7
A Lesson on Integrity and Character
“Ali?” I heard a familiar voice as I was standing in the hallway with a can of Coke in my hand. I turned around to see a gleaming Professor Ismat.
“Hello, Professor!” I replied with a smile.
“How is everything coming along?” she asked enthusiastically.
To be honest, things had been going pretty great. It had been difficult changing my old habits but day by day, I was beginning to see progress. I knew I was never going to be perfect so I discarded that unrealistic standard; instead, I focused on doing the best I could do.
My attitude towards success and failure had also changed. I understood that if I had to be successful, the price that I would have to pay in personal development would need be up front. I would have first sow in order to reap.
I had been reading more than usual and paying more attention in my classes. I had been working harder on my chicken legs and while I was sore more often than not, I was undoubtedly seeing results. I felt a sense of progress. If I wanted things to change, I would have to change. If I wanted things to get better, I would have to get better. That had been my motto for the week.
“Everything is wonderful, Professor! Thank you!” I responded.
She glanced at the can of Coke in my hand and smiled which instantly reminded me of the first encounter we had in the hallway.
“Oh, by the way, I’m sorry about the first interaction we had! I hope you didn’t get a bad impression of me!” I quickly blurted out.
“Oh no dear!” she exclaimed as she put a hand on my shoulder in her characteristic style.
“We all make mistakes. Did you not listen to what I said last time?” she asked.
I nodded, not sure what she was referring to. Fixed mindset taking over.
“I’m easily thrice your age Ali, and I fall short of my standards every single day!” she said with a soft chuckle.
“Plus most importantly, if we judge ourselves by our aspirations while we judge other people by their conduct, we will soon reach a very warm conclusion!” she continued. “That’s Calvin Coolidge by the way, if you’re interested!” she added with a big warm smile.
I smiled back, not sure what to respond.
“Come on, let’s go to class. You will enjoy what you learn today,” she said as she patted me on my arm and headed towards the class. I had no doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t.
* * *
“Okay, so who wants to start us off today?” asked Professor Ismat as she put her purse down. She pulled a chair to the side and took a seat.
A couple of students raised their hand and she called on someone in the second row.
To my surprise, it was Zeeshan. He stood up in his seat and took out a piece of paper from his jeans pocket.
“Thank you, Professor. Before I share Roddick’s story, I wanted to take a minute to apologize to Hassan in front of the class,” said Zeeshan, as the students stared at him in stunned disbelief.
“I have been thinking a lot about what you said. Our conditioning, our company, the voices in our head, and all that stuff. I realize what I did was wrong. Hassan,” he continued, as he turned in Hassan’s direction.
“I’m sorry mate,” he added genuinely.
Hassan looked up, smiled, and gave Zeeshan a thumbs-up sign. I could see a sense of pride in Professor Ismat’s eyes. Zeeshan responded with a smile and then turned his attention towards the rest of the class.
“Alright. So last week, Professor Ismat asked us to research the tennis match between Andy Roddick and Fernando Verdasco. Let me take you back a few years,” he said, as he unfolded a piece of paper in his hand.
“In May 2005, Spain’s Fernando Verdasco was serving to Andy Roddick, America’s top player. Having lost the set, Verdasco was down 5-3, love-40. Triple match point. He hit deep on the second serve,” continued Zeeshan.
“The line judge called the ball out and Roddick was awarded victory. The crowd started cheering him and ran to the net to shake his hand. However, Roddick saw things that others didn’t - things that neither the umpire knew, nor Verdasco. The serve hadn’t been out but was in fact on the line, thus making it in. Instead of keeping this information to himself, Roddick informed the umpire that there was a slight indentation of the clay court and that the ball was in fact ‘in’. He said that Verdasco’s serve had nicked the line,” said Zeeshan as he piqued my curiosity.
“Stunned, the umpire let Roddick overrule him and awarded the point to Verdasco. And that’s when things get really interesting!” said Zeeshan with a broad grin.
“Verdasco made the most of his second chance and came back to win the game, the set, and the match, allowing him to win a highly improbable victory,” he continued before turning the page.
He looked around to make sure everyone had followed the story.
“While honesty cost Roddick ‘tens of thousands of dollars’ according to sportswriter Frank Deford and probably much more had he gone on to win the tournament, Roddick chose to prioritize integrity and character over winning. While he lost a tennis match, he won the hearts of people around the world as well as set a great example of sportsmanship for competitors across the globe,” concluded Zeeshan, as he sat down on his seat to applause from the class.
It had almost become an unspoken norm now that was rare in other classrooms; students would encourage each other whenever they spoke. The professor had succeeded in enabling the right holding environment.
After praising Zeeshan, Professor Ismat slowly got out of her seat and stepped towards the center of the room.
“Children, we’ve been talking about success and failure but before we move on, I want to emphasize the value of developing your character. Not for others, but for yourself,” she continued.
“In the end when all is said and done, the most important judgment that will be passed on you is your own. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it is very hard to feel good about the things that you accomplish. The freedom that you get from living a life of integrity is worth the price that may be asked of you. It gives you a peace of mind that is invaluable,” she added as she pressed the clicker.
“Integrity is the best of all protectors; we cannot be more secure than when fortified by a good conscience.”
John Calvin
French Theologian, Pastor, and Reformer
“Who will hold you accountable for all the actions and decisions you take on a day to day basis?” she asked. “Regardless of who you are, you will admit that only you have complete visibility as to what you do when no one is watching. Often, we do things differently when we’re alone versus when we’re in the company of others,” continued Professor Ismat.
“It’s natural to be concerned about what other people think of you, but it’s more important to be concerned about what you think about yourself. It’s one thing to live up to and adhere to the standards society has imposed on you, but it’s a completely different thing taking out the time to think about which standards, principles, and values you personally cherish the most,” she continued.
“In the words of Jim Rohn, ‘Everything matters. Everything affects everything else’,” emphasized Professor Ismat. “We may falsely believe that doing something when we’re alone will have no impact on how we come across when we’re in a crowd. However, it is those decisions that you make when no one is watching you that have the greatest bearing on your personality. Life changes take place everyday in those micro-moments. It shapes your opinion of yourself which in turn influences how you act,” she continued.
“Be careful with all your disciplines. The more often you do something, the more your personality takes shape to revolve around it. You probably read about Aristotle in your philosophy course?” she asked, as most of us nodded.
“This is what the philosopher Aristotle said hundreds of years ago and is as true today as it was back then,” said the professor as she pulled up a slide.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
Professor Ismat continued as the students took expeditiously took notes.
“Develop your moral code and then stick to it. Aristotle would put it this way; if one of your principles is being just, practice being just regardless of whatever you face in life. With time, you will find that your capacity to be just greatly increases. The same could be said for any other principle or value, positive or negative,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“No one can tell you what it is that you should value. Figure that out for yourself instead of blindly following what’s been passed down to you through the ages. You need to remember that everything you see around you was created by people no smarter than you,” stressed Professor Ismat as a couple of students nodded their heads.
“Once you’ve determined which principles or values are of importance to you, you try your best to incorporate those principles in every conversation you have and every decision you take. Hold yourself accountable every week – did you live up to your own standards of excellence? You might fail at the start as your old habits kick in, but you should have the faith that you’ve taken a pathway that will only contribute towards your personal development in the long run. Begin your mornings by reviewing those principles and how you might go about applying them during your day,” she continued.
“At night, whenever you get a chance, think through your interactions and decisions in the day from the lens of these principles and assess your performance. You can use these questions if you like,” she said as she pulled up a slide.
1) Am I living in alignment with my true self?
2) Where did I go wrong in the application of my principles?
Satisfied that the students were done taking notes, Professor Ismat continued.
“We will talk about this further later if we have time, but personal development can never be measured. You remember how we talked about success not being a giant event that happens but an ongoing process of refinement?” she asked.
Certainly, I thought to myself. I had been rather preoccupied with the idea all week.
“Success is refining yourself day in and day out to gradually realize the worthy ideal you’ve set out for yourself. And when it comes to practice, one of the best ways I have found to hold myself accountable to my principle-oriented compass is something that comes from ancient philosophers. It has helped me, but it is up to you whether you want to follow this approach or not,” she continued.
I recalled what Professor Ismat had said earlier; be a student and not a follower.
“The idea is to imagine that regardless of whatever you do, either alone or in the company of others, there is a ‘noble force’ watching over you all the time. This ‘noble force’ believes in your capacity to be good and stay true, and it will help you in differentiating right from wrong. It is almost like an angel looking over your shoulder and believing in you completely that you will do the right thing,” continued Professor Ismat.
“However, as you begin to use this approach, you might often forget about this force altogether. Don’t worry. As with many other things that we’re discussing, the more you practice it, the more it will become an integral part of your life. Repetition is the mother of skill,” she added as she picked up her water bottle and took a few sips.
“All of you have it in you to be successful. The problem with most of us is that once we achieve something, we start chasing the next thing without appreciating what we currently have. When our delight from the next achievement fades, we start chasing something else. Remember the hedonistic treadmill?” she asked.
The students nodded their heads.
“It is important to recognize that the person you become in the process of achieving your dream is more important than the dream. You can lose everything you achieve but the person you become - that truly is your most precious possession. Integrity allows you to live your life with freedom. As the author Zig Ziglar puts it, integrity provides you with real freedom. Since you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear!” exclaimed Professor Ismat.
“Every decision you make influences the person you end up becoming. Don’t take shortcuts that perhaps help you get there faster but compromise your integrity and self-respect. It may be convenient in the short run but will hurt you in the long run. Look at what the American football player and coach Tony Dungy has to say about this,” added Professor Ismat as she pressed the clicker.
“Integrity is the choice between what’s convenient and what’s right.”
“Sometimes, choosing to do the right thing is incredibly hard,” she continued.
“However, you always have it within your power to do so. The guilt of not doing the right thing isn’t worth it. Don’t be concerned too much with what your friends might think of you; it is you who has to face the true consequences at the end. Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it; right is right, even if no one is doing it,” stressed Professor Ismat.
“Those who don’t value integrity and character might attack you. In fact, you can rest assured that they most certainly will. The consequences of sticking out your neck might hurt you in the short run, but it will pay off in the long run in the form of the person that you will become and the character that you will develop. As the author Napoleon Hill said, ‘when you are able to maintain your highest standards of integrity - regardless of what others may do - you are destined for greatness,’” she added with a smile.
“Now, children,” continued Professor Ismat. “As you realize the value of integrity and character when it comes to achievement, let’s talk about how you can actually go about achieving your goals. Have you ever heard the expression don’t reinvent the wheel?” she asked as the students nodded.
“Whatever it is that you’re trying to achieve, there is someone out there who can help you get farther ahead on your journey that you would be able to alone. There are best practices out there that can help you save a lot of time on your journey. There are professors and teachers who have devoted their entire lives to mastering their craft. Why not use their contributions to propel your success? According to the American lawyer Mark McCormack, ‘You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, just attach it to a new wagon!’” added Professor Ismat as a couple of students laughed.
“Don’t take your education for granted. Pay attention to your teachers and learn from them. There are millions of children who dream of being in your position,” continued Professor Ismat gravely.
I recalled her work with out-of-school children and the foundation she had started. According to her website, there were still 258 million children out-of-school left behind. Professor Ismat’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“More importantly, don’t only learn from their triumphs. Learn also from their defeats. Let’s go back to Warren Buffet and see what he has to say,” she added before pressing the clicker.
“It’s good to learn from your mistakes. It’s better to learn from other people’s mistakes.”
“Accelerate your success. Find out people who have already done what you want to do and then reach out to them. Don’t let your ego stop you from reaching out,” she emphasized.
“More often than not, people will be willing to help you because they’ve been on a similar journey. However, don’t forget to do as much preparation as you can at your end first. Learn as much as you possibly can! Read as much as you possibly can! Prepare as much as you possibly can!” she stressed.
“Preparation at your end demonstrates that you are serious about the endeavor you want to pursue,” she added.
Before proceeding, she took another quick sip from her water bottle.
“Now,” she continued. “As you go about establishing your values and setting goals for yourself, make sure that you incorporate pragmatism in your approach. Dream pragmatically, as the English philosopher Aldous Huxley would say,” she continued.
“It is important to be realistic and to correctly anticipate the roadblocks on the journey ahead. There will be a lot that will be asked of you. There will be unexpected challenges along the way that will interfere with the goals you’ve set out for yourself.
You will have to make hard choices,” she added.
“However, remember this – ‘Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life’. And most importantly, if the why is powerful, the how is easy. As Nietzsche said, he who has a why to live can bear almost any how’” said Professor Ismat with added emphasis before continuing.
“There will be people who will discourage you and get in your way. There will be politics. Some people will hate you for who you are and what you represent. Look at what the author Zig Ziglar had to say about this,” she paused as she pulled up another slide.
“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.”
As I read the quote, I couldn’t help but think about Furqan. He had been one of my closest friends since childhood. However, he didn’t seem too pleased when I told him repeatedly over the weekend that I wouldn’t be able to hang out with them. He told me I was changing; he said he was disappointed that I wasn’t the same person anymore.
Surprisingly, I was inspired by what he said.
That’s what I was striving for, to change and become a better version of myself. One of the reasons why I had decided not to spend time with him was because I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t falling back into my old patterns of operating. I had to cut off everything that was taking me away from my goals. I had to be able to sacrifice at any moment who I was, for what I would become.
I had to leave that part of my life behind. I had to expose myself to the right ideas and then ingrain them through ongoing effort. Professor Ismat had helped me get started on journey; however, it was now my responsibility to continue exposing my mind to the right ideas and beliefs. Professor Ismat’s soothing voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Children, you must recognize that most importantly, you are doing what you’re doing because it gives your life meaning and value. You believe in the value and service it will provide to yourself as well as the world. Don’t be ashamed of your greatness. As the Stoics would put it - be ashamed of what’s truly shameful! If you know you are doing the right thing, what others may think of you doesn’t even matter,” she continued.
“Basing your worth on other people’s opinions is like looking into a broken mirror that changes every time you look into it. You will find your people; people who will love you for what you’re doing and the service you’re providing. You don’t need to have everyone on your side. Don’t disregard your inherent value for what others might say,” she stressed.
“Most of you probably read Harry Potter as children?” asked Professor Ismat.
The students nodded their heads. As a child, I had naively waited many countless nights for Hagrid to show up.
“Even the author J.K. Rowling once said that for some to love you, some must loathe you,” continued Professor Ismat. “Believe in who you are and what you offer to the world. Let them say what they want to; you focus on you. Don’t let what they say about you change what you think and feel about yourself,” emphasized Professor Ismat as she pulled up another slide.
“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others.”
Marcus Aurelius
Roman Emperor
“Recognize the potential for these distractions but then have a plan ready to tackle these when they emerge. Treat these encounters as opportunities to become the best version of yourself. It could be the mindset you adopt or simply how you respond,” she added as she took another sip.
“The writer Elbert Hubbard said that the final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment. How you handle this will influence how you handle everything else. Remember what Jim Rohn said?” asked Professor Ismat.
“Everything affects everything else!” responded a couple of students in unison.
“Correct!” responded Professor Ismat with a smile before continuing.
“Remember that taking off takes the most energy. It took years to get you to where you are today; personal greatness will take time. It will require patience with those micro-moments. Focus on what you can control and then commit to doing your very best!” she emphasized. Before continuing, she glanced at the clock on the wall.
“Now, we are almost at a time barrier. I want to share a final slide with you and then we will stop for today. For next week, we will be talking about resilience and persistence; both these attributes will be vital on your journey. Till then, I want you to take care of yourselves as well as each other,” said Professor Ismat as she pulled up the last slide and concluded another masterclass.
“You can achieve anything you want in life if you have the courage to dream it, the intelligence to make a realistic plan, and the will to see that plan through to the end.”
Sidney A Friedman
Writer