Chapter 1 – An Epidemic of Addiction
We are facing a problem of epidemic proportions in the United States, as well as in other nations around the world. The epidemic is sexual in nature, and it is like a cancer that is rapidly eating away at the core of our society, creating destruction in the lives touched by it at alarming levels. It is hard to quantify the true devastation caused by this epidemic of sexual addiction, but I will seek to provide a few examples.
Ted Bundy, convicted serial murderer of women and girls, has admitted that pornography played a significant role in his evolution into a murderer (Bundy & Dobson, 1989). Hardly a day goes by without another news story about someone convicted of sexual abuse or misconduct. Human trafficking for the purposes of the illegal sex trade occurs at an alarming rate in the U.S. The Polaris Project reports that 73% of human trafficking cases reported to the National Human Trafficking Hotline in 2016 concerned people being enslaved against their will for the purposes of the sex trade (Polaris Project, n.d.). The prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases has reached unprecedented levels in the U.S. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2016). I could go on and on, the devastation caused by this sex-fueled epidemic is extensive.
Pornography is one of the major factors fueling this epidemic, and in order to effectively address this problem before it destroys any more lives, we need to face pornography addiction head-on. Estimates show that pornography accounts for 30 – 35% of all internet downloads (Who Is Hosting This, 2013; Enough is Enough, n.d.). While the majority of pornography consumers are men, a significant number of women are now regular users of pornography. The organization Enough is Enough reports that, "An estimated 87% of college-age men—and around 30% of women—doubleclick [sic] for sex either weekly or every day." (Enough is Enough, n.d.).
It is important to understand that any true addiction is progressive in nature. It doesn’t matter if your addiction is to alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, pornography, or any of a myriad of other possible addictive substances and behaviors – unless it is addressed, any true addiction gets progressively worse by nature. What I mean by this is that for the addict, what starts out as being merely sexual arousal by looking at lewd images, doesn’t stay there. After a while, more stimulation is required to get the same high. More images, then video, then more degrading sexual images and video. Eventually, the images alone are not enough, the desire to act out physically what one has fantasized about and viewed hundreds or thousands of times becomes stronger and stronger. You become desensitized to the fact that you are hurting others and yourself in the process, either physically, psychologically, or spiritually. The other people involved cease to be human beings with intrinsic value. In the final stages of sexual addiction, the other people involved become merely the means to an end, tools to be used to satisfy whatever sexual desire you have at the moment, to be discarded when you are through in favor of the next exotic experience. For the porn addict, it is a one-way train to destruction that goes from bad to worse if left to its natural course.
Now, to be fair, not everyone who uses pornography becomes an addict. I would argue, however, that at whatever level a person uses pornography, it produces destruction, even if it doesn’t eventually lead to divorce, or sexual abuse, or other criminal sexual behavior. I would argue that any use of pornography leads the user to objectify the other human being that is the focus of their lustful desire. It is not about beauty or love – it is about slaking the never-ending thirst for a higher high. True love requires commitment, and in the world of pornography, there is no such thing. After all, the image isn’t even a real person, and if the addiction progresses to the physical realm, the other person is similarly viewed as an object, a thing, not a real person – and is treated accordingly.
We have a huge problem with the objectification of women in this country due to this very process. What society produces thong underwear in children's sizes with the words "eye candy" and "wink wink," printed on the front as Abercrombie and Fitch did in 2002 (CNN, 2002)? Has not that society already objectified females as merely tools for providing pleasure? I hope that appalls you, as it does me. However, the sad truth is that many of the men (and some of the women) reading this right now are caught in a cycle of addiction to pornography and are helping to perpetuate the very same value system they, in their mind, don’t want their own children to experience. Such is the duplicitous nature of addiction. Before beginning recovery, I was pretending to be one thing in the day with my friends, family, and co-workers, and another at night when I was using pornography. It is a deadly trap. The good news is that you can break free, with the help of God and others, if you want to.
This book is not a clinical treatise on addiction. As such, I will not attempt to provide conclusive clinical or scientific proof for every statement I make in this book. The purpose of this book is to share my story and some lessons I have learned (along with observations I have made) over the course of my journey to freedom in hopes that it will help others. As such, I will give free reign to my perceptions, observations, and interpretations of my experiences, as well as the experiences of others with whom I am familiar – take from it what you will. I will be sharing what I believe are truths that have helped me, and others, overcome this addiction.
From the age of seven to the age of approximately thirty-seven, I was addicted to pornography. By the age of thirty-seven, I was experiencing such emotional, psychological, and spiritual pain as a result of the addiction that I frequently wanted to kill myself. Through a series of events, I began seeking help in getting free from that addiction. It has not been an easy journey, but I can say that now, at the age of forty-six, I have been walking in freedom from the addiction for years – freedom that I once thought was impossible. You, too, can experience this same freedom if you want it – of that I am convinced.
In the first part of this book, I will share the story of my personal journey into pornography addiction and my subsequent journey to freedom from the same. The second part of the book will cover some insights I have gained and lessons I have learned on this journey to freedom. It is my hope that this book will help many of you on your own journey to freedom from addiction – whether you are addicted to pornography or something else entirely.