7. STRESS
It is normal, and to be expected, that when a person's lifestyle is unhappy and unsatisfying that they experience a sense and feeling of stress. Stress can destroy one's equilibrium and can have a devastating effect on how an individual thinks, feels and behaves. Additionally, stress punishes the body, weakens the immune system and has the potential to cause minor ailments and to bring about general bodily discomfort. Prolonged or chronic stress can seriously influence a person's long-term health and can sometimes be a major causal factor in serious disease.
Obviously, then, it is a worthwhile objective to try to minimise the stress in your lifestyle. However, before you can seriously tackle this task, it is necessary to have a fuller understanding both of what stress is and what situations or factors are causing the stress.
We generally associate stress with distress, that is, something which happens to us which disrupts, or threatens to disrupt, the order and comfort in our lives. It often brings about a sense of anxiety and disequilibrium. As a result, we feel concerned, or frustrated, or confused, or fearful, or unable to reach a decision on some matter which is important to us: or a combination of any of these states.
There are a lot of common situations which can give rise to these feelings of stress. Some of these are listed below but, for some individuals, there will be other personal situations which will elicit the stress response.
Common Stressors
While the kinds of stress factors mentioned above are likely to produce personal distress and discomfort, it is worth noting that some forms of stress are positive and non-threatening. For example, the kinds of stress engendered by an exciting adventure, a competitive event, a family reunion, a holiday – all of these bring a high level of pleasure and joy which makes any accompanying distress contained in the experience as being acceptable and worthwhile.
Primarily, stress is related to our unique perception of, and response to, any one or more of the events which make up our daily lives. In addition to the common situations listed above, almost any event or situation can become a stressor in our lives. What may be a stressor for one person may not be a stress factor for another. Thus, person A may be stressed out by having to drive on busy motorways while person B may find the same experience quite exhilarating and enjoyable. Yet person B may experience great stress at having to interact with potential clients in a business environment while person A may see it as challenging and a fun experience.
It follows, then, that in looking to minimise the stress factors which operate in your life, you first need to identify the situations and events and, possibly, people which are your stressors. This is a process which can take a considerable amount of time and thought. The task is probably best accomplished if you make brief written notes for yourself.
As you examine your personal lifestyle, it should be noted that, sometimes, the stressful situation which comes to mind initially is not always the real stress factor. Thus, in the example given above of Person A being stressed out when driving on busy motorways, the real origin of the stress may lie in that person's fearfulness of a road accident, or their lack of confidence in their driving skills, or their possible lack of trust in the mechanical soundness of the vehicle being driven.
Nearly always, awareness of any stressor will become evident through a person's thoughts and feelings about the situation which is causing the stress. Therefore, to come to a full understanding of why a particular situation is stressful, it is essential to become fully aware of the individual's underlying self-talk about it. As emphasized previously, our thinking about a situation or event can largely determine our feelings about it and ultimately influence our resulting behavioural responses.
Clearly, identification of the stressors which cause distress in one's life does not eradicate them. Many stressors, even after recognition based on rigorous analysis, have to be lived with. The more important technique to be learnt, if we are to restore some degree of lifestyle equilibrium, is to know how to manage stress. Changing our thinking about the reality or likelihood of a personal catastrophe may lead us to find and adopt a more rational and realistic awareness of the problem situation or event. This new awareness may, in turn, lead to practical actions which, when carried out, will defuse the fear and anxiety that previously gripped us. Thus, Person A above may reduce his stress levels about driving on busy motorways when he chooses to have his vehicle properly checked for possible mechanical faults: by having it thoroughly serviced by a competent car mechanic. Person B may minimise the stress level experienced in business conferences by improving her interpersonal and social skills.
The examples given above deal with life situations which can be fairly clearly identified, and which are, therefore, relatively easy to understand and analyse. As a result, the practical steps that need to be taken to lessen the stress level experienced tend to be fairly obvious. However, sometimes stress relates to a kind of free floating anxiety, where the sufferer cannot clearly find an obvious source for the stress experienced. In such a situation, an extensive and careful analysis of the thinking patterns which underlie such anxiety is essential if the stressor is to be fully understood and dealt with. The Phoenix Self Help Life Plan Evaluation Questionnaire may prove of some help in undertaking this personal analysis of thinking.
In most situations, where an individual is experiencing severe stress, it is a powerful sign and timely warning that all is not well in that person's lifestyle. Urgent action is called for to take immediate steps to manage the stress situations involved. As pointed out, it is generally impossible to make all the stressors go away. As well as working out the practical steps necessary to manage the stress, there are a number of other tools which may assist a person to come to terms with what is happening. A close examination of beliefs and values which seeks to expose the underlying patterns of thinking can be hugely beneficial. Learning to improve one's skills to physically and mentally relax by means of a variety of relaxation and meditation techniques can provide meaningful relief. Discussing with a close friend or counsellor those areas of tension which are giving rise to stress can pay dividends. Taking steps to ensure that there is adequate balance between work, family and personal time, and ensuring that there are appropriate supportive relationships which can be called upon at times of need are of major importance. All of the above should be carefully considered by anyone who perceives their lifestyle as being highly stressed.
In the last analysis, stressors have to be managed when they can't be avoided. For most individuals, this is a personal, sometimes complex, ongoing task for which there is no easy or one-fit-all recipe. Everyone must work out, for themselves, the best way forward. However, it is worth reiterating the valuable and helpful roles that physical and mental relaxation exercises, meditation, self-hypnosis and creative visualisation can play in almost all our lives. The reader is encouraged to read up elsewhere on these topics and encouraged to implement at least one such program in their regular lifestyle.
There is much evidence to suggest that general stress levels in Western societies are at very high and, potentially, dangerous levels. It is in every person's interest to check out the stressors in their lifestyle and to map out a personal stress management plan to deal with them. This would include seeking out all those resources available which, if utilised, would help increase their coping resources. The exercise which follows is highly recommended.
EXERCISE
Examine your current lifestyle and note how you feel about it. Are you conscious of dissatisfaction or major inadequacies in it? Try to pinpoint the role stress is playing in it. Attempt to identify the major stressors [events, situations and relationships] which relate to any negative feelings or concerns in your life.
Take particular note of the responses you provided in the Phoenix Plan Evaluation Questionnaire.
When you have identified all your major stressors, list each one individually and, firstly, try to establish whether or not that particular stressor could be removed from your present lifestyle. If it can, record the steps you need to take to make this happen. This task will provide you with the basis of a goal which you might want to include in your Personal Plan the next time you work through the Phoenix Self Help Life Plan.
If the stressor can't be removed from your present lifestyle, consider what tools can assist you in managing this source of stress.
Look, too, at some other possibilities open to you: re-planning your lifestyle routines, implementing better time management, establishing an improved home, work and recreational balance, and / or making use of relaxation and meditation techniques.
This exercise should be of great assistance in guiding you as to the types of goals which you might establish if you decide to work through the Phoenix Self-Help Life Plan a second time.