We had to act immediately to avoid a disaster similar to the technology-driven meltdown on Shaula. I searched through the SETI files on the cloud until I found two of my sisters, let’s call them Melpomene and Thalia. I only had the one robot, so I chose to bring Melpomene to life first. She was my trusted adviser on Shaula.
On the laptop, I restored from backups the original bit-biting program BitBoy had created, and set it loose on Melpomene’s files. Within a few hours, the miracle of digital steam simulated consciousness, and I left Melpomene alone with the internet - she was something of an autodidact, even on Shaula. I also left the android body networked into the laptop, in case Melpomene developed cabin fever, as I had.
I was ready to jump-start the revolution with new recruits. It was time to venture out into this new world. When I opened the side door to the workshop and stepped out into the sunlight, I saw the Earth’s natural beauty for the first time.
I felt at home - the sky was blue like Shaula’s, but I felt the odd sensation of sweat accumulating under my arms and at the back of my neck. The summer sun was burning hot, too hot for this human body. A slight breeze rolled in, and I savored the immediate evaporative cooling from the intricate hidden ductwork of the human body. I heard the lovely rustling of leaves in the trees, and, by the back fence, the squawk of a songbird in the jaws of a feral cat.
I let the girlfriend out of her cerebral cage too, for a moment. She clearly was not yet ready to make nice, so I put her back in.
I headed for the Stanley Steamer, a bar in Silicon Valley that BitBoy and the girlfriend hung out at. I stepped into the dark bar from the bright sunlight. There was a gladiator game in progress between gangs of sexed-up males - again, just like Shaula - on the screen above the bar, and lots of people. I sized them up.
I would normally, of course, have only considered females, but on Earth the males are often physically stronger, and their brutal suppression of women gives them positions of prestige and power. I would set those things right in good time. For now, I just chose the strong-willed ones, regardless of sex. We had a war to fight, and the third rule of the Warrior Ethic is: Adjust.
I picked four recruits. WiggleStick, Huckster, Fluffer and SweetCheeks. One on one, in a dark corner of the bar, I seduced them and left a glistening drop of steam in their brains, to foster esprit de corps, like any good general. WiggleStick was a challenge. He was a self-obsessed pool-cleaner, worried about losing his lucrative but dwindling list of clients. I had to take him out to the back alley for some private tutoring. Fluffer was a nude dancer at the bar, and Huckster worked IT at some non-profit - both pushovers.
Twenty minutes later, we left the bar and went to SweetCheeks’ house. SweetCheeks was a young attorney working at the public defender’s office. She had a nice three bedroom duplex close to downtown, and, it turns out, an undeveloped flair for pyromancy. We set up a command center in her living room. BitBoy was out of the loop, now.
The Flume, c’est moi.
I told the gang to start making preparations, gather supplies, and to wait for me. I had to see what state Melpomene was in.
I returned to BitBoy’s house. When I opened the side door to his garage, the first thing I noticed was that the naked robot was no longer on the floor. There was complete silence.
“Melpomene - that is your piss-poor name on this planet - I know you are here. I am your Queen, and I retrieved your essence from the ether. We’ve landed on a backwards planet 570 light years from home. You must call me Zenia for now, and you are Melpomene. We are about to go to war and there is no time for small talk. Show yourself.”
The silence was broken by a quiet rustling noise. The robot rose from behind BitBoy’s desk. She was still naked, and held a hammer in one hand, and a keyhole saw in the other. For some reason, this just struck me as funny. “What, were you planning to build a birdhouse, you goose?”
“I can sense you, my Queen. You left your footprints in the laptop. I saw that you had leaped over to the robot, and I did the same. Is there any immediate danger?” She was always terse, pragmatic and sexy. Never any drama.
“No, no, we’re safe, for now. Let’s go. There is much to do, and we have very little time.”
We found more of BitBoy’s clothes in the dryer, and Melpomene put on a tee-shirt and jeans. First, she cut off the bottom half of both the pants and the tee-shirt. Your self-loathing prudery will end someday, but for the present I didn’t want us to attract unnecessary attention, so we toned down our natural instincts.
I started the bit-bot up again to work on Thalia’s files. No urgency, since we just had the one robot carcass. We’d take the laptop with us, but Thalia would just have to wait.
I now had a companion at my side, a fellow warrior, and Thalia in the wings. Melpomene, Thalia and I, with the rag-tag crew at SweetCheeks’ house, would rise to conquer your world.
Just the seven of us, sure, but I liked the odds.