Today has been the last day in Malta, and we took a day tour to Valletta, the capital of Malta. Despite the continuing pain, I just about managed the clambering about, and we had a reasonably good last day.
A young Italian footballer was also on the tour, stinking of alcohol from last night, and became fixated on my ample ass. Twisty was quite annoyed with this, since the very young man expressed his admiration by glowering at my bottom and making comments behind his hand.
“Don’t worry about it, he is a chubby chaser, they are all the same.” I said.
Twisty appeared to doubt this, and stared him down in a grumpy way.
“No seriously, I have been through this more times than you can count. I could get annoyed and assume that he has a problem with large bottoms, but I know from experience that he would be the first one drooling all over me given half a chance.”
The rest of the day was spent dodging this guy staring at me and trying to catch my eye, until eventually I found myself hiding behind the tour guide. I am flattered that he did not instead choose to chase the equally chubby young lady sitting at the back of the bus, who probably had no idea that we had a major fan of rotundity on board.
“Perhaps my future is to be the somewhat geriatric wife of a famous footballer, unless some enormous and somewhat flashier chick gets there first.”
For the ladies out there that don’t know, because I am well aware, especially since writing the books, that there are plenty out there that do not know, men are pretty laid back about female appearance. Even the ones that pretend they want a trophy are just clueless little boys that associate shiny cars, playing expensive sport, and pricey clothing with success. Their assertion that you need to be a skinny blonde bimbo is all front. Men like variety, and there is no telling what they like from one day to the next. Your attractiveness is really determined by your self image.
Much the same thing can be said for men, otherwise there would be no Har Mar Superstar, Weird Al, Marilyn Manson or Keith Lemon. Women quite like to see confidence, whether that consists of sheer cheek or actual proficiency is of little consequence. Broadly speaking, it is a question of advertising and figuring out the details later.
This can also be said of success. The Pedro on the Beach Story, which has a penniless and lazy fisherman bemused by a millionaire suggesting that he multiply his earnings in order to do nothing, which is what he is doing in the first place, is something we should all take very seriously in a world with dwindling resources.
Whilst there is no glory in poverty, there is no genuine dignity in your delusion of success. Happiness is something you should cultivate regardless.