to see her body knowing she wasn’t in there anymore. She was stolen from me and lost to the world. I couldn’t stand to be around what she had become.”
“What did she mean about putting the souls inside her?”
Asz looked at her like she hadn’t heard anything he’d said. “She is making monsters of us all. Why do you think all the fallen are running scared and hiding in places far away from Charleston? That damned book cursed us all. I came here to destroy it.”
Asz settled his gaze on Clark’s arms. Michaela stepped closer to Clark. Her voice was low, a warning, when she said, “Asz.”
But he didn’t hear her. “I can’t fix it now. Just be careful, human. Those are dangerous words on your arms.” He paused. His gaze settled fully on Michaela, coherency clearing the murkiness of his eyes. His voice was strong when he said, “I want to die remembering her as she was. I can’t lose myself too. I’m the only one left of the two of us who remembers how things were supposed to be. I can’t be in this world another day knowing what she has become.”
“What are you saying?” Michaela’s voice turned sharp.
“Please understand, Michaela,” Asz pleaded. “I didn’t want this. If not for her, I would never have chosen this for myself.”
She tasted a bitter metallic stench. Asz started backing away toward the door. Slowly, the pieces formed a picture in her mind.
“Asz, you don’t have to do this,” she said. She held her hand out like she wanted to pull him back.
In his hand, Asz held a long, arching knife. The handle was crudely shaped, formed in a hurry. The blade was not a blade at all, but a white, shining bone sharpened to pierce through any barrier. Michaela grimaced, feeling sick.
“This was made from your bones,” Asz said, holding the knife up to inspect it. “Lucifer made many from your wings. I’m sure you guessed by now that only your bones can kill an angel. Lucifer says it is because you were the first angel ever made, the purest. He’s tested the theory a few times on some fallen. It works, and now everyone knows about it. He gave this one to Cassie, but I took it from her.”
“Michaela, we have to leave. Now,” Clark said, sounding terrified.
“Asz, please,” Michaela begged. She took a step forward and would have walked all the way to Asz if Clark hadn’t stopped her. Asz smiled at Clark.
“That second bookshelf is a door. It will take you into the back parking lot. You should go,” Asz said. He nodded at Clark. “Good luck.”
“No. I won’t leave. No one has to die.” Michaela stood resolutely in the middle of the office. Clark heaved on the end of her arm.
“There’s nothing left in here,” Asz said, pointing at himself. “I needed your forgiveness, Michaela. It was the only way I could allow myself peace. Will you still grant me this?”
In the beginning, when she had set out with Clark, she assumed there would be a clear line drawn in the sand. But staring at Asz now, witnessing his agony, knowing it was in part her fault, sent a harsh wind scattering across that shifting line. What had been right before didn’t feel so right now. The refusal that slipped up the back of her throat seemed cowardly as she looked into his eyes.
She nodded.
Asz closed the distance between them and grasped Michaela’s other hand. “Thank you.” Michaela squeezed his back. She wished she could tell him all the words she needed to say. Instead, her throat swelled shut.
“Michaela, I have to ask one last thing of you. It’s a lot to ask, but you’re the only one I trust to do the right thing. You are the best of us all.” His voice broke. He swallowed, gathering himself. “You must kill Cassie.”
Michaela closed her eyes. Asz squeezed her hand, begging. He meant to convey to her his thoughts, his feelings, but nothing got past the barrier of their division. She nodded again.
Asz kissed her cheek. Clark pulled her arm again, and Michaela allowed him to tow her toward the bookcase. In one hand Asz held a dagger. In the other was a thin cell phone. As she watched, Asz slipped the bone dagger into the space between his ribs.
Michaela let out a small sound of agony and collapsed against Clark as he opened the door. She caught one last glance into the room.
Hundreds of white feathers floated up through the air and dissolved against the ceiling. Then the door swung shut, and she remembered the device Asz had held in his other hand.
“I think he…” Clark began but never got to finish.
Michaela was around him, and they sailed though the air as a series of explosions blasted away at the front of the club.