11
A Lesson on the Impermanence of Failure
“I’ve been very impressed by your reflection papers,” said Professor Ismat with a smile before starting our penultimate session.
I thought about how I had spent the better part of the weekend working on it.
“Based on where we are in our journey, this week I want to talk about some quick strategies that you can implement that can get you going on your journey. Subsequently, I want to talk a little about the ‘breaking point’,” she added as she pulled out her notes.
“Deep down, most of us know what it is that we need to do to succeed. As we discussed many times, success and failure are not catastrophic events. They’re a result of following, or in some cases, not following a set of daily disciplines over time. This is how Jim Rohn eloquently put it,” she continued as she pulled up a slide.
“Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day. It is the accumulative weight of our disciplines and our judgments that leads us to either fortune or failure.”
“Jim Rohn also said that everything matters. Everything affects everything else,” continued Professor Ismat. “This is so important that this is worth repeating. We can’t expect to ignore one aspect of our lives saying that this is the only area we’ll neglect while we excel in others. Don’t let neglect destroy your life; as we talked about, the things that are easy to do are very often the things that are also easy not to do. That is why a lot of people fail to follow through on their dreams,” said Professor Ismat gravely.
“Your disciplines from one area of life are bound to trickle down into others. You cannot be undisciplined in one area and disciplined in another. Maybe you can pull it off for a while but in the long run, your lack of discipline will catch up with you!” exclaimed Professor Ismat.
Sensing a few puzzled faces, she continued.
“What does this principle mean from a practical perspective? It means that you don’t change your personality and attitude towards things based on how important they are. Attempt everything as if it is a representation of you; everything you do should be done to the best of your ability because it is a representation of who you are. Do your best to excel in every area of your life, not just the ones you prefer excelling in. Recognize that it won’t be perfect, but the journey is more or less the same for everyone so the earlier you start, the better your chances,” she added as she flipped her notes.
“Now, on a more positive note, Jim also says that all new disciplines affect all other disciplines. If you incorporate a positive and healthy habit into your lifestyle, the boost of confidence that you get will affect your commitment to all your other positive habits. Your self-esteem will improve, and you will be more inclined to achieve all your other goals,” said Professor Ismat with a smile.
“Discipline empowers rather than restricts. When you trust yourself to follow through on your daily disciplines, you have more time to consciously spend on other areas of your life,” said Professor Ismat as she took another sip.
“Based on the goal-setting exercises we’ve done; we can figure out what most of us need to do to progress. However, the problem comes when we have to actually start doing it!” she remarked as the class cracked up laughing.
“I want to share some ideas with you that you can benefit from immediately. Something I initially disregarded as being too trivial to be true was the 5-second rule popularized by Mel Robbins. Mel found herself trying all sorts of things but unable to succeed in life. Even waking up in the morning on time was a struggle. Probably most of us can relate to feeling the power of inertia and bad habits when we decide to change, huh?” asked Professor Ismat as the students nodded.
“Change is hard, and we humans don’t really like change unless it’s good for us. We often want to stay in our comfort zone and keep doing what we’ve been doing all these years. However, this is where Mel’s brilliance comes in. She recognized the power of our subconscious mind and how giving herself a ticking bomb deadline would work. Here’s what she said,” continued Professor Ismat as she pressed the clicker. If you don’t start doing the things you don’t feel like doing, you will wake up one year from today and be in the same place. So here’s the one-liner definition of the 5 Second Rule: If you have an impulse to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill the idea.
“Every time we hesitate before doing something, we should count backward from 5-, 4-, 3-, 2-, and 1 and then immediately take action. This is especially important because we should continuously attack what we’re afraid of. Fear acts as a compass, telling us what we need to work on next,” continued Professor Ismat.
“One example that Mel provides is about speaking up in meetings. You can think of it as speaking up in class if you want to. We have a wonderful idea, but the fear of appearing stupid or what others will think often discourages us from saying it out loud,” she stated.
A few students nodded.
“The next time you feel something similar, count backward from 5 and simply raise your hand so that you’re forced to speak. The more you start taking action, the more courage you’ll have. As always, it’s not as much about the action you take but the person you become in the process,” emphasized Professor Ismat.
“Another example from Mel herself is how she struggled to wake up in the morning. The next time you’re struggling to get out of bed because it’s cold outside, count backward from 5 and then jump out of bed. This may sound too simple to be true, but I have found that it works for many people. However, as with most other principles, you need to work it in order for it to work,” said Professor Ismat with a smile as she flipped another page of her notes.
“Now, this next idea may be useful to a few of you. A related principle that I came across in a wonderful book, ‘Psycho– Cybernetics’, is the idea of subconsciously repeating the phrase ‘Cancel’ whenever a negative thought enters your mind. Force yourself to think positive and constructive thoughts. This is what Jim Rohn says,” said Professor Ismat as she pressed the clicker.
‘Every day you must stand guard at the door of your mind.’
“Mental health is incredibly important. It’s vital that you only allow those things to enter your mind that will serve you well on your purpose. If something says something discouraging, rephrase it in your head or tell yourself that things aren’t as bleak as someone else makes them out to be. Stay cautious about the company you keep and whether it adds value to your life. As the old African proverb goes, ‘when there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm’,” continued Professor Ismat.
“Often, we are our biggest critics because we spend every second of our lives together and have a clear idea of everything that we do. We feel that others are perfect and that there must be something wrong with us. Wrong!” she exclaimed.
“All of us are humans and make mistakes. Most, if not all of us, struggle with self-esteem. Deep down, all of us want to feel that we’re important. We’re not as different as we think we are, you know,” she continued.
“We are too critical of ourselves simply because we spend the most time with ourselves and have limited or no information about the struggles of other people,” said Professor Ismat ardently.
“The next time your mind says something negative to discourage you, repeat ‘Cancel’ and replace that negative thought with a positive affirmation. For instance, if your mind plays the old repeated tape that you are boring and don’t deserve anyone’ s attention, immediately say ‘Cancel’ and change it with a positive affirmation! One example could be realizing that you’ve made mistakes in the past but that you’re an interesting person and that you can be a wonderful friend,” she continued.
“If you want, you can set reminders on your phone that will keep you centered. It could be anything that works for you. It doesn’t matter what the affirmation is as long as it positively influences your self-image. Self-talk is more important than you realize. Perhaps once you’ve repeated this affirmation, you could incorporate the 5-second rule and take action before your mind convinces you otherwise. It’s a daily if not hourly process of seeking to become what you can be and these ideas can help,” continued Professor Ismat.
She paused to take a sip of her coffee.
“Now, since we have a longer session today, I also want to spend some time talking about a principle I refer to as the impermanence of failure. There will inadvertently be times in your life when nothing goes to seem right. You will feel that all the energy you have to spend on achieving your goals is not worth it. These are times referred to as ‘breaking points’ and it is crucial you understand their significance,” she paused, making sure the students understood what she meant.
“It is natural to feel overwhelmed when life is kicking you from all directions. However, you must remember that it doesn’t take any effort to stay at the bottom. If things are getting hard, it is proof that what you’re doing is working. This will be a fight, but it will be your fight. You’ve got to do what it takes even when you don’t feel like it. You may not get everything you fight for but everything you get will be a fight,” she continued.
“You’ve got to keep coming back no matter how hard you’re hit. Don’t quit until you win. You’ve made it thus far and there’s no reason that you won’t make it here onwards. There may be moments when you won’t want to get out of bed or step out of the house. There will be times when as Les Brown says, everything that can happen will happen! Murphy’s law will be in full force!” she exclaimed.
“However, you must remember that it is in these moments that real growth takes place. This is a breaking point that you must master in order to get to the next level as the author T.D. Jakes would say. These difficulties are there for a reason. As it’s often said,” continued Professor Ismat as she pressed the clicker.
“To whom much is given, much will be required.”
“If you seek to attain personal greatness, you will have to pay the price. All your heroes in life have failed repeatedly; the only difference between them and millions of others is that your heroes kept at it. They didn’t let setbacks stop them. Here’s Lincoln again on failure,” she added as she pulled the next slide.
“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.”
After taking another sip, she continued.
“Failure and setbacks can either make you or break you. You have to decide which one it’s going to be. Success requires ongoing work; on your journey of personal greatness, you are never really done. It’s a beautiful adventure to keep on discovering what you can become. You’ve got to be fanatical about achieving what gives your life meaning and value. You’ve got to say enough is enough and that you will do it or die!” declared Professor Ismat with a contagious enthusiasm.
“It’s as simple as that. If you’re willing to give everything you’ve got, nothing can stop you. Nothing will stop you. And if you encounter failure in the way, you’ll recognize that it’s just a part of your journey! When you decide to commit no matter what, the universe will respond to you. Go for it and control your destiny. Never be afraid. Be willing to fail and be rejected. Be alone sometimes, if required,” she continued solemnly.
“However, never turn around without attaining your goal. Never give up because you didn’t do your best. Nothing can resist a person that has that kind of a commitment,” said Professor Ismat with a smile.
“Learn from the experience and move on. Use your past as a lesson, not a weapon. Jim Rohn says that life is like the seasons; opportunity follows difficulty. Winter follows fall. Some winters will be long, painful, and rough, but while you can’t change the seasons, you can change yourself,” said Professor Ismat as she moved on to the next slide.
“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.”
“Remember that if it was easy, everyone would do it. The strong habits that you’ve developed for yourself, follow through on them despite how bad or down you feel. The boost you feel in your self-esteem the next day will prove to you that success and failure are nothing but temporary; what matters is who you become in the process,” she continued.
“Another way to look at all the difficulties that we go through is to consider them as proof of our success. They’re our footprints of success that we can look back on and cherish because we understand that we were willing to do everything it took to get to where we wanted to get to even when it was hard to see the finish line. These obstacles and your willingness to climb over them will only reflect your tenacity and the strength of your purpose,” she added.
“Moreover, considering the obstacles that you encounter as a series of challenges or levels is another valuable paradigm. At every obstacle that you encounter, many individuals trying to achieve what you are trying to achieve simply get left behind because the obstacle is too overwhelming for them. They refuse to go all in. When you decide to carry on regardless of what you’re facing, you’re already moving farther away from the competition. I’m reminded of a short quote here,” said Professor Ismat as she picked up the clicker and pressed it.
‘There’s no traffic on the extra mile.’
“If you didn’t have a good day, believe that you can still turn it around as long as you stay committed. At the end of the day, your emotions and how you feel about your life is in your hands. You can take action and do what needs to be done, despite what your feelings and emotions tell you. The worst of events in life may not even affect you if you train yourself that way. It’s how we perceive something that influences how we feel; if you control how you interpret events, you can control to a very large extent how you feel. If it’s all in your mind, why not use it to your maximum benefit?” she asked.
“And children, I am over 60 so believe me when I say this: even if you fail in the end, the journey will be worth it! If you follow through on your dreams, you will find that even though things haven’t gotten any easier, you would have developed the strength and character to face them. Again, the person you become in the process is more important than anything you end up accomplishing!” emphasized Professor Ismat.
“The person you will become in the process will justify every failure and setback that you’ve encountered along the way. See what the physician William Osler had to say,” she continued as she pulled up the next slide.
“To have striven, to have made an effort, to have been true to certain ideals — this alone is worth the struggle. We are here to add what we can to, not to get what we can from, life.”
She took another sip before continuing.
“Now, since failure is impermanent and a part of the process, it doesn’t matter whether you’re externally succeeding or failing as long as you continue to work on yourself. Achievement of your goal doesn’t matter,” said Professor Ismat before pausing to see if the class was in unison on this important principle.
Satisfied at the response, she continued.
“Don’t be too harsh on yourself. If you’ve internalized your goals and given all that you have, when all is said and done, you will have the satisfaction of telling yourself that you tried magnificently. That you were truly immersed in the effort and even though you failed, you are proud of yourself for the courage that you demonstrated,” she added.
“Failure is impermanent and a necessary step on your journey. Treat it for what it is and no more,” continued Professor Ismat as she put down her coffee mug.
“Now, let’s wrap up today’s lecture with spending a bit more time on reflection and renewal,” she said as the students excitedly leaned forward in their seats.
“The Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once said that life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards. In the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey spoke of a high-power individual who spent every Saturday reflecting on how his week went. His family and friends knew that he was not to be disturbed during that particular period on Saturday night which he would spend locked up reflecting. According to this individual, this single exercise of weekly reflection has yielded more benefit to him than anything else,” she added.
“Reflection is a key part of almost every great individual that I know. You cannot find out what you’re doing well and what you need to improve unless you spend time reflecting on what you’ve done. As you’re starting, it may be difficult to reflect every night but make it a priority to at least spend some time every single week reflecting on the week that went by. To get the most of your life, maintain a journal. A life worth living is a life worth documenting as Jim Rohn would say,” exclaimed Professor Ismat with a smile.
“Imagine for a moment that your life will be magnificent and successful; would you not want your future self 50 years down the road to enjoy the pleasure of going through your life through your journaling? Would you not want your kids and grandkids to benefit from the wisdom that you’ve accumulated over the years? Look at what the novelist Anaïs Nin wrote,” said Professor Ismat as she pressed the clicker.
“We write to heighten our own awareness of life. We write to lure and enchant and console others. We write to serenade our lovers. We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.”
“Life has a way of passing through before our eyes,” continued Professor Ismat. If we don’t take control of time, we will end up with regrets for not making the most of our lives,” she added.
“As Socrates said, ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ There are a couple of questions you can ask yourself during your reflections,” continued Professor Ismat as she pulled up another slide.
1. What went well this week? What failing have I resisted?
2. Where was I wrong? Where can I show improvement?
3. Am I living in alignment with my values and principles?
“As with most things that we’ve discussed, you are responsible for managing your self-motivation,” declared Professor Ismat.
“Don’t be too critical of yourself as you’re starting off but at the same time, don’t be too lax as to not hold yourself accountable. Consider yourself consciously responsible for being the driving force behind all the decisions and actions that you take - why not try for the best representation possible? Why not go for it all?” she asked.
“As we discussed, learn as much as you possibly can. One way to supplement your learning is to devote one hour every day towards personal renewal. It’s said that during the first 10 minutes after waking up, your subconscious mind is the most impressionable. Anything you listen to or focus on is imported directly into the subconscious. Why not instead of reaching for our phone right after waking up, we exercise self-control and start our day positively by reading or listening to something inspiring?” insisted Professor Ismat.
“Regardless of how pressing something maybe, you won’t be able to give it your best until you’re in the right frame of mind. And again, it is up to you to do this for yourself. Do what works for you and discard what doesn’t,” continued Professor Ismat as she took another sip.
“Similarly, the few minutes right before going to bed are again a time when the subconscious mind is most impressionable – why not listen to something positive and inspiring right before going to bed? How about some positive affirmations? Your self-esteem, after all, is largely a result of your image of yourself in the subconscious mind,” she added before taking another sip.
“An approach popularized by the author Robin Sharma to improve your productivity right after waking up is the 20/20/20 formula which says that right after waking up, you should spend 20 minutes engaged in intense exercise, the next 20 in reviewing your goals, and the last 20 in reading or learning something inspiring. This will help start your day with the right mindset,” continued Professor Ismat.
“Another productivity technique that Robin talks about is spending the first 90 minutes of your work focused on the single most important opportunity in your life right now - something that working on would lead to an overall gigantic improvement in everything else,” she added.
For me, it would be that book I always wanted to write.
“The older I get, the more techniques I come across that can help you become better every day. It is a wonderful time that we live in. Believe me when I tell you that in your lifetimes, you will also come across many ideas that can do the same for you. Personal greatness is humankind’s ongoing effort to discover its potential. The only question you must answer is whether you will continue to search and then benefit from what you learn,” stressed Professor Ismat.
“Don’t let the craziness of the world suck you in,” she emphasized.
“Especially when it comes to dealing with failure, develop sanctuaries where you can go to restore and recharge yourself. For some people it might be taking a long walk, meditating, or working out; for others, it might be pouring your heart out to a trusted partner or friend. Know what works for and make sure you give yourself top priority. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will?” asked Professor Ismat solemnly.
“Incorporating this ritual early into the day ensures that regardless of whatever life throws at you that day, you will be prepared. You have an inherent self-belief that you can handle it. Why not try it out for yourself and see whether it works?” she asked before taking another sip.
“Again, remember that it’s completely up to you whether you want to improve yourself regularly or not. No one can be as committed to your self-development as you can be. Why do you have to do it for yourself?” she asked.
“Because no one else will do it for us!” responded the students in unison to which Professor Ismat smiled. Her constant repetition and persistence was finally beginning to pay off.
“You have greatness within you. However, it will never reveal itself to you unless you commit to finding it. It’s in these moments when you’re all alone that your character is developed. Remember, people get rewarded in public for what they practice for years in private. Once you get this private aspect of your life sorted out, you will automatically develop the courage to handle the public aspect. This is what the Spartan warriors used to say,” continued Professor Ismat before pulling up a slide.
‘Sweat more in training and you’ll bleed less in war.’
I looked to my left to see Sarah raise her hand. The professor motioned her to continue.
“But Professor Ismat, what about sleep?” she said playfully. Professor Ismat characteristically chuckled before responding.
“That’s a great question, Sarah! You know Jim Rohn used to say that we should make rest a necessity, not an objective.
Powerful words, no?” she asked.
Sarah nodded.
“Dear, figure out what works for you. Some of us need 6 hours of sleep to function properly. Some of us need 4. I’m not a sleep expert so I don’t want to lead you down the wrong path” she continued empathetically.
“As your classmates rightly noted a moment ago, no one will take responsibility for changing your life; you have to do it for yourself. Sleep and rest are important but don’t let them become objectives in themselves. Let me pull up a beautiful piece from the writings of Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius who wrote about this in his Meditations hundreds of years ago,” said Professor Ismat as a slide appeared on the screen.
At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for?
To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?
So you were born to feel “nice”?
Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands?
You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you.”
“Is helping others less valuable to you? Not worth your effort?”
Satisfied that the students were done taking notes, Professor Ismat continued.
“Children, you are all meant to achieve great things; don’t shortchange yourself. Often we don’t want to get out of bed because the pull of our dreams is not strong enough. Make sure you figure out what you truly want and then go after it with all you want. It will give you the motivation and energy to get out of bed every single day,” she added.
“Now, did I answer your question child?” said Professor Ismat as she turned towards Sarah.
“Yes Professor, thank you! I’ll keep Marcus in mind next time I want to sleep late!” replied Sarah with a big smile on her face.
“I’m glad,” responded Professor Ismat with a smile.
“Now,” continued Professor Ismat glancing at her watch. “We have far exceeded our time boundary for today, but I hope it was valuable for you. Next week we have our final session where we talk about some other principles such as avoiding complacency and gratitude. I will see you soon. Till then, make sure to take care of yourself and others,” said Professor Ismat as she switched off the projector and walked out of the classroom.