Chapter 10 – The Serenity Prayer: Getting Spiritual to Get Free
Many people the world over are familiar with the Serenity Prayer, first made popular by the Alcoholics Anonymous recovery program. The author of the prayer is widely attributed to be the theologian Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr. The version in wide use today is a shorter version of the prayer. The full text of one of the earlier versions of the Serenity Prayer is as follows. I don’t recall where I first came across this full version, but it can be found on the internet (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer#cite_note-FRS-1):
God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other,
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
I pray this prayer often, usually in the morning, and find that it helps me get centered in a good place to begin my day. It helps me get my mind thinking correctly about the tasks that lay ahead of me and get the right perspective on the issues I am facing.
The Power of the Serenity Prayer
I realize that for many of you reading this book who may not come from a religious background, that the idea of praying to your Higher Power might be unfamiliar at best, and at worst, downright scary or foolish-sounding. I can empathize with this perspective. However, our own best thinking is what led us down the self-destructive path of addiction, and our own best thinking was unable to deliver us from that same addiction. It should come as no surprise that, if we are to get free from addiction, we will be called upon to embrace some new ways of thinking. I would suggest that now is a good time to embrace the concept of prayer to your Higher Power. Prayer, in its simplest form, is simply the method we use to talk to our Higher Power. Hopefully, with this perspective, you can take advantage of this powerful tool for positive change in your own life.
I often use the Serenity Prayer as a kind of mini-inventory. As I repeat each line of the prayer, I will often review in my mind the things in my life that are applicable to that line. By so doing, I let go of what I need to surrender to my Higher Power and embrace the responsibility for doing what I can and should do myself. When I am done, I often have reinvigorated purpose for the day and a wonderful sense of peace that derives from the belief that my Higher Power will be handling those tasks that I cannot handle, so I don’t need to worry about them any longer.
To demonstrate this process, I will copy the words of the prayer again below and insert my own sample dialog in italics, which is similar to what I often think in my mind during my prayer time.
Sample use of the Serenity Prayer:
God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
I cannot change my friend who needs to implement more effective boundaries; I cannot change the fact that the world can sometimes be a dangerous place, I cannot snap my fingers and stop all temptation from coming my way.
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
I can tell my friend that I am concerned about how his lack of effective boundaries seems to be damaging his program. I can lock my doors and teach my children how to be as safe as possible while still living their lives. I can implement effective boundaries to minimize the temptations I will encounter today.
And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
I thought I could make my co-worker stop that annoying thing they do, but I realize I can’t, so I’m surrendering that whole situation to You.
Living one day at a time,
I don’t need to worry about the next job I will need in several months because there is nothing I can do about it right now anyway.
Enjoying one moment at a time,
I can enjoy being with my wife, children, and friends today. I can enjoy a good book or movie today. I can enjoy exercising today. I don’t have to be consumed with planning for tomorrow so much that I don’t enjoy right now.
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
I can accept that my recent injury to my knee has been instrumental in teaching me patience and that it has put me in a position to strengthen my trust in God to heal me and help me live in peace until then. I can accept that facing some hard truths about my penchant to try and control others has led to a better relationship with my wife, even though changing these beliefs and behaviors has been hard.
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
Even God Himself didn’t feel the need to remove all sin from this world when he walked among us, so it’s o.k. that I live in an imperfect world. It doesn’t have to be perfect for me to have a good day.
Not as I would have it,
Even if I don’t get to go to that event tonight like I am planning, the world won’t end, and I can still be happy.
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
It is not my responsibility to right every wrong or make everything turn out the way I believe it should today. I can let go of the felt need to make others behave or live the way I think they should today, even if the things they are doing are evil, wrong, or harmful. I can’t make all these things right today, but You will in time.
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
I don’t have to have a perfect day today. An imperfect day can still be a good day, sometimes even a great day. I know that life will only be perfect in heaven, and I can look forward to that day without forgetting to enjoy and make the most of where I am right now.
Amen.
Final Thoughts on the Serenity Prayer
One of the best things the Serenity Prayer does for me is to help me remember the fact that I am not in recovery alone. I am not the one who is responsible for making everything happen. There is a very real God Who is actively working on my behalf to help me live free from the bondage of addiction. I lived for many years trying to do things my own way with my own power with regards to my pornography addiction, and all I achieved was to isolate myself from other people and sink further and further into the quicksand that is addiction.
In many ways, this little prayer is a map for many elements of a successful journey from addiction to recovery. For a successful program, I must accept the fact that I cannot control everything, that I must accept responsibility for my actions, learn to surrender to God’s will concerning how I choose to satisfy my sexual desires and learn to live in the moment. The Serenity Prayer helps remind me of all of these truths.
Another Powerful Prayer
Another recovery prayer that I pray quite often is very short, and in my experience, very powerful. It is simply this: “God, please keep me sober”. I pray this prayer in those situations where I feel ambushed by a tempting situation, be it a salacious image on an otherwise news-oriented site, or someone I encounter in public who is dressed inappropriately.
By praying this prayer, I am acknowledging that I cannot resist temptation solely on my own, that I need God’s help to stay sober. It helps me to turn my focus off of the temptation, and onto my Higher Power. Lastly, it reminds me of what is more important than the temporary high that yielding to a temptation provides – living a sober life, free from the bondage and destructive power of addiction.
In Conclusion
You were never meant to face this battle alone. Remember that your Higher Power is always ready and willing to help you get free. All you need to do to engage the help of your Higher Power is ask, and prayer is how you can do that. Prayer doesn’t need to be complicated, and you don’t need to be a certified member of a particular religion to call out for God’s help. I hope that you will reach out to your Higher Power with these two prayers (and others you may find helpful along the way) in order to get the help you need on your journey to freedom from addiction.