· Teen victims of physical dating violence are more likely than their non-abused peers to smoke, use drugs, engage in unhealthy diet behaviors (taking diet pills or laxatives and vomiting to lose weight), engage in risky sexual behaviors, and attempt or consider suicide.
· Women who have experienced domestic violence are 80 percent more likely to have a stroke, 70 percent more likely to have heart disease, 60 percent more likely to have asthma and 70 percent more likely to drink heavily than women who have not experienced intimate partner violence.
· In this nation, at 2003 prices, the cost of intimate partner rape, physical assault and stalking totaled $8.3 billion each year for direct medical and mental health care services and lost productivity from paid work and household chores.
· Technology has become a quick and easy way for stalkers to monitor and harass their victims. More than one in four stalking victims reports that some form of cyber-stalking was used against them, such as email (83 percent of all cyber-stalking victims) or instant messaging (35 percent). Electronic monitoring of some kind is used to stalk one in 13 victims.
· One in five teen girls and one in ten younger teen girls (age 13 to 16) have electronically sent or posted nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves. Even more teen girls, 37 percent, have sent or posted sexually suggestive text, email or IM (instant messages).
· More than half of teen girls (51 percent) say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images.
In many such dating sites and social networking places, the young and liberalized minds are flocking like anything and there is a huge hue and cry as the government of the day is attempting to sanitize things a bit. And these sites cry, “Don’t be China, liberal traditions of modern world must not be checked anyway, at whatever cost!”
To be judgmental is a big crime; accepted. However, without being judgmental, there is still a case for a general and precious ‘common sense’. The only thing, which may be said without hurting anybody’s sentiments is, “Every human action and behavior is right if it augments love and compassion among humans in general. This is common sense, no morality. If it augments violence, hatred and inhuman emotions, something is amiss. A liberalized mind cannot be entirely liberalized from this common sense.” Love’ seems to market itself at the cost of common sense! This should seem like too high a cost; ain’t it!
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Oh! The Feel Good Us
Every age, every timeline has one ‘choice’, which generations of humanity accept as cardinal matrix for life-optimization and it is very much mechanical as human brain is wired like that…
That is why, despite ethnic and spatial divides, there is a stark homogeneity of such a ‘singular’ choice. The value-summation mechanism is similar for all human brains, even as no two brains are alike…
This is great hope for humanity as, it augurs well for a world where all humans could be trained to accept and practice a common-singular-goodness/wellness-matrix. Contrarily, this ‘herd-mentality’ or to say this ‘aping-gene’ is also the principal villain for the replication of all things bad and evil in human benchmark-building.
We are a world of ‘individuals’ and every individual is out competing vociferously for maximizing this ‘individual space’ in the commonwealth of our planet. Moreover, also wanting this space to be respected and accepted by all competing forces. Of course, the word that every mind accepts is ‘optimization’ and not ‘maximization’ of ‘individual-space’ but, the contemporary milieu is not ‘suitable’ for a discernible difference between the two…
The two human neurotransmitters seems to be the most confused ones in the brain. They are doing things and leading to a value-summation mechanism, which has created a chaos in contemporary society. One is Endorphin and second is Cortisol – the former is termed more popularly as ‘feel-good’ hormones and later as ‘stress’ hormones. As the milieu feeds the brain with incessant and undefined threats to general ‘feel-good’, the former is at its lowest and as a result, the later is always doing overtime…
The end result is a chaotic brain, not very suitable for a ‘value-summation’ based on the tested and accepted goodness/wellness-matrix…. both physically as well as psychologically!
Therefore, what we all see is a plexus of confused and chaotic brain-situationalism. So, as is the mantra of the generation ‘Y’, just chill… be a cool head and take a chill-pill while always on the hot-wheel of ‘Individual-Formula 1’ race of life…
The two simple ingredients of this chill-pill are – stop being the reactive-genius and understand the stupidities of your aping-gene. Human design was not made for the contemporary physical as well as socio-cultural milieus as they are many times more complex than what we can handle. Brain is designed to be reactive but modern milieus require that we rein in the reactive mind consciousness. Our strength is in receptive and contemplative mind consciousness, which does not take its decisions in an action-reaction snap-choices.
Moreover, aping most surely is good for building societies and cultures but when cultures and societies itself become the chief culprits of most ills and troubles of humanity, the aping-act needs to be put away from action-reaction mode. We are humans now, no more the ape-thing.
The aping genes must now be made subject to receptive-contemplative consciousness. It helps in unlearning the cultural mind we all inherit. A de-cultured mind consciousness, in the healthy habit of receptive-contemplative decision-making, shall to a good extent be poised and in harmony with itself. Naturally, this shall be magic for Endorphin and Cortisol!
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Too Difficult To Be Loved…!
In what could well be accepted as a larger good of not only humanity but all creatures on this planet earth is a clichéd, ‘one single thing which everyone wants, in varying quotients, is love!’
As human ingenuity would have it, there are equal counterweights to it… anyway… this does not make life any bit simple and buttery. The popular refrain it may not be but true it is that people usually are TOO DIFFICULT TO BE LOVED…!
But it is not rare to find people who are really musical, beautiful, endowed in many senses …. and above all, desirable of the thing called love… but still…. all these do not make it any less difficult…. why so…?
Hmmm…. too difficult to explain! There is a huge plexus of battling nerves and conflicting-struggling attitudes, a complex psychology to get to the bottom of the trouble. Between people, there is a simple mathematics, easy to be learnt but so very arduous to accept and enjoy…. and what it may possibly be…!
We all look for HCF in relationships as a start and end up compromising with LCF…. this is mathematics operative at its gullible best. People are people; never a static idea or entity and finding a rhythm between two people is all about a search of ‘commonality’. The struggle starts with it being the Highest Common Factor (HCF) or Lowest Common Factor (LCF).
Ideal it is that in relationships commonality should not be ‘the criterion’ rather, compatibility should be a function of ‘uncommonality’. But all goodness has to be practical and so we are talking about practical and real, not ideal. People in relationship has this tragic tendency to first look for HCF of the compatibility and later, as the dust settles down, they accept and live the poor LCF which is more of a ‘compromise’ than ‘compatibility’.
All intellectuals and relationship experts would say with confidence that the bride and groom has best compatibility as they have as many common tastes and choices as possible. Yet, few years down the line, they settle for an LCF euphemized as ‘compromise’.
Does it sound a better idea to admit and proceed that each human is distinct, even bizarre, a maverick in his or her own right and already married or committed to his or her own idiosyncracies? It actually paves ground for LCF-led planning processes.
So, can we do well by reversing this mathematics! Let us start with an innocuous and humble LCF. Let it be the basis of a ‘workable compatibility’ and then, as they say time is the best leveler, the relationship could slowly but steadily inch towards this elusive HCF.
Just a suggestion…. it might work this way…. nothing is a panacea out there in a non-static world faced with ‘crisis of faith’…. but at least, an option is worth a go…. ain't it….!
The simple idea is – people are not static entities but they have the capacity and innate nature to evolve together, if milieus are consciously filled up with mutuality – not compatibility or commonality. In relationships, it seems a better idea to respect and allow differences and un-commonness. Stress should be on how to build up a mutuality, which then works out symbiotic evolution of two consciousnesses in perfect unison.
Tough ask it is but entirely possible if the two in relationship agree to start with a LCF and work towards HCF with love and compassion for each other.
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Management Of Critical Poise
It is such an express imperative that a grown up person accepts its being as a ‘mind mechanism’. A top scientist so beautifully calls it like the hard disk of a computer. Societies, spatial cultures and histogenetic antecedents may vary as an operating system but the computer of the body functions as its hard disk commands it. This is same for all humans….
It is within the mind that a huge range of exigencies need to be delivered simultaneously. An individual is often torn between body demands, emotional needs, impulse, imaginations, thoughts and will, etc. … the mind always works… churns out them simultaneously….
Often, he/she puts in more and undue weight and importance to one aspect; often justifying it…. the mind itself is the universe of all sorts of smart ingenuities of humanity. The requirement however is synthesis of all these psychological functions by the self and the power and endurance of the will create a harmony and balance. An individual itself has to self-assess, which function is weak or which is over-accentuated and which function is the need of the time and space.
And then, an individual has sub-personalities within his broad personality and often there is either a conflict or imbalance of sorts. The natural corollary is struggle… a struggle between two different sub-personalities within one personality. The idea of subpersonalities is a way of conceptualizing how we shift from one identification to another as we move through life. A person in other words lives many lives simultaneously and it is often, very conflicting. In a single day we may move through playing the "victim," “martyr”, "critic," "lazy-bones," "striver," "lover," "frightened child," and so on….
Psychology at least sees an individual in mind terms and that helps being objective and accept relativity…. the two factors key in creating a ‘balance’ for all of us. It is this imbalance of mind and slight bit mismanagement in attainment of the ‘critical poise’ that makes most lives an incessant struggle and conflict. That’s why psychologists say, majority of people have the tendency to cross the fine line of sanity, anytime in their life span and quite often than not…
Psychologically speaking…. even spiritualism says the same…. to attain this poise, you need to go through six stages :
1. Purpose 2. Deliberation 3. Decision 4. Affirmation 5. Planning and 6. Implementation.
Oh!... we think it is easy…. if only it were…! There are tough conditions to this. The process has to be initiated and completed by the higher self conscious of the broad personality… not the sub-personalities.
And, a whole range of qualities including concentration, determination, patience, courage, discipline, mastery, intensity, power, organization, integration, and synthesis are required for the success of this six-stage process…. Not easy … yes… life ain’t….!
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Intimacy Anorexia
A few days back, just chanced upon this term. Often, there is a foolish streak in people, who think they thought it first. I too am a victim…. but researches showed, already someone has found this thing.
Intimacy anorexia is defined as active and deliberate withholding of intimacy towards a partner. Dr Douglas Weiss, a US therapist coined it. It is believed, the extent of this syndrome is epidemic and harms more to who practices against the partner…. so the oppressor is more victimized.
He used the term in reference to the current stage of marriages… but…. It is in all relationships of intimacy. Therapists rightly said, the origin of intimacy anorexia is in childhood when a child does not get the required intimacy from his parents, larger family and peer groups and rather, the child’s natural desire for intimacy is traumatized by emotional and body abuses.
Someone gave a very nice concept of what he termed as Love Bank. In relationships of intimacy, both partners deposit ‘love units’ in each others’ Love Bank. When the relationship is young, the bank vault seems to be bulging as deposits in the Love Bank is far greater and withdrawal is negligible…. the bank prospers….
But then, they say, the only thing that stays is change… later, withdrawal starts exceeding deposits and in a time less than expected, the bank declares bankruptcy. Therapists suggest, if you cannot deposit love and intimacy, at least deposit admiration, affection, support, recreation, openness, conversation-companionship, etc.
And please….. keep an eye on the withdrawals…. especially through credit card of mutual respect. The therapists say, relationships are like creating a joint account…. you need to understand the change in banking norms from when you were single. Intimacy between two creates a “Joint Thing”… therefore, nothing beyond mutual enthusiasm is permissible . Any withdrawal from the ‘Joint Account’ of the ‘Love Bank’ must have the signatures (happy and enthusiastic support) of both the partners….
Oh god!.... this withdrawal is the trouble-maker…. people are withdrawing love, affection, admiration, all forms of support, transparency, companionship, even simple conversation…. and above all, the very crucial comfort of the reassuring ‘touch’.
That’s why, intimacy is so emaciated in contemporary society…. Juxtaposition of term anorexia with intimacy does not seem a long-winded one… but so bad… it happens… should never!
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Wellness Crisis And Populist Benchmarks
The modern world and its gradually becoming well-off population are good news to many. However, the looming crisis for larger well-off and comfortable humanity is the crisis of WELLNESS. This crisis has one great enemy – the larger and general IGNORANCE.
Most people complain of some ‘missing’ feeling in their lives and this missing emotion is ‘Wellness’, despite growing availability of all forms of comfort and consumptive facilities to larger humanity, especially in urban spheres.
This wellness-crisis is because of a great and oldest enemy of humanity; the ignorance. People fail to first diagnose the cause of the wellness-crisis because of their ignorance about the emotion of wellness and also are too much a slave to the popular benchmarks of social-success to effect any substantive change in their environs and lifestyles that are primary cause of this crisis of wellness.
It has to be understood. Around 85% of our genes respond to the environment in which they are surrounded, and only 15% of the genes are permanent. Yes, 85% of the genetics our parents gave us respond to our lifestyle, and only 15% of your genes are unchangeable.
So, your immediate and ambient living environment and the lifestyle choices that this environment forces you to adopt is the key to your wellness and living. You definitely cannot change your environment to your wellness needs so, you can choose either to get away from this debilitating environs or effect substantive changes in our own popular choices.
So, what is the missing link that has led to the chronic diseases of today and contemporary crisis of general wellness emotions? The answer is that it is our lifestyles and the environment that surrounds our cells. Never ever in the millions of years of evolution, human have faced such a devastating environment as the one we live in our current industrialized and highly urbanized one. The actual threat of such an environment has to be understood.
Get acquainted with what is now proved as the number one crisis for humanity; the Oxidative Stress. The oxidative stress comes from poor diet, environmental pollutants, drugs, radiation, and other life style issues, especially stretched periods of stress.
Oxidative Stress has been identified and proven to be the root cause of more than 70 chronic degenerative diseases such as heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes, Alzheimer’s dementia, Parkinson’s disease, macular degeneration and other serious ailments, according to medical and nutritional experts.
Factors that can increase the number of free radicals produced in the body include excessive intake of medications, sunlight, cigarette smoke, radiation, enormous stress, pesticides in food and air pollutants (many of these are beyond our control).
So, the one line fact is, we are in an environment where the single largest threat to our body and mind is “Oxidative Stress”… the contemporary physical/social/psychological environment has got lot to do with it. The corrective measures are there but ultimately, the wisdom is in moving away from such ‘contributory environment’ to this oxidative stress.
But, we have so far dealt with only one aspect of this wellness-crisis. Wellness we talked so far was all about physical wellness. But, wellness also includes, social, intellectual, occupational, emotional, spiritual and environmental.
Wellness is not about just being disease free. Wellness is a collective emotion of wellness in all seven aspects of human living. The trouble of this wellness crisis is that in contemporary world, led by our ignorance, we believe being physically well means all the wellness. This partial approach is a killer. Wellness is a holistic idea.
The great crisis is that most of us are today only concerned with only one single aspect of our wellness and devote all our time and energy as well as intuitive and conscious attention. That is ‘Occupational Wellness’. Career and jobs have become our full-time obsession. Most people, especially in urban spheres are either sleeping or are on their professions. This naturally ignores all other six aspects of our wellness and that’s why, despite great successes and satisfaction in occupational and physical spheres, most people feel they have a very low ‘wellness quotient’.
Humans are humans… if we can see the state of the wild life and animals there, we can well understand how even wild animals make a good balance in their daily lives to work towards larger wellness. We are now even behind animals.
Wellness cannot be bought with money… yes, we can but resources from this but we also have to see at what cost this money comes to us. All human endeavor has to be tested and cost calculated in terms of how much holistic wellness they bring in our lives… The golden word is to understand what is wellness in its totality and then go for the precious but very rare balance in life. Wellness is the only human treasure worth a pursuit.
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Golden Rule For All Existential Wellness
A million words may not be enough to weigh favorably as it miserably stands like a fool on the door of acceptance. Billions of meaningful words weigh less than one word of humanity. That is ‘NO’. Acceptance is primary intelligence. Reception precedes meaningful communication.
Acceptance of holism almost always weighs significantly less than the radicalism of partial-ism.
The significant holism is rule of causality. Humanity has benefitted from almost everything, good or bad, right or wrong as, both are the intuitive impulse of human mind and there cannot be a foolish denial of that. So, both science as well as mysticism are brain inputs and humanity evolved because both helped us in one way or other.
As Albert Einstein said, “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mystical. It is the source of all true art and science.” The evolution of humanity has been powered successfully by the union as well as the conflict of two very different human impulses, the one urging men and women towards mysticism, the other urging them towards science.
The greatest men and women, who have been wisdom-personified, have felt the need for both science and mysticism. Rather, there have been conscious attempts by almost all greats to harmonize the two (science and mysticism) and this holism made their lives. And, for all its arduous uncertainty, humanity’s holistic wisdom is always greater thing than either science or mysticism.
The human mind is loaded with both impulses of science as well as mysticism. The rationality is not in denying or rejecting either of the two, rather it is in the intelligence of objective and sincere acceptance of the union as well as conflict of both science and mysticism. And, this is also the golden rule for all existential wellness and goodness.
Seeing, observing, analyzing, corroborating, conflicting and counter-arguing of every empirical as well as imaginative aspects of cosmic entities from all possible available knowledge bases of humanity is always preferable than blindly accepting one aspect and saying ‘no’ to all others.
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We Shall Overcome…
It is indeed a sad but omnipresent truth of the living experience that good and right things are very much in minority. Far more depressing is the fact that the minority of goodness and right is almost always prevailed over by the majority of bad, wrong and undecided. And this can be easily understood.
The wrong and bad is the instinctive and intuitive part of human living behavior-action whereas, the good and right of society is a conscious and inculcated behavior-action. Majority of humans being intuitive are prone to being a party to bad, wrong and undecided. Only a few has the good and right with them as it takes a lot of conscious a