CHAPTER SEVEN

THE "O FACTOR"

LIVING OUR LIVES IN THE CONTEXT OF RELATIONSHIPS

When it comes to living our lives in the context of relationships, most of us vacillate between two ends of another centered continuum with most of our time being somewhere in the center.

At one end of this continuum is the high "O Factor" side. The closer you are at any given moment to being focused on the needs and want of others the higher the "O Factor". At the opposite end of this continuum is a high "S Factor". "S" stands for being self-focused and self-orienting. Here is what a scale might look like.

BEING OTHER CENTERED

Research tells us that if we pay even a little attention to giving to others that over time we end up feeling better ourselves. Christ tells us that the greatest charge of the faith is to first: Love the Lord your God with your whole heart, mind and soul; second and love your neighbor as yourself.

The way God has wired us is that our mood gets progressively better the higher our "O-Factor". Emotional hardships make it easy to forget the healing nature and priority of giving to others. It’s part of our dignity to care for and take care of people in need. When we remove or distance ourselves we lose something. It’s natural to lose some other-centeredness when feeling intense pain of any kind. It’s hard to focus on meeting the needs of a neighbor when you are injured or ill. So when you act out of a generous heart, you are moving through your own stuff to do something for someone else. Ironically, both the giver and receiver get blessed in this practical but supernatural act.

OWN NEEDS

Have you ever really listened to the flight attendant on an airline give passenger instructions in the case of an emergency? When the oxygen masks drop down we are told to put ours on first then take care of the child or needy person beside us. In aviation and life it is a fact that if we are incapacitated in some way we won’t be "well" enough to help others. If you can’t breathe on the plane you won’t be much use to follow the life saving instructions prescribed by the stewardess.

The same principle holds true with those experiencing a mental condition. If someone is really incapacitated by their illness they won’t be apt to serve others in a healthy manner. Once a patient is stabilized it can be observed that their countenance is improved and they become progressively other-centered.

No matter how painful and chronic your condition may be there are always some "seasons" when you feel better and with less acute pain intensity. I suppose if a deep depression robs someone of their joy and generosity, the primary focus should be on getting them well long enough to look outward to the needs of those around him. In the case of chronic and persistent serious psychiatric conditions, the patient must take positive actions in a wide variety of life areas without feeling motivated "per se". It’s amazing to see how attitudes can change even when a little bit of generosity is shared.

Other emotional benefits:

While there are obvious emotional benefits to serving others, it can sometimes require a sacrifice of some sort. When Jesus gave His life on the cross He did so willingly participating in God’s plan to give up all that He was for the salvation and sanctification of others (humankind). When asked about how to become the greatest in God’s Kingdom, Jesus said that the criteria or prerequisites are to live a simple life as a slave or servant not seeking applause or material goods for oneself. He calls us to freely give and freely receive.

Jesus said:

 "Whoever desires to be great among you must be your servant. And whoever wishes to  be the most important among you must be the slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not  to have service rendered to him, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many".

(Mk 10:43-45)

Reflections:

44. SCQ:

• Imagine what life would be like if and when you progressively become a more grateful person. What images, thoughts or feelings surface? Can you visualize any interaction specifically where you might have reacted negatively or less grateful than you would have liked?

45. SCQ:

• Can you cite an example when your mood changed after you did something for others? What was it? Is there a time in the near future that you would like to apply your altruism (unselfishness) and generosity more liberally?

46. SCQ:

• How does your illness impact your "S" and "O" Factors? Do you have times when you have been able to give to others? Do you ever feel like your illness requires too much of others? Where you are the focus of attention too much of the time?

47. SCQ:

• How do the ideas about the "O" Factor relate to your faith?

48. SCQ:

• Think of a time in the past when your "O" Factor was high. How did your generosity  and act of giving to others impact your mood?

JESUS: THE O-FACTOR ADVOCATE

What does Jesus think about the motivation for giving to others?

Jesus said something surprising about the significance of putting the needs of others before your own. He was and is an "O Factor Advocate".

• For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to  drink, I was a stranger and you brought me together with yourselves and welcomed  and entertained and lodged me. I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you  visited me with the help and ministering care, I was in prison and you came to see me.  Then the just and upright will answer Him, Lord, when did we see you hungry and  gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when did we see you  as a stranger and welcomed and entertained you, or naked and clothed you? And  when did we see you sick or imprisoned and came to visit you? And the King will reply  to them, truly I tell you, in so far as you did it for one of the least in the estimation of  men, my brothers, you did it for ME.

Matthew 25:35-40

You, (your name: ______________________)

49. SCQ:

• Now complete the following two "O-Factor" Activities

"O" FACTOR ACTIVITY (A) "SELF INITIATED"

List below some ways in which you have done generous, altruistic random acts of kindness or high O-Factor deeds in the past. These can be big or small, unique or frequent, times where you received positive feedback from the recipient/onlookers, or when your intention/action was mostly done in silence. Next rank how you felt while doing the activity and after completing the activity: (0 = Bad, 10 = Best)

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"O" FACTOR ACTIVITY (B) "DONE UNTO ME"

List below some ways in which someone else did something generous, altruistic, random acts of kindness or high "O"-Factor deeds in the past FOR YOU. These can be big or small, unique or frequent, times where you gave positive feedback to others or didn’t mention it.. Next rank how you felt after the deed was completed. (0= Bad and 10 = Best)

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"O" FACTOR ACTIVITY (C) "WILL DO FOR OTHER(S)"

List below some ways in which you could do something generous, altruistic, or a high "O" Factor random act of kindness for someone else. These can be big or small, unique or frequent, times where you gave positive feedback to others or didn’t mention it. Next rank how you anticipate you would feel when done (0 = Bad and 10= Best).

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PLANNING HIGH "O" FACTOR ACTIONS (WORKSHEET 1)

Deed #1

Degree of anticipated difficulty 0 = easy 10 = very difficult:

1. To whom?

2. When?

3. Why?

4. How?

5. How frequently?

Afterward:

1. How did it go?

2. How did it make you feel?

3. Was it as hard as you thought it was going to be?

PLANNING HIGH O FACTOR ACTIONS (WORKSHEET 2)

Deed #2

Degree of anticipated difficulty 0 = easy 10 = very difficult:

1. To whom?

2. When?

3. Why?

4. How?

5. How frequently?

Afterward:

1. How did it go?

2. How did it make you feel?

3. Was it as hard as you thought it was going to be?

HOMEWORK

Transformation:

• Thank you Lord for giving me the opportunity to emulate your servant heart here on  earth and at such a time as this. I chose to put the needs of others ahead of my own….  following your example of helping out the neediest people without reward, acclaim or  praise.

(Matthew 25:40)

Optional Second Transformation :

• Thank you Lord for showing us what we need to do in order to gain eternal life: I  want to be the kind of person who loves you with all my heart, my entire mind, and all  my soul. Furthermore, I want to love my neighbor as I love myself. I choose to give  without regret or worry because you call us to give freely as we have already been  given all of our needs by your and through others. Jesus, you call yourself a servant  of all because you gave up your life for all of us. You tell us that whoever wants to be  the most important to you on earth needs to be a "slave of all." For you gave your  very life so that we might experience total salvation and sanctification.

 Complete this activity each day:

"O" Factor Activities:

Plan and carry out your intention for completing a generous act for others. Write your conclusions about the event afterward in this book.

Contacting:

Contact someone from your faith community to share how the program is going. Also, seek to provide supportive listening as you naturally converse about each other’s lives.

Additionally, over the next week try to start praying for the needs of someone else. Write their need, your prayer request and how the Lord respond sin your journal during your quiet times in upcoming days.