Hello little baby Micha, it is I, the Tooth Fairy. I have heard the conversations and I also feel very sad. Let me tell you this: I am so happy that you are here. Welcome, dear one.
God smiled when you were born. There is no one like you in the entire world. You are unique. You are special.
I want to hold you. To hold you tight, to croon sweet words to you, to keep you warm. I want to kiss you, and to make you laugh. To make you giggle. Your laugh is so spontaneous. It is wonderful.
Babble away, my dear one. I am here and I am listening to you. I will never leave you alone again. Do you see me with my pretty pink dress, my tiara, and my white boots? Open your big, beautiful green eyes and look at me. I am here. I move my magic wand above your head and you fall asleep, wrapped in joy and love.
In the meditation, I could hear and see adults in the dining room, playing cards while Micha in her crib is alone in the back room. She is not sleeping. She is listening to the conversation. The voices are those of my grandmother and my grandfather, my aunt Josephine and my mom. They are playing cards, but now the conversation has turned to me.
My grandfather is saying how I am shaming my mother. People can tell I am not her husband’s daughter. What is she planning to do?
She says that unless her husband questions my origin, then she will say nothing and let him believe I am his daughter. My aunt says that surely he is not that stupid, but my mom says that he loves her a lot and he may not say anything.
My grandmother is silent. My grandfather calls my mom all kinds of names and storms out of the dining room. He comes to see me. He is angry. He wishes he could just choke me so that I would die and that would be that. He hates me and calls me his little whore.
Already, he thinks I am something vile; something to throw out with the trash. He curses me and leaves. Then my aunt puts her coat on and leaves. I think my grandfather and grandmother are living with us, or it is us who are living with them. I am not certain whether this happened in Drummondville or where my grandfather and grandmother lived, up north. I do not know.
I am always confused about where I was born. My mom tells of living in Nova Scotia with a Scottish lady. When I asked where I was born, she says she came back to Drummondville when she got pregnant. She said she came to live with her parents. So I am confused. Did they live in Drummondville and at some time move up north, leaving my mom the old apartment? When did they move to the Laurentians? I only remember the apartment in Drummondville from the time my brother was born. I was five years old then I vaguely remember the man I thought was my father. I don’t think my grand-parents were living with us then. There is a photo of me, with my mom, at about two months. In every other photo I am alone, except for one photo with my grandmother, taken when I was about four.
This has always confused me. I remember a few things about their house in the country. I remember the solarium: the add-on that closed off the balcony on the second floor. That is where I slept on a cot. It was all windows and all light. The windows were a series of tiny little square panes. Where was my mom? I remember a line of rowboats by the lake. I remember Carnaval in the winter and the ice sculptures.
I am so glad you are here. God smiled when you were born.
Oct. 11, 1999 (Dream)