people you know now. But consider whether it would be helpful to make new contacts. Again, books and audios can be very supportive when you are looking to new ways of thinking.
Finally, there is a difference between motivation and inspiration. Inspiration is getting in touch with our human spirit, whereas motivation is the driving force to move towards our goal. Inspiration can certainly help self motivation - and we can look outside ourselves for help with inspiration. So speakers like David McNally might help us feel inspired. It is then up to us whether to decide to be motivated to take action to achieve our goals.
1.5.9 GOAL MOTIVATION THEORY
Understanding How To Increase Your Goals Motivation Key principles of goal motivation theory include the role of pain and pleasure motives.
Goal motivation theory is based on the idea that all our actions are based on logical reasons - logical to us at any rate.
If you can understand why you act as you do then you have a better chance of taking relevant actions that help you achieve your goals. There are two basic points to understand here: first, the link between our goals and our motives, and second, the importance of pain and pleasure motives.
Let's start this review of goal motivation theory by examining the link between your goals and your motives. Gary Ryan Blair pictures the anatomy of goals as a triangle. The three points of the triangle stand for what why and how.
The what is your goal. So let's say that you have a goal to write a book and get it published by 31 December next.
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The why is your motive for getting this book published. Maybe it's for the money, maybe it's more a question of personal fulfilment.
The how is the method by which you'll achieve the goal. So you'll need to have a plan for writing the book and a plan for finding a publisher.
Here's the key point: the why is the most important. Goal motivation theory says that we only achieve goals to satisfy our motives. We achieve the what as a means to an end - and that end is taking care of our why. Gary Ryan Blair suggests that for every goal we set we need at least three 'why's'. If we don't have a strong enough list of why's we simply won't have strong enough motivation to acheive the goal.
So what sort of why might we have in terms of goal motivation theory? Essentially there are two categories of why: pain and pleasure. In Awaken The Giant Within. Anthony Robbins says that "Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure".
So my suggestion is that you identify the pain and pleasure associated with any goal you set. In fact, when you write your goal down, I suggest you also write down your pain and pleasure motives. Naturally the motives you identify must be important to you. You can't get motivated for someone else's reasons.
Let's continue the example of writing and publishing a book.
Maybe the writer doesn't like life as an employee and thinks that getting a book published would allow them to leave their job - thus moving away from the pain. Perhaps also they would like to move towards the pleasure (as they see it) of seeing their book in the local bookshop.
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Here's one final point on goal motivation theory. Some people seem to get more drive from moving towards pleasure, and others from moving away from pain. Generally speaking though, pain motives appear to be stronger motive for most people.
1.5.10 GENERAL PRINCIPLES OF MOTIVATION
by Matthew Weller, Los Angeles Business Journal, March 14, 2005
Basic principles of motivation exist that are applicable to learning in any situation.
1.
The environment can be used to focus the student's attention on what needs to be learned.
Teachers who create warm and accepting yet business-like atmospheres will promote persistent effort and favorable attitudes toward learning. This strategy will be successful in children and in adults. Interesting visual aids, such as booklets, posters, or practice equipment, motivate learners by capturing their attention and curiosity.
2.
Incentives motivate learning.
Incentives include privileges and receiving praise from the instructor. The instructor determines an incentive that is likely to motivate an individual at a particular time. In a general learning situation, self-motivation without rewards will not succeed. Students must find satisfaction in learning based on the understanding that the goals are useful to them or, less commonly, based on the pure enjoyment of exploring new things.
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3.
Internal motivation is longer lasting and more selfdirective than is external motivation, which must be repeatedly reinforced by praise or concrete rewards.
Some individuals -- particularly children of certain ages and some adults -- have little capacity for internal motivation and must be guided and reinforced constantly. The use of incentives is based on the principle that learning occurs more effectively when the student experiences feelings of satisfaction. Caution should be exercised in using external rewards when they are not absolutely necessary. Their use may be followed by a decline in internal motivation.
4.
Learning is most effective when an individual is ready to learn, that is, when one wants to know something.
Sometimes the student's readiness to learn comes with time, and the instructor's role is to encourage its development. If a desired change in behavior is urgent, the instructor may need to supervised directly to ensure that the desired behavior occurs. If a student is not ready to learn, he or she may not be reliable in following instructions and therefore must be supervised and have the instructions repeated again and again.
5.
Motivation is enhanced by the way in which the instructional material is organized.
In general, the best organized material makes the information meaningful to the individual. One method of organization includes relating new tasks to those already known. Other ways to relay meaning are to determine whether the persons being taught understand the final outcome desired and instruct them to compare and contrast ideas.
None of the techniques will produce sustained motivation 86
unless the goals are realistic for the learner. The basic learning principle involved is that success is more predictably motivating than is failure. Ordinarily, people will choose activities of intermediate uncertainty rather than those that are difficult (little likelihood of success) or easy (high probability of success). For goals of high value there is less tendency to choose more difficult conditions. Having learners assist in defining goals increases the probability that they will understand them and want to reach them. However, students sometimes have unrealistic notions about what they can accomplish. Possibly they do not understand the precision with which a skill must be carried out or have the depth of knowledge to master some material.
To identify realistic goals, instructors must be skilled in assessing a student's readiness or a student's progress toward goals.
1.
Because learning requires changed in beliefs and behavior, it normally produces a mild level of anxiety.
This is useful in motivating the individual. However, severe anxiety is incapacitating. A high degree of stress is inherent in some educational situations. If anxiety is severe, the individual's perception of what is going on around him or her is limited. Instructors must be able to identify anxiety and understand its effect on learning. They also have a responsibility to avoid causing severe anxiety in learners by setting ambiguous of unrealistically high goals for them.
2.
It is important to help each student set goals and to provide informative feedback regarding progress toward the goals.
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Setting a goal demonstrates an intention to achieve and activates learning from one day to the next. It also directs the student's activities toward the goal and offers an opportunity to experience success.
3.
Both affiliation and approval are strong motivators.
People seek others with whom to compare their abilities, opinions, and emotions. Affiliation can also result in direct anxiety reduction by the social acceptance and the mere presence of others. However, these motivators can also lead to conformity, competition, and other behaviors that may seem as negative.
4.
Many behaviors result from a combination of motives.
It is recognized that no grand theory of motivation exists.
However, motivation is so necessary for learning that strategies should be planned to organize a continuous and interactive motivational dynamic for maximum effectiveness.
The general principles of motivation are interrelated. A single teaching action can use many of them simultaneously.
Finally, it should be said that an enormous gap exists between knowing that learning must be motivated and identifying the specific motivational components of any particular act.
Instructors must focus on learning patterns of motivation for an individual or group, with the realization that errors will be common.
MOTIVATION FACTORS AND STRATEGIES, BY TIME PERIOD
BEGINNING, DURING, AND ENDING
1. BEGINNING: When learner enters and starts learning 88
MOTIVATIONAL FACTORS
ATTITUDES: Toward the environment, teacher, subject matter, and self
NEEDS: The basic need within the learner at the time of learning
MOTIVATIONAL STRATEGIES
-- Make the conditions that surround the subject positive.
-- Positively confront the possibly erroneous beliefs, expectations, and assumptions that may underlie a negative learner attitude.
-- Reduce or remove components of the learning environment that lead to failure or fear.
-- Plan activities to allow learners to meet esteem needs.
2. DURING: When learner is involved in the body or main content of the learning process.
MOTIVATIONAL FACTORS
STIMULATION: The stimulation processes affecting learner during the learning experience.
AFFECT: The emotional experience of the learner while learning.
MOTIVATIONAL STRATEGIES
-- Change style and content of the learning activity.
-- Make learner reaction and involvement essential parts of the learning process, that is, problem solving, role playing, stimulation.
-- Use learner concerns to organize content and to develop themes and teaching procedures.
-- Use a group cooperation goal to maximize learner involvement and sharing.
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3. ENDING: When learner is completing the learning process.
MOTIVATIONAL FACTORS
COMPETENCE: The competence value for the learner that is a result of the learning behaviors.
REINFORCEMENT: The reinforcement value attached to the learning experience, for the learner.
MOTIVATIONAL STRATEGIES
-- Provide consistent feedback regarding mastery of learning.
-- Acknowledge and affirm the learners' responsibility in completing the learning task.
-- When learning has natural consequences, allow them to be congruently evident.
-- Provide artificial reinforcement when it contributes to successful learning, and provide closure with a positive ending.
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1.6 THE COACHING CONVERSATION
Points of special interest during coaching conversations
1. Practise Active Listening
Active listening is extremely important. That is why it is treated in more detail further in this book.
Active listening is necessary
- to find out what the coachee’s real needs are
- to understand his reality and his emotions
- to know what is motivating him and what is holding him back To the coachees, the coach listening actively to them proves that they are taken seriously as a person and that the coach is making efforts to understand their situation.
Contrary to what some think, active listening does not stop at listening and creating rapport by nodding and humming, but also involves
* repeating and summarizing the message,
* acknowledging the qualities shown (e.i.:Who they have to be to accomplish…)
* acknowledge the feelings expressed and the reasons for these feelings,
* probing for background information,
* checking the quality of the communication,
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Typical expressions related to active listening are:
- If I understand correctly, you think that …
- So, what you are saying is …
- If you think …, then I can see why this situation makes you upset
- I understand why you are so ….
- Wow, I want to acknowledge the courage / maturity /
persistence / … you have shown in speaking up to … /
in taking this initiative … / in working so long …
- In reply to a statement, ask : how do you know?
- In reply to “I must”:
what would happen if you don’t?
- In reply to “I cannot”: what is stopping you?
- In reply to “nothing, all, always, never …”: ask to think of exceptions
- If you don’t know what to answer, ask: “Why do you say that?” 2. Be empathic and supportive
Empathy adds extra depth to the quality of the communication.
Active listening already is a way of being empathic. Other ways for showing deeper empathy are:
Reflecting the coachee’s emotions
Show that you not only understand how the other’s point of view and his emotions, but reflect his emotions to prove that you are genuinely interested in the impact the situation has on the coachee:
- How does it all seem to you now?
- How does this make you feel?
- I can see this situation is making you suffer
- I understand this makes you feel desperate and betrayed 92
Showing your support without telling the other what to do:
- Ask: “What could be done to make things better?”
- I will help you in any way I can to overcome this setback What the coachee needs to learn or do is:
- Set correct and smart goals
- Concentrate on one goal at the time
- Plan good action steps
- Proceed towards their goal with enhanced commitment and accountability
- Deal with setbacks and celebrate successes
3. Be congruent (authentic)
Congruence or congruity, also referred to as authenticity or wholeness, is the result of being unconditionally accepted. If a child is accepted only on the condition that they behave in ways that comply with their parents’ standards, than the influence of the parents will deform the self-image of the child and the child will behave in a way that does not necessarily correspond with how they really are.
Lack of wholeness leads to faking: differences between the visible reactions and behaviour of a person and his inner feelings and experiences. A person may feel frustrated, but claim he is feeling perfectly happy and satisfied.
If a coachee feels the coach is not congruent, chances are that coaches may
- not feel at ease
- encounter difficulties themselves in expressing honestly what they feel
- feel more vulnerable and insecure themselves 93
- may fear hidden judgments
- may feel they are not truly accepted as they are If, on the other hand, the coachee feels his coach is congruent, coaches may
- feel they enjoy an authentic contact with their coach
- feel “connected” with the coach: heard, accepted and supported
- evaluate the communication as more honest and more clear
- find it more easy to express themselves openly and honestly A congruent person is a committed person, who is “present” in his relationships and in all he does and says. He’s lived a real life to become real. He will react honestly and openly to every new element in the communication. He will not work with hidden agendas. He will prioritize inner values to external standards and expectations
4. Be positive
There is no such thing as failure: defeat is nothing but education.
It is the first step to something better. Falling is not the end, as long as you get on your feet again and continue the journey.
The power of positivity is such that some lifestyle-gurus recommend banishing all negativity from our lives. Nothing is bad to them. At worst, it is “less good”. An approach is never wrong, but it may be “less successful” or “less promising”. An answer never wrong, but eventually only “interesting”.
It is my opinion that we must remain honest: bad things do happen to good people. Malicious people do exist. Moreover, in a total different perspective, elephants will never fly, no matter how hard they try.
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It helps therefore to be as well informed as possible about our factual situation and about the road ahead, and to see things in perspective. This way, we prevent that negative events cause negative feelings, which in turn cause negative actions leading to more negative feelings etc…
People’s main limits are their beliefs about what is possible for them. Watch for processes that violate semantic well-formedness. Challenge any irrational fears, beliefs and convictions that you discover. Insist on being specific when they express themselves in general terms or use universal quantifiers (all, every, never, always…). Challenge them to think deeper when they use modal operators of necessity or possibility (should, shouldn’t, must, can’t, won’t…)
Ask:
- What, how, who, about what,… specifically?
- Surely you do not really mean “always”: there might be some exceptions!
- What would happen if you did / didn’t
- What exactly is stopping you from …
In stead of allowing ourselves to go along in negative stories and risk slipping into a negative spiral, we must make the necessary time to relax; to detach and look at things from a distance; to think about, plan, do and share experiences that enhance our lives.
Small actions help to avoid entering - or to curb - a negative spiral:
- Avoid negative language, reframe sentences that sound negative
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don’t say
say
.
Don’t get depressed about it
I can understand why you feel
depressed
It’s all your fault
I think both of us may have
contributed to what happened
You’re not good at all at …
How might you be able
to improve …
- Go out with friends, meet people, speak with people, call your mother or friend
- Give yourself a treat (one Belgian chocolate per day …): Take that subscription you have been thinking of: go to the sauna, to the gym, to the swimming pool, to the theatre, to the movies, to the dance-hall, take a course in …. ,
- Celebrate your successes: reward yourself for things you bring to a good end.
- Go to bed in time
- Book a city trip, plan a vacation, drive to the beach next weekend
- Spread positivity: smile when addressing somebody, give more (sincere) compliments, thank people for little things they do for you, acknowledge positive actions by others, …
- Finish any unsolved business that is bugging you
- Make a new commitment or keep an old one that you have been neglecting
5. Be acceptive: be respectful, don’t moralize, don’t judge
Show coachees you accept them as they are: unique human beings with their own standards, values and feelings. Give them your full and undivided attention.
Acknowledge what they say. Show you are on their side. Give 96
them the benefit of the doubt. Praise and celebrate progress.
State the qualities they showed, that is: WHO they have to be for having accomplished the action or having achieved the awareness described.
Example: Say “I want to acknowledge the courage / the persistence / the creativity you’ve shown in completing /
executing / handling … In spite of ….”
It doesn’t help to stick labels to people’s thoughts or behavior. It doesn’t help to call coaches “lazy, uncommitted or uninterested” when no progress has been made since the last meeting, nor to tell them they are handling things wrong. Instead, discover the resistance or obstacles that caused the setback by asking questions: find out why things are the way they are, how they feel about it, what is slowing them down.
Also, remember: coaching is not about your success, but about the coachee’s! Nobody gives a damn about how good you are, until they know how much you care!
6. Don’t offer advice, ready made answers or easy solutions
A lot of people are sick of being told what to do and how to do it.
They do not want to hear “This is just a phase they are going through”, or that they do not have to care because “things could be a lot worse” or “everything will fall in its right place.” If they did not care, they would not have come to you in the first place. The mere fact that they want you to coach them is a clear indication that they feel they need support to define and/or realize their dreams. They have a story to tell that they may feel is not listened to and taken serious.
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So what they basically want from you is not that you tell them what to do, but that you listen to them and help them find out for themselves.
7. Don’t enter into discussion
“Pushing back a wave only creates a bigger wave.” Arguments are never really won. Instead of arguing, try to find out what causes this behaviour. There may be an elephant in the room, an obstacle that has not yet been named or dealt with properly.
8. Monitor the balances
An important balance is the one between reason, emotion and behaviour.
People cannot function properly if they are out of balance.
Knowledge (reason, thinking), Feelings and Actions (behaviour) concerning specific subjects or situations must be in balance; otherwise people will be unable to undertake the right actions.
Typically, what we hear then is that they know something is important, but could not force themselves to take the right action because they lacked the necessary energy, or were too angry; and then decided that the matter might not have been all that important or urgent after all.
Restoring the balance, also called “centering”, requires being aware of the dissonance. Pointing out what is happening and asking the right questions or exploring the emotions involved will lead to the required shift in balance.
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Another balance is required for functional communication: Every interaction should also involve three parts: “me”, “you” and “the context”. If one of these three is left out, the communication becomes dysfunctional. Again, asking the right questions will help to restore the balance.
The work – life balance is the third balance that requires monitoring:
What is the use of achieving your goal if somewhere along the road you lose all that you value: your health, your family, your friends, your joy of life, …?
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1.7 THE STRUCTURE OF COACHING
SESSIONS
1.7.1 ASSESSMENT / INTAKE SESSION
The assessment conversation serves to collect important information:
- Why did coachee contact us?
- What is coachee’s present situation? (life story, background, private and professional situation)
- What is coachee expecting from us? Now / medium term /
long term
- Is there a concrete goal he or she has been trying to achieve?
What has been tried before?
- Is there a concrete, identifiable challenge where coaching can make a difference?
- What is coachee’s attitude toward coaching?
- What is choachee’s motivation for change?
- Is coachee manifesting self-defeating behavior? (aggression, fear, irrational thoughts, …)
- To what extent will it be possible to engage in a professional coaching relationship?
At the same time, it allows us to:
- Inform coachee about what he can expect from us Listen to him in a respectful and non judgmental manner
Confidentiality; honest and open communication Support to help coachees set correct goals
Help coachees to plan good action strategies
Help them find their own solutions
Manage progress and accountability
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