I needed to rein in the excesses of the revolution - I have read your history.
We had won a decisive victory. The robots fell to the ground, all across the earth, and were destroyed. The Flume was the only organization that knew the secret history.
The alleged democracies that had replaced dictatorships in the past half century were in fact prick plutocracies, when you discount the banal window dressing. Politics was a game for millionaires with penises.
The wealthy and connected formed a sympathetic circle, and took care of each other. A board membership here, a contract granted there. Legacy admissions to Ivy League schools kept the bench full for the next generation. Corporations, by law, valued morality less than profit. The few do-gooders in the international conglomerates who swam against the current, attempting to address global warming, or poverty-level worker wages, were sued by shareholders. Clearly, we needed to make changes.
The Flume turned to me for answers.
Now, I was certain that the system of polity on Shaula (before the recent upheaval) would not translate to Earth. The biology is too different. Shaulans reproduce when the female assimilates a male, and absorbs his genetic material (I must use metaphors, since the chemistry is quite different - we do not have DNA). When she is in heat, the female chooses the sire prick with care - he must have superlative accomplishments, or, more often, physical attractiveness (here we differ little from your mating rituals).
We give birth to thousands of eggs, which are incubated by a submissive male. One in ten thousand of our offspring is female, and she is cherished. Exceptional young pricks are educated to fill important service roles. The best from each litter become our servants, sometimes even our confidantes.
But most pricks become part of the herd. The culling celebrations provide much of our nourishment and sport. How dull life would be without our hunts! Successful pricks who evade capture are celebrities, and we will on occasion take the best of them into our households, and allow them to serve us.
But as you can see, conditions on the ground here on Earth are not comparable. While it is true that even here there are more males conceived than females (the fleet male gamete lacks the hefty burden of superior female attributes), the difference is negligible.
The third rule of the Warrior Ethic is to adjust. We needed change, but change towards the light of Gaia. I had an uneasy feeling that the girlfriend was guiding me in subtle ways, provoking urges and compunctions that were quite alien to my true nature. But perhaps this was for the best.
In any case, decisive, strategic action was urgently needed.
I moved quickly, to avoid bloodshed. I used the UN headquarters as my interim palace, since the communication infrastructure was already in place. SweetCheeks and MouthBreather undertook to write the constitution. Until elections could be scheduled, I appointed Melpomene Prime Minister.
I kept HippyChick close. I felt I needed her passion for peace and tolerance. She softened or dissuaded me from some of my more heartfelt edicts.
To avoid consternation among the twinkies I didn’t publicize this, but Thalia was named Minister of War. This pleased her, though I saw no imminent need for an army, or for war. The existing mechanized military organizations were disbanded and their death machines destroyed. Thalia set up her ministry at the NYPD horse stables.
I allowed the continuation of corporations with fewer than 5,000 employees, including contract workers. All existing large corporations were split apart. The law now mandated that a corporate officer’s first responsibility was to societal well-being and safety, before profit, and they could be sued for violating that principle. Corporations lost their right to vote, and could no longer contribute to political campaigns.
My constitutional monarchy will have a parliament, SweetCheeks tells me, but elections are to be financed entirely by contributions from individuals. An individual may not contribute more than twenty old dollars to any one candidate. Once elected, officials may not receive any kind of gift, from any source, ever. No exceptions. Makes for some sad birthdays - my heart bleeds for them.
Stewardship of the environment takes first priority. Basic, humane treatment of children comes next. How could you have treated our children in such a brutal way? It defies belief.
I made systemic changes by fiat, large and small. I knew I had a window of time before parliamentary handcuffs were imposed on me.
A week after the revolution I issued an edict requiring the owners of grocery stores to personally remove every gluey sticker from all the produce in their stores.
I also outlawed plastic packaging entirely, but only after I took the CEO of a printer cartridge manufacturer, placed him in a room with a butter knife and a thousand of his plastic-encased products, and told him he could leave when they were all opened, unharmed.
Who said political science had to be tedious?