Let me tell you a story, today, about my sister. Not the off-the-planet crazy one, but her sidekick, the drunk. She is fifty five years old, and has nothing positive to contribute to the world. If asked about any subject at all, she becomes aggressive and defensive, and will not lift a finger for anyone unless there is a self-serving reason for doing so.
Many years ago, when I was still a child, she told me to ‘get as much as I could’ because I wasn’t in the will, as it was made in 1964. Little did she know, that neither was she. My father took pains to tell me that his money had been amassed purely for my mother’s benefit, and that she was to have as much fun as possible. The year that my sister told me this, my mother told me that I was ‘to look after her once they were gone, as she wouldn’t be able to cope.’ And so the world turns. The selfless must care for the selfish.
Several years later, and this particular sister was telling me that I could not possibly understand her dilemmas on life, as ‘my life changes every day.’ This is true, if I want to change something, I do not tend to see obstacles in the way of my changing it. It may take a long time, or, as in the case of Wolfe, be improbable, but nothing is out of reach as far as I am concerned, even now. (in case he drops in on one of his ina-binges, this aside does not relate to meeting him in person as I would regard this as a waste of my time)
My sister has been in a constant rut since she was fifteen years old. She will do almost anything to avoid thinking for herself, and seems to believe that her rut is not only righteous, but a source of comfort. She is one of the unhappiest people I have ever met, despite having amassed quite a bit of money by staying in stable but mind numbing jobs which require a plodding non-initiative based approach. In short, the drunk is a screaming, poisonous bore.
This stability, and the effects of long term drinking, has led to her becoming a bitter, vindictive and malicious person who imposes her very narrow view of the world on anyone she perceives as weaker than herself. In the company of the narcissist serial bully, she is extremely dangerous, since she believes whatever she hears from the stronger personality, and carries out her deranged instructions. One of their many complaints about me began with ‘my elderly mother is extremely well looked after.’ This as they dumped my unwell mother back at our home and called in a complaint implying that my eldest sister’s inability to look after her was all my fault and that I should somehow be punished.
The lack of rationality aside, these women are both extremely unhappy, despite having comfortable and unrestricted lives. When I compare them with my own extremely constricted situation and frequent hardships whilst looking after my mother, I wonder why their freedom seems to go with such intense unhappiness that they must spend quite so much of their time inventing fantasy complaints about the life of my mother and I. Considering this liberty and affluence, I fear having nothing to strive for. Would it turn me into a bitter, grasping and nasty waste of space, clawing at the air in a deranged search for meaning in my life?
This week, I suggested to her that she might be happier moving away from the rest of the family and getting a life of her own. Her immediate reaction to this is likely to be that I am being manipulative. How she could manage to find manipulation in my stating clearly that this is what she should do, to free herself of the influence of the very spoilt and vindictive eldest sister, with the worry and spite that goes with it, I do not know, but I am entirely confident that she will complain to anyone that will listen that I have suggested that she simply go and seek happiness elsewhere instead of interfering with our lives for the benefit of nobody.
The likely outcome is that nobody will challenge this stupidity, and she will remain a thorn in our side, stopping us from doing anything remotely pleasant, for my mother’s remaining years. This is extremely tiresome. Her rut is now gaping wide enough for us all to fall into it.
If you are unhappy, you affect everyone. Make it happen.