12. LIFE BALANCE
This short chapter is about how your time might be divided up among the various activities which make up a lifestyle: and about some of the choices open to you. If we aspire to a lifestyle that is relaxed, highly productive, fulfilling in most respects and one in which we experience a pervading sense of personal happiness then there is an ingredient which must be present. This is a sense of life balance. Life balance is about having appropriate involvements in your chosen areas of living.
Life balance is about making time in your life for both essential and recreational activities. It is generally held that an individual who permits one kind of activity to dominate their lifestyle is more likely to suffer from stress and personal frustration than someone who has a balanced range of life activities. Thus, a mother who spends most of her time caring for the family and household and does not permit herself to claim time for relaxation and her own interests may - in the longer run - end up feeling used and disadvantaged. Likewise, the parent who spends long hours and weekends on career work projects and doesn’t find time to be with the family can easily become uptight and unfulfilled. In both examples, communication and relationships with others are likely to be adversely effected.
The dilemma that faces each one of us is How can I divide up my time so that I can meet all my responsibilities and still have time to do all the things that I would like to do?
We are all subject to the same twenty-four hours a day limitation. Clearly, if we spend too much time in one life area the result is obvious – we have less time to spend in other areas. We recognise that if we do not make time for all that we have to do, and for what is important to us, that life will be unbalanced and we will probably be less than happy. Remember the old saying: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
This chapter attempts to draw attention to many of the life areas that most of us have to respond to. Some areas may well be essential choices in our personal lifestyle mixture [e.g. earning a living] while others are entirely a matter of choice [e.g. pursuing a hobby]. While our lifestyle is essentially built up by the choices we make, it is essential that we attend to and make time for a wide range of life areas if life is to be balanced and rewarding.
Below I have set out a list of life areas which I regard as important ingredients in a balanced lifestyle. However, as individual choices can vary as to what must be included in your preferred lifestyle package, I have not stated what must be included, or suggested that one or more life areas are less important than others. However, it does seem to me that everyone must give consideration to all of the areas listed below. Under each heading I have placed a few key questions which may help the reader to decide on the relative importance of any particular life area. Remember too that it is not just a matter of whether an area is included or not, but of the level of priority an individual accords to it.
The list below does not deal with the primary needs of having somewhere to live, guaranteed personal safety and a sufficient food and clothing supply. It assumes these are provided. Neither does the order of life areas as set out in the list below indicate any sense of priority of one life area over another.
It is suggested that you work through the questions below and respond to them as honestly as possible. It might help if you record some of your responses in your notebook. When you have completed this task, consider how your answers are relevant to your current lifestyle and summarise what changes would have to occur in this if a future lifestyle was as close as possible to the way you would like it to be.
It is hoped that this little exercise will help you to make the right choice of life areas which you can build into a future lifestyle: and which will reflect the kind of life balance you seek.
Work and career
Do I have a satisfactory means of earning a living?
Does the time I spend related to earning an income still allow me opportunity to include other important life areas in my lifestyle?
Family
Am I able and willing to allocate sufficient time to relate well to members of my immediate family?
Do I work at developing warm and supportive relationships with my partner and (if applicable) my children?
Have I planned sufficient time for playing and sharing fun?
[If living alone] Do I ensure that I have a close sharing relationship with at least one other adult?
Health
Do I take consistent care of my health and include an exercise program appropriate for my age and state of health?
Do I follow the national guidelines for good nutrition and healthy eating?
Am I overweight or obese? If so, am I taking steps to reduce my body weight?
Do I make time for including physical and mental relaxation programs in my lifestyle?
Finances
Do I generally live within my means?
Do I have serious debt issues? If so, am I dealing effectively with them?
Is my household and other spending built around a planned budget?
Personal time
Do I recognise the importance of having free time for myself?
Do I regularly place the needs of others above my own?
If I take time for myself, do I feel guilty about it?
When I make free time for myself, do I use some of this time as an opportunity for physical and mental relaxation practices?
Do I encourage others in my family or network to insist on having some private time for themselves?
Fun and hobbies
Do I have a fun activity or hobby that I really enjoy and participate in?
Does my hobby activity give me full scope to be fully creative?
If I have no real hobbies, why is this?
Sleep and rest
Do I have sufficient and restful sleep? If not, what are the consequences of this?
Does my lifestyle permit me to have a short rest or siesta if I suddenly feel tired?
Do others somehow keep me from having the rest I need?
Intimate relationship
Do I have a really intimate relationship with another person?
If not, do I seek or need such a relationship? If so, what am I doing about it?
Is there enough time in my lifestyle to enjoy intimacy with a special partner?
Sense of life purpose
Am I aware of a sense of purpose in my life? Am I satisfied with where it will take me?
If, currently, I do not have a sense of purpose, do I feel the need for one?
Do I feel supported by some form of spiritual belief? If not, do I yearn for this?
Time with non-family friends
Do I have close friends outside the family setting?
If I have no close non-family friends, why is this?
Can I share personal problems with at least one of these friends?
Personal Organisation
Have I established workable routines that allow me to carry out essential tasks without feeling hassled for lack of time?
Is important paperwork filed sensibly or do I regularly mislay things?
Is my home or work area often in a cluttered state?
Conversation
Apart from day to day routine interactions with others at home and elsewhere, am I able to have relaxed conversations with others on issues that interest me?
Do I feel that there is enough laughter in my personal world?
If not, how could this be improved?
Addictions
Do I have any addictive behaviours which concern me or which can spoil the relationships I have with others?
If so, what am I doing about it?
What would I like to do about it?
Would it be valuable to obtain external help to deal with my particular addictive behaviour?
Personal goals
Do I have a vision of where I want to be in the future [e.g. two to five years ahead]?
If so, have I established realistic goals to get me there?
If not, do I ever think about where I might be or want to be in the future?
EXERCISE
When you have worked through the questions, take time and think hard and carefully about how you have responded. Try to pick out the life areas which are currently not being given sufficient priority in your lifestyle. See if you can create a new model which will permit a better distribution of life areas while still giving you the time and space to complete what you regard as absolutely essential activities. You will need to not only work out what life areas you want to give preference to in your re-planned lifestyle but also how you will allocate sufficient time to include your choices in your weekly or monthly timeframe. You might have to consider dropping some of your current activities to allow space and time for your new choices.
Remember, the overall objective of this exercise is to help you to transform your current lifestyle into a more balanced one which – when implemented - will bring you greater personal fulfilment and satisfaction.
Look back at the Exercise you completed at the end of the chapter on Gratitude [page 140]. Take careful note of what you then recorded as important inclusions in a better personal lifestyle. Compare these ideas with what you have just worked out as desirable lifestyle components after reading this chapter.
Try to merge the two sets of ideas into one composite personal recommendation as to how you might improve your existing lifestyle. Write your conclusions in your special notebook. If you are able, discuss your choices with your partner or your buddy or a close friend. If necessary, make further adjustments to your notes.
Next have a close look at the goals you selected when you worked through the Phoenix Self-Help Life Plan earlier in this book. Consider the following questions:
Now make any further adjustments to your notes about re-planning your lifestyle and consider the steps necessary to start implementing the changes you have chosen.