When I was working for what was then called The Bell Telephone Company, we all called it Ma Bell. When Hell phones, the listing is Bell. When I first saw it and realized it was Hell, I thought of Ma Bell and how, as Seth says in the books written by Jane Roberts, we surround ourselves with symbols.
So, dear Higher Self, you acted out my feelings of inadequacy, of pain, and of frustrations. I never saw the gun, just felt there was something in your pocket you were reaching for. I am not Freudian — I know very well what his explanation of a gun would represent — but then I have no idea of what Carl Jung would say. Let it suffice to say it was a weapon of a sort.
When I yell to the owner to call for help because the man is sick, it is my admission that I am sick. I need help. I came to that realization last Wednesday.
Then you show me the photo of the father and the four sons. I think, and I may be wrong here, for you have introduced a new symbol, but I think this is an image of what Hell was talking about concerning the adjustments. He said there were five phases (I think he used the word phases; I am not certain). I associate the picture with the treat-
ment. The fact that I thought they were Hindu probably refers to the idea that I think of Hell’s kind of chiropractic medicine as ancient and wise, and very ‘Eastern.’
The word ‘Petifille’ is self-explanatory. The treatment will put me in touch with that little girl in me. The one I hate. The one I have been keeping as far away from me as possible.
As for the image of the Last Supper, I associate it with Communion, again connecting with that little girl. There is probably more to that image because I have not been able to go to Communion since I put Jos. on that bus. Because now, when I attend Mass, I start to cry and can’t seem to control it. So I stay away. I find going to church too painful. I disconnected from God that Sunday because I could no longer believe in the God I had grown up with. When I moved out and left Donald to his girlfriend, I took the Bible with me. When Jos. moved out, I packed the same Bible in his suitcase. The resulting void has created an aloneness that is unbearable to my soul. However, I do not wish to replace Him with any other form of god or with some other religion. And the emptiness remains.
Nov. 16, 1999 (NSA journal entry after adjustment) Today I felt…Lots of breathing. Lots of heat on my back. Like there was a heating pad.
No Date (NSA journal entry after adjustment) Today I felt nauseous when my legs were crossed. My jaws are so tight it hurts!
Nov. 18, 1998 (Computer Journal)