7.0 Conversion
Having worked through and experience many things I often thought about life and it meaning I could recall the absolute emptiness of my soul after going out for the evening and coming home. All was empty what was the point to it all. I was seeking an answer to life, the universe and every thing.
33 Jesus Speaks To Me
The following is an account, taken from memory and notes made of my experience of conversion to Jesus Christ on Friday the 16 th of January 1970.
Towards the end of 1969 I was continuing my studies at Luton College as learning Radio and Television Servicing. We would often engage in discussions and it was quite easy to divert our lecture onto subjects like spiritualism and the like. We would discuss what we would do if another world war came. We would discuss the future as portrayed by Nostradamos, drugs and our experience. At that time I was informed of a new film called Easy Rider and wanted to see it. On one occasion I obtained some hashish mixed with opium and smoked this during our break time. This was so effectual I made use of the sick room to sleep and enjoy the illusionary effects of the drug, which amused my student friends.
On another occasion in January 1970 I had obtained 4 tablets of LSD tablets from a Peter Copernhall a student friend from Bedford, he was one of my fellow students at Luton College and I decided to take them the following Friday night.
One this Friday night the 16 th of January my brother I decided to each took half a tablet and Pat Jones had a quarter. He had been a close friend of mine ( he was only just 16 years old) for some time and I use to think of him as my apprentice. I taught him all my bad ways. There was little we did not do together. I had known him whilst he was at school and encouraged him in crime, sniffing chloroform, smoking (marijuana, hashish, weed etc.) drunkenness, violence and permissive sex. He was known amongst our friends as “Bones”, Patrick Bones.
My brother was going out that night with his girl friend Karen Mead so Pat Jones and I decided to walk up town and not risk driving for we did not know the effect this drug would have on us. I was dressed in my old clothes deliberately for I did not know what might happen too us. We tried to thumb a lift but eventually caught a bus and got off at the bottom of the High Street. As we walked past the “pictures” I noticed the film “Easy Rider” was being shown so we decided to go and see it. We decided to take some one else with us some one who was in their right state of mind so we went up the billiard hall and found Bernie Gilbert and Mike Ellis but they said they would only come if they too had some acid. I decided this was OK and so we got a taxi back to my house to get the rest of the Acid. Berni had half a tablet and Mike Ellis the other quarter. So all four of us were about to trip on acid whilst watching the film Easy Rider. We arrived back at the “picture” about 8.45 PM and I fumbled a bit with my ticket as the acid had begun to take effect. Bernie and Mike suggested we go and sit up in the balcony but I thought to my self what if we decide to jump off ? I was tripping now and just followed them up stairs. We sat two in front and two behind but Mike and Bernies trip had not yet begin as they acted and spoke normally.
I did not realise how tripped I was until the film had finished in fact the film records Peter Fonder and his friend actually on an LSD trip. During the film the acid had taken me on a very pleasant trip in time with the music it was almost as if the film crew had deliberately filmed the film for me. The seemed to know how to give the correct lighting and sound effects. How ever Bernie and Mike seemed to be jumping about all over the place and it was irritating. I still was sitting in my seat when all the people has gone before I decided there was nothing more to do. So we decided to up and go but Mike and Bernie were annoying me because they were mucking about.
All my thought and feelings began to reverberate four times over and thought patterns were being reflected and at the same time building and snowballing.
We walked outside the cinema and I said to the boys, “Man you are all on the wrong scene you can’t be turned in”. Then I heard Mike and Bernie say he’s turned into a wizard ( Hippie) and there was a clubroom for wizards like me ( The Dark Lantern Pub). I then began an downward trip, which ended in the horrors. I began to feel paranoid thinking they were now sorry for me and were being polite in hiding their feelings from me.
As we went further up the road Mike Ellis asked if I wanted a scrap with so blocks across the street. It was as if he was testing me out to see if I was the same person he knew. I said no I didn’t. I thought they had thought I had gone mad and they wanted to test me out. We went further up the high street and Bernie began to mess about and pull faces at me and make noises. I hid in a shop door way and told him to stop it and Pat Jones pulled Bernie away saying don’t do it as he didn’t understand. My horror began when I could not face the thought that they thought I had cracked up and gone made. This feeling was too much for me to bare. More was to come.
We decided to go to a pub and as we were going in a chap came up to me and spoke to me. I was out of my mind by now with this feeling of paranoia and could not speak sensibly and I came out with a load of nonsense, so I had to say quickly I was drunk because I didn’t think he would understand other wise.
I then saw my brother sitting with his girl friend and I went up to him and told him what was happening. He laughed and motioned to wind me up like a clockwork toy and then my mind began to distort so much so I had to run out of the pub to get away. Pat Jones followed me and I kept thinking the others we following us. I kept looking back as I didn’t want them following me as they annoyed me. We left the Green Man and walked towards Mount Street via Rickfords Hill and along Friarage Road. On the way down it seemed like a scene from a picture book and was like Alice in Wonderland with all the street lamps lit up.
The torment of my mind had grown so much that I could not bare the pain but I could not get rid of the torment. Ken and Grace Knight live at Mount Street we I went down there with no real aim and as I arrived just outside their house Jock Macallion, another friend of mine, was about to leave and drive off. I jumped in besides him and told him my situation. After telling him I was tripped out of my mind I was thinking he would take me home and as I was about to ask him he said, “Dave you are a worried man”. I knew this and I now though so did every one else and being told that did not help me at all. My mind was about to blow so I had to run again. I jumped out of the car and into 24 Mount Street where Ken and Grace lived. I wanted to escape and so I told them my plight but I could not explain to them what was happening to me. Grace Knight recalled she thought I was in serious trouble and began to question me. This didn’t help so I had to say forcefully I must have peace so they took me out to the summerhouse to lie down in peace.
No one seemed to understand the torment of mind I was in and no one could help me at all. I told Mrs. Knight to leave me alone to work it out on my own and let me lie down on my own. Then the torment got worse. I knew it was only the LSD doing it but I could do nothing about it I would have to wait till it had taken its course. I though it could be 12 hours or so but to me each moment seemed like an eternity of torment and I could not endure this any more. I lay down and tried to settle my mind by thinking good thoughts and different things but my mind would not be controlled. The thought came, “ I may be drive to kill myself to get rid of the pain”, but I was horrified at the thought and the more I tried to stop thin king like it the more I thought about it. I looked around to see if there was a mirror or glass in the room and wanted to get rid of it just in case I cut my throat or wrists. I just did not know what to do I was at the end of my self.
In this condition it was evident I could not help myself. Friends could not help, my brother had not helped. Mr. and Mrs. Knight couldn’t help and I could not help myself.
In this desperation it came to me to call out to God for help. So I cried out calling on the Lords name saying, “Jesus please help me”. At that moment my mind went blank and his name appeared in the imagination of my mind but the torments soon came back again. I called out again and his name appeared twice and the happening repeated. I called four times in all and his name appeared four times and formed a square in complete emptiness.
I then began to feel emotional and wept but I didn’t know why and at that moment Mrs. knight came to the chalet door to see if she could help. It was then at that a flood of guilt overcame me I was convicted of the sin of Adultery and did not know what to do. I beckoned Mrs. Knight to come in and I said to her did she realise how bad I was and what I had done. I asked her to tell me the way what could I do. Mrs. Knight had spoken to me about Christian things and some how I knew she knew the way. Mrs. Knight sat down and quoted the scripture saying, “ For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that who so ever beleiveth on him should not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3 v 16).
After this I Jesus spoke to me, I heard his voice as clearly I am writing this he said , “Dave I am with you, you have been searching for a long time, this is what our Father says. What you have been going through is nothing compared to what hell is like. I replied with thanks giving saying thank you, Jesus thank you.
Mrs. knight I think thought I was speaking to her she did not know what was going on.
It seemed that the words, which Mrs. Knight has spoken, were in fact the way out and pathway to my escape. It appeared as though I was at the bottom of a pyramid and the words were the way to the top and if I were to follow the words I would escape. I replied thank you Jesus thanks.
I then thought of hell and my thoughts were about the Pat Jones, Bernie Gilbert and Mike Ellis and I said what about the others. Jesus spoke again and said, “ all I could do was tell them”.
I replied feeling it an impossible thing to do to convince them ,”but what more could I do” I was feeling the agony of the LSD horrors and knew I wanted to warn my friends of the hell to come. I reasoned within my self they will think I have gone mad on LSD how could I convince them, I wanted to do more than tell them. I asked what more could I do.
To answer my question the Lord took me back in time to show me all I could do was tell them. A number of week earlier I had reason to read about the curses which were to come on the children of Israel if they forsook their God. Deut. 28 v 53. And though shall eat the fruit of thine own body .. ( I knew nothing about the back ground to these things) I thought it was saying people would be so hungry and having no food to eat a women would be driven to eat her own after birth. Which of course was shocking. With this in mind these weeks earlier I was trying to shock this girl at work. I was working for Radio Rentals as a Colour TV engineer and I said to this receptionist how would she like to be so hungry to have to eat her own after birth ? She responded with expected reputation, “ How could you say such a thing”. I simple said I hadn’t said it but God has. This thing repulsed her and she did not want to know anything about what I was saying ( Not suppressing) . However to this incident Jesus took me and asked me, “ what did the girl do when I spoke to her”. My answer was she shut her ears as she did not want to know. It was repulsive to her. His reply was to me that, “ if I tell people about Hell and what I had learned and they screw their faces up and do not want to know I could do no more.” The condition of the person listening is not my responsibility but theirs. All I could do was tell them. So tell them I would.
To these questions Mrs. Knight thought I was talking to her, because I was speaking aloud, but before she could answer I had been answered directly from the Lord.
When Jesus stopped speaking I felt as though I was falling back into my torment and I prayed again, “Please don’t leave me”. My reply was, “ I will never leave you”.
Jesus then questioned me and asked me, “Why boast”. This is because I was naturally prone to boasting amongst my friends just to make a good impression. I reason within myself now and now knew I had no need to boast of anything. So from that day I have always avoided boasting.
My torment ceased from that time and the rest of the night passed with various thoughts going through my mind. I do not think Mrs. Knight was fully aware of what had taken place.
The next day was Saturday and I was due in to work but I decided to take the day off. I phone in briefly saying I was not up to work.
34 What After Salvation
Pat Jones had spent the night in the caravan parked at the side of the Knight’s home, together with Paddy who had no where else to live. We spent that day together and I told them both of my experience. I assumed expected them to fully understand and see what had happened.
Instinctively things were different with me. An internal change had come about and by it I had new desires. I no longer wished to live as I had lived and wished to be rid of my bad ways. No one told me I had to give up any particular way of life, I found within me an internal desire to choose the good and refuse the evil. Upon reflection I say this was the evidence of the new birth and I later found this experience spoken of by the Lord Jesus Christ in Johns gospel.
John 3. 16 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. The Apostle Paul also write the same in Cor. 5 17. Therefore if any man be in Christ Jesus, he is a new creature : old things are past away ; behold all thing are become new.
I knew also there was a part of me which was just the same and when I would do good evil was also present with me. The Apostle Paul in Romans also expressed this. 7 21. I find then a law that when I would do good evil is present with me.
Whilst this was my experience I found it impossible to convey this to my friends even thou I tried ever so hard.
What to do with stolen Goods
I had in my possession much stolen property. In fact £100’s of worth. No longer was I prepared to live of the benefits of stolen goods. What should I do ? I had involved others in my crime of stealing and these could not help me now. In fact Mike West came to see me the next day and when he heard me explaining Jesus had spoken to me he began to fear I might go to the police and confess my crimes. I did not actually say to him I wanted him to return the TV set, which I had stolen and swapped for his Citroen car but he was concerned, as he did not know what to think.
Poor Mike he must have panicked thinking I was about to go to the police as he was concerned some of the stolen goods I had left in his garage These were a stolen mini engine sub chassis. I don’t remember what happen to these parts but I asked Mike to dispose of them. I was later informed they had been dumped in the reservoir.
That Saturday evening both Pat and I decided to go to the social club at Park Street.
This was the usual thing for us to do on a Saturday night. I had determined to go and see my mates to explain what had happened to me. We walked down there but did not go in. After seeing one or two people I broke my news to them. I cannot remember what I said. I had no desire to stay so went back to the Knight’s home. My inclination to live it up as normal was no longer with me. I now seemed at a loose end not knowing what next to do. From that time forward Pat Jones began to realise things had really changed for me.
The next day, being Sunday , Mrs.. Knight took both Pat Jones and I were taken to the local Baptist Church in Southcourt in the evening. I can distinctly remember the passage of scripture the preacher spoke from. It was in Exodus where the whole nation of Israel was about to enter the Promised Land. However they listened to the evil report of the 10 spies and did not take heard to the voice of the two good spies. Who gave encouragement to go in and posses the land. I can remember also I saw, whether he preached this of not , that this was a picture of the body of Christ , the church, of that day.
After the meeting Mrs. Knight introduced me to a Martin White who gave me a copy of the New Testament called the Good News for modern man. I began to read this straight away. This I received gratefully and began to read it every day.
35 I Seek To Tell Others
The following days were spent in the after glow and certainty of this new life that had opened up to me. I thirsted for knowledge, the knowledge of God in Jesus Christ. I told the folk at work about my experience and could not remain silent about the things I was learning.
My evenings were spent at Mrs. Knight home discussing the scripture with some of her Christian friends. Both Pat Jones and Paddy all seemed interested to hear. I am now amazed at my own ignorance then for until I had read the scripture for my self I did not know what the Acts of the Apostles meant. With in two weeks I had read the New Testament and thought I understood it all. I soon learned from the scripture that in the economy of Salvation it was the blood of Jesus Christ shed on the cross at Calvary that was the means of me obtaining a free pardon for all my sins And also me being given freely righteousness to justify me before God.
In this respect the Lord Jesus was a true substitute and he died for me without cost at all to me. These were the things, which I learned and as it were drank in like water from the well of salvation. I learned them by reading the scripture and did not know them from the night Jesus spoke to me.
I attended college that week but there was a difference. I had decided I would not dress in my usual clothes. Levi jeans, white boots with red toe caps ( or whatever colour I chose to spray them) , a Ben Sherman shirt and loose leather jerkin. I felt I must not only be more sober but dress more sober as well i.e. not show off as I us to do.
So I dressed in my best trousers, which were from my Prince of Wales cheque suite, shirt and normal pull over and normal shoes. O course I had to tell all my friends about my experience. I protested to them look I even dress differently. They did not believe me. I told one of the lectures, Mr. Jones, in front of them all but I was just given a smile of wonder.
That same week I felt constrained to go and tell my friend Rupert, a West Indian from Jamaica. He lived in a room, at 14 Biecestor Road Aylesbury so Pat Jones and I went to see him. As soon as I met him I told him what had happened in front of him new girl friend but Rupert’s reply was, “ I told you Dave not to take LSD “. Again they were none plus they could not believe even though I tried my best to convince them.
36 Stolen Goods
It was now wrong for me to continue in the way of life I had lived in the past. My back was now turned from the world, which I once laid hold on and had built for myself. Self-seeking ( ones own glory) asserting self, stealing, adultery, fornication, drug taking, drug selling, boasting, drunkenness, violence and worldly ambition. I say worldly ambition because I believe we all have worldly ambition but when we are converted and come to Christ we are called to forsake it. We all have our own worlds that we live in, some have religious worlds to turn from some have ordinary lives and are part of the natural world but we all must turn from our world to Christ and follow him. I now had an inward and real desire not to continue in those ways, which I have just mentioned for they just perpetuated my former sinful self, of which I had enough. A change of heart had taken place. That is not to say I could not be tempted to find pleasure in such sins there was a part of me still the same but I had a desire to put to death sinful thoughts and actions. Should I allow wrong affections to move me I was self-condemned with an accompanying self-abhorrence and I knew was not pleasing to God. By the grace of God I was able to resist and fight against sin.
I was now moved by a new set of principles but here in lay a problem. I have erected a 48-foot by 12-foot wooden builder’s shed on waste ground belonging to the Water Board next door to the Knight’s home at 24 Mount Street. This became my garage and workshop. I had stolen the builders shed from a building sight in Berkhampstead . I had persuaded Mr. Knight to drive his lorry whilst me , Pat Jones and Paddy lifted the shed panels from the building sight late one night.
In this shed was my newly acquired Citroen car which had formally belonged to Mike West of Wendover. I had swapped it for a colour TV that we had stolen from an old peoples home called Redlands , in Winslow. I had some lovely garage equipment which included a trailer, ark welder, trolley jack, air compressor, spray gun, tools, speed boat engines even a stolen car and various other items all of which by one means or another I had stolen or burgled.
What could or should I do now. I was responsible for at this stuff.
Conscience would not permit me to continue to make us of all this stolen gear. What should I do ? Should I just dispose of it all and brush the past behind me ? How should I dispose of it if I decide to do so. I could not sell the goods for what would I do with the money. Conscience would not allow me to us it.
I had in fact so much stolen property go through my hands, which had been disposed of by one means, or another none of it could be recovered anyway. I had only just stolen a nice new Mini car, which was about to be used to make me a lovely new car. The body had been cut up and disposed of in my parent garage in Finmere Crescent Aylesbury. ( Whilst cutting up the body with the arc welder the hydrolytic suspension fluid caught light an nearly burnt the car and garage to pieces).
I had also another stolen Morris Minor Traveller which I had swapped the number plates and disposed of the old body. This was and used it as a hire car.
I think on reflection with hindsight and the faith I now have in God I would have been able to act differently than I did.
I was able during this time to return one or two stolen items. Late one wet night in February 1972 Pat Jones and I load the trolley jack into my firm van. I am not quite sure what Pat Jones thought about all this but I drove up to the garage from where I had originally stolen the trolley jack and parked on the forecourt. The garage had been closed for the night ( next to the Broad Leys on the Wendover Road, Aylesbury) and whilst no one was about I opened the van door and swiftly and quietly lifted the jack and placed it down on the forecourt. We then drove off as fast as we could. I often wondered what did the owner think when it was returned several months later.
I had no real advisers nor any one who really knew the depths of my crimes and the amount of acquired stolen goods I had. I was faced with this problem what ever happens to me was no real concern but I did not feel I could involve others and get them into trouble.
Mike West was very fearful in case I confessed all to the police and he must have been puzzled by what was going on.
I had hoped he would have offered me the colour TV back and I would have given him the Citroen back but he wished to keep the Colour TV so I gave him the Citroen any way a I felt I could not use it.
37 Hippies In The Shed
Pat Jones began to acquired new friends and some were what we called hippies . They smoked pot , took drugs and generally did nothing but think about life etc. We invited them down to Mount Street as I felt it would be right to speak to the about Jesus. About five or six came and they ended up sleeping in the shed.
Whilst trying to speak the gospel to them I saw no real effect so I was disappointed. Perhaps one day I will see some fruit. I felt it OK to use the shed to house the hippies. About six lived in the shed for a number of weeks until they moved on. I thought I was putting it to good use.
My problems were solved by an intervention of God and his hand was clearly seen by all one year later.
It came by the knock this is the knock on the door from the CID when I was arrested for steeling the colour TV set from “Redlands” old peoples home in Winslow. See part 1.
38 Going To Church
During the first few weeks of conversion unto Christ, in February 1970 there were a series of meetings held at Limes Avenue Baptist Church. The person speaking was Mr. Lance Pibworth and a girl called Geralden Dunbar was being baptised.
After the meeting a man informed the congregation that if any one wanted to talk about any thing or ask questions they could stay behind. On this occasion I had brought Pat Jones and Paddy along to the meeting. I was dressed in my overalls and leather jacket, which I always wore when working on cars-I wasn’t dressed up at all. I knew God did not look on the outward appearance but man may do so it did not bother me that we were not dressed for the occasion. I asked to see the minister Mr. Sibthorpe and we three were invited into his study. I explained to Mr. Sibthorpe about my conversion and wanted him to confirm that what I was saying to Pat Jones and Paddy was in fact true. On that occasion I half expected him to baptise me there and then. I was under the impression, from reading the scripture, a minister of Christian were under direct command to baptise new believers as soon as they believe. I was very disappointed I was nor baptised that night. I knew nothing of church membership, modes of baptism, doctrinal distinctions and the like only that I should be baptised.
Shortly after this I met a man called Charley Tweedy of the Church of Christ meeting at Stoke Mandiville Road, Aylesbury. He maintained that unless you are baptised you cannot be saved. He held some kind of responsible position in this Church so I explained to him about my conversion after which he gave me his telephone number to ring him if I needed too. I knew he was wrong about baptism but felt constrained to speak to him as I reasoned according to him, “ I shall be damned if I die today and am not baptised”. I felt the need to reassure him that was not the case and he need not worry. When I rang him he seemed non plus nor moved with concern that I was not yet baptised. Again I was disappointed.
I had not been accustomed to go to any particular church but did go to a Sunday night meeting with Mrs. Knight. This was the Assemblies of God, Pentecostal church meeting at Rickford’s Hill and Pastor Baker was the minister. Here I was received without any question and made to feel welcome. This was also the church Cyril Bryan went to and where I meet Barry Crown.
On one occasion I was asked to give an up to date testimony as to the Lords dealing with me that week. So dressed as I was in my working cloths (overalls) nor knowing a difference between working days or Sabbath days I went to the front and gave a clear and detailed account as to how I had combated the devils suggestion to steel a car battery.
I had some trouble with my car battery and I needed a new one. The temptation was this. Here was I passing Adam’s Garage, on the Tring Road, in need of a car battery. Just over the fence belonging to the garage were several car batteries. All I had to do was nip over the fence and help my self. This was the way I had thought in the past and would have done just that all one time. Not now. This kind of thinking was the old man of whom I had to continually combat and I knew Satan had a hand in the matter. To avoid this temptation I rebuked the devil and told him to clear off in Jesus name. On that occasion I told them the exact language I had used to the devil. I said to the devil, “Bugger off Satan”. I was quite unaware of the bad language I had used and several years later Barry Crown remembered that Cyril Bryan gently reproving me for my speech. I did not know that I has said any thing amiss so was unaware that I had even been reproved for using bad language. I don’t think I knew what the word meant any way.
39 I Am Baptised
I knew from the scripture and believed I should be baptised and I expected Pastor Baker of the Assemblies of God Church to command me to be baptised. I knew this was the command of Jesus and it signified the new birth, which I had already experienced. It also symbolised my union with the Lord Jesus Christ in his death and resurrection. That through his death I was to reckon myself dead to sin and my former sinful ways and that by his resurrection I was to reckon myself risen to the newness of life which is in him. No one spoke to me about being baptised.
At that time shortly after the Limes Avenue meetings I was taken to another group of Christians meeting at Fleet Street in a large shed. These were West Indians and the Pastor was Mr. Bruce from Luton. This group also were having a series of meetings leading up to a baptism. I heard they had permission to us the baptistery at Limes Avenue Baptist Church so I asked Pastor Bruce to baptise me. He said he would and asked me to attend baptism classes that week with other people being baptised.
I did not know what this was all about but presumed it was to make sure the person being baptised knew what it was all about. I was not told that after the baptism I was expected to join the church meeting at Fleet Street.
I was baptised ( dipped or immersed) upon the confession of my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ early one Sunday morning at 7.00 a.m. at Lime Avenue Baptist Church. My friend turned up, Pat Jones, Paddy, Paul Brooks , Mrs. Knight and Mrs. Chapskie . Pastor Bruce baptised me in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost according to the command of our Lord Jesus Christ. Matth. 28 19.
I say this because I had met some that were teaching baptism was only valid if it was administered in the name of Jesus only. The reason being that they say the name of the Father in Jesus and the name of the Son is Jesus and the name of the Holy Spirit is Jesus. Gordon Smith of Albert Street informed me that some considered it was necessary to be re baptised in the name of Jesus only and that all other baptisms were invalid. I was not impressed by their reasoning and stress upon the singular name of Jesus to the exclusion of the Father and Spirit for