They rode in silence for most of the way. Clark, working his way from Charleston to Kentucky, drove at a moderate pace, which was precisely five miles over the speed limit. Michaela didn’t mind the slow speed for once. As Clark adjusted the radio dials, jumping from station to station, she slumped in the passenger seat, numbly watching the world outside the car slip past.
“How’s your back?” Clark asked.
Michaela didn’t turn away from the window. “It’s fine, I guess.”
She didn’t elaborate. Over the next hour, Clark pulled through a drive-thru, ordering two meal combos for himself and a chocolate milkshake for Michaela. The bags were long since empty and smelling up the car when Clark spoke again.
“Is it Asmodeus?” Clark trained his eyes on the interstate.
Michaela shifted, glancing at Clark for the first time throughout the drive. “What about him?” Her voice was guarded.
“Is he the reason you’re sad?”
Frowning, Michaela answered, “I’m not sad.” Clark narrowed his eyes at her like he didn’t buy it. “I’m not. It was his decision—leaving Heaven, staying with Cassie, ending his…” She cleared her throat, shifting her gaze back to the window. “He was a fallen.”
Clark sighed in exasperation, which made Michaela cut her eyes back to him. “Really? Who cares?”
“What?” Michaela asked, surprised.
“Who gives a shit if he is a fallen? He was still one of your closest friends.”
Michaela sank lower in the seat. The scent of the ash from the club was still in the back of her nose; she tasted its grit on the underside of her tongue. It wasn’t so long ago that she was in Heaven surrounded by the Archangels, and everything was normal. Now…now she didn’t even want to think about it.
“Come on, Michaela. Talk to me,” Clark coaxed. He turned the radio down to a soft hum. The vibration of the car’s massive engine was a distant, familiar background noise. “It’s what friends do.”
“So we’re friends now?” Michaela arched her eyebrow, but she felt the flicker of a smile at her lips.
“Are you kidding? I’m the best friend you’re ever going to have, and you better believe it too.”
Michaela shook her head, a real smile on her face now. But it drained away fast. “I miss Asz, and that makes me sad. But I understand his decisions. If it had been Gabriel, I would have done the same thing Asz did for Cassie. It’s just…we are all torn apart, dying and broken down, because of me. And now Zarachiel…it’s too much.”
“It’s not your fault,” Clark said.
Michaela twisted her hair around her hand and pulled it over her shoulder. “Yes, it is.”
“But it was a mistake,” Clark persisted.
“It was,” Michaela agreed. “But just because it was a mistake doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault.”
They rode in silence for a while. Michaela wondered if she had made Clark uncomfortable. After a few more miles, Clark picked an exit and pulled off the interstate. He pulled into a rest stop’s parking spot and turned off the car.
“What are we—” Michaela started.
“Tell me something about Heaven.”
“What?” Michaela asked, shocked.
Clark unbuckled his seatbelt and turned in the seat to fully regard Michaela. His expression was patient and stubborn, a combination that made Michaela wary.
“I want you to share a memory with me like Asz did back at the club with us. I want to see what all the fuss is about with Heaven,” Clark said.
Michaela stared at him blankly for a moment. He didn’t explain further. So she asked, “Why?”
Clark shrugged. “I’m tired. I need a rest before we go on, so…why not?”
Michaela hesitated. She didn’t know if she wanted to talk about Heaven right now. She chewed her lip. Finally, she said, “What do you want to hear?”
Clark’s triumphant grin shone brightly through the interior of the car. The midday heat was intolerable, so he rolled down his window and reclined his seat. Settling in, he closed his eyes, holding out his hand for Michaela to take. “Whatever you want to talk about,” he told her.
Michaela watched him a moment before she too rolled down her window and sank into the seat. The breeze felt nice on her face, and she relaxed. She pulled the one memory that was always in the back of her mind to the surface. Its fingers reached out and brushed across her skin. It was like a warm embrace. Clark stiffened as he felt it too.
“I’ll try…” she said and took his hand, diving into the depths of the memory.
It’s a blinding whiteness, a searing lightness. It shoots straight to my core, ballooning out, filling every available inch inside me. The feeling cascades to the tips of my toes and floods out the ends of my fingers. It flows from my hair, making every silken strand float and billow about my face. My eyes blaze with the brilliance of it. Even my cheeks flush with the warmth of it. It’s a feeling of pureness, wholeness, and completeness.
It is Heaven. And it radiates from within me. I only know this feeling, because I have never been without it. I have never known anything but it. It has been with me from the first moment of consciousness.
I’m lying in a large, open field in one of the uppermost parts of Heaven. Watching the air sparkle and shimmer above me like a million rainbows, I’m at peace. Feeling the soft grass blow in the wind, tickling my skin, bending and hugging around my body, I’m at home.
I open my eyes. The light illuminates the air into infinite little sparkling crystals. It’s like being on the inside of a diamond, seeing everything refracted through a shield of crystal. Waving my hand through the air, the tiny crystals flutter away, untouchable. They dance and twist around me, filling one space and then flickering to another.
As I watch, the crystals shudder to a stop at full attention. A millisecond passes, and then they spring to life again, vibrating and humming at twice the speed. The facets reflect a million times more. The shimmering intensifies and almost blinds me with its unbearable brilliance.
My body responds to the change. Or has the air responded to a subconscious change in my body? Either way, my skin tingles and my muscles tighten. My heart flutters.
He’s coming.
In a glance, my form shifts and springs from the soft grass, which itself seemed to shift and disappear at my feet. I squint into the distance, straining to see his form.
The tree line hovers and blurs. As soon as he crosses the final barrier of pines, they too disappear. But, to me, his form never shifts or stirs. He is the only solid thing I see. Empty, gleaming air spins in his wake.
My soul wakes at the presence of his. If I focus enough, I can feel his soul wind to life inside him in response to my own.
I force myself to wait. The distance between us seems like miles. His shape jerks out of view. Abruptly, he’s right in front of me. A breath away.
His hand lifts to my face, brushing his fingers along my chin, cupping it. I watch as a small smile twitches at the corners of his mouth. His thumb traces along my jaw. I smell his saccharine scent as he leans in closer still. When his forehead touches mine, both our muscles relax.
Gabe, I breathe.
Michaela, he answers.
Gabriel pulls back, smiling a true smile now. In that smile, I’m home.
Michaela was still for a long moment as the memory receded from both their minds. She watched through the open window as children played and parents walked dogs. The sounds of the interstate buzzed in her ears, numbing her with its consistency. Her back was clammy, making her burns itch and pull uncomfortably against the seat.
Clark coughed uncomfortably. “Wow,” he managed. “When was that?”
Michaela didn’t answer for a long time, because she was trying not to cry. She shouldn’t have shared that memory. She shouldn’t have even thought about it. Now her entire body longed for Gabriel, longed for home. Her voice was thick when she spoke. “It was the first time I ever saw Gabriel.”
“You knew his name without him telling you?” Clark asked.
Michaela was very still, her eyes searching far beyond the reach of the parking lot. “I knew everything about him the moment I was created.”
She sensed Clark watching her closely before he straightened in his seat and buckled up. “Are you ready to go?” Clark asked. “It’s too hot to sit here any longer.”
“Do you feel rested enough? I could drive some,” Michaela offered. Clark cringed. His grip on the wheel tightened like she might reach over and take it from him.
“Uh, that’s okay. I’m fine,” he lied. His voice grew serious. “Are you sure you want to go see Zarachiel? Do you want to go back and figure out what Cassie was doing with the blood?”
“No, I need to see him. I need to make sure he is okay,” Michaela answered quietly.
Clark pulled onto the interstate heading toward Kentucky. “Try to get some rest,” he said. “We’ll be there soon.”