My strength did not come from lifting weights. My strength came from lifting
myself up when I was knocked down.
-Bob Moore
I’m 45 years old. Holy shit, how did that happen??! I never knew what any age would “look” or “feel” like. At age 20 you can’t imagine being 45. It seems eternally far away, but I’m here to tell you it happens in the blink of an eye. Embrace where you are. Love it. Your body may not ever be how you envision it should be. Shit happens that you can’t control. Make changes where you can and let the rest go. Just roll with it.
Why Words and Craziness Matters
At my age I have the luxury of looking back at my life. I've learned a few things along the way. For instance, words matter. A lot. Words have enormous power. I wish I had learned this earlier because I could have been a better partner, parent, friend, and sister. Looking back, I’d say less and speak less harshly. I wouldn’t assume that other people’s words meant something unless I was certain of it. Even then, it would be up to me to determine their impact. As we age, we carry baggage along with us. Baggage happens to all of us, regardless of our personal stories.
I asked an older couple who had been together for 50 years what the secret was. They giggled – YES, GIGGLED – and said they were each other’s crazy. Find your tribe. It isn’t what you do that’s as important as who you do it with. Find your kind of crazy - and use your words wisely.
Enter Warrior Princess
Why do I identify myself as a Warrior Princess? In high school I shot up to 5’9”. I was labeled an Amazon by my peers. Maybe it was a compliment. The nickname could have started because some boy thought my height was attractive or because he was self-conscious that he was shorter than I was. I’ll never know because I was embarrassed and uncomfortable being so tall at the time. I was self-conscious because of my dysfunctional past. At this point, I thought my upbringing and my parents defined who I was. I felt that when people looked at me they saw the horror that I felt inside. I lacked the maturity to understand that these are things that happened to me; they were not who I was. I didn't know it was up to me to be who I wanted. I didn't know I should learn and grow and be thankful for the lessons I learned – good or bad – because they would help me be me, and I could become someone pretty great. Instead, I slouched in photos to appear smaller. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I wanted to be invisible. For a loud extrovert, that’s pretty uncomfortable on its own.
The cover of this book illustrates labels. These can be the labels we give ourselves or the labels we allow others to give us. Choose your labels wisely and remember you don’t have to buy into them. Yes, I was a survivor, I was abused, I was a victim of my circumstances, and I was an Amazon among other labels. Your labels in no way need to define you as a person. You can use your labels to inspire, to uplift, to grow, to become a better version of you or to bring you down and hurt you. It is entirely up to you.
I grew up watching Wonder Woman on TV from 1975-1979. Not familiar with Wonder Woman? According to Humanities magazine, Wonder Woman is a princess, a goddess, and an Amazon dressed patriotically in red boots, a blue skirt with white stars, and a red bustier with a gold eagle emblem, Wonder Woman extolled the virtues of democracy. She used her super powers and arsenal of awesome weapons—bullet-deflecting bracelets, a tiara that can be thrown like a boomerang, an invisible plane, and a golden lasso that compelled those in its snare to tell the truth—to fight for peace, justice, and “liberty and freedom for all womankind.” With strength and confidence equal to her male counterparts, namely Batman and Superman, Wonder Woman defeated Nazis, underground mole men, and super villains with-out violence, but with reason, persistence, and compassion. Only when that failed did she resort to force or her magic lasso. She was resolute: “I can make bad men good, and weak women strong!” Wonder Woman is described “as lovely as Aphrodite, as wise as Athena, with the speed of Mercury and the strength of Hercules.” So pretty much, she was a badass and I loved watching her. She made me think a girl could be beautiful, sexy, tall, strong, invincible. But I didn't see myself as that strong woman who fought for justice and used love as a weapon instead of fists or firepower. Instead, when people called me an Amazon, I considered it a negative. Although she had these wicked superpowers and weapons, her ultimate goal was to triumph with love. In my opinion, that, my friends, should be what life is about.
In the 90's, I discovered Xena: Warrior Princess. She became the Amazon I associated myself with – still not in a positive light, although she was another Amazon badass. The nickname clung in a derogatory way in the shadows of my mind. A brute of a woman who was too forward, brash, big, and strong. It wasn't until college that I realized being an Amazon was something to embrace. That's when I was proud to be recognized as a Warrior Princess.
Finding Strength
I knew from a very young age that I was strong. Not physically, necessarily (although that became true also, to a degree), but emotionally. Over time, that strength grew. I began to question why being labeled an Amazon was a bad thing. After all, Xena was a bad girl gone good, a woman who helped the underprivileged with her formidable fighting skills. Xena hung out with Hercules and got the bad guys – including the supernatural ones- while wearing a sexy, skimpy outfit and thigh high boots that accentuated her amazing body. Wonder Woman fought with love and defended the good guys. She was beautiful, strong, self-assured, again, all while wearing a super sexy outfit and boots. Sounds like a sweet gig to me. In college when I was on my own, I found my strength. Therapy helped me push through my past. Yes, I’m strong. Maybe too strong. Strength has gotten me through everything, and it's also gotten in my way.
Becoming A Warrior Princess
At the end of one particularly difficult relationship, I was told that because of my strong personality I would never have a successful relationship with anyone else. At this point, I was secure enough with myself that I calmly said, “It’s not about me being too strong, it’s that I’ve chosen weak men.” If a man was secure and strong himself, I was convinced not only could he appreciate my strength, but see the soft edges underneath. I’m not a bully. I am not malicious. I’m a survivor. An Amazon. And I have the scars to prove it. I will share those scars with you in this book.
Triumph with Love
I'm drawn to the idea that Wonder Woman "triumphs with love," and so you will see how I too triumph with love at the end of each chapter. I will be sharing the strength I learned that helped me get through difficult situations. My hope is that it will be a call to action for you to do the same in your life.