Chapter 3 Growing Up in the 70’s
They always say that time changes things but you actually have to change them yourself. -Andy Warhol, 1975
For those of you who weren’t raised during the 70’s, there are things you need to understand. I’m in no way making excuses for this era. I can’t imagine raising kids during this time. The 70’s were frightening, filled with ignorance around some issues, and were great all at the same time.
Welcome to the 70’s
In the 70’s we didn’t wear seat belts. Not only that, but on longer trips, we folded down the backseat and set up sleeping bags. We didn’t wear helmets when we rode our bikes. We rode in the back of open pickup trucks; we lit firecrackers and wore flammable pajamas. We didn’t use antibacterial wipes and mercury-laden mercurochrome was put on every cut or scrape. Not only were teachers allowed to discipline us–including a smack or a ruler to the knuckles–we didn’t want our parents to know. That meant “getting kicked twice.” School nurses didn’t do incident reports, and if the bus driver yelled at us, we were the ones that got in trouble, not the driver. Our entertainment for the most part was each other. We left the house after breakfast and often didn’t return until the street lights came on at night. Video arcades were popular hangout spots. We spent a lot of time outside, and no one hovered over us with safety rules. I remember getting Atari, driving a Vega with an 8- track tape deck (complete with four 8-track tapes–hello Bee Gees!), getting our first microwave, and getting up off the couch to change the channel on the TV that had bunny ears (antennas) and tin foil on it.
Everyone smoked. In their homes, their cars, their offices, restaurants, and just about everywhere. Social drinking was common with a different vibe back then. Getting drunk was commonplace–although Alcoholics Anonymous had its start in 1935–and abuse to women or children was generally unreported.
The 70’s Culture
In the 70’s, most kids had a tremendous amount of freedom. This was probably because life revolved around the adults. My parent’s generation was rebelling against their parents. Disco music was all the rage and bands like The Bee Gees and The Village People as well as artists like Diana Ross had top hits like “Stayin’ Alive,” “YMCA,” and “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.” Although I wasn’t raised Catholic, I grew up surrounded by a bunch of Catholics. The Catholic presence produced a lot of guilt and fear. My parent’s generation was most assuredly rebelling against this. Let’s look at some stats:
There were movies depicting rape in a way that normalizes, excuses, tolerates and condones it. Verbal abuse and sexual harassment seemed the norm. There’s a rape scene in Saturday Night Fever in which a man watches a woman get raped by two men,asks her if she’s happy, then labels her a cunt. Another sex scene depicts a man who says the woman hasn’t cum yet, and his friend, standing outside the car, asked when he ever cared about that. When they finish, the man asks the woman her name. I saw this movie at the drive in theater with my mother when I was seven years old.
I understand the sexual revolution to a degree. As a woman who enjoys sex tremendously, I can relate to wanting the scales a little more balanced. I also look at my six-year-old daughter and think about her watching Saturday Night Fever with me a year from now (or ever for that matter), and it makes me want to throw up. When I think back to watching this movie and the general sexual attitudes of the day, the memories of my mother and her sexuality fit right in. That doesn’t make it OK, but it puts it into perspective.
Becoming A Warrior Princess
It is a bit frightening to look back at the 70’s. Some of what was occurring was a sign of the times, and it makes me curious how much I’ve screwed up my kids in their generation, using the guise that it was “normal.” I didn’t bring men home to have sex with them when I was single. I didn’t date a ton either. I didn’t go out to bars (twice in the last 11+ years). I didn’t drink at home, and I’ve never smoked or done drugs. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes raising my own kids, though.
It’s tough to judge someone else’s motivations without taking an honest look at your own. I hope I’ve done a good job. I hope my kids know how much I love them and that I put them first. Sometimes that was hard to do because my own selfish desires rose to the surface and had to be squashed down. At the very least I’ve tried to balance work, life, friends, relationships, and kids. Some days 100% looks like 150%, and some days it probably looks like a fraction.
Triumph with Love
Every generation has its own set of issues that are difficult to recognize at the time. Just as there are dysfunctions in past generations, I’m sure there are dysfunctions in the one I’ve raised my kids in, too. To combat this possibility, I’ve tried to parent the way I wanted to be parented. Sometimes I went against the grain–having home births, co-sleeping, breastfeeding until the kids were two years old, and homeschooling. I tried to be a strict and loving parent and to go with what I thought felt like the best way. I learned a lot about what I didn’t want growing up, but that doesn’t mean it was easy to figure out what I did want.
LEARN AND GROW
• Go with your gut and parent with love
• Memories of the good times,
even in tough moments, help get you through