Chapter 5: Expectations

Keep up reasonable expectations of the final result. Not every individual you're attracted to is going to reciprocate your intrigue. Don't take it personally. There are likely just as many individuals who were trusting something would click with you.

Be Real

Among the reasons dating may be so frustrating is that a lot of us expect magic. We anticipate chemistry, compliments, dedication and cunning conversation. And we expect it all immediately.

Maintaining healthy expectations on a date doesn't mean lowering your standards or twisting your morals. Rather, it means coming to the table with an open mind and letting relationships build naturally in their own way and at their own time.

If you frequently feel disappointed after dates, you might be manifesting your own destiny. Try these tips to help recalibrate your dating anticipation scale.

Set yourself up for success.

View dates as a chance to share a single evening getting to know some new individuals. That's it. If a 2nd date follows, awesome! If fireworks explode, even better! Blooming romance is a bonus of a date, not a requirement.

Become a realistic romantic.

Having sensible expectations doesn't mean turning bitter and jaded. It's possible to keep your heart open and your spirit rosy, even as you stay grounded and practical.

Understand that your date owes you nothing.

In the start of getting to know one another, the only thing demanded is that your date treats you with kindness during your time together. On the far side of that, you're on your own. Your date doesn't owe you a 2nd date. Your date doesn't owe you a telephone call later in the week. Your date doesn't owe you an account of why he or she doesn't wish to see you again.

Be honest about how much you are able to and can't give.

If you don't feel like kissing on the following date, don't kiss on the following date. If you can't pay for an expensive dinner, don't concur to an expensive dinner, unless your date takes a firm stand on treating you. If you're tired and wish to get to bed after dinner, get home and get to bed following dinner.

If you don't wish to have sex outside of an invested, monogamous relationship, don't have sex outside of an invested, monogamous relationship. Giving more than you're ready to give is sure to leave you resentful and heartbroken.

Let the relationship reveal itself to you rather than trying to steer it where you believe it ought to go. You have no way of recognizing where things are headed. Keep your brain in the here and now and give up control.

Allow for an innate ebb and flow. Getting to know someone is a slow process with its own beat. You come together. You push apart. You come together. You push apart. Don't freak out if you seem to be blowing in different directions. This is the natural way.

Preserve your life.

Keep seeing your friends. Keep flirting with strangers. Keep your functions intact. When you first meet somebody it may be easy to float away in an all-consuming, love sick ripple.

This is natural and fantastic, but someday the ripple is going to burst. Keeping some likeness of your own life will make your fall to fact all the easier. If your date appears disinterested in you, march on. If you're disinterested in your date, march on.

Wrapping Up

Remember to have fun, keep it real and arrange in advance to have a debriefing session with a close acquaintance immediately following the speed dating event. You require an objective listener who may make comment on your fundamental interaction and impressions without having seen the people in person.

Keep a realistic point of view and be yourself.