* Always strive for improvement, evaluate, solicit feedback, and
adjust your course as needed.
Believe in what you are doing and the people who are doing it.
"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're
right." (Henry Ford)
* Radiate and speak Optimism.
* Expect Success
* Expect the best from people that you are working with.
Leadership
"What you are thunders so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear
what you say." (Emerson )
* Someone needs to be responsible for facilitating, moderating, and
managing the meeting and discussion.
* Value-based dedicated leadership is essential for anything lasting,
significant, and positive, to be accomplished.
* Be supportive, consistent, and dependable.
* Set high standards of excellence.
* True collaboration requires shared leadership. Cultivate
leadership in others.
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* Leadership must value an inclusive, collaborative, process.
Coordinate - Organize
* Seating can be very important. Sitting behind tables can have the
advantage of giving people a place to write and providing
emotional protection. It also creates an atmosphere conducive to
getting down to business and working. Preferably, tables should
allow everyone to see each other (circle, semicircle, rectangle, or
square). Very small groups can often do well sitting on something
comfortable such as two or three couches and/or other
comfortable chairs that face each other. Very large groups can sit
in a circle or semicircle. These formats will increase
communication. Avoid rows of people. This cuts down on
interaction and communication.
* Hold regular, consistent (same place and same time), mutually
beneficial, constructive, profitable, informative, and brief
meetings.
* Take notes from the meeting and provide them to everyone in the
collaboration. When there is a discussion, write down what is
said. Writing on a board or flip chart where everyone can see is
often preferred. (In some settings, writing on a board or flip chart
can seem pretentious.) Accurately write what people say.
* Always have an agenda. In most cases it is better to send it to
everyone ahead of time. Stick to the schedule. Respect
everyone's time.
* When someone brings something up that is not on the agenda,
write it down where they can see it. Be sure and address it at a
later time, such as at the end of the meeting, after the meeting, or
during another meeting. Let everyone know ahead of time what
the process will be for addressing items brought up during the
meeting, but not on the agenda. Occasionally in some urgent
situations, items will need to be addressed immediately, this
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should be rare.
* Stick to your mission statement.
* For community collaboration regularly nominate and vote for
officers or set a system for rotation. Even when this is a
committee, within a single organization, this can have value.
* Small subcommittees or groups can often accomplish specific
technical work or complete projects more quickly than a larger
group, committee, or collaboration. These smaller groups can
receive direction or report to the larger group. Remember to
keep Levels of Authority clear.
Show Respect for People and Time.
* Ask for help. Say please and thank you. Demonstrate common
courtesy. Apologize when warranted (know when it's warranted,
be humble enough to appologize, at times, even when it's not.)
* 8 a.m. is often a good time for meeting with participants from
Agencies and Schools. Lunch time can also be a good time.
Evenings and weekends are usually best for Church, Family,
Neighborhood, and General Community Meetings. I am aware of
one community coalition which meets at 4:30 P.M., to make it
easier for teachers to attend. If your goal is to involve youth, be
sure to meet at a time and place convenient to youth.
* When there is a meeting for a work group with different
organizations/agencies who have a mandate for the
collaboration, the time is usually more flexible.
* Always start and end on time.
* Be consistent.
Consider logistical needs of others
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* Consider parking, transportation, acoustics, and child care, when
required.
* Access and comfort should also be considered. Accommodate
needs of individuals with disabilities.
* Be sure there are adequate restrooms, water, et. etc.
Be
Open-minded
*
Share
Ownership.
*
Empower others * Share Leadership.
* Be willing to accommodate others, when possible and appropriate.
* Concentrate on the areas that you have in common with others
who are involved. A lifetime of good may be accomplished in the
areas that you agree. Sometimes working together towards
positive goals can be more important than your specific agenda.
As you work together and develop relationships you will likely
come to a greater unity of purpose.
* Encourage and help your organization to grow and change as the
need arises.
* When others feel ownership and empowerment in the
organization, they become more committed, creative, and loyal.
* For many people the process is as important, and sometimes even
more important, than the results. Everyone needs to be heard.
* Manage/Lead the process, don't control it. (The process does not
belong to any one individual, and usually does not belong to any
one organization, or agency).
* Allow for conflict and disagreement. Create a healthy atmosphere
for disagreement and discussion. As much as possible, resolve
conflict and support the solution.
* Members/Participants need to clearly understand and respect
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each other's values, knowledge, and skills.
* Knowledge needs to be shared in order to increase the capacity of
all the members, which in turn extends the capacity of the
organization/collaboration. Knowledge shared is more powerful
than knowledge kept.
* Enthusiastically support other people's successive or intermittent
approximations of the goal. (As much as possible, let it be
someone else's idea.) If their bandwagon is headed in the general
direction of where you want to go, jump in and cheer it on.
* Use genuine compliments and recognition. At times it is wise to
put it in writing and make it public. At times it is wise to make it
private. Be specific about the behavior that you are
complimenting.
* When appropriate encourage volunteers.
* Provide everyone who wants it, something meaningful to do.
Remember that what is meaningful to you may not be meaningful
to another. When ever possible, encourage and support others in
their interests.
* Share and rotate leadership responsibilities. Support and
encourage
leadership
in
others
whenever
possible.
* Learn and practice critical thinking skills...without being critical.
Build relationships
* Allow time before and after meetings for visiting. This can often
be as important as the meeting itself. Take time to build
friendships with members of the organization outside of the
meeting times.
* Serving light refreshments or snacks can help to build
relationships and ease conversation.
* Occasionally you may want to send a simple greeting card or thank
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you note to participants. This can help to build relationships.
Sometimes a hand written note is greatly appreciated.
* Get to know and as much as possible understand the needs, issues,
and passions of all the members of the coalition and stake holders
in and out of the coalition.
* You are more likely to have positive influences over a friend, than
an enemy.
* Emphasize both process and product.
Communicate
* For many people the process is as important, and sometimes even
more important, than the results. Everyone needs to be heard.
* Serving refreshments or light snacks can open help to relax people
and open communication.
* Use common language. One of the most important building blocks
of collaboration and consensus is communication. Sometimes our
differences are magnified in the words we choose when we come
together. At times this is because we get used to using certain
words, phrases, or acronyms (words formed from the first letter of
each word in a phrase such as USA), with our peers, because these
words save time and helps us feel like we fit into a group. When
we come together with other people from different backgrounds,
we sometimes forget that others may not understand some of the
language that we use. Sometimes, some people may use words,
phrases, or acronyms, that others may not understand on purpose.
This can be a way to appear superior to others or to hide behind
language as a way of self-protection.
It is important to understand that we all have fears and concerns
and that part of the purpose of this process is to overcome and
move beyond fears and concerns together.
When meeting together, use words, and phrases that all will
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understand. Avoid acronyms. (Common language can include
words, phrases, examples, and stories, which are familiar.)
* Sometimes people don't feel comfortable sharing ideas in a group.
Take time to solicit opinions and ideas one on one. Use surveys.
Break into smaller groups to increase participation. Go around
the group asking each person for an idea or their opinion. As
people become more comfortable and feel safer with each other,
participation will likely increase. Let everyone know that their
opinion and contribution is valuable. Promote and encourage
open dialogue.
* Remember that language is more than just the spoken or written
word. It is also the way words are spoken, timing, body language,
and the way silence is used.
* Use the media and other communication tools to communicate
with stake holders outside of the collaboration. Some times
members of the media are great additions to the
collaboration/coalition.
* Send letters, e-mails, agendas, notes, flyers, et. Etc. to other
members of the coalition on a regular basis. Make phone calls
and when possible personal visits to other members of the
coalition to build relationships, keep people involved, and
communicate.
* Maintain strong and consistent communication with stake holders
outside of the coalition/collaboration.
"Real listening shows respect. It creates trust. As we listen, we not
only gain understanding, we also create the environment to be
understood. And when both people understand both perspectives,
instead of being on opposite sides of the table looking across at each
other, we find ourselves on the same side looking at solutions
together". (Stephen R. Covey)
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Motivate
* Find the commonalities and common passions.
*
Find
out
what
motivates
the
members
of
the
coalition/collaboration and the stake holders. Remember that
what motivates you, may not motivate them. Appreciate and
respect the differences.
Understanding each other's Love Languages may be helpful.
Take responsibility and give credit.
* Give credit for success to everyone else involved with that
success. Take responsibility for mistakes, and when they occur,
failures that you have any part in.
* Find and take opportunities to compliment and celebrate the
success of others.
* As collaboration matures, both responsibility and success will be
shared more evenly.
Stick with it...Persevere..Work.
"The only place you'll find success before work is in the dictionary".
Mary B. Smith
"That which we persist in doing becomes easy to do. Not that the
nature of the thing has changed, but the power to do had
increased". Heber J. Grant
* Building Collaboration requires substantial and sustained effort,
often without recognition or equal distribution of responsibility.
* Keep your passion alive.
* Help others to find and harness their own passions.
* Complete and encourage the completion of assignments, provide
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accountability.
Let Go, Forgive.
* Be willing to "let go," forgive, and look past the shortcomings in
others. When you do this, they will be more likely to do it for you.
Sometimes you have to hear before you will be heard. (This does
not mean that you allow yourself or anyone else to be abused.)
* Everyone must be treated with dignity and respect.
* Allow for mistakes and even failure. Look for feedback from
failure.
* Don't worry too much about perfection. Participation is
sometimes more important then perfection.
* Let go of preconceptions.
Continuity – Consistency - Dependability
* Even though the organization or collaboration may evolve over
time, it is important to demonstrate consistency and
dependability in values and character.
* There should be a continuity in programs and message. Changes
in direction should be openly discussed, understood, and
consensual.
* Be honest and trustworthy. Your influence will be greatly
dependent upon how dependable and trustworthy you and the
organization are over time.
Evaluate - Feedback
* Develop ongoing evaluations, feedback, and course correction, for
continuous quality improvement.
* Collect and present data which is accurate, relevant, and easily
understood.
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* Find the feedback in failure when it occurs.
Eliminate (or at least decrease) Financial Dependancy
* Stable resources are essential for anything enduring.
* Consider creating an endowment fund.
* Sometimes extraordinary results can be accomplished through
volunteer efforts and limited funds.
* Keep good, clear, financial records.
* Create sustainability.
Celebrate Success
* Look for success.
* Learn to recognize success.
* Celebrate small successes.
* Celebrate big successes.
* Celebrate publicly and privately.
* Acknowledge and reward success.
* Don't go overboard, find out what people really appreciate, make
it genuine.
Be flexible
* Remember that there are often exceptions.
Show gratitude
* Show gratitude for gifts of every kind.
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One last piece of information for this page. There are times when a
more formal process can be helpful and times when it can be an
encumbrance and times in-between when some formality might help.
When some or a lot of formality might be helpful you may want to
consider incorporating all or some of Robert's Rules of Order.
Underlying these rules, always remember three fundamental principals.
1. Everyone needs to be treated with dignity and respect.
2. Everyone needs to be heard.
3. All of the information needs to be clear for everyone.
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3.12. SAYING “NO”
Do you have difficulty saying “no”? Are you always trying to be nice to
others at the expense of yourself?
Well, you’re not alone. Lots op people are not good at saying “no”,
because they do not want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
Whenever they get requests for help, they attend to them even though
they have important work to do. Sometimes, at the end of the day,
forcing them to forgo sleep to catch up on their work.
Mostly, they realize that all these times of not saying “no” (when they
should) are not helping them at all. They are spending a lot of time and
energy for other people and not spending nearly as much time for
themselves. This is so frustrating, especially since they bring it upon
themselves.
Realities of NOT Saying No
While saying yes seems like an easy answer for the reasons above, it’s
not necessary the best answer all the time.
Just like saying no has its implications, NOT saying no *has*
implications too. Every time we say yes to something, we’re actually
saying no to something else. Think about it:
When you say yes to something you don’t enjoy, you say no to
things that you love
When you say yes to a job you don’t love, you say no to your dreams
When you say yes to someone you don’t like, you say no to a
fulfilling relationship
When you say yes to working overtime, you say no to your social life
When you say yes to Quadrant 3/4 tasks, you say no to your
Quadrant 2, high value activities
To learn to say “No”, we have to first understand what’s resisting us
about it. Below are common reasons why people find it hard to say no:
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1. You want to help. You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to
turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it
may eat into your time.
2. Afraid of being rude. I was brought up under the notion that saying
“No”, especially to people who are more senior, is rude. This
thinking is common in Asia culture, where face-saving is important.
Face-saving means not making others look bad (a.k.a losing face).
3. Wanting to be agreeable. You don’t want to alienate yourself from
the group because you’re not in agreement. So you confirm to
others’ requests.
4. Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you
reject him/her. This might lead to an ugly confrontation. Even if
there isn’t, there might be dissent created which might lead to
negative consequences in the future.
5. Fear of lost opportunities. Perhaps you are worried saying no
means closing doors. For example, one of my clients’ wife was asked
to transfer to another department in her company. Since she liked
her team, she didn’t want to shift. However, she didn’t want to say
no as she felt it would affect her promotion opportunities in the
future.
6. Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It
might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.
If you nodded to any of the reasons, I’m with you. They applied to me at
one point or another. However, in my experience dealing with people at
work and in life, I realized these reasons are more misconceptions than
anything. Saying “No” doesn’t mean you are being rude; neither does it
mean you are being disagreeable. Saying “No” doesn’t mean there will
be conflict nor that you’ll lose opportunities in the future. And saying no
most definitely doesn’t mean you’re burning bridges. These are all false
beliefs in our mind.
At the end of the day, it’s about how you say “no”, rather than the fact
you’re saying no, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own
priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs. Saying
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no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. Say no is your
prerogative.
7 Simple Ways To Say “No”
Rather than avoid it altogether, it’s all about learning the right way to
say no. After I began to say no to others, I realized it’s really not as bad
as I thought. The other people were very understanding and didn’t put
up any resistance. Really, the fears of saying no are just in our mind.
If you are not sure how to do so, here are 7 simple ways for you to say
no. Use the method that best meets your needs in the situation.
1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
If you are too busy to engage in the request/offer, this will be
applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment,
so he/she should hold off on this as well as future requests. If it makes
it easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can
understand better. I use this when I have too many commitments to
attend to.
2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about
we reconnect at X time?”
It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle
of something. Sometimes I get phone calls from friends or associates
when I’m in a meeting or doing important work. This method is a great
way to (temporarily) hold off the request. First, you let the person
know it’s not a good time as you are doing something. Secondly, you
make known your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your
convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off.
3. “I’d love to do this, but …”
I often use this as it’s a gentle way of breaking no to the other party. It’s
encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only
say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong about it. I often get
collaboration proposals from fellow bloggers and business associates
which I can’t participate in and I use this method to gently say no. Their
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ideas are absolutely great, but I can’t take part due to other reasons
such as prior commitments (#1) or different needs (#5).
4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”. If you are
interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this. Sometimes
I’m pitched a great idea which meets my needs, but I want to hold off on
committing as I want some time to think first. There are times when
new considerations pop in and I want to be certain of the decision
before committing myself. If the person is sincere about the request,
he/she wil