One of the most important things you can do to find your power to be happy is to meditate. Meditation is an important part of Yogic, Buddhist, and Taoist practices, and a valuable addition to many devotional practices. Meditating regularly allows you to turn your mind away from your everyday cares. It lets you focus your attention in the place of awareness in which you will find happiness. Learning this focus takes practice, but the benefits are enormous.
Why Is Meditation Important?
In meditation, you learn to control your attention so you can let go of your day-to-day cares, and turn your awareness to that place where you can find your power to be happy. Without this control, your mind is at the mercy of whatever thoughts and emotions can command its attention. Unfortunately, many of those thoughts and emotions are negative. To be happy you need to be able to direct your attention away from the dark and painful, and towards the light and peaceful. Meditation gives you the ability to do this.
One should be watchful of the mind’s tendency to pay more attention to negative and painful thoughts than to the positive. If left to drift where it will, the mind often gravitates towards the negative. The mind also has a self-centered bias and is drawn to personal fears and unsatisfied desires, which usually involve negative and painful thoughts.
The mind’s biases are natural. They are in keeping with a primary purpose, which is to keep us safe and motivate us to get our needs met. Over the eons, to survive we had to adapt and evolve in such a way that we would automatically attend to the dangers around us and to seek what we needed. A mind so intent on survival is difficult to divert from its mission of watching, worrying, and planning. Even when you are safe and would like to know some peace and happiness in your life, the mind will not stop fretting. Worries about what happened today or yesterday, and what might happen tomorrow, continually draw the mind’s focus.
I think you would agree that negative thoughts occupy too much of your time, especially at times when the only thing you can do is worry. Studies have shown that many of us live in a continual state of stress, a prolonged tightness of fight-or-flight readiness, which makes us unhappy, and can damage our mental and physical health.[86]
As you practice meditation, you will learn how to control your attention. You will learn how to loosen the grip that your desires and fears have on you. You will learn how to turn away from negative thoughts and emotions and prevent them from running your life.
What Is Meditation?
Meditation is a practice during which you consciously still your mind by focusing all of your attention on a single object of meditation. That one thing may be your breath, a word or phrase, a physical object, or an idea such as love or compassion.
Meditation does not involve just concentrating on an object. The practice of meditation starts with concentration, but then certain changes take place in your mind and awareness, and true meditation begins. You reach a state in which your mind is peaceful, clear and one-pointed. [87]
Peaceful. Your mind is at peace, and there is a marked drop in conscious mental activity, or the activity recedes into the background;
Clear. Your mind is clear and awake to what is happening in the current moment; and
One-pointed. Your mind focuses only on the object of meditation.
In a meditative state, you may also lose your sense of time. The time spent in meditation will often seem much shorter than the actual time.
Using Meditation to Wake Up!
Some people think of meditation only as a way of learning to relax. It can be. Meditation can provide rest and rejuvenation for both the mind and body.[88] Meditation can be a way of recharging your spiritual batteries so that you can better deal with your everyday life. It can also increase the power of your mind to promote both spiritual and physical healing. [89]
While meditation does provide relaxation and these other benefits, it also does much more. It gives you the ability to be in the here and now. It enables you to be present in the moment. It gives you an opportunity to wake up spiritually. What you will find is that you can be relaxed but at the same time awake and aware of the present. I will focus on this latter aspect of meditation in this chapter.
When you are awake to the present moment, you loosen the grip that your endless desires, worries, and fears (your “inner dialogue”) have on your attention. When you are free of your inner dialogue, you can focus your attention wherever you wish. When your mind is not constantly being sucked into a vortex of fears, worries, and desires, it can be free to know peace and the power to be happy.
Getting Started - Where, When, and How to Meditate
There are many videos on YouTube showing you how to meditate. They will show you postures for meditation, and provide guidance on how to meditate. I encourage you to watch them. You can also take meditation classes, and learn a method of meditation that suits you best. The following advice on meditation comes from my experience with what works.
Picking a Place to Meditate
Meditate in a place where there are no noises to distract you. You may need to pick a time of day to meditate that is the least noisy. Many meditate early in the morning when the world is the most quiet and peaceful. I meditate at this time. Among other things, the early morning has a fresh energy that, for me, is conducive to meditation.
If your space is not as quiet as it needs to be for meditation, you can compensate for this in two ways that I find useful. First, you can use a “white noise” generator. White noise is a continuous sound that masks ambient sounds, without drawing attention to itself. You may find white noise to be distracting at first, but in a short time, you will forget it is there, as it becomes part of your environment. I use a portable air purifier that produces a blowing noise that masks most ambient sound, and has the added benefit of removing pollen from the air. (Sneezing and runny noses during meditation are as bad as outside noises.)
The other way to reduce or eliminate surrounding noises is to use noise-cancelling headphones or earbuds. Like white noise, they mask sound. Good noise-cancelling headphones (or earbuds) use advanced technology to remove, or at least soften all the little noises that can distract you in meditation.
When to Meditate - Making It a Habit
It does not matter when you meditate, as long as you do it regularly and at a time when you can be alert and free of distraction. Regularity is probably the most important consideration. Any meditation is better than no meditation, but to be the most effective, meditation has to be a regular practice. To make it a habit, you need to find time in your day that you can reserve for meditation. This time should be one that you look forward to every day.
You should pick a time when you are alert. Remember, meditation is to help you wake up, not fall asleep.
I meditate early in the morning, about an hour after I get up and have eaten breakfast, had a cup of coffee, and read the news. This time of day is best for me because I am relaxed but wide awake.
Each session of meditation is helpful. None of this effort goes to waste. However, regular meditation is the most effective way to practice.
Meditating Alone or with Others
You can meditate alone or in a group. Both work fine. There are pluses and minuses in meditating alone and in meditating with others.
Meditating alone can make it easier for your practice to become a regular part of your day. For busy people, it can be difficult to get up, get in the car or on a bus, and go to a meditation hall every day. You may often find there is something that prevents you from going. Meditating alone helps you make it a routine, which is important.
Meditating with others, on the other hand, provides support and encouragement. For a beginner, meditating with a group also puts him or her in regular contact with more experienced people who can share their advice. Finally, group meditation can generate positive energy that makes everyone’s meditation a little bit better. [90]
Of course, you can always do both. You can meditate with a group when you can, and meditate alone when you cannot get to the group. Whatever you do, remember that to get the most benefit from meditation you need to make it a regular part of your day.
How Long to Meditate
If you are new to meditation, you should start slowly. Begin by sitting for ten minutes or so. Do not push yourself. After a while, you may find that twenty to thirty minutes a day is enough. What is important is how you meditate, and how regularly you meditate, not how long you meditate. If you can focus your attention for ten minutes, every day, that is a significant accomplishment. As you keep at it, you will begin to notice remarkable changes in the way you think and in your ability to focus.
In my experience of meditating with others, 40 minutes seems to be the typical duration for experienced meditators. You may take a while to work up to this, but when you are deep in meditation, 40 minutes or an hour does not seem like a long time.
Use a Timer
When you enter a meditative state, you will probably lose track of time, so use a timer. There are many wonderful meditation timer apps available for Smartphones and tablets. Many are free. The one I use rings a single bell when meditation starts and three bells when it is over. My timer has a feature that I recommend. Once the timer starts, I can turn off the screen. With no screen to look at, I am not tempted to glance over and see how much time I have left.
Lower-tech devices for timing meditation include kitchen timers (a bit harsh, but they work) and timers sold specifically for meditation.
Meditation Postures
The most common posture for meditation is the sitting position. Lying-down positions are also common, and I will discuss those in the next chapter.
Some disciplines, such as Zen Buddhism, may have rigorous standards for meditation postures, depending on the teacher. However, some people feel that the posture in which you meditate is not important. You can sit in the classic lotus position; you can sit in a chair; or you can kneel. You can even lie down. It is all effective meditation. If you do it with focus and attention, it will work just fine. [91]
If you sit while meditating, you need to do so in a way that keeps your body in balance. When your body is in balance, it does not draw your attention and does not require you to adjust your position.
There are three common sitting positions: sitting on the floor with legs crossed and knees flat on the ground, sitting on a chair, or sitting on a kneeling chair. Following are illustrations of each position. The sitting-on-the-floor position is perhaps the most common, but each of these positions works fine as long as your body is in balance.
Sitting on the Floor
When sitting on the floor, the knees are touching the floor. In this position, the back is straight, the spinal column is erect, and the head is balanced over the body, with the ears over the shoulders and the nose in line with the navel. An erect posture has two benefits. First, it helps prevent drowsiness. Second, in advanced stages of meditation it can improve the flow of energy throughout the body.
Often, people in this posture sit on a small round cushion. Many people do not have this flexibility (I do not), so they sit cross-legged with the knees not touching the floor. Sitting this way works fine as well, as long as you stay in balance.
Remember, balance is critical in meditation because you want to “sit like a mountain,” unmoving. If your body is still, it will not distract you, and you can keep your focus.
Kneeling Position
The kneeling position is a type of sitting position. The meditator often sits on a special kneeling chair. For some, using a kneeling chair can provide better balance and comfort than sitting on a regular chair. Once again, in this position, the back is straight, and the head is over the body.
Sitting on a Chair
When meditating on a chair, the key is to sit erect, with the back straight and the head balanced over your body. You may need to raise your feet off the floor to get the proper balance. You can do this by resting your feet on books or a cushion.
Eyes Open or Closed
Whether the eyes are open or closed during meditation depends on the type of meditation you are doing. In Zen meditation (zazen), for example, the eyes often remain open.[92] Whether the eyes are open or closed may depend on the object of meditation that you select. If it is a physical object, your eyes will usually be open so that you can see it. If it is a mental image, or your breathing, or a sound, then your eyes may be either open or closed.
Do Not Worry - You Cannot Do This Wrong
Once you have settled yourself in a quiet place and are sitting comfortably, you are ready to meditate. To do this, you simply focus on your object of meditation. In the next sections, I am going to talk much more about objects of meditation, and about the attitude you should have while meditating. For now, however, this is all there is to it.
You cannot do this wrong. If you can regularly just sit and focus your attention, you will eventually learn to meditate.
Object of Meditation
In meditation, you usually focus your attention on a single object. It should remain so focused for the entire period of meditation. Thoughts will come up; you may hear outside noises; your back may hurt, or you may briefly fall asleep. All of these things may happen, but your aim in meditation should always be to turn your attention gently back to your object of meditation.
What is a fitting object of meditation? Different schools of meditation may require specific things. For example, Zen meditation often uses the breath as the focus of attention. However, there are no practical limits on what you can use. Sri Patanjali provided the following guidance for choosing a focus of meditation. He says you can:
• Focus on the breath (controlled exhalation or retention of breath),
• Quietly observe any extraordinary sense perceptions that arise in meditation,
• Concentrate on the supreme blissful light within,
• Focus on a great soul’s unattached mind,
• Make your object of meditation an insight received during sleep or dreaming, or
• Focus on anything else you choose that is elevating. [93]
Perhaps the last thing to which Patanjali referred, something that is “elevating,” is the key to selecting an object for your meditation. It is not a good idea to attend to something that is disturbing, or some worry that is troubling you. Such an object can only pull you farther down the “rabbit hole.” That is not the direction you want to follow. You are looking for your power to be happy. You already know how to be miserable.
Bearing this brief guidance in mind, let us look at some different types of objects and focuses of meditation.
Watching Your Breath as a Meditation
Meditating on your breath is a common and classic way to meditate. The breath is unique as an object of meditation because it has the quality of being both inside and outside of you. It is part of you and part of the world outside of you. As you focus on your breathing, you are, in a sense, placing your awareness at the boundary between you and the world. In this meditation, you have the opportunity of seeing the veil between “you” and the outside world disappear.[94]
Ultimately, using the breath as an object of meditation can provide a sense that you and the world are one. Compare this to meditating on a physical object placed in front of you, such as a flower. With an object, you can get a sense of yourself and that object as being one, but it is perhaps more difficult to do this than meditating on your breath.
Physical Objects
A physical object is a great subject for your meditation. Using something physical helps you keep your focus. If your mind starts to wander, you always have the object in front of you to pull your attention back to the moment. You do not always have to leave your eyes open when using a physical object. Once the image of the object is firmly in your mind, you can shut your eyes and focus on your internal image of it alone.[95]
I like to meditate looking at a rose. I place a bud vase holding a single rose on a stand, so the rose is about at the level of my chin, 18 or so inches in front of my eyes. I find this a comfortable location that allows me to keep my focus on the rose without any strain. As I look at it, the texture and aroma of the rose fill my mind, pushing out other thoughts. Sometimes I sense the rose with my body as well as my mind.
Mantras
A common object of meditation is a sound, or a word, known as a mantra. You repeat the mantra aloud or silently for the entire meditation period, with a steady focus. If the mantra has a specific meaning (not all mantras have meanings), then one can also speak it with a focus on that meaning. Each repetition of the mantra can be a reaffirmation of that meaning, and a reconnection to what the mantra means.
For example, people often use “OM” as a mantra. OM is said to be the name of God. It is also said to be a sound that always vibrates within us. The sound of it is three letters: A (creation), U (evolution) and M (dissolution). Taken together, OM represents the entire cycle of life. [96]
Enumerable other mantras, or complete phrases, are common as well. One of the most well-known phrases, chanted over and over, is O? ma?i padme hū?. There is no single translation for these words. In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, however, this phrase symbolizes the six realms of existence: generosity, ethics, patience, diligence, renunciation, and wisdom. [97]
Concepts
Another object of meditation may be a concept. You might focus on love or compassion, or on a color, such as blue.[98] In this meditation, you do not think about the concept, you focus only on the feeling or energy associated with it. For example, compassion has a feeling or energy associated with it. You can try to attune to that feeling or energy as the focus of your meditation.
If you choose to meditate on a concept, it can be helpful to have a physical object in front of you to remind you of what you are trying to focus on.[99]
For a long time, I have meditated on happiness. During such meditation, my focus is on the feeling or energy associated with the kind of pure happiness that arises for no reason whatsoever. It is the pure happiness that arises from the tranquil mind. During long hours of meditation, I came to know that real happiness comes from within me, and not from anything I might do in the world to find it.
Swami Satchidananda says, “As you think, so you become.” If your object of meditation is a flower, then your mind may take the form of a flower. If your object of meditation is compassion, then your mind may exude loving- kindness, touching self and all others. If your object of meditation is pure happiness, then your mind may become that happiness.
The Mind Itself
Once you have learned to hold your attention on objects, mantras, and concepts, the next thing is to meditate on the mind itself. Here, you may reflect on the tranquil mind. This meditation can lead to both joy and bliss.
The One-Pointed Mind
To find your power to be happy, the goal of your meditation should be to break the hold that your thoughts, especially your negative thoughts, have on your attention. To do this, you have to develop a focus of attention that is “one-pointed.” In meditation, to be one-pointed means to have a mind that is capable of being aware of only the object of meditation, without directing attention to any other thoughts or emotions.
The idea is to limit the mind’s attention to one thing at a time. By doing this, you learn to control the focus of your attention and avoid having other thoughts draw your attention. Once you can do this, you are well on your way to gaining the power to be happy. As you learn to develop one-pointedness, you will find that your negative thoughts have less power to disturb or distract you, and that you can maintain an overall state of calm and happiness.
To practice one-pointed meditation, gently keep your focus on your object of meditation. If your attention strays to other thoughts, calmly notice this, and then gently move your attention back to your object of meditation.
Everything should be tranquil and gentle. Do not force anything. Do not try to resist anything. If you try to resist thinking of something else, you are, in fact, thinking of something else. Everything you do is gentle and positive. [100]
You should always focus on where you want your attention, not on where you do not want your attention.
Other thoughts and feelings will come to you, and they may pull your attention away from your object of meditation. That is fine. Just notice it and gently move your attention back.
Do not focus on your worries or concerns, or anything you may want or need. If thoughts of these things drift into your awareness, and if they draw your attention away from your object of meditation, just notice this and gently move your attention back.
Remember that every time you move your attention back to your object of meditation, you choose to let go of other thoughts. Each time you do this, you strengthen your power to choose where to focus your attention. Eventually, negative thoughts will have no hold on you.
Allow all of your thoughts of self to subside. In meditation, you can come to know your true self without having to think about it. Allow yourself to disappear into your object of meditation. Allow yourself to lose your awareness as a separate self. As you become less aware of yourself, your awareness of your true self will come.
If you are new to meditation, try to remember that it takes patience. Random thoughts and feelings will capture your attention, just as they do in your everyday life. Do not be upset when this happens. Everyday life demands attention to your thoughts, and to the sounds, sights, and smells of the world around you. In meditation, these things still exist, but we do not attend to them. Ignoring these things takes getting used to, but you can do it.
Letting Go
In meditation, you may feel some anxiety about letting your normal thoughts come and go, without attending to them. You may have a nagging feeling that there is something wrong in doing this. Because you are focusing so intently on a single object of meditation, and not allowing your thoughts (your inner dialogue) to hold your attention, you may feel that you are ignoring your life. You may feel that by ignoring it, your life may suffer, or fall apart.
In short, ignoring your everyday thoughts may feel unnatural. This feeling is understandable. Your normal way of life is constantly to attend to your inner thoughts and dialogue. Doing otherwise is going to feel strange at first. This feeling gradually fades as you get used to a new and better way of being aware in the world.
As you experience anxieties about not attending to your normal thoughts and inner dialogue, just remember that these anxieties are themselves just other thoughts that you can let come and go. Remember that when you sleep, you are usually not thinking about your waking life, yet when you awake, your life is still there, just as you left it. So too, during meditation you can just let everything go and focus your attention on your object of meditation. When you finish, you will find that you can go right back to the inner dialogue (whether you want to or not).
In meditation, you may also have the feeling that as you take your attention away from your passing thoughts, you start to lose your identity. To a certain extent, this is true. When you can let go of the inner dialogue, you are letting go of a large part of what you believe yourself to be. However, when you let go of what you think you are, you replace it with a sense of your true self. As you practice allowing your thoughts to come and go, while remaining focused on your object of meditation, you should find a sense of security in this. It is as if, as you let go, your true self catches you and sustains you.
Putting Random Thoughts in Perspective
Here is a way of putting in perspective the random thoughts that come up in meditation. When sitting in quiet meditation, Truth could be right at the edge of awareness. It could be staring you in the face. You may think I am a little over the top in saying this, but I am serious. If Truth is there for the taking, what other thoughts could you have that are worth your attention? It would be like standing in paradise and obsessing about whether you left the lights on at home.
Something that Carlos Castaneda wrote in his book, Journey to Ixtlan, has never left me. In this book, the shaman, Don Juan, advises Carlos to, “be aware of the uselessness of your self-importance and of your personal history.” He asks him to put things in perspective, by considering them in light of his certain death. He says, “How can anyone feel so important when we know that death is stalking us?” He refers to Death as the “only wise adviser that we have.” [101]
Martin Heidegger makes the same point, perhaps not in these
dramatic terms, in his book, Being and
Time. Heidegger’s point is that one’s conscious
acknowledgment that death can come at any time causes one to be an
authentic person. The certainty of death reveals how shallowly we
usually see ourselves, as well as what we commonly believe is
important. Admitting the certainty of death gives one the
possibility of being oneself “in an impassioned freedom towards
death — a freedom which has been released from the illusions” of
everyday life.