CHAPTER 3: THE GREATEST LOVE
AND SELF-IMAGE
"...Every man should eat and drink and enjoy the fruit of his labor; It is the gift of God."
-------Ecclesiastes 3:13
The Greek language had three words for love. First, there was “eros,” from which we get “erotic.” This was, of course, a purely selfish love. Then there was “Phileo.” From which was derived “Philadelphia,” or “brotherly love.” This is the love of one family member for another. But the Bible added a new one—“agape.” “Agape” is a giving love, entirely unselfish.
By way of both illustration and practical application, let me quote the following note from Mary Ellen Grisham, publisher of Eternal Link:
After counseling young couples for years, a minister I know suggested that .love is what you do. …. Young couples frequently have adjustments to make to the differences in romantic courtship and the realities of day-to-day living with the rigorous requirements of work, children, house and yard keeping, and all the many tasks required to maintain a good home and marriage. Young wives, in particular, experiencing the stress of many new responsibilities, worried that their feelings for their husbands were not always so tender and romantic as they had been during dating. Even with a basis of sincere love, rushed schedules and economic necessities dimmed the glamour of marriage. With the advice that ‘love is what you do,’ the women could concentrate less on romantic feelings and more on positive doing—showing their love in practical and effective ways. The active elements of good will and faith helped the marriages to retain the zip and spice. of a well-balanced interaction in the homes—what old-time couples used to call .give and take.
That selfless love called agape that causes each of us to focus on the needs of others with no thought of return for ourselves is a high ideal of Christian love. While it takes all kinds of love and loving to make a good home and marriage, the common element of ‘what you do’ runs through all the forms that love takes. From romantic love to brotherly and family love, the outer evidence shows in ‘what you do.’
This last Greek word, “agape,” is the word used to describe the love God has for us. As the song, ”The Love of God,” says:
O love of God, how rich, how pure,
How measureless and strong
It shall forevermore endure
The saints and angels‘ song
Could we with ink the oceans fill
And were the skies of parchment made
And every blade of grass a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love
of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky.
We are of great value both because of our creation and also because of the price paid for our redemption. There is an old story which illustrates this perfectly. A Young boy made a beautiful toy sailboat and took it to a lake to sail, but a gust of wind blew the boat out into the lake. The boat was lost. Several weeks later, the boy saw his sailboat in the window of a toy store. When he asked for his boat, the store owner said, “I own the sailboat now. If you want it you will have to buy it back.” The boy sold all he had to buy back his boat. After paying the store owner, the boy took his boat to his heart and said, ”Little boat, you are twice mine. I made you, and now I brought you.” Like that little boat, believers are twice the LORD’s. He made us but we wandered away from Him, so, He bought us back with the blood of His only beloved son, Jesus, who died a criminal’s death on a cruel Roman cross for our sin. (He had NO sin of His own but took ours upon Him.) It is the desire of my heart that you would know how great God‘s love is for you, and that you would receive His unspeakable gift by asking Him to be your Savior and Lord. The Bible says in Romans 5:8 that “God commended His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” And in John 3:16, Jesus says, “For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him might not perish but have everlasting life.” The preposition in the original Greek is “into.” (“Whoever believes into him”). It doesn’t make much sense in English, but it shows that it’s talking about more than just a head belief—more than just believing that Jesus lived, or even that He was God’s son. It goes a step further. It means placing the full weight of your confidence and trust in him (the way you do a chair when you sit down.) The last part of that verse gives the assurance that if you do that, you “shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” That‘s life which begins here and now and is also what He referred to in the 10th chapter of John as “life more abundant.” Once we accept God‘s great gift of salvation through His Son, He accepts us, and we become His dear children (John 1:12). That should do something for the old self-image. Think of it—to be a son of the Most High God. And this is where the road to real success begins.
I John 3:2 says, “Beloved now are we the Sons of God, and it does not yet appear what we shall be.” Paul tells us that we are “predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son.” (Rom.8:29). That‘s a process which happens in the spiritual realm no matter what we do and whether or not we‘re aware of it. You may say “I don‘t feel like a son of God.” That doesn‘t change the fact that you are one. Then there‘s the matter of the Spiritual gifts God endows us with. In Rom.12:3, when Paul that we should not “think too highly of ourselves,” I believe he may also have had in mind the opposite—thinking too lowly. His answer is to “think soberly according as God has dealt to every man the measure of faith.”
So how can we bring our self-image in line with the Word of God? I offer the following 5 steps:
1) Understand the source of your self-image. The image you have today exists because of the experiences of the past and not necessarily from God. To refer again to the example from my novel, Of Such Is The Kingdom, Pontius Pilate didn‘t even know God, but it is clear that his low self-image and poor self-esteem came from his past, as he is always referring back to what he did wrong in the past (e.g., p.35-38). The experiences of the past have not made you the way you are but have made you believe you are the way you are; and it is the believing that made you indeed the way you are. By 14 years old most of us have a well-developed sense of inferiority. But, once we identify the source, we need not dwell on it. Part of Paul‘s goal in Philippians 3:13 was “forgetting those things which are behind.”
2) Believe your self-image can and will be changed. (In the novel, Pilate‘s wife was always trying to change his.) You are not locked in. In fact, God is at work in you every day to make you into the image of His dear Son (Phil.1:6; Romans 8:29). That‘s a process which will happen no matter we do. But we can hasten it by co-operating with God.
3) Search the scriptures to find out what God says about you, now that you are his son.
4) Allow the Word of God to change you (James 1:25, IICor.3:18). As you read it and meditate on it daily, picture yourself fulfilling its requirements and pray it back to God in positive statements.
5) Be patient with yourself. (You did not become like you are overnight.) If you fail, confess it (I John 1:9) and try again.
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QUOTABLE QUOTES:
1) "Be a love cell. This is a lesson from Science. A cell starts out alone. But then it...divides....Soon there are thousands. Well, you can be a single cell...Don‘t tell others you are doing this. Just do it. Act in love. Show love to others. Soon you will see that love spread. It will grow through your whole home [or wherever you are]"
---Norman Vincent Peale
2) "Your significance is not in your similarity to another, but in your point of difference from another."
---Mike Murdock
3) "Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone else's life."
---Kobi Yamada
4) "The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else -- which makes you unique."
---Walt Disney
5) “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
---Maxwell Maltz
6) "We are responsible for our own self esteem. If we feel bad about who we are, we need to change these feelings within our own mind and belief system to create a stronger love for ourselves."
---Marlana
7) “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
---Lucille Ball
8) "I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
---David (Psalm 139:14)
9) "I am your creator. You were in my care even before you were born."
---God through Isaiah (Is.44:22)
10) "For God so loved the world...that whosever..."
---Jesus (John 3:16)
11) ”… ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ “
---Jesus (Mark 12:32)
12) "The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what He does for us….."
---Paul (Rom.12:3 MSG)
13) "I show you a more excellent way...follow after love...."Love suffers long and is kind....Love thinks no evil."
---Paul (ICor.12:31, 14:1, 13:4-5)