I am walking along a long, long corridor. There are no lights that I can see on the walls or ceiling; rather they seem to be within the walls themselves. It is a bright greenish light. It almost hurts my eyes.
I am alone. The corridor finally comes to a bare room. Behind a desk in the middle of the place sits an old man. He is all in white. He has a long white beard and long white hair. His robe makes me think he may be Greek. He sits in front of a big book. He turns it around for me to see. I can read my name written in large letters. Then he points to the wall on my right. I can see right through it. In a hospital room lies a woman. She is terribly hurt. Doctors and nurses are busy about her. The old man says, “You must go back.” I start to cry.
I tell him, “No! I don’t want to go back!”
I wake up sobbing, feeling great despair.
Cayce says that aloneness is the punishment (karma) for having committed suicide in a past life. Is it his beliefs that are showing here?
That staunch Baptist who studied the Bible and had difficulty accepting reincarnation? My life seems to point to that kind of karma. Is being unloved the punishment for taking one’s life? If so, what kind of God punishes his children over and over again by taking love away from them? Is it not possible that those who commit suicide do so because they feel they are not loved? That a life of despair is punishment for having taking one’s life? What kind of logic is that when it is despair that usually pushes a soul to commit suicide?
Someone once asked me if I could explain what karma was. Being a Catholic, I answered, “Easy; think of it as original sin.” But when did it start for me? How many layers of sins are there? Can one have a lifetime without sin? If we live over and over again, then what is our hope? Every life then must have elements of sins/karma. If one seeks to heal, how deep are the wounds? How old, for that matter? I am very glad I do not remember any of my lifetimes. But what if I did?
The dream has been dreamt. At the time I ignored it. I shrugged it off. Today I can’t. The reason I can’t, I cannot tell here. I do not know what I can do. Karma is merciless. It is Law. How does one end karma?
Jan.10, 1999 (Computer journal)